Women in the family judging wife for being SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife is a sahm because it makes the most sense for us financially and it's what she genuinely prefers. But sometimes women in our family make weird comments about it by saying things like "but don't you want to do something?". These women happen to be very progressive and feminist. Anyone else deal w/ this?

Raising a family is doing something and it's difficult. And you can be very progressive and feminist and understand that. It's not required of a parent, but it's a completely legitimate decision.

+1

Shut your family down and don't let it be discussed, beyond "we are happy and it is what works for us". I'm a highly educated (2 BS, 1 MS, 7 years work experience post education) who has been a SAHP for 25+ years. Don't regret a moment of it. Doesn't make me any less of a person. If anything, it takes a lot of strength to give up the salary and power of a great job to take care of your family. It allowed my spouse to do more with their career, without worries of childcare or the Homefront. In return we were over $10M NW by age 38, and UHNW by 48.

You were still mothering and babysitting your kids when they were 25? Were you one of these SAHM who was always SO overwhelmed even though your kids were in school all day?

No, I just never returned to the "paid workforce" once the kids went to college. Spouse retired during youngest kid's junior year of college. During the first 2 years, I managed a gutting/renovate of one home(took 9 months), the move and then sale of original home and purchase of new "2nd home", then managed the full gutting/renovation of that home. I have plenty to do, it doesn't revolve around "managing the kids", I just don't have to add stress to our family household by having a 9-5 paid job (of which 50% would go to taxes immediately) Instead, I got to travel when spouse travelled, so we attached vacations to their work trips. And as the spouse of a CEO, I also plan/host events at our homes every 2 weeks typically (before retirement). Don't outsource any of that, so a 10 person dinner event is a full 1-2 days of planning/prepping

I've never heard a longer explanation of make work in my life

[Anonymous]

You sound defensive and controlling OP. If you're not a troll, stop worrying about what other people think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women belong in the home, that’s what you should tell them. While their kids are at daycare or wherever, yours are at home with their mother. This is the real feminism.

I’m so glad society is shifting and now so many more women are proud to be SAHMs (just look at the posters on this thread). I think we will soon see enrollment rates for girls drop at college because what’s the point of an education when staying at home become normalized as a career path, it’s the hardest job in the world after all.

I disagree. College is very important if you want to SAH with your kids for part of your life.

This! Children benefit from having an educated mother, whether that mother is working for a paycheck or not. I have a masters degree and have been a SAH mother for most of my kids’ lives. I know they benefited greatly from my higher education and in no way was my education wasted.

How did they benefit? Provide specifics.

[Anonymous]

Yes, for my whole life as a parent.

People will think what they think. Your wife will need to find new friends and learn to choose her kids and you above all else.

If you can’t handle this, she should go back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women belong in the home, that’s what you should tell them. While their kids are at daycare or wherever, yours are at home with their mother. This is the real feminism.

I’m so glad society is shifting and now so many more women are proud to be SAHMs (just look at the posters on this thread). I think we will soon see enrollment rates for girls drop at college because what’s the point of an education when staying at home become normalized as a career path, it’s the hardest job in the world after all.

I disagree. College is very important if you want to SAH with your kids for part of your life.

This! Children benefit from having an educated mother, whether that mother is working for a paycheck or not. I have a masters degree and have been a SAH mother for most of my kids’ lives. I know they benefited greatly from my higher education and in no way was my education wasted.

How did they benefit? Provide specifics.

Who fed your kids lunch? Did your laundry? Cleaned your filthy toilet? Replaced your underwear? Taught your kids to use the toilet, read, manners, tie shoes, educated them when schools closed….shall I continue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fine as long as you don’t go asking the dual income earners for money bc you wanted the fantasy of being able to be a one income family with five kids in a house you couldn’t afford

OMG 100%. Constantly being asked for money by my sister's husband because he wanted to be the big time breadwinner and she wanted to just be taken care of. Nope, go to work

[Anonymous]

"I guess there are people who are in this position, but I don’t feel more vulnerable financially than someone working. I have education and could work if necessary. If my husband wanted a divorce, I would get half of everything. I have my own credit score and credit cards, etc. If my husband lost his job, either of us could work and we have savings because we built our lifestyle on one income. If he dies, we have life insurance. I just don’t spend time worrying about this. Life is full of unknowns and you deal with them."

