Out of town in laws attendance at birthdays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have to invite the out of town grandparents to everything! Especially, if inviting the out of town grandparents requires hosting and overnights etc.

#1 rule is that no one owns or gets dibs on your nuclear family. It is not a contest! You don’t owe one grandparent something just because the other grandparent was there!

#2 rule is that it is not your responsibility to make old people happy over the needs of yourself, spouse and kids. The out of town grandparents can pout, stamp their feet and whatever. Not your problem!

Ooh, karma is coming to get you. And you will deserve it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think all these folks piling on you are a bit nuts, as we live here and we never really thought about asking my parents in NY to come down for every event. However, next time be smart and head it off at the pass and ahead of time and prime the pump and say “and let’s do something special for Larla’s birthday when we’re up there that weekend”. So they know they get to celebrate the birthday.

And yes, they have to realize that the grandparents down the street are going to see these kids more. If they’re that put out, are they going to drive in every time you need an emergency babysitter? Your parents get that “honor”. I didn’t think so.

So, let me get this straight. Because you choose not to invite your out of state parents to "every event" you think it's fine for OP not to invite her inlaws but her own parents to what most would consider an important event--a grandchild's birthday party? ok . . .

NOPE

Her parents live locally. They can just swing by, attend party and leave. She would have to probably accommodate the in-laws as they’re not gonna drive an 8 hour round-trip in one day which makes their visit at least a 24 hour visit versus her parents swinging by for a 1 to 2 hour party. Geesh. Lol.

The thing about having out of town visitors for a child's birthday party is that there is usually another night of dinner expected, maybe a brunch/lunch too... it's more than simply hosting a 2 hour kiddie birthday party. The out of town visitors want to feel like it was worth the trip so they expect more of your time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I supposed to be inviting my out of state in laws to my kids birthday parties? I've never considered that. Why am I going to pay for 2 grandparents to come to SkyZoe from out of state. I wouldn't even have time to chat with them I'd be busy making polite small talk with the parents who didn't drop off, and arranging cake and pizza etc and making sure no one has a broken femur on the trampoline. I'm not interested in hosting a kids birthday party AND hosting my in laws at the same time.

We don’t focus on socializing with the in-laws during the actual party..that’s for the kids and chatting with other parents.

The in-laws stay with us for at least 3 days and we talk then. Plenty of time to catch up with them.

I guess I wonder why on earth theyd even want to come. They arent going to be spending time with my kids, unless they think theyre going to be able to drag them out of the trampoline and make them chat with them on the sidelines or something. Theyre not going to be chatting with me or DH. Theyre just going to be standing there and probably bored and over stimulated, for 2 hours. Again- never even crossed my mind. We usually invite them down the weekend before or the weekend after to say happy birthday and go out to dinner if they want.

You can always spot the entitled grandparents from miles away. They compete with the mom and insist on talking to everyone. Lady, I’m your grandchild’s classmate’s mom. I don’t want to talk to half the parents let alone listen to you talk at me.

I think by age 7 parents of guests are not tagging along to every birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I supposed to be inviting my out of state in laws to my kids birthday parties? I've never considered that. Why am I going to pay for 2 grandparents to come to SkyZoe from out of state. I wouldn't even have time to chat with them I'd be busy making polite small talk with the parents who didn't drop off, and arranging cake and pizza etc and making sure no one has a broken femur on the trampoline. I'm not interested in hosting a kids birthday party AND hosting my in laws at the same time.

You don't pay for people who don't jump at Sky Zone, dork.

It was just an example. And FWIW, I do have to give a head count for pizza, so yeah I'd be ordering an additional pizza if my in laws were coming, because you can't run out of slices, that would be impolite. Even if my in laws won't eat them.

What kind of cheap ass minimal food parties are you throwing? Do you have an exact count of pizza slices allotted to each guest such that there will be no left overs?

Well, you do need to know how many pizzas to order so you probably should know the approximate number of guests that are attending. Lol.

If you need a whole pizza because 2 more people might come you're cutting it way too close. Your guests will invariably show up with their entire family with no warning.

