No kids weddings rant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - who is dragging kids to the wedding. As stated, we are complying. It is just really inconvenient.

And, here it is. It isn't about " no ring bearer or flower girls, no cute kids on the dance floor. Weddings are supposed to be about family coming together." Not at all. It's OP being hacked off at the inconvenience. She doesn't GAF about the family aspect, but is annoyed that the couple isn't making it as convenient as possible for her to attend.

Go away. And STFU as you go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The irony is that the no kids wedding couple will eventually become parents bitching about no kids weddings.

We had kids at our evening wedding in a high end city hotel. It was a bit of a destination wedding in that most people stayed overnight at the hotel in the city. Big time party with kids dancing until nearly midnight. It was 20 years ago, and people still talk about it.

But here’s the crux... the fact that it was a big destination wedding requiring travel and overnight stays inconvenienced some of your guests. I trust some came, and some didn’t for that reason. Simply, some people wouldn’t have been able to accommodate the logistics or finances. That’s life.

A no kids wedding is the same. Some people with children will make arrangements to attend, some won’t. The ones that do attend will still talk about it. The ones who didn’t will still gossip about it.

Either way, the show really will go on, and it’s nothing to be cranky about.

This is far too healthy an attitude for DCUM. Did you take a wrong turn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the kid-free weddings I have been to have ended in divorce. I think it is because people who are so uptight and lack a family focused don’t do well long term.

We had a kid-free wedding except for my four first cousins, one of whom was the flower girl. We’ve been married for 21 years.

So you did have kids at the wedding. Maybe you haven’t been to a wedding in a while, but the recent trend is NO kids.

I don’t think anyone really believes that their friends from college should be bringing their kids. Get a babysitter or don’t come. Whatever. The issue is close relatives of the bride and groom, first cousins, nieces and nephews, etc. There are no longer flower girls or ring bearers, etc. And it is really inconvenient. Because when you are this close to the couple being married, 1) you have to go, 2) the people who would normally watch you kid will be there, and 3) you are expected to attend all of the pre-wedding rehearsals and things, so it’s a three day event, not an evening out.

Honestly, I think the OP is lucky that she had a set of grandparents willing to look after them. I had to cobble together three or four different people to cover during my sister’s wedding.

This! My cousin was getting married and was fine with having kids at the wedding but his fiancé did not. He called and apologized profusely. She didn’t even want kids at the hotel! My mom was dying of cancer and it was the last time we would all likely be together as an extended family. my sister had just moved and live far away from her husbands family and there was no one to watch her kids, My son has special needs. We took our kids for the weekend (I brought our special needs nanny and got a plane ticket and hotel room for her). Sister found a local sitter for her kids. I thought fiancé was rude to request we not even bring our kids for the weekend. It was really tough for my sister and I to honor that request and rude of her to to ask that. Kids were no where near any formal wedding event. I kinda never forgave her especially since she knew our situation.

On one hand, you're ridiculous for expecting your cousin to host a family reunion. Regardless of your circumstances, the weekend isn't about you.

On the other hand, trying to dictate that no kids stay at the hotel is equally ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love kids at weddings. Had tons of kids at ours, love seeing them at others. (Actually, I hate weddings, so kids are the best part ...)

My cousin is getting married this summer in our hometown but he scheduled the wedding for late enough that my 2 and 5 year olds can't go. Well, the 5 year old might make it, but no way on the 2 year old. It's his prerogative and he can do what he wants, and he did not expressly say no kids, but I am not the only one a tad miffed. Literally everyone else in the family has kids 6 and under, including his own sister. He is the youngest cousin and the last to be married. We will probably wind up leaving the kids with my inlaws several hours away, but it's a shame because if we brought them they could see their cousins and my grandparents, who are 92 and don't get out much. But if we bring them we have to find sitters for multiple days for all the non-kid-friendly wedding events (late rehearsal dinner, wedding, brunch at non-kid-friendly restaurant, etc).

Obviously this is my own problem and I wouldn't say anything. Still, I am not the only one who wishes someone had told him to take this into consideration. It's why we scheduled our own wedding for 4 pm, because when I got married 10 years ago it was my cousins on the other side with young kids and we wanted to be sensitive to that. For us, weddings, bar mitzvahs, etc are all about family. Well, except for this one cousin!

Wait - so now not only do you think people need to invite kids, but they need to hold the entire event at a kid-friendly time?

