Girlfriend Says My Kids Are Mean

[Anonymous]

I stopped reading after 7 pages worth of strangers’ emotional labor. OP presented the situation without having tried anything. This is a repeat of a previous identical situation and this time he realizes that the woman and children won’t fix it without his intervention, but he can’t be bothered to try anything himself so he asks for direction from a village of strange women on the internet with emotional labor to spare. F that and f him.
Dude, try. You’re disrespecting your girlfriends, and neglecting your daughters by not intervening when the girls are unkind to the women. You’re not worth it to either, and I hope the mom is somewhere happier and has regained a life after your draining bs.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is asking too much. Kids could/should be civil/polite for a dinner or lunch (2 hours tops) but how do you expect kids to hold it together for overnight visits? Referencing the roommate analogy again... roommates fight and move out over situations like these. Its complicated.

Your kids don't like your current GF that's obvious. Your job is to find out why, not lecture them on manners. How do you tell them to hold their feelings back for a whole weekend. Maybe they would stop the eye rolling but spend all their time in their bedroom, which your GF would complain was rude. More than likely, they will just stop coming over and your relationship would start to fracture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is asking too much. Kids could/should be civil/polite for a dinner or lunch (2 hours tops) but how do you expect kids to hold it together for overnight visits? Referencing the roommate analogy again... roommates fight and move out over situations like these. Its complicated.

Your kids don't like your current GF that's obvious. Your job is to find out why, not lecture them on manners. How do you tell them to hold their feelings back for a whole weekend. Maybe they would stop the eye rolling but spend all their time in their bedroom, which your GF would complain was rude. More than likely, they will just stop coming over and your relationship would start to fracture.

It doesn't have to be her fault. A lot of girls just don't like their dads GF, and I don't think its due to the age, early 30s to mid 40s, isn't an age gap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:everyone, did you read that
1) he's been divorced for 8 years
2) he's been with the GF for 1.5 years

So she did not break up the marriage, nor is she the AP.

Yes, people are jumping to all sorts of conclusions that are not based on reality, just their distrust in men. (I am a woman, btw)

He also said he’s had 4 girlfriends in those 8 years. So basically always has a girlfriend, one he admitted was in her 20’s, this current one early 30’s. His kids don’t respect him or them and don’t want to be a happy family with his girlfriend of the day. They know it’s a revolving door.

[Anonymous]

Here's what I would say to them: You are NOT allowed to roll your eyes or make belittling comments about Sarah. You ARE entitled to have feelings about me dating her. So let's talk about those feelings. Is it just the idea of me dating that bothers you? Are you worried I'll put someone else above you? Are you upset about the time I spend with her because it means less time with you? Are you afraid she's going to try to act like your mom? Those are all legitimate feelings and we can discuss those. But what you can't do is be rude to her.

I think you need to get to the root of the problem here. Your kids come first, and your girlfriend can either appreciate that or not. She doesn't have to tolerate being treated badly, of course, and your kids aren't allowed to be rude to her. But they are allowed to dislike her, not want you to date her, etc. So listen to their actual feelings and then decide how to move forward. Right now you're all acting a bit like children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your girlfriend is not asking to be crowned queen of the castle. She’s just asking not to feel like the villain every time she walks in the room. That’s reasonable. Nobody signs up to feel unwelcome in the home of the person they love.

At the same time, teens will be teens so they may not even realize what they're doing (except I'm sure they do, at least on some level). So here's the move...

You don’t punish.
You don’t lecture.
You don’t make it a courtroom.
You just get real clear.

Something like:
“Hey, I get that this situation’s weird and you don’t have to love it. You don’t have to love her. But you do have to be respectful. That’s the price of entry in this house.”

Your daughters love you and they want you to be happy and they'll understand why this is important to you.

This basically tells the kids that dad's desire to get laid is more important than their feelings. These kids had to suffer through their parents getting a divorce, which they didn't ask for. They ought to be prioritized to the extend that dad can wait two years until they're both away at college to focus on his love life. He made them, he got divorced (I don't care whose "fault" it was), now he gets to put his kids first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't assume these girls "love their father and will understand." I know 2 adult women who are over the age of 50 who still can't be polite to their stepmoms of 20+ years.

Well, maybe their stepmoms are awful. I think if you get divorced and you don't put your children's needs ahead of your own after that, you suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't assume these girls "love their father and will understand." I know 2 adult women who are over the age of 50 who still can't be polite to their stepmoms of 20+ years.

They were poorly raised adults and still very immature.

Well, they're the victims of divorce. DCUM loves to pretend that the kids are JUST FINE after divorce but here are two examples where that isn't true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you inflicting a girlfriend on your children? Date once they have moved out of the house. They don't have to be nice to some random woman.

+1
Why can’t you focus on your children rather than your f*** buddy du jour? Getting your dick wet isn’t more important than launching successful adults.

You sound like a Bitter Betty!

You mean a parent who puts their child ahead of getting some p*ssy? I know which I'd rather be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't assume these girls "love their father and will understand." I know 2 adult women who are over the age of 50 who still can't be polite to their stepmoms of 20+ years.

They were poorly raised adults and still very immature.

Well, they're the victims of divorce. DCUM loves to pretend that the kids are JUST FINE after divorce but here are two examples where that isn't true.

Children who have parents that put them first after a divorce turn out fine.

Children who have parents that put chasing co-eds first are not going to.

This is a parenting issue, and it lays squarely on OPs shoulders to BE A PARENT to the children he brought into the world.

[Anonymous]

Let’s be honest here - he’s doing his early thirties GF a favor by letting her go. No one that age should hitch their wagon to a late forties man with two disrespectful daughters. Literally, the worst imaginable relationship for his GF, hopefully ex-GF. Set her free to find someone without kids, ideally also in his thirties.

[Anonymous]

What’s with all these young women willing to date a divorced daddy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s with all these young women willing to date a divorced daddy?

Bad assumptions and naivety. They think an already more established man will provide them with a softer life, when those of us who have lived long enough to see this playout know that nothing is farther from the truth. Old divorced men with kids are the worst possible partners. They will suck the life out of you and leave you bitter and resentful. Women are better off single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s with all these young women willing to date a divorced daddy?

Loser divorced dad fanfic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s with all these young women willing to date a divorced daddy?

Uh, do you not read the internet?

They want money and babies.