I have 2 kids and for all their birthday party events combined, I've seen party crashing only twice.
One family dumped 2 extra kids at a 9 year old birthday party unexpected.
One family of 4 showed up and stubbornly parked themselves with defiant glaring eyes in the house of the host for their 4 year old's birthday party where no other parents were hanging about (- the guests parents were explicitly told that it was a drop-off party). They sat there for 2 hours like that.
Let's just say that nobody was particularly friendly with these parents all school year as they were kind of off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing the issue for the op isn’t the in-laws coming to party. Inviting them means they are spending the night or several nights and she probably doesn’t want to deal with that when she is already dealing with the birthday party.

Husband should invite his parents. His parents should understand everything shouldered by their daughter-in-law and understand their son is doing a bare minimum. They should also stay in a hotel. This is what good family dynamics look like.

So everyone else gets an official invite and his parents just get the after thought call? Come on. Way to make your guests feel like 2nd class citizens. Were you raised in a barn?

The guests are the kids friends. The grandparents, unless they are helping with fetching the cake, ordering and getting the pizza, either lighting the candles or videorecording for the parents, cleaning up, washing the plates, maintaining order, unless they are truly helping, they tag alongs and just another burden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have to invite the out of town grandparents to everything! Especially, if inviting the out of town grandparents requires hosting and overnights etc.

#1 rule is that no one owns or gets dibs on your nuclear family. It is not a contest! You don’t owe one grandparent something just because the other grandparent was there!

#2 rule is that it is not your responsibility to make old people happy over the needs of yourself, spouse and kids. The out of town grandparents can pout, stamp their feet and whatever. Not your problem!

Ooh, karma is coming to get you. And you will deserve it!

Ha. My mother gave up big parts of herself for her in-laws. Became a part of the family (my dad’s family didn’t care to adjust for her). Her daughter-in-law barely has a relationship with her. It doesn’t matter what you do. You can’t control other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird to have old people at a kid's birthday party.

Have you been to a birthday party recently? It's not uncommon to see grandparents there. I was at one yesterday with grandparents, cousins, aunts, and school friends.

I kind of enjoy the Dave and Busters or Bowlerama b-day parties. When the kids hit a certain age, I can just go to the bar and grab a cocktail with a mom friend. House b-day parties are just lots of stupid work.

[Anonymous]

You already know they are unlikely to come! Why wouldn't you extend an invitation?? It's just nice.

Easy to do, nice, and doesn't change anything for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You already know they are unlikely to come! Why wouldn't you extend an invitation?? It's just nice.

Easy to do, nice, and doesn't change anything for you.

This is always what self-centered people say.

[Anonymous]

^ odd comment. 23:25 poster, you make so sense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing the issue for the op isn’t the in-laws coming to party. Inviting them means they are spending the night or several nights and she probably doesn’t want to deal with that when she is already dealing with the birthday party.

Husband should invite his parents. His parents should understand everything shouldered by their daughter-in-law and understand their son is doing a bare minimum. They should also stay in a hotel. This is what good family dynamics look like.

So everyone else gets an official invite and his parents just get the after thought call? Come on. Way to make your guests feel like 2nd class citizens. Were you raised in a barn?

The guests are the kids friends. The grandparents, unless they are helping with fetching the cake, ordering and getting the pizza, either lighting the candles or videorecording for the parents, cleaning up, washing the plates, maintaining order, unless they are truly helping, they tag alongs and just another burden.

How out of control are your parties? Have it at a venue like normal a normal person. Home parties are the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing the issue for the op isn’t the in-laws coming to party. Inviting them means they are spending the night or several nights and she probably doesn’t want to deal with that when she is already dealing with the birthday party.

Husband should invite his parents. His parents should understand everything shouldered by their daughter-in-law and understand their son is doing a bare minimum. They should also stay in a hotel. This is what good family dynamics look like.

So everyone else gets an official invite and his parents just get the after thought call? Come on. Way to make your guests feel like 2nd class citizens. Were you raised in a barn?

The guests are the kids friends. The grandparents, unless they are helping with fetching the cake, ordering and getting the pizza, either lighting the candles or videorecording for the parents, cleaning up, washing the plates, maintaining order, unless they are truly helping, they tag alongs and just another burden.

How out of control are your parties? Have it at a venue like normal a normal person. Home parties are the worst.

