21 year old son, overnights with girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 21 year old son met a girl at college in Feb. He sometimes sleeps over there at her place. I do not like this at all and we are butting heads. He has just come home from college and is furious we wont be allowing him to visit her overnight (1 hr away) while she is still at college.

Am I being unreasonable? He sometimes spends 36 hours straight with her.

Why to the bolded?

We are Catholic. We don't need to sleep over like that. Also, I just personally condone this.

They’re in a committed relationship. Get over it.

She thinks her son is going to Hell though

[Anonymous]

OP of you haven't taught your morals to your kid by age 21, it's not going to happen. Time's up, cash in your chips, and accept the result.

[Anonymous]

Um guessing my cultural background is similar to Op and her son's.

He is being disrespectful. He knows his parents values. Asking them to fund sleeping with his girlfriend even if it's use of a car is disrespectful.


Being gone half the week while expecting free housing is disrespectful.

And for the op he is an adult so he can make his own decisions regarding this.


Respect goes two ways. The thing to would be for him to move out.

It's what most of us do with this background.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um guessing my cultural background is similar to Op and her son's.

He is being disrespectful. He knows his parents values. Asking them to fund sleeping with his girlfriend even if it's use of a car is disrespectful.


Being gone half the week while expecting free housing is disrespectful.

And for the op he is an adult so he can make his own decisions regarding this.


Respect goes two ways. The thing to would be for him to move out.

It's what most of us do with this background.

They better hope he doesn't choose her (or a future GF) over them. Parents who do this to 21 year olds are the same ones who wonder why their 35 year olds never let them visit their grandkids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP of you haven't taught your morals to your kid by age 21, it's not going to happen. Time's up, cash in your chips, and accept the result.

Get off your high horse

Op is the problem morals have nothing to do with this

[Anonymous]

This is a great way to permanently alienate your adult child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um guessing my cultural background is similar to Op and her son's.

He is being disrespectful. He knows his parents values. Asking them to fund sleeping with his girlfriend even if it's use of a car is disrespectful.


Being gone half the week while expecting free housing is disrespectful.

And for the op he is an adult so he can make his own decisions regarding this.


Respect goes two ways. The thing to would be for him to move out.

It's what most of us do with this background.

They better hope he doesn't choose her (or a future GF) over them. Parents who do this to 21 year olds are the same ones who wonder why their 35 year olds never let them visit their grandkids

You misunderstood me. If done properly this isn't the result. It's very much American culture to say Mommy, daddy I'm an adult I'll do whatever I want and if you say anything I'll run away with my boyfriend/ girlfriend and never speak to you again. But also you must pay for my phone, car, clothes, food and house like I am a child. Respect me but I have no respect for you.
They must have respect for each other.
It's different. I agree the parents shouldn't argue and try to control but the son should also respect their values and get a place and car of his own. Once he does that the parents should leave him alone and not try to pressure him.
And until he can do that he should not pressure his parents to go against the values.
That means he may have to find other ways to meet the girlfriend until he can purchase a car.

[Anonymous]

Unhealthy parent-child dynamic where parent they aren't considerate of each other's feelings and can't negotiate a mutually acceptable compromise.

For the sake of OP's relationship with her adult child, she should tolerate it. He'll be working soon and not needing support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the girlfriend in this situation. Fast forward 12 years, we're married with two kids and I still think my in-laws are judgemental, uptight people. We are not close to them. That is your future.

This! Take note, OP.

You think your MIL cares. You are loose ho in their family. Take note.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is never going to have grandkids if she keeps this up.

I have ZERO desire for grandkids. Why would I want them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the girlfriend in this situation. Fast forward 12 years, we're married with two kids and I still think my in-laws are judgemental, uptight people. We are not close to them. That is your future.

This! Take note, OP.

You think your MIL cares. You are loose ho in their family. Take note.

I don’t care.

[Anonymous]

Parents or not, no adult should be controlling intimate life of other adults. Your values clearly doesn't resonate with your child who is an adult now. If you've issues supporting them, stop providing it but don't use support as a tool to control and manipulate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the girlfriend in this situation. Fast forward 12 years, we're married with two kids and I still think my in-laws are judgemental, uptight people. We are not close to them. That is your future.

This! Take note, OP.

You think your MIL cares. You are loose ho in their family. Take note.

MIL clearly doesn't care about good relationship with her son and his family either or she would honor and respect his wife even if they have differences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is never going to have grandkids if she keeps this up.

I have ZERO desire for grandkids. Why would I want them?

Who doesn’t want grandkids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the girlfriend in this situation. Fast forward 12 years, we're married with two kids and I still think my in-laws are judgemental, uptight people. We are not close to them. That is your future.

This! Take note, OP.

You think your MIL cares. You are loose ho in their family. Take note.

I'm pretty conservative myself but this is hypocrisy not morality. If her DIL is a ho than so is her son. They were doing it together. Why blame one party? He wasn't a minor being abused.