Why do people change their mind and want to remarry again?

[Anonymous]

"One reason to remarry for some people is Social Security. Maximum benefit is now over $63K per year. Your ex spouse can collect that if you die. How would you feel about your ex taking in $63K annually but “your person” receiving far less?"

I only recently learned that this is how it works and I was shocked. I quickly called my sister to tell her to draw on her ex's SS since she's eligible. She had no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to imagine how you'd finally meet your person after having "lost" in love for all this time and then still not want to spend your time and resources with them. It's instinct to want to protect and care for someone you deeply love. Their well-being becomes of upmost importance to you. Two adults who are madly in love and have fewer than "twenty good summers" left to spend together naturally want to make a home together. That's what couples do, regardless of age. The bonding, nesting, and making one another a part of every moment in your life is the normal progression of a union built between two adults. There's no reason to think that doesn't apply after a certain age.

As I see it, the fact that OP is keeping his GF at arm's length either means he isn't truly convinced that his life is immeasureably better with her in it, or he's got some baggage that he needs help from a therapist to unload before he blows it. Prenups take care of the financial issues that might be a worry for OP; Money is not the reason to not remarry. OP probably knows this in his heart of hearts and it is just an easy excuse he's using to maintain distance. At the very least, OP needs to WANT to live with his GF if the relationship is going to advance. The relationship either grows in its intensity and commitment, or it will wither.

Why are people bothering to put OPs into ChatGPT and then posting the responses? Just to drum up traffic on the site?

[Anonymous]

You fell for the oldest bait and switch in the book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You fell for the oldest bait and switch in the book.

God forbid she changes her mind because she actually cares for him.

My guess is that you and guys like you are not a catch at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One reason to remarry for some people is Social Security. Maximum benefit is now over $63K per year. Your ex spouse can collect that if you die. How would you feel about your ex taking in $63K annually but “your person” receiving far less?

You need to be married for at least 1 year to be eligible. And your ex spouse won’t be affected by whether you remarry. Btw, the $63K is an inflation-adjusted lifetime annuity — worth close to $1MM depending on your age.

Fair, but most of us by midlife have our own SS or a spouse's SS to draw on. I am a woman, and I am rather cynical about why anyone would want to marry later in life - like, what are they trying to take from me? My money? My house? They want me to be their caregiver? They want me to cook or clean for them? I don't want to give or do those things. I don't need a new partner to take me to a hospital, and frankly, many men would bail on me if I got sick anyway. I'm not religious, and I have kids who love me, and I believe will be there for me in my final days, so I don't see any draw to remarriage. I'm with OP on this one, though I wouldn't be mad at my partner for bringing it up. It's fine if other people want it, but I would literally break up over it if it came to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One reason to remarry for some people is Social Security. Maximum benefit is now over $63K per year. Your ex spouse can collect that if you die. How would you feel about your ex taking in $63K annually but “your person” receiving far less?

You need to be married for at least 1 year to be eligible. And your ex spouse won’t be affected by whether you remarry. Btw, the $63K is an inflation-adjusted lifetime annuity — worth close to $1MM depending on your age.

Fair, but most of us by midlife have our own SS or a spouse's SS to draw on. I am a woman, and I am rather cynical about why anyone would want to marry later in life - like, what are they trying to take from me? My money? My house? They want me to be their caregiver? They want me to cook or clean for them? I don't want to give or do those things. I don't need a new partner to take me to a hospital, and frankly, many men would bail on me if I got sick anyway. I'm not religious, and I have kids who love me, and I believe will be there for me in my final days, so I don't see any draw to remarriage. I'm with OP on this one, though I wouldn't be mad at my partner for bringing it up. It's fine if other people want it, but I would literally break up over it if it came to that.

You just never met anyone worthy to marry. My exH was a wh..re but he also was the smartest man I ever met (till now). We spent 20 years together and everything I know and can do is thanks to him. He helped me open a business, learn several sports, gave sex education. Regretfully even happy marriages have their expiration date and people do change. It doesn't mean that marriage is not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Not that PP but calling an Uber or a friend is not hard. (and not a reason to be married...)"

There is no facility I know of in the DMV that allows you to have an Uber take you home after sedation. Not a single one. I asked for the PP to share that info because it would be fabulous if that does indeed exist around here. They ask you when you check in for the name of the person who brought you there and who will be the one they notify if there's a problem during the procedure. They ask for their cell number in case they can't find them in the waiting room when you're ready to be sent home. I'm guessing that people who think this is NBD aren't at an age when they do these with much frequency and don't have friends who are at that stage of life yet. I happen to be close to someone with a rare condition that requires a colonoscopy annually and our friend circle rotate driving him since he has no spouse, so I'm very famliar with how this works.

