Anyone else not care that much about cheating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you. Also married over 20 years. My feelings have evolved on this subject. Early on, it would have resulted in me immediately throwing him out due to my pride. Now, I’d be willing to look the other way as long as he was discreet/it didn’t become public and he never confessed to me.

Affairs don’t always have anything to do with the marriage. Sometimes the other person is just looking for excitement, which is r trembly hard to get out of a relationship that has been solid for decades.

WTF. you are willing to look the other way if he never confessed to you". What does this even mean??? Do you know he cheated in this scenario?? If you have no suspicion of cheating you aren't 'looking the other way'. So let's suppose he never confesses, but the OW contacts you, you are still okay as long as he doesn't confess to cheating? This sounds mental.

It means you might have a suspicion but you don’t know for sure.

I’m pretty sure the PP is talking about random hookups with near strangers (like escorts or a business trip) not an affair with someone you know or where the OW contacts you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if his penis was in another hole, you’d be okay with him coming home and putting it in your hole? That’s kind of the base level question here.

Shower first, please.

By then the bacterial/viral infection has already set in. You can’t wash off hiv or chlamydia.

There is such a thing called condom.

Guys don't always use condoms with APs, especially if they think she can't get pregnant.

Also, condoms, don't prevent all STIs.

You don't have to drag down EVERY FRICKIN POST about sexual relations by bringing up STIs. We are adults. We know about it. We also know how to have sex without catching cooties. I presume you did too when you were single and riding a bunch of Ds? Seriously, can you just stop?

People in affairs and/or cheating are risk-takers by nature. In my practice, we see so many betrayed spouses with STIs.

I would still argue that on average, a married person is less likely to have multiple sex partners or carry STI comparing to a single person with the same level of attractiveness.

Sure, a highly attractive married person (like a celebrity or a CEO) may be more promiscuous than a 25-yo single unattractive nerd. But if you compare a single 25-yo average man to a married 45-yo average man, or a single 25-yo above-average looking woman to a married 45-yo above-average looking woman, I'd bet my money on the former being more promiscuous and having more chance of carrying STIs. The latter (the married ones) have too much constraints - kids, careers, the efforts of hiding the affairs - that makes it a lot more difficult (but not impossible) to have multiple partners.

Of course there are the sex addicted cheaters that are banging multiple people at the same time - I bet they did the same when they were single too. But for most married people that are having affairs, they are just looking for sex, attention, and external validation, and they would just be thrilled to have - and practically possible to maintain - one AP at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're both European and lived there many years before moving here. It's pretty common in our culture for both men and women to have APs. Depending on the couple, it's either tolerated by looking the other way or more openly accepted.

For us, we've got two small kids and busy jobs, so neither of us has the time for that even if we did want to!

Maybe state your country. I am European too and this most definitely is not the norm where I am from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if his penis was in another hole, you’d be okay with him coming home and putting it in your hole? That’s kind of the base level question here.

Shower first, please.

By then the bacterial/viral infection has already set in. You can’t wash off hiv or chlamydia.

There is such a thing called condom.

Guys don't always use condoms with APs, especially if they think she can't get pregnant.

Also, condoms, don't prevent all STIs.

You don't have to drag down EVERY FRICKIN POST about sexual relations by bringing up STIs. We are adults. We know about it. We also know how to have sex without catching cooties. I presume you did too when you were single and riding a bunch of Ds? Seriously, can you just stop?

People in affairs and/or cheating are risk-takers by nature. In my practice, we see so many betrayed spouses with STIs.

I would still argue that on average, a married person is less likely to have multiple sex partners or carry STI comparing to a single person with the same level of attractiveness.

Sure, a highly attractive married person (like a celebrity or a CEO) may be more promiscuous than a 25-yo single unattractive nerd. But if you compare a single 25-yo average man to a married 45-yo average man, or a single 25-yo above-average looking woman to a married 45-yo above-average looking woman, I'd bet my money on the former being more promiscuous and having more chance of carrying STIs. The latter (the married ones) have too much constraints - kids, careers, the efforts of hiding the affairs - that makes it a lot more difficult (but not impossible) to have multiple partners.

Of course there are the sex addicted cheaters that are banging multiple people at the same time - I bet they did the same when they were single too. But for most married people that are having affairs, they are just looking for sex, attention, and external validation, and they would just be thrilled to have - and practically possible to maintain - one AP at a time.

