$80k In Debt Worth It for Ivy Undergrad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem to want to go to a college OP where you fit in, love the people and the name on your degree shouts out your ideals to strangers. Perhaps view college as something to get through as opposed to loving. Isn't that truly what a degree is for now anyway? A means to opening doors.

Plus maturing into an adult means not just opposing something because that is the option your parents want.

And I don't fault you for not wanting student loan debt, but I think waiting at least 3 years to go back as you have suggested is naive and unrealistic. Something will derail your plans in the next 3 years. It almost feels as if you hope a good excuse will come up so you don't have to finish.

Just my read on your posts.

Best of luck.

OP here. This seems kinda dystopian and pre-emptively awful. Is there any reason why you say this? It's not like I'm gonna have a kid or get married in the next 3 years...

NPm and why WWOOF or being a nanny? If you don't feel that you're mentally stable, you shouldn't be molding and nurturing small, impressionable children. It seems like a list of pre-fab options without much thought behind the why but that are "socially acceptable" for a certain set of UMC people interested in clout and safe options that have been well-trodden before. You mentioned that you've never tried farming and it's a lot of hard, lonely work -- how do you know you'll like it?

PP is right about plans getting thrown out the window: no one answering the "WhErE dO yOu SeE yOuRsElF iN 5 yEaRs?" bs question at a BB bank or MBB interview would have predicted sitting at home during a worldwide pandemic. So much is outside of our individual control. And who's to say that those non-traditional programs will continue, that you'll be admitted to your first choice, that you'll receive full aid, or that this will be a path you want to continue down at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. If I stay at Columbia, I'll have to take out $80k in loans. I can't go into the Peace Corps or do something similar post-grad because I'll have to start paying my loans off immediately.

Paying off $80k in loans pretty much dictates that I'll have to take a super intense, high-paying job after graduation if I want to chip away at the principle. Which I am NOT mentally healthy enough to do.

OP, I applaud you for recognizing this and drawing the line. And let's be honest - will your parents EVER be happy and satisfied? Ok, so you get the ivy degree. Then what? Pressure for a high paying, high prestige job? To marry someone they approve of? To have perfect babies that they can start indoctrinating? And you can bet your arse that will never hear the end of "we sacrificed everything for you - you owe us!"

And here's the irony - if your parents cut you off, you will then be able to get financial aid again. I think moving to a Seven Sisters school would be a good step towards a fresh start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. If I stay at Columbia, I'll have to take out $80k in loans. I can't go into the Peace Corps or do something similar post-grad because I'll have to start paying my loans off immediately.

Paying off $80k in loans pretty much dictates that I'll have to take a super intense, high-paying job after graduation if I want to chip away at the principle. Which I am NOT mentally healthy enough to do.

OP, I applaud you for recognizing this and drawing the line. And let's be honest - will your parents EVER be happy and satisfied? Ok, so you get the ivy degree. Then what? Pressure for a high paying, high prestige job? To marry someone they approve of? To have perfect babies that they can start indoctrinating? And you can bet your arse that will never hear the end of "we sacrificed everything for you - you owe us!"

And here's the irony - if your parents cut you off, you will then be able to get financial aid again. I think moving to a Seven Sisters school would be a good step towards a fresh start.

+ a billion.

Can you live at home and support yourself on a low-wage job for a couple of years? Do you have a more supportive relative or friend you can live with?

You're not going to afford rent for a solo apartment in a safe neighborhood on the type of job you can get now, without a degree.

BTW, my DD worked as a barista, and made a decent amount of money with tips right after college. She got a professional job in her field a few months later, but the barista job did tide her over until the right job came through. She has three roommates in a very cheap apartment, so that made it possible.

Go to one of the Seven Sisters programs! You'll be much happier. Stay away from your parents. Screaming and slamming doors because you won't major in stem is dysfunctional and abusive. Unbelievable that they think that's the right way to treat their own child!! Cut your parents off!! Stop interacting with them. They sound completely toxic. In time, when you're settled and in a good place emotionally and completely independent of them, you can start rebuilding a relationship with them. But right now they are damaging your mental health (well, they already did that). Do what you can to get away from them!!

You'll be academically challenged at Smith, Mt. Holyoke, etc. Study something you enjoy and forge your own professional path. BTW, those schools usually have excellent career services programs, so avail yourself of them when you get there. Best of luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think publishing and arts admin are not competitive and cutthroat? Lol. Museums are the worst for mostly hiring people based on prestige of diploma and social connections. They can afford to be choosy.