And no, you cannot just call a friend. Well, if you happen to know lots of retired people or others who don't have day jobs, you probably won't feel comfortable asking a friend to take off work and use their PTO to drive you there and home. It takes at least half a day of PTO. And I've never worked for an employer (in govt, private, and non-profit sectors) that let me use sick leave to care for someone who is not a family member. So, you'd be asking your friend to use their precious vacation time to help you out.

I'm not saying this is the reason to be remarry. But I think this is a great example of how society and real life are not set up for people who are single, especially as they age.

You are correct. I had to hire somone and pay for their time to take my mom to such small procedures. It takes half a day

But in my view, aging men are even more susceptible to loneliness and require more care early on. I wouldn’t want to be a primary caregiver to my partner if they categorically didn’t want to marry me. Just have your adult kids then arrange for all logistics and cook that chicken broth and tuck your duvet under your toes

My dad is 85 and recently he had surgery and we didn't know. He didn't tell anyone. My parents have been divorced for 30 years and dad never remarried.

He found a service that provided medical escort. He ensured the pain and stress alone. And he had a serious surgery too where they removed a few sections of his colon. I was really upset when I found out. But he just wants to be alone.

Men are stubborn. The degree to which they are happy living in isolation and alone is crazy.

2 weeks later he is back to Hiking.

Most men are not like your dad. He's honest with himself about his needs and wants and lives alone. OP is trying to have the cake and eat it, too, by not marrying his GF. Hard pass long term for me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Not that PP but calling an Uber or a friend is not hard. (and not a reason to be married...)"

There is no facility I know of in the DMV that allows you to have an Uber take you home after sedation. Not a single one. I asked for the PP to share that info because it would be fabulous if that does indeed exist around here. They ask you when you check in for the name of the person who brought you there and who will be the one they notify if there's a problem during the procedure. They ask for their cell number in case they can't find them in the waiting room when you're ready to be sent home. I'm guessing that people who think this is NBD aren't at an age when they do these with much frequency and don't have friends who are at that stage of life yet. I happen to be close to someone with a rare condition that requires a colonoscopy annually and our friend circle rotate driving him since he has no spouse, so I'm very famliar with how this works.

And no, you cannot just call a friend. Well, if you happen to know lots of retired people or others who don't have day jobs, you probably won't feel comfortable asking a friend to take off work and use their PTO to drive you there and home. It takes at least half a day of PTO. And I've never worked for an employer (in govt, private, and non-profit sectors) that let me use sick leave to care for someone who is not a family member. So, you'd be asking your friend to use their precious vacation time to help you out.

I'm not saying this is the reason to be remarry. But I think this is a great example of how society and real life are not set up for people who are single, especially as they age.

You are correct. I had to hire somone and pay for their time to take my mom to such small procedures. It takes half a day

But in my view, aging men are even more susceptible to loneliness and require more care early on. I wouldn’t want to be a primary caregiver to my partner if they categorically didn’t want to marry me. Just have your adult kids then arrange for all logistics and cook that chicken broth and tuck your duvet under your toes

My dad is 85 and recently he had surgery and we didn't know. He didn't tell anyone. My parents have been divorced for 30 years and dad never remarried.

He found a service that provided medical escort. He ensured the pain and stress alone. And he had a serious surgery too where they removed a few sections of his colon. I was really upset when I found out. But he just wants to be alone.

Men are stubborn. The degree to which they are happy living in isolation and alone is crazy.

2 weeks later he is back to Hiking.

Most men are not like your dad. He's honest with himself about his needs and wants and lives alone. OP is trying to have the cake and eat it, too, by not marrying his GF. Hard pass long term for me

+1. PP's 85:years old dad I am just a loner and not giving false hopes to anyone. He is probably living a happy life. OP on the other hand is still confused and unhappy.

It should be common knowledge to most men that women have no interest in being forever girlfriends regardless of whether they have been married in the past or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Not that PP but calling an Uber or a friend is not hard. (and not a reason to be married...)"

There is no facility I know of in the DMV that allows you to have an Uber take you home after sedation. Not a single one. I asked for the PP to share that info because it would be fabulous if that does indeed exist around here. They ask you when you check in for the name of the person who brought you there and who will be the one they notify if there's a problem during the procedure. They ask for their cell number in case they can't find them in the waiting room when you're ready to be sent home. I'm guessing that people who think this is NBD aren't at an age when they do these with much frequency and don't have friends who are at that stage of life yet. I happen to be close to someone with a rare condition that requires a colonoscopy annually and our friend circle rotate driving him since he has no spouse, so I'm very famliar with how this works.

