Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you are already owed a weekend, I’d tell him he can’t go until you get yours. Fair is fair.

+1 OP the trip doesn't concern me as much as the equity.

Marriage isn’t about equality. No matter what anyone says. Responsibilities, chores, finances never work out 50/50. Everyone should give their best effort and give the other person the benefit of the doubt. All the time. I would want my DH to enjoy time with his friends since he has very few of them and I think it’s healthy for him. My DH would want the same for me. In your case, it’s not wrong for him to ask the question. And it’s not wrong for you to say no if you feel overwhelmed with two kids and need his support. And it’s not wrong for him to feel upset that you said no. Conflict is also a form of communication. He now knows where your boundaries are in terms of putting family first.

[Anonymous]

I’m cool with occasional weekend trips. When I think of guys trips to Vegas I think strip clubs, gambling, and nightlife, though. Going twice in 4 months does seem kind of excessive.

I never thought I’d say it but I guess I’m glad my husband’s big hobby is just golfing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, but a newborn baby and a toddler when you're not doing anything else is just not that hard. It just is not. I realty don't care if you wildly disagree, for most people, it is not a big deal.

How obtuse. I don’t think staying calm when you’re surrounded by screaming children is hard. My husband doesn’t think doing complicated things in excel is hard. Some people don’t think differential calculus or writing a thesis is hard. Just because something isn’t hard for you doesn’t mean its not hard for everybody. You can’t just disagree that something is hard for somebody else.

And for the vast majority of people, caring for a 3-year old and a newborn for a weekend when you’re alone is hard. For me it would be massively difficult because my 3-year old was inconsolably jealous when I had my second.

If it isn’t for you, that’s fine, but learn to accept the fact that everybody is different.

No.

I would say for the vast majority of people caring for an infant and 3 yo is NOT hard but who cares if it’s hard for OP. If she can’t care for her own child for 3 days alone she just needs to communicate that to her H and that’s the situation he is living with.

This. It’s only hard because we act like omg! Jealous toddlers! Not sleeping 8 hours straight! Mommy life amiright! But no. It’s not that hard.

Not everyone has your low standards or is a martyr like you. Must suck to have such a crappy partner but then you’re too dumb to even realize that.

Or maybe your spouse has low standards and is stuck with a crappy partner.

Yeah, I’m not that dumb. I just found studying for the bar, trial prep, trying to make partner, dealing with a dying parent, climbing hard climbs, etc., all much harder than I found kids. I think a lot of people whine way too much about it and are frankly really over the top about it. And don’t feel sorry for me. I have a cute, helpful, fun husband and I like my life. I encourage him to spend time with friends and I do the same. We had a blast on our respective parental leaves together and I spent a couple nights out. It was not hard for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just had baby #2 and DH and I are at home on parental leave with a 3.5 year old and a 4-week old. A couple of DH’s friends are going to Vegas for a weekend in a month and he wants to join them. I said no and that it seems pretty selfish and now he is acting cold. Seriously, what gives? Should he be able to go to Vegas and stick me with a newborn who is nursing around the clock and a 3 year old? I don’t understand why he would even ask. I doubt he’d want me to go for a weekend with friends and leave him with a new baby and a preschooler…
Has anyone else ran in to this? Am I the jerk for not letting him go blow a bunch of $$ in Vegas with his buddies while we are on leave?

He really doesn't need permission. He can do whatever he wants. It may not be convenient for you, and you don't have to like it, but that's life.
It's nice he gave you a heads up.

I am sure his coworkers would love to see vacation pics from his paternity leave. Not. Of course, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, so there’s that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just had baby #2 and DH and I are at home on parental leave with a 3.5 year old and a 4-week old. A couple of DH’s friends are going to Vegas for a weekend in a month and he wants to join them. I said no and that it seems pretty selfish and now he is acting cold. Seriously, what gives? Should he be able to go to Vegas and stick me with a newborn who is nursing around the clock and a 3 year old? I don’t understand why he would even ask. I doubt he’d want me to go for a weekend with friends and leave him with a new baby and a preschooler…
Has anyone else ran in to this? Am I the jerk for not letting him go blow a bunch of $$ in Vegas with his buddies while we are on leave?

He really doesn't need permission. He can do whatever he wants. It may not be convenient for you, and you don't have to like it, but that's life.
It's nice he gave you a heads up.