So now MIL wants you to change the venue so you can host her? It’s clear why everyone’s rushing to invite her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I supposed to be inviting my out of state in laws to my kids birthday parties? I've never considered that. Why am I going to pay for 2 grandparents to come to SkyZoe from out of state. I wouldn't even have time to chat with them I'd be busy making polite small talk with the parents who didn't drop off, and arranging cake and pizza etc and making sure no one has a broken femur on the trampoline. I'm not interested in hosting a kids birthday party AND hosting my in laws at the same time.

We don’t focus on socializing with the in-laws during the actual party..that’s for the kids and chatting with other parents.

The in-laws stay with us for at least 3 days and we talk then. Plenty of time to catch up with them.

I guess I wonder why on earth theyd even want to come. They arent going to be spending time with my kids, unless they think theyre going to be able to drag them out of the trampoline and make them chat with them on the sidelines or something. Theyre not going to be chatting with me or DH. Theyre just going to be standing there and probably bored and over stimulated, for 2 hours. Again- never even crossed my mind. We usually invite them down the weekend before or the weekend after to say happy birthday and go out to dinner if they want.

So why do the local grandparents want to come?

NP. My local grandparents come to help. They're helping to set up, cook, run events. I don't have to host them overnight either.

Are the cousins going to help too? They got an invite while some other cousins didn't. These rules certainly are confusing.

One of my cousins who was my age frequently attended my birthday parties when I was a kid. I really don't think my cousins who were 5 years older or 5 years younger than me expected to be invited, not did I expect to attend theirs....

I think it's not always clear cut on whether to extend an invitation to out-of-town grandparents- where do you draw the line? If not 4 hrs, then what? My parents live 8 hrs away and they occasionally visit over my kids birthdays, and if their borthday party happens to be that weekend then they attend the party (and help, generally). But if I were to extend a formal invite to them for every party then I guess I'd need to extend it to my ILs too, who would have to fly in, and then I couldn't host everyone at my house. But thankfully my parents and ILs seem content to just spend time and celebrate with their grandkids outside of the kids party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing the issue for the op isn’t the in-laws coming to party. Inviting them means they are spending the night or several nights and she probably doesn’t want to deal with that when she is already dealing with the birthday party.

Husband should invite his parents. His parents should understand everything shouldered by their daughter-in-law and understand their son is doing a bare minimum. They should also stay in a hotel. This is what good family dynamics look like.

So everyone else gets an official invite and his parents just get the after thought call? Come on. Way to make your guests feel like 2nd class citizens. Were you raised in a barn?

The guests are the kids friends. The grandparents, unless they are helping with fetching the cake, ordering and getting the pizza, either lighting the candles or videorecording for the parents, cleaning up, washing the plates, maintaining order, unless they are truly helping, they tag alongs and just another burden.

How out of control are your parties? Have it at a venue like normal a normal person. Home parties are the worst.

So now MIL wants you to change the venue so you can host her? It’s clear why everyone’s rushing to invite her.

We don’t even know where OPs party is but if you need slave labor at your party you throw shit parties. 7 yr olds don’t want to run around your house. The kids want you to change the venue to something fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing the issue for the op isn’t the in-laws coming to party. Inviting them means they are spending the night or several nights and she probably doesn’t want to deal with that when she is already dealing with the birthday party.

Husband should invite his parents. His parents should understand everything shouldered by their daughter-in-law and understand their son is doing a bare minimum. They should also stay in a hotel. This is what good family dynamics look like.

So everyone else gets an official invite and his parents just get the after thought call? Come on. Way to make your guests feel like 2nd class citizens. Were you raised in a barn?

The guests are the kids friends. The grandparents, unless they are helping with fetching the cake, ordering and getting the pizza, either lighting the candles or videorecording for the parents, cleaning up, washing the plates, maintaining order, unless they are truly helping, they tag alongs and just another burden.

How out of control are your parties? Have it at a venue like normal a normal person. Home parties are the worst.

So now MIL wants you to change the venue so you can host her? It’s clear why everyone’s rushing to invite her.

We don’t even know where OPs party is but if you need slave labor at your party you throw shit parties. 7 yr olds don’t want to run around your house. The kids want you to change the venue to something fun.

No, I think the 7 year old and the mom are perfectly capable of deciding what they want and what’s worth it to them. You seem like an excessive know-it-all, a mean and judgmental one.