And no, you cannot just call a friend. Well, if you happen to know lots of retired people or others who don't have day jobs, you probably won't feel comfortable asking a friend to take off work and use their PTO to drive you there and home. It takes at least half a day of PTO. And I've never worked for an employer (in govt, private, and non-profit sectors) that let me use sick leave to care for someone who is not a family member. So, you'd be asking your friend to use their precious vacation time to help you out.

I'm not saying this is the reason to be remarry. But I think this is a great example of how society and real life are not set up for people who are single, especially as they age.

You are correct. I had to hire somone and pay for their time to take my mom to such small procedures. It takes half a day

But in my view, aging men are even more susceptible to loneliness and require more care early on. I wouldn’t want to be a primary caregiver to my partner if they categorically didn’t want to marry me. Just have your adult kids then arrange for all logistics and cook that chicken broth and tuck your duvet under your toes

My dad is 85 and recently he had surgery and we didn't know. He didn't tell anyone. My parents have been divorced for 30 years and dad never remarried.

He found a service that provided medical escort. He ensured the pain and stress alone. And he had a serious surgery too where they removed a few sections of his colon. I was really upset when I found out. But he just wants to be alone.

Men are stubborn. The degree to which they are happy living in isolation and alone is crazy.

2 weeks later he is back to Hiking.

Most men are not like your dad. He's honest with himself about his needs and wants and lives alone. OP is trying to have the cake and eat it, too, by not marrying his GF. Hard pass long term for me

+1. PP's 85:years old dad I am just a loner and not giving false hopes to anyone. He is probably living a happy life. OP on the other hand is still confused and unhappy.

It should be common knowledge to most men that women have no interest in being forever girlfriends regardless of whether they have been married in the past or not.

Women who have their own money and kids are fine with being an indefinite girlfriend. When he gets sick, his kids can figure out his end-of-life care, not us. Our money remains protected for our own kids. And living alone, after a lifetime of cleaning up after people, is peace. Sleepovers are always fun, but it's so nice to have your own space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Not that PP but calling an Uber or a friend is not hard. (and not a reason to be married...)"

There is no facility I know of in the DMV that allows you to have an Uber take you home after sedation. Not a single one. I asked for the PP to share that info because it would be fabulous if that does indeed exist around here. They ask you when you check in for the name of the person who brought you there and who will be the one they notify if there's a problem during the procedure. They ask for their cell number in case they can't find them in the waiting room when you're ready to be sent home. I'm guessing that people who think this is NBD aren't at an age when they do these with much frequency and don't have friends who are at that stage of life yet. I happen to be close to someone with a rare condition that requires a colonoscopy annually and our friend circle rotate driving him since he has no spouse, so I'm very famliar with how this works.

And no, you cannot just call a friend. Well, if you happen to know lots of retired people or others who don't have day jobs, you probably won't feel comfortable asking a friend to take off work and use their PTO to drive you there and home. It takes at least half a day of PTO. And I've never worked for an employer (in govt, private, and non-profit sectors) that let me use sick leave to care for someone who is not a family member. So, you'd be asking your friend to use their precious vacation time to help you out.

I'm not saying this is the reason to be remarry. But I think this is a great example of how society and real life are not set up for people who are single, especially as they age.

You are correct. I had to hire somone and pay for their time to take my mom to such small procedures. It takes half a day

But in my view, aging men are even more susceptible to loneliness and require more care early on. I wouldn’t want to be a primary caregiver to my partner if they categorically didn’t want to marry me. Just have your adult kids then arrange for all logistics and cook that chicken broth and tuck your duvet under your toes

My dad is 85 and recently he had surgery and we didn't know. He didn't tell anyone. My parents have been divorced for 30 years and dad never remarried.

He found a service that provided medical escort. He ensured the pain and stress alone. And he had a serious surgery too where they removed a few sections of his colon. I was really upset when I found out. But he just wants to be alone.

Men are stubborn. The degree to which they are happy living in isolation and alone is crazy.

2 weeks later he is back to Hiking.

Most men are not like your dad. He's honest with himself about his needs and wants and lives alone. OP is trying to have the cake and eat it, too, by not marrying his GF. Hard pass long term for me

+1. PP's 85:years old dad I am just a loner and not giving false hopes to anyone. He is probably living a happy life. OP on the other hand is still confused and unhappy.