Not sure about NPO but there are jerks everywhere. Once I left publishing (over lack of money), I went into teaching (which, believe it or not paid a lot more) and people were petty and territorial there too. Something about the lack of money brings it out in people, I think.

OP here. I think the reason why I assumed that publishing, arts administration, and NPO work are not competitive and cutthroat is because the most cutthroat people I know are going into high-flying corporate careers. The (few) people I know who are going into publishing, arts admin, and NPO work are mostly chill, laid-back people at Barnard.

They are chill and laid-back because they are being subsidized by rich parents (or at least know they have rich parents as a fall-back) and therefore that takes the pressure off trying to get a career going in those fields.

This is absolutely NOT true, PP. Did you go to one of these colleges? Well I did, and I transferred to an Ivy. But this was a few years ago when Ivies were within reach, and they all accepted transfers.

My friends who graduated from HYP, MIT, and other prestigious colleges are chill and not interested in money. They want to be middle class, but don't aspire to riches. They want to do some good in the world, even on a small scale. That's why I like them. They are smart but not cutthroat competitive, which I find revolting, like spinning your wheels forever, then dying. Why live your life like that? A friend who went to Harvard, then to BU law, told me he did it for the money, since he couldn't make a living as a writer (he was a great writer). That's what he wanted out of life. He was smart enough to make it as a writer, but it would take a long time, and his pushy, wealthy parents didn't want him to live on a lower-middle-class income. He collapsed under that pressure, and has a pretty lame live as a result. Sad because he's a nice person, and btw, he HATES being a lawyer, always has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think publishing and arts admin are not competitive and cutthroat? Lol. Museums are the worst for mostly hiring people based on prestige of diploma and social connections. They can afford to be choosy.

Not sure about NPO but there are jerks everywhere. Once I left publishing (over lack of money), I went into teaching (which, believe it or not paid a lot more) and people were petty and territorial there too. Something about the lack of money brings it out in people, I think.

OP here. I think the reason why I assumed that publishing, arts administration, and NPO work are not competitive and cutthroat is because the most cutthroat people I know are going into high-flying corporate careers. The (few) people I know who are going into publishing, arts admin, and NPO work are mostly chill, laid-back people at Barnard.

They are chill and laid-back because they are being subsidized by rich parents (or at least know they have rich parents as a fall-back) and therefore that takes the pressure off trying to get a career going in those fields.

This is absolutely NOT true, PP. Did you go to one of these colleges? Well I did, and I transferred to an Ivy. But this was a few years ago when Ivies were within reach, and they all accepted transfers.

My friends who graduated from HYP, MIT, and other prestigious colleges are chill and not interested in money. They want to be middle class, but don't aspire to riches. They want to do some good in the world, even on a small scale. That's why I like them. They are smart but not cutthroat competitive, which I find revolting, like spinning your wheels forever, then dying. Why live your life like that? A friend who went to Harvard, then to BU law, told me he did it for the money, since he couldn't make a living as a writer (he was a great writer). That's what he wanted out of life. He was smart enough to make it as a writer, but it would take a long time, and his pushy, wealthy parents didn't want him to live on a lower-middle-class income. He collapsed under that pressure, and has a pretty lame live as a result. Sad because he's a nice person, and btw, he HATES being a lawyer, always has.

A lot of lawyers go back and forth between law and writing. It's not too late for your friend.

It's hard trying to live up to, or buck, your parents' expectations. It's really hard. No matter how supportive your parents are, there will always be some way you worry you are failing or disappointing them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So do what I did and marry a high earner. You should be working on that now. Men like college degrees, but it doesn't have to be from Harvard, especially if you get into debt. Are you reasonably attractive? I am the person who suggested being a nanny so you can live rent-free. I married a medical student, and I didn't have a bachelor's degree when I met him. I am still working on it.

Ugh.

Ignore this post and this poster, OP.

Don't even think of doing this. You don't sound shallow, OP, and this poster is.

yetch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem to want to go to a college OP where you fit in, love the people and the name on your degree shouts out your ideals to strangers. Perhaps view college as something to get through as opposed to loving. Isn't that truly what a degree is for now anyway? A means to opening doors.

Plus maturing into an adult means not just opposing something because that is the option your parents want.

And I don't fault you for not wanting student loan debt, but I think waiting at least 3 years to go back as you have suggested is naive and unrealistic. Something will derail your plans in the next 3 years. It almost feels as if you hope a good excuse will come up so you don't have to finish.

Just my read on your posts.

Best of luck.

