Women in the family judging wife for being SAHM

[Anonymous]

My wife is a sahm because it makes the most sense for us financially and it's what she genuinely prefers. But sometimes women in our family make weird comments about it by saying things like "but don't you want to do something?". These women happen to be very progressive and feminist. Anyone else deal w/ this?

[Anonymous]

This thread will go well.

[Anonymous]

"This works for our family. Please pass the potatoes." Rinse and repeat, do not engage.

[Anonymous]

who are these "women in the family?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife is a sahm because it makes the most sense for us financially and it's what she genuinely prefers. But sometimes women in our family make weird comments about it by saying things like "but don't you want to do something?". These women happen to be very progressive and feminist. Anyone else deal w/ this?

Raising a family is doing something and it's difficult. And you can be very progressive and feminist and understand that. It's not required of a parent, but it's a completely legitimate decision.

[Anonymous]

I’m one of the only non-working spouses in my circle and luckily don’t get many comments about it. I’m sure some people think I’m a freeloading parasite, but they don’t say it to my face. The truth is, I don’t need to work. We live a small, contented life, and my chronic auto-immune disease can’t handle too much stress, so I’d rather not suffer just to satisfy some society ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife is a sahm because it makes the most sense for us financially and it's what she genuinely prefers. But sometimes women in our family make weird comments about it by saying things like "but don't you want to do something?". These women happen to be very progressive and feminist. Anyone else deal w/ this?

Tell them to mind their own business and let you two live your life as you want to. They are entitled to live their lives as they please. Everyone is going to face their own pros and cons, no one is going to live perfectly or forever. One short life can't be sacrificed to meet other people's expectations.

[Anonymous]

My circle is also very nonchalant about who is doing what or not. Everyone is more focused on their own lives and just meets others for a good time.

[Anonymous]

I have a close friend in this situation. Her own mother and MIL would say mean things. And she was an excellent, devoted mother! It was awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife is a sahm because it makes the most sense for us financially and it's what she genuinely prefers. But sometimes women in our family make weird comments about it by saying things like "but don't you want to do something?". These women happen to be very progressive and feminist. Anyone else deal w/ this?

Raising a family is doing something and it's difficult. And you can be very progressive and feminist and understand that. It's not required of a parent, but it's a completely legitimate decision.

+1

Shut your family down and don't let it be discussed, beyond "we are happy and it is what works for us". I'm a highly educated (2 BS, 1 MS, 7 years work experience post education) who has been a SAHP for 25+ years. Don't regret a moment of it. Doesn't make me any less of a person. If anything, it takes a lot of strength to give up the salary and power of a great job to take care of your family. It allowed my spouse to do more with their career, without worries of childcare or the Homefront. In return we were over $10M NW by age 38, and UHNW by 48.

[Anonymous]

They are allowed to think whatever they want. Saying, some things, will be rude and if it's -your- family, you call them out on being rude. Family don't get a pass on being rude. I don't think what they said is-quite rude enough to offend, exactly. Surely a SAH parent expects and can handle some degree of push back and curiosity

Of course others "deal with this." That question is most clueless of all.

[Anonymous]

I'm a feminist, and think that part of being one is accepting that women do what they want without being held back by men.

I grew up with a depressed SAHM. In elementary school my hair was always in a messy ponytail because that's all I could do, I made my own breakfast and lunch, I walked myself to school after locking the front door, and I came home to a note with a list of chores. I wish my mother had worked! If I'd come home to homemade cookies just ONCE I could have ridden that high for years.

[Anonymous]

I judged my brothers for this because they completely abdicated even the pretense of being active parents. And then would act all like they were hot sh*t career wise and talk down to the female siblings who didn’t have the luxury of a wife to do all the child rearing. I never said anything to my SILs - but one clearly enjoyed it, the other seemed to hate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife is a sahm because it makes the most sense for us financially and it's what she genuinely prefers. But sometimes women in our family make weird comments about it by saying things like "but don't you want to do something?". These women happen to be very progressive and feminist. Anyone else deal w/ this?

Raising a family is doing something and it's difficult. And you can be very progressive and feminist and understand that. It's not required of a parent, but it's a completely legitimate decision.

+1

Shut your family down and don't let it be discussed, beyond "we are happy and it is what works for us". I'm a highly educated (2 BS, 1 MS, 7 years work experience post education) who has been a SAHP for 25+ years. Don't regret a moment of it. Doesn't make me any less of a person. If anything, it takes a lot of strength to give up the salary and power of a great job to take care of your family. It allowed my spouse to do more with their career, without worries of childcare or the Homefront. In return we were over $10M NW by age 38, and UHNW by 48.

I know this is hard for you to grasp but not everyone judges wealth as the top priority in life. The fact that your DH worked some kind of bullsh*t rich dude job doesn’t make me think all your life choices are perfect. But yeah, this is the way rich people think.

[Anonymous]

I got so tired of hearing this that now I simply respond, “I do whatever I want”, when people would ask what I do all day.