It should be common knowledge to most men that women have no interest in being forever girlfriends regardless of whether they have been married in the past or not.

Women who have their own money and kids are fine with being an indefinite girlfriend. When he gets sick, his kids can figure out his end-of-life care, not us. Our money remains protected for our own kids. And living alone, after a lifetime of cleaning up after people, is peace. Sleepovers are always fun, but it's so nice to have your own space.

This is only good in theory, In reality, couples make life changing adjustments to be with each other long term. They decline jobs, decide on their place to live to be closer to partner, may share properties, sync retirements etc. This by far requires much higher investment of time, alternative costs, lost income, lost fun, sacrificing your time with friends and relatives for your partner etc. Forever GF rarely works, only maybe for celebrities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Not that PP but calling an Uber or a friend is not hard. (and not a reason to be married...)"

There is no facility I know of in the DMV that allows you to have an Uber take you home after sedation. Not a single one. I asked for the PP to share that info because it would be fabulous if that does indeed exist around here. They ask you when you check in for the name of the person who brought you there and who will be the one they notify if there's a problem during the procedure. They ask for their cell number in case they can't find them in the waiting room when you're ready to be sent home. I'm guessing that people who think this is NBD aren't at an age when they do these with much frequency and don't have friends who are at that stage of life yet. I happen to be close to someone with a rare condition that requires a colonoscopy annually and our friend circle rotate driving him since he has no spouse, so I'm very famliar with how this works.

And no, you cannot just call a friend. Well, if you happen to know lots of retired people or others who don't have day jobs, you probably won't feel comfortable asking a friend to take off work and use their PTO to drive you there and home. It takes at least half a day of PTO. And I've never worked for an employer (in govt, private, and non-profit sectors) that let me use sick leave to care for someone who is not a family member. So, you'd be asking your friend to use their precious vacation time to help you out.

I'm not saying this is the reason to be remarry. But I think this is a great example of how society and real life are not set up for people who are single, especially as they age.

You are correct. I had to hire somone and pay for their time to take my mom to such small procedures. It takes half a day

But in my view, aging men are even more susceptible to loneliness and require more care early on. I wouldn’t want to be a primary caregiver to my partner if they categorically didn’t want to marry me. Just have your adult kids then arrange for all logistics and cook that chicken broth and tuck your duvet under your toes

My dad is 85 and recently he had surgery and we didn't know. He didn't tell anyone. My parents have been divorced for 30 years and dad never remarried.

He found a service that provided medical escort. He ensured the pain and stress alone. And he had a serious surgery too where they removed a few sections of his colon. I was really upset when I found out. But he just wants to be alone.

Men are stubborn. The degree to which they are happy living in isolation and alone is crazy.

2 weeks later he is back to Hiking.

Most men are not like your dad. He's honest with himself about his needs and wants and lives alone. OP is trying to have the cake and eat it, too, by not marrying his GF. Hard pass long term for me

+1. PP's 85:years old dad I am just a loner and not giving false hopes to anyone. He is probably living a happy life. OP on the other hand is still confused and unhappy.

It should be common knowledge to most men that women have no interest in being forever girlfriends regardless of whether they have been married in the past or not.

Women who have their own money and kids are fine with being an indefinite girlfriend. When he gets sick, his kids can figure out his end-of-life care, not us. Our money remains protected for our own kids. And living alone, after a lifetime of cleaning up after people, is peace. Sleepovers are always fun, but it's so nice to have your own space.

This is only good in theory, In reality, couples make life changing adjustments to be with each other long term. They decline jobs, decide on their place to live to be closer to partner, may share properties, sync retirements etc. This by far requires much higher investment of time, alternative costs, lost income, lost fun, sacrificing your time with friends and relatives for your partner etc. Forever GF rarely works, only maybe for celebrities

Why would anyone do that for someone they met in their 50s or later? I'm not giving up a job, income, proximity to family, or the place I live for a new marriage in my 50s. That's just dumb, frankly. Protect your peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Not that PP but calling an Uber or a friend is not hard. (and not a reason to be married...)"

There is no facility I know of in the DMV that allows you to have an Uber take you home after sedation. Not a single one. I asked for the PP to share that info because it would be fabulous if that does indeed exist around here. They ask you when you check in for the name of the person who brought you there and who will be the one they notify if there's a problem during the procedure. They ask for their cell number in case they can't find them in the waiting room when you're ready to be sent home. I'm guessing that people who think this is NBD aren't at an age when they do these with much frequency and don't have friends who are at that stage of life yet. I happen to be close to someone with a rare condition that requires a colonoscopy annually and our friend circle rotate driving him since he has no spouse, so I'm very famliar with how this works.