OP here. This seems kinda dystopian and pre-emptively awful. Is there any reason why you say this? It's not like I'm gonna have a kid or get married in the next 3 years...

NPm and why WWOOF or being a nanny? If you don't feel that you're mentally stable, you shouldn't be molding and nurturing small, impressionable children. It seems like a list of pre-fab options without much thought behind the why but that are "socially acceptable" for a certain set of UMC people interested in clout and safe options that have been well-trodden before. You mentioned that you've never tried farming and it's a lot of hard, lonely work -- how do you know you'll like it?

PP is right about plans getting thrown out the window: no one answering the "WhErE dO yOu SeE yOuRsElF iN 5 yEaRs?" bs question at a BB bank or MBB interview would have predicted sitting at home during a worldwide pandemic. So much is outside of our individual control. And who's to say that those non-traditional programs will continue, that you'll be admitted to your first choice, that you'll receive full aid, or that this will be a path you want to continue down at all?

OP here. You're right that being a nanny is probably not the best idea for me given my mental state.

Idk where I previously said that I've never tried farming before -- I WWOOFed for three weeks this past spring and loved it. I wouldn't mind doing it again for a longer period of time.

And if the 7 sisters thing doesn't work out? I'll probably transfer to a cheaper state school or something of that nature. I'm from CA, and I know the UCs give almost full-rides for transfers over the age of 24. I don't think that policy is going away any time soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. If I stay at Columbia, I'll have to take out $80k in loans. I can't go into the Peace Corps or do something similar post-grad because I'll have to start paying my loans off immediately.

Paying off $80k in loans pretty much dictates that I'll have to take a super intense, high-paying job after graduation if I want to chip away at the principle. Which I am NOT mentally healthy enough to do.

OP, I applaud you for recognizing this and drawing the line. And let's be honest - will your parents EVER be happy and satisfied? Ok, so you get the ivy degree. Then what? Pressure for a high paying, high prestige job? To marry someone they approve of? To have perfect babies that they can start indoctrinating? And you can bet your arse that will never hear the end of "we sacrificed everything for you - you owe us!"

And here's the irony - if your parents cut you off, you will then be able to get financial aid again. I think moving to a Seven Sisters school would be a good step towards a fresh start.

+ a billion.

Can you live at home and support yourself on a low-wage job for a couple of years? Do you have a more supportive relative or friend you can live with?

You're not going to afford rent for a solo apartment in a safe neighborhood on the type of job you can get now, without a degree.

BTW, my DD worked as a barista, and made a decent amount of money with tips right after college. She got a professional job in her field a few months later, but the barista job did tide her over until the right job came through. She has three roommates in a very cheap apartment, so that made it possible.

Go to one of the Seven Sisters programs! You'll be much happier. Stay away from your parents. Screaming and slamming doors because you won't major in stem is dysfunctional and abusive. Unbelievable that they think that's the right way to treat their own child!! Cut your parents off!! Stop interacting with them. They sound completely toxic. In time, when you're settled and in a good place emotionally and completely independent of them, you can start rebuilding a relationship with them. But right now they are damaging your mental health (well, they already did that). Do what you can to get away from them!!

You'll be academically challenged at Smith, Mt. Holyoke, etc. Study something you enjoy and forge your own professional path. BTW, those schools usually have excellent career services programs, so avail yourself of them when you get there. Best of luck, OP!

OP here. I would not be able to live at home if I dropped out of Columbia since I'm sure my parents will make my life a living hell. I'll probably have to get a cheap apartment somewhere and split it with roommates while working a barista job.

[Anonymous]

I am not sure what you are looking for here as you seem to have made up your mind to drop out.
Good luck. I hope it works out for you.

[Anonymous]

As you can see from the mixed views here, there is no easy answer.
I encourage you to hold off on your decision. Extend your leave of absence and take a year off to attend to your mental health.
Go wwoofing for six months or do whatever will make you happy. Maybe waitress so you can earn some money.
Once you feel mentally stronger you can decide whether you want to return to Columbia to finish or quit and try to finish later somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. If I stay at Columbia, I'll have to take out $80k in loans. I can't go into the Peace Corps or do something similar post-grad because I'll have to start paying my loans off immediately.

Paying off $80k in loans pretty much dictates that I'll have to take a super intense, high-paying job after graduation if I want to chip away at the principle. Which I am NOT mentally healthy enough to do.

OP, I applaud you for recognizing this and drawing the line. And let's be honest - will your parents EVER be happy and satisfied? Ok, so you get the ivy degree. Then what? Pressure for a high paying, high prestige job? To marry someone they approve of? To have perfect babies that they can start indoctrinating? And you can bet your arse that will never hear the end of "we sacrificed everything for you - you owe us!"