Oh, okay. Then OP should give her DH a heads up that she's going to spend her maternity leave taking a few classes at the local community college. It's what she wants and that's life. Her DH will just need to arrange his life so that he can be with their two children during her classes because she can do whatever she wants. It's nice she gave him a heads up instead of just assuming he'd be home to provide 100% of the childcare during that time, actually.

What? The infant and toddler need to plan for hemselves so mom and dad can do their own things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, but a newborn baby and a toddler when you're not doing anything else is just not that hard. It just is not. I realty don't care if you wildly disagree, for most people, it is not a big deal.

How obtuse. I don’t think staying calm when you’re surrounded by screaming children is hard. My husband doesn’t think doing complicated things in excel is hard. Some people don’t think differential calculus or writing a thesis is hard. Just because something isn’t hard for you doesn’t mean its not hard for everybody. You can’t just disagree that something is hard for somebody else.

And for the vast majority of people, caring for a 3-year old and a newborn for a weekend when you’re alone is hard. For me it would be massively difficult because my 3-year old was inconsolably jealous when I had my second.

If it isn’t for you, that’s fine, but learn to accept the fact that everybody is different.

No.

I would say for the vast majority of people caring for an infant and 3 yo is NOT hard but who cares if it’s hard for OP. If she can’t care for her own child for 3 days alone she just needs to communicate that to her H and that’s the situation he is living with.

This. It’s only hard because we act like omg! Jealous toddlers! Not sleeping 8 hours straight! Mommy life amiright! But no. It’s not that hard.

Wow. I think you guys aren’t expecting enough of life if you don’t think of being sleep deprived for months on end while also attending to the needs of a toddler isn’t hard. Do you know about the research on the impact of sleep deprivation on our ability to function, and on our emotional health? (And, less important because it’s only three days but still important, the research on helping older siblings who feel threatened by a newborn?) Raising kids, raising them well anyway, takes a lot of effort even when you’re not sleep deprived. Of course you can do it alone, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult. The motivational phrase is “we can do hard things” not “life isn’t hard, stop complaining.”

It’s definitely a “how you frame it” situation. Is it hard? You might say it’s hard? I might say it’s not hard? And we might be doing the exact same thing.

Some think cooking is hard but I fing because I love it. I might say shopping fir clothes is hard because I hate it.

But being home with a infant and 3 year old, which I did was not a time in my life I felt… wow this is hard.

Maybe the teen years were hard for me and a breeze for you.

It’s not that it was hard for everybody and “we do hard thing” it was hard for some and not for others.

You are irredeemably stupid, PP. Newsflash - kids and babies are all DIFFERENT!!! My first baby had colic that was the stuff of nightmares. It was really, really effing hard even with BOTH of us on deck with just ONE kid. There was nothing physically wrong with him but he did.not.stop.screaming unless he was being held - while being walked - outside. For six months.

It was a nightmare, quite frankly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Technically its only a weekend. Fly out late Friday night, come back early Sunday and be ready to parent 24/7 while you sleep Mon-Weds is how I would swing it.

But up to you.

This is how I would approach it OP. Successful marriages are all about negotiation. Is there something that you would like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, but a newborn baby and a toddler when you're not doing anything else is just not that hard. It just is not. I realty don't care if you wildly disagree, for most people, it is not a big deal.

How obtuse. I don’t think staying calm when you’re surrounded by screaming children is hard. My husband doesn’t think doing complicated things in excel is hard. Some people don’t think differential calculus or writing a thesis is hard. Just because something isn’t hard for you doesn’t mean its not hard for everybody. You can’t just disagree that something is hard for somebody else.

And for the vast majority of people, caring for a 3-year old and a newborn for a weekend when you’re alone is hard. For me it would be massively difficult because my 3-year old was inconsolably jealous when I had my second.

If it isn’t for you, that’s fine, but learn to accept the fact that everybody is different.

No.

I would say for the vast majority of people caring for an infant and 3 yo is NOT hard but who cares if it’s hard for OP. If she can’t care for her own child for 3 days alone she just needs to communicate that to her H and that’s the situation he is living with.

This. It’s only hard because we act like omg! Jealous toddlers! Not sleeping 8 hours straight! Mommy life amiright! But no. It’s not that hard.