I find this baffling. Isn't the reason for alimony that women who haven't worked for years CANNOT find jobs that would keep them at the same standard of living that they've been enjoying while married to a high earner?

And can you explain how a SAHP has their own credit score without an income to make payments on their separate credit card? That sounds fraudulent. If I were American Express, I wouldn't consider payments made on your behalf by a working spouse to be an indication that you have the means and discipline to earn a high credit score. That's like if I were to set up a credit card for my 10-year-old, but I made the payments on it using my salary without even involving the child. The child would have a great credit score that a potential creditor is supposed to be able to rely on, but their high score would misrepresent reality.

[Anonymous]

The rest of us subsidize SAHPs in lots of ways, so whether we support or don't support this lifestyle choice is a societal question with implications for any taxpayer.

I remember how during COVID, the fed govt gave out checks for a few thousand dollars to households. I was a divorced mom at the time. I earned almost exactly as much as my friend who has a SAHM wife and we have the same number of people living under our respective roofs. Because he was married, he qualified for the relief funds, and because I was single, I didn't, according to the govt income/family thresholds. And no, an adult SAHM does not cost more to support on a daily basis than a teen boy. Teen boys eat like horses, are involved in lots of expensive extracurricular activities, have very high auto insurance premiums, and outgrow their clothing every few months. They rarely have the ability to provide more tangible help around the house than an adult wife would, so a single parent has to spend $ to outsource things that the second parent could do. And unlike an adult wife, they aren't required by law to attend school for approx. 8 hours a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I guess there are people who are in this position, but I don’t feel more vulnerable financially than someone working. I have education and could work if necessary. If my husband wanted a divorce, I would get half of everything. I have my own credit score and credit cards, etc. If my husband lost his job, either of us could work and we have savings because we built our lifestyle on one income. If he dies, we have life insurance. I just don’t spend time worrying about this. Life is full of unknowns and you deal with them."

I find this baffling. Isn't the reason for alimony that women who haven't worked for years CANNOT find jobs that would keep them at the same standard of living that they've been enjoying while married to a high earner?

And can you explain how a SAHP has their own credit score without an income to make payments on their separate credit card? That sounds fraudulent. If I were American Express, I wouldn't consider payments made on your behalf by a working spouse to be an indication that you have the means and discipline to earn a high credit score. That's like if I were to set up a credit card for my 10-year-old, but I made the payments on it using my salary without even involving the child. The child would have a great credit score that a potential creditor is supposed to be able to rely on, but their high score would misrepresent reality.

Given the Trump Administration and Project 2025 this will be no longer true.

1. Credit cards LOL you will not longer be getting them.
2. Your own credit score LOL same
3. Ownership of property nope
4. They wrote it down you fools that voted for this shit "MEN HEAD OF HOUSEHOLDS", "breeding"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife is a sahm because it makes the most sense for us financially and it's what she genuinely prefers. But sometimes women in our family make weird comments about it by saying things like "but don't you want to do something?". These women happen to be very progressive and feminist. Anyone else deal w/ this?

Is it her family or yours? Of course, we have dealt with this. As a womab you are always judged by what you do and what you don't do. I'm assuming you are the husband? Does this bother your wife? If so, why didn't she ask the question?

Just because soneone is progressive does not mean they don't question your choices. People sense judgement when you don't do what they do.

Have your wife answer, 'for now, it works that I stay at home' who knows what the future holds

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We haven't dealt with that because all the women in our family are progressive feminists, and all of them, even the most outspoken, have spent some time in careers and some time at home with their kids for a variety of reasons; some a full 21 years. At least one family had a dad step out of the workforce for a while.

Planning your financial life to enable you to have the choice to stay at home with kids if you want to and believe it is best for you and your family, and advocating for social structures that support parents' choices of how to care for their children - earning and income or not -- are not inconsistent with feminism.

