21 year old son, overnights with girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 21 year old son met a girl at college in Feb. He sometimes sleeps over there at her place. I do not like this at all and we are butting heads. He has just come home from college and is furious we wont be allowing him to visit her overnight (1 hr away) while she is still at college.

Am I being unreasonable? He sometimes spends 36 hours straight with her.

Why to the bolded?

We are Catholic. We don't need to sleep over like that. Also, I just personally condone this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

They’re having sex 3x a week at her college apt. What’s the difference?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being unreasonable, yes. And exactly how do you plan to stop it?

I can't stop it but I won't be giving him use of my car to go there.

If he won't follow our rules, he can support himself.

Go ahead. He will choose GF over you.

Hope you’re happy. You never learned to pick your battles. He’s not committing any crimes or doing poorly in school/life, right?

I am pretty laid back. This is my one battle I have chosen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 21 year old son met a girl at college in Feb. He sometimes sleeps over there at her place. I do not like this at all and we are butting heads. He has just come home from college and is furious we wont be allowing him to visit her overnight (1 hr away) while she is still at college.

Am I being unreasonable? He sometimes spends 36 hours straight with her.

Why to the bolded?

We are Catholic. We don't need to sleep over like that. Also, I just personally condone this.

Is he Catholic, too?

[Anonymous]

You haven't told us if he's still living at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 21 year old son met a girl at college in Feb. He sometimes sleeps over there at her place. I do not like this at all and we are butting heads. He has just come home from college and is furious we wont be allowing him to visit her overnight (1 hr away) while she is still at college.

Am I being unreasonable? He sometimes spends 36 hours straight with her.

Why to the bolded?

We are Catholic. We don't need to sleep over like that. Also, I just personally condone this.

They’re in a committed relationship. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

Wow. He's a 21 year old man. Having a monogamous relationship with a girlfriend in college is being a "slut"? Are you in a fundamentalist religion or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being unreasonable, yes. And exactly how do you plan to stop it?

I can't stop it but I won't be giving him use of my car to go there.

If he won't follow our rules, he can support himself.

So, does sonny boy live with you? Or is he home from college now?

He is home now and living with us. He was at college but moved home now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You haven't told us if he's still living at home.

“He has just come home from college”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being unreasonable, yes. And exactly how do you plan to stop it?

I can't stop it but I won't be giving him use of my car to go there.

If he won't follow our rules, he can support himself.

So, does sonny boy live with you? Or is he home from college now?

He is home now and living with us. He was at college but moved home now.

Did he drop out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 21 year old son met a girl at college in Feb. He sometimes sleeps over there at her place. I do not like this at all and we are butting heads. He has just come home from college and is furious we wont be allowing him to visit her overnight (1 hr away) while she is still at college.

Am I being unreasonable? He sometimes spends 36 hours straight with her.

Why to the bolded?

We are Catholic. We don't need to sleep over like that. Also, I just personally condone this.

They’re in a committed relationship. Get over it.

If they just met in Feb, I would question how "committed" their relationship is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you’re being unreasonable.

Really? Why?
I'm a little surprised.

Because he’s 21.
What are you worried about? Are they having sex? Why, yes; yes they are.
Can they have sex at any time during the day if they don’t spend the night? Yes they can.
Is he asking to do this in your house, where your rules apply? No he isn’t.
Stop trying to control him, you will just make him not want to visit, ever.

I know they are having sex. They can do that and he can go home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

I certainly hope you are calling your son those names, and not his girlfriend.
You are just making them have sex before he leaves, you aren’t stopping anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 21 year old son met a girl at college in Feb. He sometimes sleeps over there at her place. I do not like this at all and we are butting heads. He has just come home from college and is furious we wont be allowing him to visit her overnight (1 hr away) while she is still at college.

Am I being unreasonable? He sometimes spends 36 hours straight with her.

Why to the bolded?

We are Catholic. We don't need to sleep over like that. Also, I just personally condone this.

They’re in a committed relationship. Get over it.

If they just met in Feb, I would question how "committed" their relationship is.

Exactly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you’re being unreasonable.

Really? Why?
I'm a little surprised.

Because he’s 21.
What are you worried about? Are they having sex? Why, yes; yes they are.
Can they have sex at any time during the day if they don’t spend the night? Yes they can.
Is he asking to do this in your house, where your rules apply? No he isn’t.
Stop trying to control him, you will just make him not want to visit, ever.

I know they are having sex. They can do that and he can go home.

Ok, but lady, you asked the question if you are being reasonable. We are telling you the answer.