*less likely" wow--such safety measures taken by cheaters on behalf of their spouses. Thanks for not banging a prostitute bare-back, just some whore off of Ashley Madison who has banged multiple men off of websites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if his penis was in another hole, you’d be okay with him coming home and putting it in your hole? That’s kind of the base level question here.

Shower first, please.

By then the bacterial/viral infection has already set in. You can’t wash off hiv or chlamydia.

There is such a thing called condom.

Guys don't always use condoms with APs, especially if they think she can't get pregnant.

Also, condoms, don't prevent all STIs.

You don't have to drag down EVERY FRICKIN POST about sexual relations by bringing up STIs. We are adults. We know about it. We also know how to have sex without catching cooties. I presume you did too when you were single and riding a bunch of Ds? Seriously, can you just stop?

People in affairs and/or cheating are risk-takers by nature. In my practice, we see so many betrayed spouses with STIs.

I would still argue that on average, a married person is less likely to have multiple sex partners or carry STI comparing to a single person with the same level of attractiveness.

Sure, a highly attractive married person (like a celebrity or a CEO) may be more promiscuous than a 25-yo single unattractive nerd. But if you compare a single 25-yo average man to a married 45-yo average man, or a single 25-yo above-average looking woman to a married 45-yo above-average looking woman, I'd bet my money on the former being more promiscuous and having more chance of carrying STIs. The latter (the married ones) have too much constraints - kids, careers, the efforts of hiding the affairs - that makes it a lot more difficult (but not impossible) to have multiple partners.

Of course there are the sex addicted cheaters that are banging multiple people at the same time - I bet they did the same when they were single too. But for most married people that are having affairs, they are just looking for sex, attention, and external validation, and they would just be thrilled to have - and practically possible to maintain - one AP at a time.

*less likely" wow--such safety measures taken by cheaters on behalf of their spouses. Thanks for not banging a prostitute bare-back, just some whore off of Ashley Madison who has banged multiple men off of websites.

Exactly. These dipshits are banking on the cheaters they are banging to be thrilled to 'have one married AP'. These people are cheaters, liars by nature, that are frequenting websites for sex. Yeah--you are the only one. HA. LMAOF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you. Also married over 20 years. My feelings have evolved on this subject. Early on, it would have resulted in me immediately throwing him out due to my pride. Now, I’d be willing to look the other way as long as he was discreet/it didn’t become public and he never confessed to me.

Affairs don’t always have anything to do with the marriage. Sometimes the other person is just looking for excitement, which is r trembly hard to get out of a relationship that has been solid for decades.

Are you willing to look the other way when he lies to your face to take her out of town to a fancy hotel? When he spends his free time texting and emailing her or goes into the bathroom before bed to wish her sweet dreams? Do you look the other way when you find out all the hours he was supposedly 'working over time' or staying at the Office late to finish a case, not only was he not working and you were dealing with the kids on your own, but he also was spending $ on her? Do you look the other way when he tells her that he loves her? Do you look the other way when you find out they don't use condoms? Do you look the other way when the other spouse shows up on your doorstep when you are having dinner with your kids? Do you look the other way when he decides he wants to leave you for her?

I could never love someone that lied to my face, exposed me to disease and was telling another woman that he loved her. I guess some people are different.

Just curious--do you make your own $? Do you still have sex with your husband or even love him? I don't know anyone that truly loved their spouse that thinks this is okay unless they are in it solely for the finances, cheat themselves or never loved them/just settled.

No probably not. I don’t think I’d be cool with him having a full blown romance with someone. He wfh though so that would be hard for him to get away with. He could more easily get away with having sex with a stranger on a business trip, which is what I was envisioning in my response.

I wouldn’t be happy about it but I don’t think I’d blow up a 22 year relationship over it either.

I’m human too. I’d like to have sex with someone new. I don’t but the desire is there. I understand it to that extent.

Yes I love him and we still have sex once a week but it’s not very romantic or exciting, like in the early days. It’s more like release and connection.