And here's the irony - if your parents cut you off, you will then be able to get financial aid again. I think moving to a Seven Sisters school would be a good step towards a fresh start.

+ a billion.

Can you live at home and support yourself on a low-wage job for a couple of years? Do you have a more supportive relative or friend you can live with?

You're not going to afford rent for a solo apartment in a safe neighborhood on the type of job you can get now, without a degree.

BTW, my DD worked as a barista, and made a decent amount of money with tips right after college. She got a professional job in her field a few months later, but the barista job did tide her over until the right job came through. She has three roommates in a very cheap apartment, so that made it possible.

Go to one of the Seven Sisters programs! You'll be much happier. Stay away from your parents. Screaming and slamming doors because you won't major in stem is dysfunctional and abusive. Unbelievable that they think that's the right way to treat their own child!! Cut your parents off!! Stop interacting with them. They sound completely toxic. In time, when you're settled and in a good place emotionally and completely independent of them, you can start rebuilding a relationship with them. But right now they are damaging your mental health (well, they already did that). Do what you can to get away from them!!

You'll be academically challenged at Smith, Mt. Holyoke, etc. Study something you enjoy and forge your own professional path. BTW, those schools usually have excellent career services programs, so avail yourself of them when you get there. Best of luck, OP!

OP here. I would not be able to live at home if I dropped out of Columbia since I'm sure my parents will make my life a living hell. I'll probably have to get a cheap apartment somewhere and split it with roommates while working a barista job.

Why isn't continuing at a different college with financial aid (because you are cut off from your parents) an option? You might need to network so that you talk to the right person in admissions, but I think there may be many who are sympathetic and could help you get the financial aid you need.

[Anonymous]

Op, I didn’t read the whole thread. Your marriage prospects may go up with a degree from Columbia. I know this probably is the last thing that you care about at age 20. I would suck it up and just finish your degree. 80k is not that much debt to graduate with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So do what I did and marry a high earner. You should be working on that now. Men like college degrees, but it doesn't have to be from Harvard, especially if you get into debt. Are you reasonably attractive? I am the person who suggested being a nanny so you can live rent-free. I married a medical student, and I didn't have a bachelor's degree when I met him. I am still working on it.

Ugh.

Ignore this post and this poster, OP.

Don't even think of doing this. You don't sound shallow, OP, and this poster is.

yetch.

I just posted the degree would help with marriage.

I married Dh for love but he is a high earner. He wasn’t when I met him. We were both poor students. I don’t think he would have gone for a college dropout or he may not have married one.

Marrying well is very important for Asian families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I didn’t read the whole thread. Your marriage prospects may go up with a degree from Columbia. I know this probably is the last thing that you care about at age 20. I would suck it up and just finish your degree. 80k is not that much debt to graduate with.

I'm guessing you weren't a math major.

Also OP, the marriage arguments are just plain silly. No question about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. If I stay at Columbia, I'll have to take out $80k in loans. I can't go into the Peace Corps or do something similar post-grad because I'll have to start paying my loans off immediately.

Paying off $80k in loans pretty much dictates that I'll have to take a super intense, high-paying job after graduation if I want to chip away at the principle. Which I am NOT mentally healthy enough to do.

OP, I applaud you for recognizing this and drawing the line. And let's be honest - will your parents EVER be happy and satisfied? Ok, so you get the ivy degree. Then what? Pressure for a high paying, high prestige job? To marry someone they approve of? To have perfect babies that they can start indoctrinating? And you can bet your arse that will never hear the end of "we sacrificed everything for you - you owe us!"

And here's the irony - if your parents cut you off, you will then be able to get financial aid again. I think moving to a Seven Sisters school would be a good step towards a fresh start.

This is the dumbest comment I've ever read on this site (and that's saying a lot!). There's a difference between your parents having unrealistic expectations for marriage/children and your parents just expecting you to graduate college on time, which OP is currently failing to do. Having unrealistic standards for your kids is obviously bad, but having basic standards that are pathetically easy to meet (ie: graduate from college) is NOT a bad thing.

And of course OP's parents have the right to say that they sacrificed everything for her; they literally moved to a foreign country just for her! OP is obligated to fulfill her duty and reciprocate that sacrifice by graduating from Columbia. Moving to a Seven Sisters school would be a horrible idea, as it's basically throwing away the immense sacrifice her parents made for her by immigrating across the world.