Post your DCs names and we'll tell you what we assume about you. Snark is obviously expected!
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Anonymous
You obviously don't get the humor. |
Anonymous
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Jacob
Elizabeth |
Anonymous
I guess I don't. Please explain it to me. It's hilarious because I bumped my own name and then self I deprecatingly pointed out that most posters are not offering anything but their own kid's name? |
Anonymous
PP. Don't deprecate yourself. I have cleared a half hour around 9 tonight to write of children's names. It takes a village (gahh!) |
Anonymous
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Jesus
Mary and Joseph |
Anonymous
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Alexander
Thomas |
Anonymous
| Raymond John (RJ) |
Anonymous
Your first baby daddy was Hispanic Your second baby daddy was Irish Your third baby daddy was Italian |
Anonymous
South Asians. Math and spelling wizs? |
Anonymous
You love your DH madly but he is a bit of a traditionalist and insisted you change your somewhat distinctive surname when you married. As luck would have it, his last name is "Smith" and you became one of many Jennifer Smiths who populate the pages of Linked-In. You tried using your surname as a middle name, but your physical therapy patients -- most of whom are senior citizens -- had difficulty with it. Why wouldn't they as Jennifer Hammersmith Smith is a mouthful and a little confusing. After a few years, you dropped your maiden name and became just another Jennifer Smith. You discovered you were pregnant soon after banishing your maiden name and began to fret about a distinctive last name for your child. As a traditionalist, your husband did not want to know the sex (or is it gender?) of the baby, so you had to come up with two distinctive names that would set Smith apart. One day you were working out a rotor cuff problem for a nice older gentlemen who always had a story or two. That day he spun a yarn about being lost at sea when he was 14 years old. Of course, you recognized it as one of his imaginary yars, but he repeatedly said "I wasn't meant to be a sailor," or sang the little ditty about "the sailor's life for me." At any rate, that ditty became a little bit of an earworm, and when you were feeling nauseous and tired, you wold sign "the sailor's life for me." At 34 weeks, your water broke while you were listening to your older patient spin yet another tall tale. You were having bladder control issues and the baby pressed on your bladder, and you were humiliated to think that you had actually wet your pants. The older gentlemen pointed out that he had six children and knew what it meant when a hugely pregnant woman wet herself. "You are going to have your baby today, Mrs, Smith, and a sailor she will be, a sailor she will be." The director of the center rushed you to the hospital where you were met by your husband. After 15 hours of intense labor, they finally gave you an epidural. Not only did it relieve the pain, but it also made you a little loopy and you began to sing: "A sailor she will be, wahoo, a sailor she will be." Four hours later, your beautiful daughter was born, at 21 inches long, and a healthy 7 pounds, 4 ounces. Your traditional husband -- having endured hours of your giddy singing looked at your and said: "A sailor she will be, my dear, a sailor she will be." So that is how your daughter became Sailor Hammersmith Smith. |
Anonymous
Alexander is your straight arrow, follow the rules kid. He crosses his t's and dots his i's. He is careful and meticulous and you don't worry about him ever. Alexander will grow up and be CEO of a successful biotech company that will develop several new antihelmintic medicines. His targeted consumer basis--third world countries and the overly worried DCUM posters--will make Alexander an extremely wealthy man, he'll be in the top 0.0001%. However by the time his kids reach elementary school age, private school tuition will be greater than the GDP of Rhode Island, so he too will be forced to apply for financial aid if his only child Edward is to attend private school. There the sultans' kids and the professional football players' kids all jeer at little Eddie and label him one of the "poors." Thomas your golden child, baby of the family will become a GS-1 worker. He will get married and have children. At this point, you will suggest a family beach trip in Sanibel. To pay for his share of the beach house, Thomas will be forced to borrow money from Alexander. Once the trip begins,Thomas will stake out the largest bedroom and leave poop residue in all the toilets. His family will also eat up the majority of the groceries, including Alexander's personal box of Frosted Rice Krispies. Naturally Thomas will forget to pay Alexander back, but not until after he gets mad at Alexander for having more money than him to begin with. Aggravated at both boys, you and DH decide to move to Denmark and live out your days breeding heirloom Leghorn chickens. |
Anonymous
You and DH both have very unique names which you hate. Your name starts with a Y and has a hyphen in it. And your DH has a umlaut and an astrophe in it. Your banking, school, and medical records all have weird and different name permutations listed. You regularly receive other people's bills and medical procedures by accident. This is why your appendix was removed during a routine tonsillectomy. So when you were pregnant, the two of you looked back at your scarred childhoods devoid of personalized keychains and coffee mugs and vowed not to saddle your children with unpronunicable, unspellable name abominations. You would name them Jacob and Elizabeth. And so having bestowed upper-class, gender clear names on your much blessed progeny, they will lead perfect lives. They will have 5.0 GPAs in high school, and will be captains of the football and cheerleading squads respectively. They are also destinated to be voted homecoming king and queen (since they were born two years apart, it won't be at the same time which would be a bit icky). Both of them will go on to become billionaires. Alas, they will not heed your wisdom and will go on to name their kids after exotic zoo animals and alcoholic drinks. Of the grandchildren, only Sam Adams won't require talk therapy. |
Anonymous
Emily, Elizabeth, and John 
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Anonymous
You are sensible people at heart, but each of you has a whimsical, playful side that manifests itself in unexpected ways. Eagle-eyed observers will note that you don't have the traditional diamond solitaire but instead wear an antique Chinese gold ring inlaid with green jade. Your children too are being raised in this minset. For instance, while you insist that they have to eat 2 balanced meals a day, you let them have anything they wish for breakfast. A breakfast of Oreos and popiscles is perfectly fine by you. So long as you have the bases covered, you don't fret about the rest. Homework and chores done? They are free to do as they please. This combination of parental firmness with a dab of child directed independence will serve you well, and they will grow up into fine, if unconventional adults. Finn will grow up to be a country western singer whose debut album "Momma was Right About You" will go platinum. Evie will get a job writing obituaries, from there she will go on to own most of the funeral parlors in the Hudson River Valley region. With the kids settled in their careers, the two of you decided to follow your dreams and travel the world. Since you knew you didn't want all the hassles of travel such as trying to hail cabs in foreign countries, you sensibly decided to live full-time on a Seabourne cruise ship. You get to see the world and yet sleep in your very own bed every night, life couldn't be better. |
Anonymous
Bump |