Out of town in laws attendance at birthdays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I supposed to be inviting my out of state in laws to my kids birthday parties? I've never considered that. Why am I going to pay for 2 grandparents to come to SkyZoe from out of state. I wouldn't even have time to chat with them I'd be busy making polite small talk with the parents who didn't drop off, and arranging cake and pizza etc and making sure no one has a broken femur on the trampoline. I'm not interested in hosting a kids birthday party AND hosting my in laws at the same time.

You don't pay for people who don't jump at Sky Zone, dork.

It was just an example. And FWIW, I do have to give a head count for pizza, so yeah I'd be ordering an additional pizza if my in laws were coming, because you can't run out of slices, that would be impolite. Even if my in laws won't eat them.

What kind of cheap ass minimal food parties are you throwing? Do you have an exact count of pizza slices allotted to each guest such that there will be no left overs?

I mean I think you just want to argue with me about anything at this point. This is so far off topic.

Well, you keep making up bizarre scenarios to explain OPs oversight. Now it's pizza and too cheap to spring for Sky Zone? What's next?

If there’s nothing that can be said or done to help you understand a different perspective, the only option left is to tune you out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I supposed to be inviting my out of state in laws to my kids birthday parties? I've never considered that. Why am I going to pay for 2 grandparents to come to SkyZoe from out of state. I wouldn't even have time to chat with them I'd be busy making polite small talk with the parents who didn't drop off, and arranging cake and pizza etc and making sure no one has a broken femur on the trampoline. I'm not interested in hosting a kids birthday party AND hosting my in laws at the same time.

You don't pay for people who don't jump at Sky Zone, dork.

It was just an example. And FWIW, I do have to give a head count for pizza, so yeah I'd be ordering an additional pizza if my in laws were coming, because you can't run out of slices, that would be impolite. Even if my in laws won't eat them.

What kind of cheap ass minimal food parties are you throwing? Do you have an exact count of pizza slices allotted to each guest such that there will be no left overs?

Well, you do need to know how many pizzas to order so you probably should know the approximate number of guests that are attending. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I supposed to be inviting my out of state in laws to my kids birthday parties? I've never considered that. Why am I going to pay for 2 grandparents to come to SkyZoe from out of state. I wouldn't even have time to chat with them I'd be busy making polite small talk with the parents who didn't drop off, and arranging cake and pizza etc and making sure no one has a broken femur on the trampoline. I'm not interested in hosting a kids birthday party AND hosting my in laws at the same time.

You don't pay for people who don't jump at Sky Zone, dork.

It was just an example. And FWIW, I do have to give a head count for pizza, so yeah I'd be ordering an additional pizza if my in laws were coming, because you can't run out of slices, that would be impolite. Even if my in laws won't eat them.

What kind of cheap ass minimal food parties are you throwing? Do you have an exact count of pizza slices allotted to each guest such that there will be no left overs?

Well, you do need to know how many pizzas to order so you probably should know the approximate number of guests that are attending. Lol.

If you need a whole pizza because 2 more people might come you're cutting it way too close. Your guests will invariably show up with their entire family with no warning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I supposed to be inviting my out of state in laws to my kids birthday parties? I've never considered that. Why am I going to pay for 2 grandparents to come to SkyZoe from out of state. I wouldn't even have time to chat with them I'd be busy making polite small talk with the parents who didn't drop off, and arranging cake and pizza etc and making sure no one has a broken femur on the trampoline. I'm not interested in hosting a kids birthday party AND hosting my in laws at the same time.

You don't pay for people who don't jump at Sky Zone, dork.

It was just an example. And FWIW, I do have to give a head count for pizza, so yeah I'd be ordering an additional pizza if my in laws were coming, because you can't run out of slices, that would be impolite. Even if my in laws won't eat them.

What kind of cheap ass minimal food parties are you throwing? Do you have an exact count of pizza slices allotted to each guest such that there will be no left overs?

I mean I think you just want to argue with me about anything at this point. This is so far off topic.

Well, you keep making up bizarre scenarios to explain OPs oversight. Now it's pizza and too cheap to spring for Sky Zone? What's next?