Do you also require showings of Dora at the reception? A menu consisting of chicken fingers and grilled cheese?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the kid-free weddings I have been to have ended in divorce. I think it is because people who are so uptight and lack a family focused don’t do well long term.

We had a kid-free wedding except for my four first cousins, one of whom was the flower girl. We’ve been married for 21 years.

So you did have kids at the wedding. Maybe you haven’t been to a wedding in a while, but the recent trend is NO kids.

I don’t think anyone really believes that their friends from college should be bringing their kids. Get a babysitter or don’t come. Whatever. The issue is close relatives of the bride and groom, first cousins, nieces and nephews, etc. There are no longer flower girls or ring bearers, etc. And it is really inconvenient. Because when you are this close to the couple being married, 1) you have to go, 2) the people who would normally watch you kid will be there, and 3) you are expected to attend all of the pre-wedding rehearsals and things, so it’s a three day event, not an evening out.

Honestly, I think the OP is lucky that she had a set of grandparents willing to look after them. I had to cobble together three or four different people to cover during my sister’s wedding.

This! My cousin was getting married and was fine with having kids at the wedding but his fiancé did not. He called and apologized profusely. She didn’t even want kids at the hotel! My mom was dying of cancer and it was the last time we would all likely be together as an extended family. my sister had just moved and live far away from her husbands family and there was no one to watch her kids, My son has special needs. We took our kids for the weekend (I brought our special needs nanny and got a plane ticket and hotel room for her). Sister found a local sitter for her kids. I thought fiancé was rude to request we not even bring our kids for the weekend. It was really tough for my sister and I to honor that request and rude of her to to ask that. Kids were no where near any formal wedding event. I kinda never forgave her especially since she knew our situation.

On one hand, you're ridiculous for expecting your cousin to host a family reunion. Regardless of your circumstances, the weekend isn't about you.

On the other hand, trying to dictate that no kids stay at the hotel is equally ridiculous.

+1

Unreal that PP tried to make this a about herself and her personal family circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love kids at weddings. Had tons of kids at ours, love seeing them at others. (Actually, I hate weddings, so kids are the best part ...)

My cousin is getting married this summer in our hometown but he scheduled the wedding for late enough that my 2 and 5 year olds can't go. Well, the 5 year old might make it, but no way on the 2 year old. It's his prerogative and he can do what he wants, and he did not expressly say no kids, but I am not the only one a tad miffed. Literally everyone else in the family has kids 6 and under, including his own sister. He is the youngest cousin and the last to be married. We will probably wind up leaving the kids with my inlaws several hours away, but it's a shame because if we brought them they could see their cousins and my grandparents, who are 92 and don't get out much. But if we bring them we have to find sitters for multiple days for all the non-kid-friendly wedding events (late rehearsal dinner, wedding, brunch at non-kid-friendly restaurant, etc).

Obviously this is my own problem and I wouldn't say anything. Still, I am not the only one who wishes someone had told him to take this into consideration. It's why we scheduled our own wedding for 4 pm, because when I got married 10 years ago it was my cousins on the other side with young kids and we wanted to be sensitive to that. For us, weddings, bar mitzvahs, etc are all about family. Well, except for this one cousin!

Not everyone wants a lame brunch wedding or a boring early evening wedding.

And they can have whatever they want. I quite enjoyed my boring early evening wedding in which no one got shitfaced and there was a fantastic klezmer band, lots of dancing kids, and the joyful union of two families. It's been 10 years and my parents still happily host my inlaws and my sister's inlaws for all holidays. And their dogs, too.

Just saying, against our family background, my cousin is the one being a bit of a douche. (Same cousin who was literally the only family member -- out of 60 people -- not to attend my grandfather's 90th birthday weekend. DH and I drove 2 days with a 3 year old and a 4 month old. Cousin's sister and her fiance flew in from CA. Cousin couldn't make it because he decided to attend a bachelor party instead. He's a nice guy but at 32 he still acts like college kid.)

I'd say it's the rest of you who are acting a bit douchey. And that's based entirely on your posts, which no doubt paint you in the best possible light.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love kids at weddings. Had tons of kids at ours, love seeing them at others. (Actually, I hate weddings, so kids are the best part ...)