Trust me--45min-hour, once or twice a month is easy peezy to get away with. It's how the married cheaters do it. They will say they are going to the gym, to the store, to see a friend, have to run into the office for a security update, etc. You would not even think twice or notice if he/she said any of those things once or twice a month to go bang a married AP for sex. And you say he still bangs you once a week---even less suspicion there. Just pray he wears a condom, 99% of these married AP AM things don't for the same reasons that idiot posting on here has justified it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you. Also married over 20 years. My feelings have evolved on this subject. Early on, it would have resulted in me immediately throwing him out due to my pride. Now, I’d be willing to look the other way as long as he was discreet/it didn’t become public and he never confessed to me.

Affairs don’t always have anything to do with the marriage. Sometimes the other person is just looking for excitement, which is r trembly hard to get out of a relationship that has been solid for decades.

Are you willing to look the other way when he lies to your face to take her out of town to a fancy hotel? When he spends his free time texting and emailing her or goes into the bathroom before bed to wish her sweet dreams? Do you look the other way when you find out all the hours he was supposedly 'working over time' or staying at the Office late to finish a case, not only was he not working and you were dealing with the kids on your own, but he also was spending $ on her? Do you look the other way when he tells her that he loves her? Do you look the other way when you find out they don't use condoms? Do you look the other way when the other spouse shows up on your doorstep when you are having dinner with your kids? Do you look the other way when he decides he wants to leave you for her?

I could never love someone that lied to my face, exposed me to disease and was telling another woman that he loved her. I guess some people are different.

Just curious--do you make your own $? Do you still have sex with your husband or even love him? I don't know anyone that truly loved their spouse that thinks this is okay unless they are in it solely for the finances, cheat themselves or never loved them/just settled.

No probably not. I don’t think I’d be cool with him having a full blown romance with someone. He wfh though so that would be hard for him to get away with. He could more easily get away with having sex with a stranger on a business trip, which is what I was envisioning in my response.

I wouldn’t be happy about it but I don’t think I’d blow up a 22 year relationship over it either.

I’m human too. I’d like to have sex with someone new. I don’t but the desire is there. I understand it to that extent.

Yes I love him and we still have sex once a week but it’s not very romantic or exciting, like in the early days. It’s more like release and connection.

Trust me--45min-hour, once or twice a month is easy peezy to get away with. It's how the married cheaters do it. They will say they are going to the gym, to the store, to see a friend, have to run into the office for a security update, etc. You would not even think twice or notice if he/she said any of those things once or twice a month to go bang a married AP for sex. And you say he still bangs you once a week---even less suspicion there. Just pray he wears a condom, 99% of these married AP AM things don't for the same reasons that idiot posting on here has justified it.

My spouse worked from home and that’s exactly how he got away with it. And, it’s even easier to fool because like the pp said “he wfh and we have sex once a week.” That’s how you get blindsided. You think nothing is wrong and you logistically think it wouldn’t be possible for them. 1-2 hours a month is easy and raises zero suspicion.

[Anonymous]

^ oh and as much as theoretically you think you are laid back, would be okay with it. Reality is much different than what you think. I can guarantee the emotions and horror will be night and day if you are blindsided. It’s nothing like the movies or sitting around with girlfriends saying “who cares”. It’s traumatizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if his penis was in another hole, you’d be okay with him coming home and putting it in your hole? That’s kind of the base level question here.

Shower first, please.

By then the bacterial/viral infection has already set in. You can’t wash off hiv or chlamydia.

There is such a thing called condom.

Guys don't always use condoms with APs, especially if they think she can't get pregnant.

Also, condoms, don't prevent all STIs.

You don't have to drag down EVERY FRICKIN POST about sexual relations by bringing up STIs. We are adults. We know about it. We also know how to have sex without catching cooties. I presume you did too when you were single and riding a bunch of Ds? Seriously, can you just stop?

Actually, your previous post or pps post demonstrates a shocking lack of STI prevention. I don't care if you think it's dragging the thread down or more truthfully poking a hole in your fantasy world in which cheating has no consequences and you wouldn't be bothered by it, I'm going to provide factual information. And when someone posts about showering to prevent all STIs or thinks condoms are 100% STI magic I'm going to tell the truth, it might save your life or someone elese's

All you are doing is hijacking the thread, and 100 others with your own agenda. Yes, we get it. Sex is risky. Risky sex is even riskier. Why don't you start your own thread and tell us all about it. Include some forest fire safety tips while you're at it. Let the rest of us stick to the subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only cheat with married women so the chances of any stds are slim to none. I have a vasectomy so iv never need to wear condone unless we try anal.

UGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This pisses me off sooooo much. Hey, idiot--do you know her husband isn't out banging prostitutes or gay and having hook-up sex? A lot of the reason sex is low with their husbands is because of those things.

In married relationship affairs---there are FOUR different people at play. The spouses could be unfaithful. Nobody is having zero sex with their partner so transmission is real.

And, the married women I know of on Ashley Madison, have had A LOT of partners and don't use condoms. They aren't exclusive with you either.

You are putting your spouse at serious risk.

This is why the STI rates among middle aged and elderly are so high. These idiots think they are safe or immune from it because everyone is older or married. AND--then add in that many men have vasectomies or the women are near menopause--they don't even worry about pregnancy--so let's go bareback...even on the FIRST meeting.

They have a 'talk', 'yeah I'm clean. I was tested (last year!!)' and then they go for it.

BS, you don't personally know any married women of AM. You're a betrayed spouse with an agenda spewing about how all cheaters are full of disease and don't practice safe sex. You have no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only cheat with married women so the chances of any stds are slim to none. I have a vasectomy so iv never need to wear condone unless we try anal.

Same here excapt I never use a condom for anal. Why would I. And yes, as a group, married women, especially those who are stepping out for the first time are far safer than single women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only cheat with married women so the chances of any stds are slim to none. I have a vasectomy so iv never need to wear condone unless we try anal.

Same here excapt I never use a condom for anal. Why would I. And yes, as a group, married women, especially those who are stepping out for the first time are far safer than single women.

I wish I knew your spouse so I could tell him/her to protect themselves from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only cheat with married women so the chances of any stds are slim to none. I have a vasectomy so iv never need to wear condone unless we try anal.

UGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This pisses me off sooooo much. Hey, idiot--do you know her husband isn't out banging prostitutes or gay and having hook-up sex? A lot of the reason sex is low with their husbands is because of those things.

In married relationship affairs---there are FOUR different people at play. The spouses could be unfaithful. Nobody is having zero sex with their partner so transmission is real.

And, the married women I know of on Ashley Madison, have had A LOT of partners and don't use condoms. They aren't exclusive with you either.

You are putting your spouse at serious risk.

This is why the STI rates among middle aged and elderly are so high. These idiots think they are safe or immune from it because everyone is older or married. AND--then add in that many men have vasectomies or the women are near menopause--they don't even worry about pregnancy--so let's go bareback...even on the FIRST meeting.

They have a 'talk', 'yeah I'm clean. I was tested (last year!!)' and then they go for it.

BS, you don't personally know any married women of AM. You're a betrayed spouse with an agenda spewing about how all cheaters are full of disease and don't practice safe sex. You have no idea.

Don't you know, these people only lie to their spouses. Everything they tell their APs is true!! If he/ahe can convince the spouse he/she's the only one he's banging, he will have no problem convincing an AP either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only cheat with married women so the chances of any stds are slim to none. I have a vasectomy so iv never need to wear condone unless we try anal.

Same here excapt I never use a condom for anal. Why would I. And yes, as a group, married women, especially those who are stepping out for the first time are far safer than single women.

I wish I knew your spouse so I could tell him/her to protect themselves from you.

DP here. Not proud of it, but I had a wild drunken 20's and lots of unprotected sex with people I had just met. Despite taking huge risks, all I ended up with was Chlamydia...3 times. Easily treated with antibiotics.

It's just not that easy to catch a serious STD, and they aren't floating around that much in most communities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only cheat with married women so the chances of any stds are slim to none. I have a vasectomy so iv never need to wear condone unless we try anal.

Same here excapt I never use a condom for anal. Why would I. And yes, as a group, married women, especially those who are stepping out for the first time are far safer than single women.

I wish I knew your spouse so I could tell him/her to protect themselves from you.

DP here. Not proud of it, but I had a wild drunken 20's and lots of unprotected sex with people I had just met. Despite taking huge risks, all I ended up with was Chlamydia...3 times. Easily treated with antibiotics.

It's just not that easy to catch a serious STD, and they aren't floating around that much in most communities.

Very different in 2021, Dude. And, the types of chlamydia and gonorrhea these days are often antibiotic-resistant Superbugs. Many are also asymptomatic, but cause damage. It's pretty frickin' disgusting you caught an STI 3 times.