If there’s nothing that can be said or done to help you understand a different perspective, the only option left is to tune you out.

Your perspective is flawed and irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

You all are hating on op but I asked a similar question a few years ago and had a completely different response. Our families were coming to birthday parties and basically taking it over. They were all 4 hours away too. I had trouble finding venues big enough and was having to pay for adults. My kids wanted to spend time celebrating with their friends at their party but were overwhelmed with grandparents and aunts and uncles.

The responses I got on my thread called me an idiot for inviting family to a friends party and told me I had to have separate parties. People were insistent that I not invite grandparents to my kid parties.

Sort of funny but my kids are older elementary now and want to go on vacations instead of parties. And yeah now grandparents want treated to birthday vacations too even though they hate doing the same things as us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are hating on op but I asked a similar question a few years ago and had a completely different response. Our families were coming to birthday parties and basically taking it over. They were all 4 hours away too. I had trouble finding venues big enough and was having to pay for adults. My kids wanted to spend time celebrating with their friends at their party but were overwhelmed with grandparents and aunts and uncles.

The responses I got on my thread called me an idiot for inviting family to a friends party and told me I had to have separate parties. People were insistent that I not invite grandparents to my kid parties.

Sort of funny but my kids are older elementary now and want to go on vacations instead of parties. And yeah now grandparents want treated to birthday vacations too even though they hate doing the same things as us.

You cannot be this dense. You don’t see the difference? OP talked about inviting only one family and not the other. It’s different if you don’t invite either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. I have difficult ILs with whom I don’t get along and even I know an invite should have been extended, whether they would have come or not, and regardless of the upcoming visit.

I have easy in-laws, which is why we include them. A quick way of destroying a relationship is telling someone else how the relationship should go.

That’s a silly assertion for what actually happened.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read this whole thread, but I can see why OP wouldn't have invited her ILs in this case. There are no courtesy invites with my parents- my mom treats every invitation (even out of state baby showers) as a summons, even though they are getting older and the long distance drives are getting to be a bit much on my dad (who does most of the driving). Especially if we were going to be seeing them shortly thereafter. It's just easier not to invite them to every little thing. But, we don't have local family so the competition factor doesn't apply.

Anyway, now you know that ILs want to be included on all of the things. What does your DH say?

[Anonymous]

I think this issue further illustrates the problems that often crop up between women in a family.

Whether it's a mother in law, sister in law, or stepmother, many women simply find excuses to sideline other women who are not their immediate family. Consciously or not.

If OP were in the situation where her MIL, SIL SM did not invite her under similar circumstances she would be outraged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this issue further illustrates the problems that often crop up between women in a family.

Whether it's a mother in law, sister in law, or stepmother, many women simply find excuses to sideline other women who are not their immediate family. Consciously or not.

If OP were in the situation where her MIL, SIL SM did not invite her under similar circumstances she would be outraged.

Not everyone is like you. Some people understand toxic women. Those people try to be thoughtful, considerate and understanding. They have good relationships. Unfortunately it is impossible to have a relationship with someone who is quick to outrage without taking the time to understand. You can try at first but eventually it breaks down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this issue further illustrates the problems that often crop up between women in a family.

Whether it's a mother in law, sister in law, or stepmother, many women simply find excuses to sideline other women who are not their immediate family. Consciously or not.

If OP were in the situation where her MIL, SIL SM did not invite her under similar circumstances she would be outraged.

Not everyone is like you. Some people understand toxic women. Those people try to be thoughtful, considerate and understanding. They have good relationships. Unfortunately it is impossible to have a relationship with someone who is quick to outrage without taking the time to understand. You can try at first but eventually it breaks down.

But OP’s MIL isn’t being “toxic,” especially if this isn’t the first time she’s been left out of grandkid celebrations while other family members were included. OP, however, does come across as being outraged by her MIL’s expressed disappointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I supposed to be inviting my out of state in laws to my kids birthday parties? I've never considered that. Why am I going to pay for 2 grandparents to come to SkyZoe from out of state. I wouldn't even have time to chat with them I'd be busy making polite small talk with the parents who didn't drop off, and arranging cake and pizza etc and making sure no one has a broken femur on the trampoline. I'm not interested in hosting a kids birthday party AND hosting my in laws at the same time.