Wow. I think you guys aren’t expecting enough of life if you don’t think of being sleep deprived for months on end while also attending to the needs of a toddler isn’t hard. Do you know about the research on the impact of sleep deprivation on our ability to function, and on our emotional health? (And, less important because it’s only three days but still important, the research on helping older siblings who feel threatened by a newborn?) Raising kids, raising them well anyway, takes a lot of effort even when you’re not sleep deprived. Of course you can do it alone, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult. The motivational phrase is “we can do hard things” not “life isn’t hard, stop complaining.”

It’s definitely a “how you frame it” situation. Is it hard? You might say it’s hard? I might say it’s not hard? And we might be doing the exact same thing.

Some think cooking is hard but I fing because I love it. I might say shopping fir clothes is hard because I hate it.

But being home with a infant and 3 year old, which I did was not a time in my life I felt… wow this is hard.

Maybe the teen years were hard for me and a breeze for you.

It’s not that it was hard for everybody and “we do hard thing” it was hard for some and not for others.

You are irredeemably stupid, PP. Newsflash - kids and babies are all DIFFERENT!!! My first baby had colic that was the stuff of nightmares. It was really, really effing hard even with BOTH of us on deck with just ONE kid. There was nothing physically wrong with him but he did.not.stop.screaming unless he was being held - while being walked - outside. For six months.

It was a nightmare, quite frankly.

Sorry meant this in response to bolded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, but a newborn baby and a toddler when you're not doing anything else is just not that hard. It just is not. I realty don't care if you wildly disagree, for most people, it is not a big deal.

How obtuse. I don’t think staying calm when you’re surrounded by screaming children is hard. My husband doesn’t think doing complicated things in excel is hard. Some people don’t think differential calculus or writing a thesis is hard. Just because something isn’t hard for you doesn’t mean its not hard for everybody. You can’t just disagree that something is hard for somebody else.

And for the vast majority of people, caring for a 3-year old and a newborn for a weekend when you’re alone is hard. For me it would be massively difficult because my 3-year old was inconsolably jealous when I had my second.

If it isn’t for you, that’s fine, but learn to accept the fact that everybody is different.

No.

I would say for the vast majority of people caring for an infant and 3 yo is NOT hard but who cares if it’s hard for OP. If she can’t care for her own child for 3 days alone she just needs to communicate that to her H and that’s the situation he is living with.

This. It’s only hard because we act like omg! Jealous toddlers! Not sleeping 8 hours straight! Mommy life amiright! But no. It’s not that hard.

Wow. I think you guys aren’t expecting enough of life if you don’t think of being sleep deprived for months on end while also attending to the needs of a toddler isn’t hard. Do you know about the research on the impact of sleep deprivation on our ability to function, and on our emotional health? (And, less important because it’s only three days but still important, the research on helping older siblings who feel threatened by a newborn?) Raising kids, raising them well anyway, takes a lot of effort even when you’re not sleep deprived. Of course you can do it alone, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult. The motivational phrase is “we can do hard things” not “life isn’t hard, stop complaining.”

It’s definitely a “how you frame it” situation. Is it hard? You might say it’s hard? I might say it’s not hard? And we might be doing the exact same thing.

Some think cooking is hard but I fing because I love it. I might say shopping fir clothes is hard because I hate it.

But being home with a infant and 3 year old, which I did was not a time in my life I felt… wow this is hard.

Maybe the teen years were hard for me and a breeze for you.

It’s not that it was hard for everybody and “we do hard thing” it was hard for some and not for others.

You are irredeemably stupid, PP. Newsflash - kids and babies are all DIFFERENT!!! My first baby had colic that was the stuff of nightmares. It was really, really effing hard even with BOTH of us on deck with just ONE kid. There was nothing physically wrong with him but he did.not.stop.screaming unless he was being held - while being walked - outside. For six months.

It was a nightmare, quite frankly.

Sorry meant this in response to bolded.

Yes, I’m sure you had the hardest baby ever. Never before in the history of the billions of babies.

[Anonymous]

White people problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, but a newborn baby and a toddler when you're not doing anything else is just not that hard. It just is not. I realty don't care if you wildly disagree, for most people, it is not a big deal.