My cousin is getting married this summer in our hometown but he scheduled the wedding for late enough that my 2 and 5 year olds can't go. Well, the 5 year old might make it, but no way on the 2 year old. It's his prerogative and he can do what he wants, and he did not expressly say no kids, but I am not the only one a tad miffed. Literally everyone else in the family has kids 6 and under, including his own sister. He is the youngest cousin and the last to be married. We will probably wind up leaving the kids with my inlaws several hours away, but it's a shame because if we brought them they could see their cousins and my grandparents, who are 92 and don't get out much. But if we bring them we have to find sitters for multiple days for all the non-kid-friendly wedding events (late rehearsal dinner, wedding, brunch at non-kid-friendly restaurant, etc).

Obviously this is my own problem and I wouldn't say anything. Still, I am not the only one who wishes someone had told him to take this into consideration. It's why we scheduled our own wedding for 4 pm, because when I got married 10 years ago it was my cousins on the other side with young kids and we wanted to be sensitive to that. For us, weddings, bar mitzvahs, etc are all about family. Well, except for this one cousin!

Wait - so now not only do you think people need to invite kids, but they need to hold the entire event at a kid-friendly time?

Do you also require showings of Dora at the reception? A menu consisting of chicken fingers and grilled cheese?

Agreed.

I was going to make a comment on the entitlement of some of these posters, but this is DCUM after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love kids at weddings. Had tons of kids at ours, love seeing them at others. (Actually, I hate weddings, so kids are the best part ...)

My cousin is getting married this summer in our hometown but he scheduled the wedding for late enough that my 2 and 5 year olds can't go. Well, the 5 year old might make it, but no way on the 2 year old. It's his prerogative and he can do what he wants, and he did not expressly say no kids, but I am not the only one a tad miffed. Literally everyone else in the family has kids 6 and under, including his own sister. He is the youngest cousin and the last to be married. We will probably wind up leaving the kids with my inlaws several hours away, but it's a shame because if we brought them they could see their cousins and my grandparents, who are 92 and don't get out much. But if we bring them we have to find sitters for multiple days for all the non-kid-friendly wedding events (late rehearsal dinner, wedding, brunch at non-kid-friendly restaurant, etc).

Obviously this is my own problem and I wouldn't say anything. Still, I am not the only one who wishes someone had told him to take this into consideration. It's why we scheduled our own wedding for 4 pm, because when I got married 10 years ago it was my cousins on the other side with young kids and we wanted to be sensitive to that. For us, weddings, bar mitzvahs, etc are all about family. Well, except for this one cousin!

Wait - so now not only do you think people need to invite kids, but they need to hold the entire event at a kid-friendly time?

Do you also require showings of Dora at the reception? A menu consisting of chicken fingers and grilled cheese?

Agreed.

I was going to make a comment on the entitlement of some of these posters, but this is DCUM after all.

+1

Your wedding, your rules. Show up and have fun, or don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the kid-free weddings I have been to have ended in divorce. I think it is because people who are so uptight and lack a family focused don’t do well long term.

We had a kid-free wedding except for my four first cousins, one of whom was the flower girl. We’ve been married for 21 years.

So you did have kids at the wedding. Maybe you haven’t been to a wedding in a while, but the recent trend is NO kids.

I don’t think anyone really believes that their friends from college should be bringing their kids. Get a babysitter or don’t come. Whatever. The issue is close relatives of the bride and groom, first cousins, nieces and nephews, etc. There are no longer flower girls or ring bearers, etc. And it is really inconvenient. Because when you are this close to the couple being married, 1) you have to go, 2) the people who would normally watch you kid will be there, and 3) you are expected to attend all of the pre-wedding rehearsals and things, so it’s a three day event, not an evening out.

Honestly, I think the OP is lucky that she had a set of grandparents willing to look after them. I had to cobble together three or four different people to cover during my sister’s wedding.

This! My cousin was getting married and was fine with having kids at the wedding but his fiancé did not. He called and apologized profusely. She didn’t even want kids at the hotel! My mom was dying of cancer and it was the last time we would all likely be together as an extended family. my sister had just moved and live far away from her husbands family and there was no one to watch her kids, My son has special needs. We took our kids for the weekend (I brought our special needs nanny and got a plane ticket and hotel room for her). Sister found a local sitter for her kids. I thought fiancé was rude to request we not even bring our kids for the weekend. It was really tough for my sister and I to honor that request and rude of her to to ask that. Kids were no where near any formal wedding event. I kinda never forgave her especially since she knew our situation.