We don’t focus on socializing with the in-laws during the actual party..that’s for the kids and chatting with other parents.

The in-laws stay with us for at least 3 days and we talk then. Plenty of time to catch up with them.

I guess I wonder why on earth theyd even want to come. They arent going to be spending time with my kids, unless they think theyre going to be able to drag them out of the trampoline and make them chat with them on the sidelines or something. Theyre not going to be chatting with me or DH. Theyre just going to be standing there and probably bored and over stimulated, for 2 hours. Again- never even crossed my mind. We usually invite them down the weekend before or the weekend after to say happy birthday and go out to dinner if they want.

So why do the local grandparents want to come?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I supposed to be inviting my out of state in laws to my kids birthday parties? I've never considered that. Why am I going to pay for 2 grandparents to come to SkyZoe from out of state. I wouldn't even have time to chat with them I'd be busy making polite small talk with the parents who didn't drop off, and arranging cake and pizza etc and making sure no one has a broken femur on the trampoline. I'm not interested in hosting a kids birthday party AND hosting my in laws at the same time.

Yeah, we get it. You don’t give a shit about your family. It’s all good.

Do you people who always invite grandparents to 7 year olds’ birthday parties never see them the rest of the year or something? We see my in-laws for every holiday and my parents for most of them as well. (Parents are much further away.) We see the in-laws for the kids’ birthdays separate from the parties - they come for dinner and cake. We see them for every adult birthday and Mother’s Day, Father’s Day etc. We vacation one week each summer with the in-laws and one week with my parents. We additionally see them all at least every couple of months just to get together. Also there is a magical thing called the phone.

I think they can all handle not coming to jump parties and birthday parties.

The issue is whether it is a family party or a friend party. In OP's case, she made it a family party by inviting her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this issue further illustrates the problems that often crop up between women in a family.

Whether it's a mother in law, sister in law, or stepmother, many women simply find excuses to sideline other women who are not their immediate family. Consciously or not.

If OP were in the situation where her MIL, SIL SM did not invite her under similar circumstances she would be outraged.

Not everyone is like you. Some people understand toxic women. Those people try to be thoughtful, considerate and understanding. They have good relationships. Unfortunately it is impossible to have a relationship with someone who is quick to outrage without taking the time to understand. You can try at first but eventually it breaks down.

But OP’s MIL isn’t being “toxic,” especially if this isn’t the first time she’s been left out of grandkid celebrations while other family members were included. OP, however, does come across as being outraged by her MIL’s expressed disappointment.

Using selective rules and norms about why she should get what she wants is toxic. OP is feeling guilty. That’s what toxic people do: make it hard for others to be understood.

With toxic people, you have to grey rock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I supposed to be inviting my out of state in laws to my kids birthday parties? I've never considered that. Why am I going to pay for 2 grandparents to come to SkyZoe from out of state. I wouldn't even have time to chat with them I'd be busy making polite small talk with the parents who didn't drop off, and arranging cake and pizza etc and making sure no one has a broken femur on the trampoline. I'm not interested in hosting a kids birthday party AND hosting my in laws at the same time.

We don’t focus on socializing with the in-laws during the actual party..that’s for the kids and chatting with other parents.

The in-laws stay with us for at least 3 days and we talk then. Plenty of time to catch up with them.

I guess I wonder why on earth theyd even want to come. They arent going to be spending time with my kids, unless they think theyre going to be able to drag them out of the trampoline and make them chat with them on the sidelines or something. Theyre not going to be chatting with me or DH. Theyre just going to be standing there and probably bored and over stimulated, for 2 hours. Again- never even crossed my mind. We usually invite them down the weekend before or the weekend after to say happy birthday and go out to dinner if they want.

So why do the local grandparents want to come?

NP. My local grandparents come to help. They're helping to set up, cook, run events. I don't have to host them overnight either.