Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would let him go and also tell him you will be going on a girls trip when you are done nursing.

I’m already owed this from his earlier trip when I was pregnant

[Anonymous]

You're not the jerk.

But I would think about if there were any circumstances where you would be okay with it. What if he hires a night nanny and arranges daytime childcare? What if when he gets back he takes the toddler for a couple of days and your mom/dad/sibling comes to help you with the baby?

If there are no circumstances where you'd be okay with it then you are right to stand up for yourself, but personally I would be okay with it if my mom was staying with me for company/emotional support, DH arranged for the cleaners to come while he was away and we budgeted for a weekend of takeout, and the older DC had daytime childcare (babysitter, daycare).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is your intimate life? Vegas is not just about gambling.

I just had a baby. But I’m not worried about this and his friends are also happily married

[Anonymous]

My DH had an out-of-town (across the country) wedding for a close family member when I was in the same life stage as you. Had a toddler + newborn. He was going to skip the wedding and I encouraged him to go, as long as we could set up a support system to help me out during those three days, which we did. He went and it was fine, but if he was just contemplating going to Vegas with buddies and it wasn't an important life event for a close family member, things may have been different.

If he had come to you with solutions on how to make his absence easier on you then I'd say, why not. But it sounds like he just expects you to shoulder the burden and now he is being a jerk when you told him it was too much for you. Sorry, OP. If this trip is really important to him then you could suggest that he line up help for you as a condition and see how he reacts to that? I would not take on a toddler and a newborn at the same time for a few days. Big praise to all the single moms out there, I don't know how you do it!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would let him go. At some point I preferred to have some alone time to manage the babies as I pleased.

Did you prefer that when you were 8 weeks into it with a newborn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him he can go if he takes the 3.5 year old.

+1 you can go on any trip you want as long as you take the 3 yr old! Have fun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not the jerk.

But I would think about if there were any circumstances where you would be okay with it. What if he hires a night nanny and arranges daytime childcare? What if when he gets back he takes the toddler for a couple of days and your mom/dad/sibling comes to help you with the baby?

If there are no circumstances where you'd be okay with it then you are right to stand up for yourself, but personally I would be okay with it if my mom was staying with me for company/emotional support, DH arranged for the cleaners to come while he was away and we budgeted for a weekend of takeout, and the older DC had daytime childcare (babysitter, daycare).

My mom just left after staying with us for 3 weeks and my skin was crawling wanting her to leave. Inviting grandparents to come stay is not an option

[Anonymous]

I think he should be able to get some me time on his paternity leave but a weekend across the country sounds awful. He shouldn’t have asked for that, especially if he didn’t offer to arrange help with the kids. But he taking just might not know a) how difficult it would be to take care of the kids in this situation and b) that not considering the burden it places on you is indeed selfish. So I would do my best to be understanding. Easier said than done though, especially when you’re taking care of a newborn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would let him go. At some point I preferred to have some alone time to manage the babies as I pleased.

Did you prefer that when you were 8 weeks into it with a newborn?

DP. Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he should be able to get some me time on his paternity leave but a weekend across the country sounds awful. He shouldn’t have asked for that, especially if he didn’t offer to arrange help with the kids. But he taking just might not know a) how difficult it would be to take care of the kids in this situation and b) that not considering the burden it places on you is indeed selfish. So I would do my best to be understanding. Easier said than done though, especially when you’re taking care of a newborn.

Also could he just do a game night with his friends? Ask his friends to reschedule? Or to schedule another one when the kid is older? It does seem inconsiderate of his friends to schedule it when one of the group is on paternity leave but maybe they aren’t that close.

[Anonymous]

I don't think paternity leave has anything to do with it, since he's traveling over a weekend.

I would probably agree to a Friday-Sunday afternoon trip, but:

1) He does the legwork to find a sitter to come on Saturday and Sunday afternoons, to give you a break/time to nap, etc.

2) There is no break for him to recover when he gets back. He lands, comes home with takeout for dinner, and you immediately go back to whatever your normal division of labor is. Any unforeseen circumstance (the three year old wakes up at 3 am, someone barfs, etc), is his responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Men are stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he should be able to get some me time on his paternity leave but a weekend across the country sounds awful. He shouldn’t have asked for that, especially if he didn’t offer to arrange help with the kids. But he taking just might not know a) how difficult it would be to take care of the kids in this situation and b) that not considering the burden it places on you is indeed selfish. So I would do my best to be understanding. Easier said than done though, especially when you’re taking care of a newborn.

I can’t believe he wouldn’t know the strain this would place. IMHO, it would’ve been a crappy ask with “just” an 8 week old newborn. Given that this is their second kid, it’s inconceivable be doesn’t know the amount of work it is to look after a newborn.

Also, the posts stating that OP should tell DH to take the 3 year old are insane right now. There’s evidence out of Australia that unvaccinated people can contract the Delta variant within 5-10 seconds. You want OP to consent to putting her unvaxxed child on a 4 hour flight plus airport time PLUS VEGAS? Wth. No. I’m clearly more risk averse, but covid alone plus an unvaxxed kid would be enough to make me lose it at DH for this question.

[Anonymous]

I’d let him go. I don’t mind being with a 3 year old and new born for 3 days.

I don’t really get the big deal.

In a few weeks go to a dos with friend for 2 days.

It’s good to get away from it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he should be able to get some me time on his paternity leave but a weekend across the country sounds awful. He shouldn’t have asked for that, especially if he didn’t offer to arrange help with the kids. But he taking just might not know a) how difficult it would be to take care of the kids in this situation and b) that not considering the burden it places on you is indeed selfish. So I would do my best to be understanding. Easier said than done though, especially when you’re taking care of a newborn.

I can’t believe he wouldn’t know the strain this would place. IMHO, it would’ve been a crappy ask with “just” an 8 week old newborn. Given that this is their second kid, it’s inconceivable be doesn’t know the amount of work it is to look after a newborn.

Also, the posts stating that OP should tell DH to take the 3 year old are insane right now. There’s evidence out of Australia that unvaccinated people can contract the Delta variant within 5-10 seconds. You want OP to consent to putting her unvaxxed child on a 4 hour flight plus airport time PLUS VEGAS? Wth. No. I’m clearly more risk averse, but covid alone plus an unvaxxed kid would be enough to make me lose it at DH for this question.

You don’t seriously think he would take the three year old, do you? He wants to gamble, drink, and maybe go to the strip club. It’s just a way to shit him down.