How obtuse. I don’t think staying calm when you’re surrounded by screaming children is hard. My husband doesn’t think doing complicated things in excel is hard. Some people don’t think differential calculus or writing a thesis is hard. Just because something isn’t hard for you doesn’t mean its not hard for everybody. You can’t just disagree that something is hard for somebody else.

And for the vast majority of people, caring for a 3-year old and a newborn for a weekend when you’re alone is hard. For me it would be massively difficult because my 3-year old was inconsolably jealous when I had my second.

If it isn’t for you, that’s fine, but learn to accept the fact that everybody is different.

No.

I would say for the vast majority of people caring for an infant and 3 yo is NOT hard but who cares if it’s hard for OP. If she can’t care for her own child for 3 days alone she just needs to communicate that to her H and that’s the situation he is living with.

This. It’s only hard because we act like omg! Jealous toddlers! Not sleeping 8 hours straight! Mommy life amiright! But no. It’s not that hard.

Not everyone has your low standards or is a martyr like you. Must suck to have such a crappy partner but then you’re too dumb to even realize that.

Or maybe your spouse has low standards and is stuck with a crappy partner.

Yeah, I’m not that dumb. I just found studying for the bar, trial prep, trying to make partner, dealing with a dying parent, climbing hard climbs, etc., all much harder than I found kids. I think a lot of people whine way too much about it and are frankly really over the top about it. And don’t feel sorry for me. I have a cute, helpful, fun husband and I like my life. I encourage him to spend time with friends and I do the same. We had a blast on our respective parental leaves together and I spent a couple nights out. It was not hard for anyone.

If you’re doing all that with four kids, you don’t find the kids all that difficult because they’re completely outsourced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s home all day with newborns as well and wants to join a weekend trip with his buddies.

Despite the hype, mothering two kids and keeping them alive for 3 days isn’t climbing Everest.

So you’re saying paternity leave isn’t necessary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, but a newborn baby and a toddler when you're not doing anything else is just not that hard. It just is not. I realty don't care if you wildly disagree, for most people, it is not a big deal.

How obtuse. I don’t think staying calm when you’re surrounded by screaming children is hard. My husband doesn’t think doing complicated things in excel is hard. Some people don’t think differential calculus or writing a thesis is hard. Just because something isn’t hard for you doesn’t mean its not hard for everybody. You can’t just disagree that something is hard for somebody else.

And for the vast majority of people, caring for a 3-year old and a newborn for a weekend when you’re alone is hard. For me it would be massively difficult because my 3-year old was inconsolably jealous when I had my second.

If it isn’t for you, that’s fine, but learn to accept the fact that everybody is different.

No.

I would say for the vast majority of people caring for an infant and 3 yo is NOT hard but who cares if it’s hard for OP. If she can’t care for her own child for 3 days alone she just needs to communicate that to her H and that’s the situation he is living with.

This. It’s only hard because we act like omg! Jealous toddlers! Not sleeping 8 hours straight! Mommy life amiright! But no. It’s not that hard.

Not everyone has your low standards or is a martyr like you. Must suck to have such a crappy partner but then you’re too dumb to even realize that.

Or maybe your spouse has low standards and is stuck with a crappy partner.

Yeah, I’m not that dumb. I just found studying for the bar, trial prep, trying to make partner, dealing with a dying parent, climbing hard climbs, etc., all much harder than I found kids. I think a lot of people whine way too much about it and are frankly really over the top about it. And don’t feel sorry for me. I have a cute, helpful, fun husband and I like my life. I encourage him to spend time with friends and I do the same. We had a blast on our respective parental leaves together and I spent a couple nights out. It was not hard for anyone.

If you’re doing all that with four kids, you don’t find the kids all that difficult because they’re completely outsourced.

And this is why childless people object to paternity/maternity leave. Some people treat it like vacation. Those are the cases in which I oppose government subsidizing that kind of leave. Clearly people using it as vacation to go on Vegas drinking trips don’t need paternity leave.

[Anonymous]

A good man would never dream of asking this. There are so many "cool girls" on this thread who are just oh so fine with absolutely anything their DH wants, because they are desperate to keep a man. Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

If you can handle it, I would say yes as long as you get to go on a weekend trip too, even if it’s after weaning or whatever. Then have fun planning it and going on it!