Women in the family judging wife for being SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I judged my brothers for this because they completely abdicated even the pretense of being active parents. And then would act all like they were hot sh*t career wise and talk down to the female siblings who didn’t have the luxury of a wife to do all the child rearing. I never said anything to my SILs - but one clearly enjoyed it, the other seemed to hate it.

Oh, it's lots of men, but it's plenty of women too.that will a say to a stay-at-home parent....."You don't work". Just be quiet.

[Anonymous]

do you make better money than your relatives? they're probably jealous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:do you make better money than your relatives? they're probably jealous

I don’t know that jealousy is the correct word, but a little envious? I find this to be the case with most of the people who would criticize my staying home. The thing is, they’d complain about work while simultaneously judging me for not working, but they could afford not to work themselves. It made no sense. I never understood the ego or whatever it was behind their judgement. As a woman who was a SAHM who now works again, I still don’t to this day.

[Anonymous]

We haven't dealt with that because all the women in our family are progressive feminists, and all of them, even the most outspoken, have spent some time in careers and some time at home with their kids for a variety of reasons; some a full 21 years. At least one family had a dad step out of the workforce for a while.

Planning your financial life to enable you to have the choice to stay at home with kids if you want to and believe it is best for you and your family, and advocating for social structures that support parents' choices of how to care for their children - earning and income or not -- are not inconsistent with feminism.

Some people do not have flexible minds or empathy, so for them it may take personal experience (say the birth of a special needs child) to fully grasp that part of feminism is not criticizing other womens' choices and advocating for families writ large.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I judged my brothers for this because they completely abdicated even the pretense of being active parents. And then would act all like they were hot sh*t career wise and talk down to the female siblings who didn’t have the luxury of a wife to do all the child rearing. I never said anything to my SILs - but one clearly enjoyed it, the other seemed to hate it.

Let's be clear: you are judging how your employed brothers parent and how they treat you. This is not about their spouses, or their spouses' choice to stay at home. What is it that you image you would say to the SILS? Plenty of men with SAH situations are very active parents in their children's lives and are not rude to women who work. You have a brother problem, not a SAH SIL problem.

[Anonymous]

My brother's wife refused to work and then he stated that he should get a larger inheritance because his family had less wealth than ours did. I suppose that would be my concern with that scenario. If this indeed works for your family, then you need to be content with whatever the consequences of your decision are. No backing out if for example you develop a medical condition and can no longer work. the consequences of your family's decision belong to you and not to your extended family should you require a bailout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother's wife refused to work and then he stated that he should get a larger inheritance because his family had less wealth than ours did. I suppose that would be my concern with that scenario. If this indeed works for your family, then you need to be content with whatever the consequences of your decision are. No backing out if for example you develop a medical condition and can no longer work. the consequences of your family's decision belong to you and not to your extended family should you require a bailout.

Again, this is another husband issue, not a SAHM issue. He was clearly complicit in his reality of her not working. He could have divorced her, or whatever. I have a feeling he’d be greedy, wife or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We haven't dealt with that because all the women in our family are progressive feminists, and all of them, even the most outspoken, have spent some time in careers and some time at home with their kids for a variety of reasons; some a full 21 years. At least one family had a dad step out of the workforce for a while.

Planning your financial life to enable you to have the choice to stay at home with kids if you want to and believe it is best for you and your family, and advocating for social structures that support parents' choices of how to care for their children - earning and income or not -- are not inconsistent with feminism.

Some people do not have flexible minds or empathy, so for them it may take personal experience (say the birth of a special needs child) to fully grasp that part of feminism is not criticizing other womens' choices and advocating for families writ large.

I'm sorry. That must be miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We haven't dealt with that because all the women in our family are progressive feminists, and all of them, even the most outspoken, have spent some time in careers and some time at home with their kids for a variety of reasons; some a full 21 years. At least one family had a dad step out of the workforce for a while.

Planning your financial life to enable you to have the choice to stay at home with kids if you want to and believe it is best for you and your family, and advocating for social structures that support parents' choices of how to care for their children - earning and income or not -- are not inconsistent with feminism.

Some people do not have flexible minds or empathy, so for them it may take personal experience (say the birth of a special needs child) to fully grasp that part of feminism is not criticizing other womens' choices and advocating for families writ large.

I think you’re 1000% correct. I was a SAHM and had one friend couple who judged me relentlessly, though subtly, for staying home. They had kids later in life and guess what? Yeah, she’s staying home. I wonder if they were nervous to tell us, or if this type of person is even capable of realizing the hypocrisy.

[Anonymous]

The women who criticize are probably projecting some jealousy. I'm a working mom with no time for myself - it's work, kids, and running a house. I used to think less of women who stayed home when I was young and didn't have kids yet, because my parents had a super traditional marriage, and my mom had no power or access to money. I no longer think that life with kids is chaos and whatever you can do to mitigate the chaos that is good for you, your marriage, and your kids is the right choice for you. And again, anyone criticizing is probably projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are allowed to think whatever they want. Saying, some things, will be rude and if it's -your- family, you call them out on being rude. Family don't get a pass on being rude. I don't think what they said is-quite rude enough to offend, exactly. Surely a SAH parent expects and can handle some degree of push back and curiosity

Of course others "deal with this." That question is most clueless of all.

As long as you are comfortable if I ask why you are happy allowing other people to raise your kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a feminist, and think that part of being one is accepting that women do what they want without being held back by men.

I grew up with a depressed SAHM. In elementary school my hair was always in a messy ponytail because that's all I could do, I made my own breakfast and lunch, I walked myself to school after locking the front door, and I came home to a note with a list of chores. I wish my mother had worked! If I'd come home to homemade cookies just ONCE I could have ridden that high for years.

And lots of us had the same deal with working moms...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a feminist, and think that part of being one is accepting that women do what they want without being held back by men.

I grew up with a depressed SAHM. In elementary school my hair was always in a messy ponytail because that's all I could do, I made my own breakfast and lunch, I walked myself to school after locking the front door, and I came home to a note with a list of chores. I wish my mother had worked! If I'd come home to homemade cookies just ONCE I could have ridden that high for years.

Your mother likely needed psychiatric treatment for issues she wasn’t getting help with, and working wouldn’t have helped.

[Anonymous]

Stop hanging our with Democrats OP, kin or not they’re trash you don’t want around your family.

[Anonymous]

True feminists support women's' rights to do anything they want- be a sahm or be a CEO.

You as the spouse should absolutely shut this down, especially if it's your family making comments. It's not okay.