On one hand, you're ridiculous for expecting your cousin to host a family reunion. Regardless of your circumstances, the weekend isn't about you.

On the other hand, trying to dictate that no kids stay at the hotel is equally ridiculous.

+1

Unreal that PP tried to make this a about herself and her personal family circumstances.

x10000

I don't understand the guests that try to bend the bride and groom to their wishes. If you want a family reunion so much, plan one yourself. It is not your day, it is the bride and groom's day. Period. Maybe there are exigent circumstances that you don't know about, that the bride and groom are planning around. Maybe one of her close relatives is literally at death's door, and you were not told anything about it (for good reason - because you would probably make that about you, too). This happened to a friend of mine, and how the ILs reacted was very, very telling - not in a good way. Back off.

[Anonymous]

If we had invited the children of my first cousins it would have added ~20 people and either bumped 20 of our friends or cost thousands of extra dollars (in our case the friends would be bumped because we were at capacity). The wedding was a party, not a family reunion, and we weren’t offended by anyone who chose not to attend, especially from out of town. Send a nice note and say congratulations at Christmas. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL got married last year and had a no kids wedding. She lives out of state. I had a 4 month old and an almost 2 year old at the time. My husband went and I stayed home with the kids. I was not resentful because I like my SIL and understand that her wedding is not about me and my children, it's about her and her new husband. In fact, I was sad to miss it but happy for her! And... my SIL understood why I could not make it, and sent me pics of her getting ready and looking beautiful in her dress! Shocking, right?

Am I the only one who actually enjoys attending these kinds of events without kids? It's not really enjoyable to me when I have to chase my toddlers all over the place instead of having a few drinks and dancing the night away. We have a no-kids wedding coming up this summer, the kids will stay with my parents and we will enjoy a long weekend away as a couple.

Yes omg I have been wondering wtf is wrong with people on this thread...the idea of dragging my toddler to a wedding and having to watch him because god knows no one else really will even though I’m sure relatives would insist theyre watching, is terrible. We were at one wedding recently with a 3 year old and a 1 year old and even though they were well behaved, the parents had to sit with them the whole time or take turns talking to people. How is that in any way fun?? To be fair, most of the weddings we’ve been to were before we had kids, but they were a party atmosphere / college or grad school reunion and no place for kids. I look back fondly at my late 20s as a time of trudging thru random airports on Sunday mornings hungover.

We did invite kids out of obligation but at the time no one had small kids or weren’t going to travel as our family is geographically spread out so the youngest at ours were in big school which wouldn’t have been an issue to me anyway

[Anonymous]

WHO wants to bring their kids to a wedding? Dear lord that is not fun. My toddler is the ring bearer in my SIL's wedding this summer and I somehow convinced my parents to come to the event and then schlep him off as soon as his part is done. No thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love kids at weddings. Had tons of kids at ours, love seeing them at others. (Actually, I hate weddings, so kids are the best part ...)

My cousin is getting married this summer in our hometown but he scheduled the wedding for late enough that my 2 and 5 year olds can't go. Well, the 5 year old might make it, but no way on the 2 year old. It's his prerogative and he can do what he wants, and he did not expressly say no kids, but I am not the only one a tad miffed. Literally everyone else in the family has kids 6 and under, including his own sister. He is the youngest cousin and the last to be married. We will probably wind up leaving the kids with my inlaws several hours away, but it's a shame because if we brought them they could see their cousins and my grandparents, who are 92 and don't get out much. But if we bring them we have to find sitters for multiple days for all the non-kid-friendly wedding events (late rehearsal dinner, wedding, brunch at non-kid-friendly restaurant, etc).

Obviously this is my own problem and I wouldn't say anything. Still, I am not the only one who wishes someone had told him to take this into consideration. It's why we scheduled our own wedding for 4 pm, because when I got married 10 years ago it was my cousins on the other side with young kids and we wanted to be sensitive to that. For us, weddings, bar mitzvahs, etc are all about family. Well, except for this one cousin!

The entitlement is so strong.

[Anonymous]

This thread is a huge reminder that so many people on this forum believe the world revolves around their decision to have children.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s pretty rude the sibling didn’t have her nieces/nephews in the wedding.

We had a “kid free” wedding but all of my nieces and nephews were part of it. There’s no way they wouldn’t have been invited.