21 year old son, overnights with girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you’re being unreasonable.

Really? Why?
I'm a little surprised.

Because he’s 21.
What are you worried about? Are they having sex? Why, yes; yes they are.
Can they have sex at any time during the day if they don’t spend the night? Yes they can.
Is he asking to do this in your house, where your rules apply? No he isn’t.
Stop trying to control him, you will just make him not want to visit, ever.

+1 butt out. He is 21! What is wrong with you, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the girlfriend in this situation. Fast forward 12 years, we're married with two kids and I still think my in-laws are judgemental, uptight people. We are not close to them. That is your future.

This! Take note, OP.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP you are leaving out a lot of details. Did he drop out of college? Why is he living with you?

I actually agree with you that I would not be loaning my car to my 21 YO son who has chosen to live at home (not working?) and whose priority is driving an hour to see his girlfriend.

Tell him to get his life back on track and then worry about the GF.

He did not drop out. He has just finished school. He is now back at home.

What does this mean? College? What college finished classes already?

Graduated college. Done school. Classes are done. He just finished exams Friday. Exams were done earlier than normal

No college in the US has finished classes.

Btw
I graduated from college in December. Some colleges have a quarter system as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised by the answer. You would all be okay with this? While you pay for everything?

Yes. He is an adult. He is allowed to have sex. If you want to financially hurt him, that is on you.

My parents stopped paying for college because they found out I had sex with my boyfriend. That was 27 years ago. I have barely spoken to them since. I don’t want them around my kids. I see them once a year but do not have a relationship with them. Be prepared to alienate your kid over this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are leaving out a lot of details. Did he drop out of college? Why is he living with you?

I actually agree with you that I would not be loaning my car to my 21 YO son who has chosen to live at home (not working?) and whose priority is driving an hour to see his girlfriend.

Tell him to get his life back on track and then worry about the GF.

He did not drop out. He has just finished school. He is now back at home.

What does this mean? College? What college finished classes already?

Graduated college. Done school. Classes are done. He just finished exams Friday. Exams were done earlier than normal

No college in the US has finished classes.

Btw
I graduated from college in December. Some colleges have a quarter system as well.

OP had specifically said that her son had graduated from college “3 days ago” or something in early April.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

You have spent 21 years raising him with your morals, values, principles, and ethics. He is choosing differently from how you would choose.

Do you think that your enforcement of "rules" for a 21-year-old man will make any difference whatsoever?

Are you more interested in creating and enforcing rules for your adult child than you are in having a relationship with him?

I'm not going to just sit back and be okay with poor choices because I am scared of his reaction. And yes he is livid.

You should be scared of his reaction. He’s an adult & has the power to never speak to you again if you are awful.

Lol ok. I pay his bills.

Stop paying if you disapprove of him. Just don’t expect him to speak to you at all.

So I should fear him?

Yes.

Lol No. He should fear that I won't share my money. I have several million he would love to inherit. He should fear that.

Wow, you are awful. Emotional blackmail for an inheritance is much worse than premarital sex IMO. I bet you "spanked" him when he was little too.

Agree. OP, you are awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you’re being unreasonable.

Really? Why?
I'm a little surprised.

Are you kidding? Because he’s TWENTY-ONE.

21 is very young

No, it is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are leaving out a lot of details. Did he drop out of college? Why is he living with you?

I actually agree with you that I would not be loaning my car to my 21 YO son who has chosen to live at home (not working?) and whose priority is driving an hour to see his girlfriend.

Tell him to get his life back on track and then worry about the GF.

He did not drop out. He has just finished school. He is now back at home.

What does this mean? College? What college finished classes already?

Graduated college. Done school. Classes are done. He just finished exams Friday. Exams were done earlier than normal

No college in the US has finished classes.

Btw
I graduated from college in December. Some colleges have a quarter system as well.

OP had specifically said that her son had graduated from college “3 days ago” or something in early April.

Like I said, some colleges have a quarter system…it can end in April.

[Anonymous]

OP is never going to have grandkids if she keeps this up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you’re being unreasonable.

Really? Why?
I'm a little surprised.

Are you kidding? Because he’s TWENTY-ONE.

21 is very young

By the week of my 22nd birthday, I’d graduated from undergrad, accrued $20,000 in federal student loans in my own name, secured a full-time job, paid off a credit card bill every month (and had been since I got a CC following hs graduation), obviously had a drivers license, had been working in some capacity since age 18 and had spent significant amounts of time away from my parents.

And none of that is unique. At all.

I knew a military couple who by age 21, was married, had two kids & owned a home.

So tel me, what makes 21 “very young”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you’re being unreasonable.

Really? Why?
I'm a little surprised.

Are you kidding? Because he’s TWENTY-ONE.

21 is very young

By the week of my 22nd birthday, I’d graduated from undergrad, accrued $20,000 in federal student loans in my own name, secured a full-time job, paid off a credit card bill every month (and had been since I got a CC following hs graduation), obviously had a drivers license, had been working in some capacity since age 18 and had spent significant amounts of time away from my parents.

And none of that is unique. At all.

I knew a military couple who by age 21, was married, had two kids & owned a home.

So tel me, what makes 21 “very young”?

*Tell & meant I’d worked since 16

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you’re being unreasonable.

Really? Why?
I'm a little surprised.

Are you kidding? Because he’s TWENTY-ONE.

21 is very young

There are people who finish a 4 year stint in the military around that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you’re being unreasonable.

Really? Why?
I'm a little surprised.

Are you kidding? Because he’s TWENTY-ONE.

21 is very young

No it isn’t. Your grandparents are laughing at you btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 21 year old son met a girl at college in Feb. He sometimes sleeps over there at her place. I do not like this at all and we are butting heads. He has just come home from college and is furious we wont be allowing him to visit her overnight (1 hr away) while she is still at college.

Am I being unreasonable? He sometimes spends 36 hours straight with her.

You are ridiculous

Your son is an adult

Jesus lady you have no moral compass

Your adult child is smarter than you are .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being unreasonable, yes. And exactly how do you plan to stop it?

I can't stop it but I won't be giving him use of my car to go there.

If he won't follow our rules, he can support himself.

He won't be visiting again.