And no, you cannot just call a friend. Well, if you happen to know lots of retired people or others who don't have day jobs, you probably won't feel comfortable asking a friend to take off work and use their PTO to drive you there and home. It takes at least half a day of PTO. And I've never worked for an employer (in govt, private, and non-profit sectors) that let me use sick leave to care for someone who is not a family member. So, you'd be asking your friend to use their precious vacation time to help you out.

I'm not saying this is the reason to be remarry. But I think this is a great example of how society and real life are not set up for people who are single, especially as they age.

You are correct. I had to hire somone and pay for their time to take my mom to such small procedures. It takes half a day

But in my view, aging men are even more susceptible to loneliness and require more care early on. I wouldn’t want to be a primary caregiver to my partner if they categorically didn’t want to marry me. Just have your adult kids then arrange for all logistics and cook that chicken broth and tuck your duvet under your toes

My dad is 85 and recently he had surgery and we didn't know. He didn't tell anyone. My parents have been divorced for 30 years and dad never remarried.

He found a service that provided medical escort. He ensured the pain and stress alone. And he had a serious surgery too where they removed a few sections of his colon. I was really upset when I found out. But he just wants to be alone.

Men are stubborn. The degree to which they are happy living in isolation and alone is crazy.

2 weeks later he is back to Hiking.

Most men are not like your dad. He's honest with himself about his needs and wants and lives alone. OP is trying to have the cake and eat it, too, by not marrying his GF. Hard pass long term for me

+1. PP's 85:years old dad I am just a loner and not giving false hopes to anyone. He is probably living a happy life. OP on the other hand is still confused and unhappy.

It should be common knowledge to most men that women have no interest in being forever girlfriends regardless of whether they have been married in the past or not.

Women who have their own money and kids are fine with being an indefinite girlfriend. When he gets sick, his kids can figure out his end-of-life care, not us. Our money remains protected for our own kids. And living alone, after a lifetime of cleaning up after people, is peace. Sleepovers are always fun, but it's so nice to have your own space.

This is only good in theory, In reality, couples make life changing adjustments to be with each other long term. They decline jobs, decide on their place to live to be closer to partner, may share properties, sync retirements etc. This by far requires much higher investment of time, alternative costs, lost income, lost fun, sacrificing your time with friends and relatives for your partner etc. Forever GF rarely works, only maybe for celebrities

Why would anyone do that for someone they met in their 50s or later? I'm not giving up a job, income, proximity to family, or the place I live for a new marriage in my 50s. That's just dumb, frankly. Protect your peace.

People relocate for love and do many other things all the time. Regardless of age. If YOU wouldn't do it doesn't mean it makes no sense for everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You fell for the oldest bait and switch in the book.

God forbid she changes her mind because she actually cares for him.

My guess is that you and guys like you are not a catch at all.

And then after that when she changes her mind again, he has the pleasure of giving her half of his stuff. And you'll be here again with the "a GiRl's aLlOwEd To ChAnGe HeR mInD" crap and telling him he knew what he signed up for. Yeah...no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s looking for a gesture of commitment beyond dating - whether it is legal marriage, moving in together, or buying a home together, or maybe even a non-legally binding commitment ceremony. Something that indicates that you won’t just walk out the door because the fight you both had one day was big. It doesn’t seem like you are ready to commit to her long term.

Gosh women can be so desperate and pathetic. I feel so sorry for OP’s girlfriend. If you don’t see being with me as a privilege, goodbye. 👋

A privilege? Are you that much of an empty shell of a person that you need to be pedestalized to such a degree to feel secure in a romantic relationship?

Goodbye, indeed!

I guess if you have never felt lucky or privileged to be with someone you wouldn’t understand 🤷‍♀️

You seem needy. Not a good look, boo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You fell for the oldest bait and switch in the book.

God forbid she changes her mind because she actually cares for him.

My guess is that you and guys like you are not a catch at all.

And then after that when she changes her mind again, he has the pleasure of giving her half of his stuff. And you'll be here again with the "a GiRl's aLlOwEd To ChAnGe HeR mInD" crap and telling him he knew what he signed up for. Yeah...no.

Half of which stuff ? Only marital assets are subject to dividing. If they have a prenup it could be no joint assets after a short marriage.
Uneducated primitive thinking responses like that always puzzle me