Some people do not have flexible minds or empathy, so for them it may take personal experience (say the birth of a special needs child) to fully grasp that part of feminism is not criticizing other womens' choices and advocating for families writ large.

I'm sorry. That must be miserable.

Pp you don't know that! You prove that point quite nicely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife is a sahm because it makes the most sense for us financially and it's what she genuinely prefers. But sometimes women in our family make weird comments about it by saying things like "but don't you want to do something?". These women happen to be very progressive and feminist. Anyone else deal w/ this?

Raising a family is doing something and it's difficult. And you can be very progressive and feminist and understand that. It's not required of a parent, but it's a completely legitimate decision.

+1

Shut your family down and don't let it be discussed, beyond "we are happy and it is what works for us". I'm a highly educated (2 BS, 1 MS, 7 years work experience post education) who has been a SAHP for 25+ years. Don't regret a moment of it. Doesn't make me any less of a person. If anything, it takes a lot of strength to give up the salary and power of a great job to take care of your family. It allowed my spouse to do more with their career, without worries of childcare or the Homefront. In return we were over $10M NW by age 38, and UHNW by 48.

You were still mothering and babysitting your kids when they were 25? Were you one of these SAHM who was always SO overwhelmed even though your kids were in school all day?

You have no idea and we don't have to justify anything to you. Just so tou know, people are dealing with health issues that might make things overwhelming. You don't seem very kind to make judgements on other people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The rest of us subsidize SAHPs in lots of ways, so whether we support or don't support this lifestyle choice is a societal question with implications for any taxpayer.

I remember how during COVID, the fed govt gave out checks for a few thousand dollars to households. I was a divorced mom at the time. I earned almost exactly as much as my friend who has a SAHM wife and we have the same number of people living under our respective roofs. Because he was married, he qualified for the relief funds, and because I was single, I didn't, according to the govt income/family thresholds. And no, an adult SAHM does not cost more to support on a daily basis than a teen boy. Teen boys eat like horses, are involved in lots of expensive extracurricular activities, have very high auto insurance premiums, and outgrow their clothing every few months. They rarely have the ability to provide more tangible help around the house than an adult wife would, so a single parent has to spend $ to outsource things that the second parent could do. And unlike an adult wife, they aren't required by law to attend school for approx. 8 hours a day.

We had to give the money back, so don’t worry. You didn’t subsidize me. That’s just a fever dream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I guess there are people who are in this position, but I don’t feel more vulnerable financially than someone working. I have education and could work if necessary. If my husband wanted a divorce, I would get half of everything. I have my own credit score and credit cards, etc. If my husband lost his job, either of us could work and we have savings because we built our lifestyle on one income. If he dies, we have life insurance. I just don’t spend time worrying about this. Life is full of unknowns and you deal with them."

I find this baffling. Isn't the reason for alimony that women who haven't worked for years CANNOT find jobs that would keep them at the same standard of living that they've been enjoying while married to a high earner?

And can you explain how a SAHP has their own credit score without an income to make payments on their separate credit card? That sounds fraudulent. If I were American Express, I wouldn't consider payments made on your behalf by a working spouse to be an indication that you have the means and discipline to earn a high credit score. That's like if I were to set up a credit card for my 10-year-old, but I made the payments on it using my salary without even involving the child. The child would have a great credit score that a potential creditor is supposed to be able to rely on, but their high score would misrepresent reality.

Given the Trump Administration and Project 2025 this will be no longer true.

1. Credit cards LOL you will not longer be getting them.
2. Your own credit score LOL same
3. Ownership of property nope
4. They wrote it down you fools that voted for this shit "MEN HEAD OF HOUSEHOLDS", "breeding"

Do you have any information to back up your claims? The federal government doesn't run credit cards and credit scores. Property ownership is determined at the County level when you record a deed. The federal tax code incentivizes 1-income families, but I don't understand your first two points. Perhaps you can share your sources.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fine as long as you don’t go asking the dual income earners for money bc you wanted the fantasy of being able to be a one income family with five kids in a house you couldn’t afford

OMG 100%. Constantly being asked for money by my sister's husband because he wanted to be the big time breadwinner and she wanted to just be taken care of. Nope, go to work

Or just live within your means