Is there anything better than marrying a rich guy you met in college?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It's weird how people assume the niece isn't happy. You can fall in love with pleasant wealthy boys... they're not all like Trump's kids, especially the rich boys from flyover states.

Nobody is assuming she isn't happy. OP framed it as ENTIRELY about material advantages and "being at the top of the economic foodchain" and driving a brand-new SUV. If she's happy, great. Many different ways to be happy. The offensive thing is OP's suggestion that the pinnacle of female happiness is to go to yoga and drive an SUV and rub your wealth in other people's faces.

Being wealthy, a good mother and sending your kids to the best schools money can buy is in fact the pinnacle of female happiness.

No, actually it is not.

Actually it is. Watch how smug a woman gets after she lands a rich dude.

Watch how smug a woman gets when she gets her tenure notification.
Watch how smug a woman gets when she closes on her first house with a downpayment she saved herself.
Watch how smug a woman gets when she graduates from med school.
Watch how smug a woman gets when her clinical trial is successful ...

I would say that the PP above you is correct (how smug a woman gets after she lands a rich dude). Meanwhile the women you're describing that have actually accomplished something in life [i]usually[i] have better character than to act smug when they reach their goals.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Posts like OP's are so immature and seem so devoid of wisdom I wonder if the person writing them is actually an adult. Is this all some of you do all day, compare your life to that of your rich acquaintances? Is that really what life has taught you? Can't you at least learn to control your thoughts?

And further, these posts are always about money and talking about this mid-point of someone's life, not the result. No one on DCUM is jealous of their friend who was a doctor for 30 years and made a breakthrough in a disease, or their friend who raised 2 great kids who became awesome adults. You know why? Because by the time people reach that age, I'm thinking they are mature enough not to care about this shit anymore.

Also, this is America. If you want a luxury SUV, go ahead and lease one. It really won't make your life one iota better but at least you'll get it out of your system.

Bitter yentas cling to the niece's choice of any new luxury SUV (so tacky!!! ) while ignoring the custom mansion, vacation homes, liquid assets, best private schools, being top of the economic food chain wherever they're at, never having to worry about retirement, on and on. Before age 30. A communications major who never crammed for a tough exam. Who can do yoga and pilates all day while we sit in offices all day getting fat asses. All because she had the sense in college to reel in a rich boy from flyover country.

I agree. I don’t think it’s shallow or silly to be jealous of her.

I for one am not jealous because of the ugly expensive car or mansion.

I’m jealous of her early smarts and realizing the importance of finding a guy who can provide.

I’m jealous that she’ll never have to worry about money.

I’m jealous that she will have comfort and security her whole life.

Her children will have access to the best of the best.

She will not have to work her butt off and be upset trying to please bosses.

She can focus on herself and her family.

Again, are you an actual adult? If the one and only objective in your life is to have the "best," in material goods and status and working little, then yes, marrying rich is a brilliant move.

But maybe there are plenty of happy, secure people who don't actually desire this.

I think there is a fallacy on this board that money = security for the rest of your life. That's not true. Money gives you the illusion of security, which for many people, is enough. But money cannot protect you from everything, including depression or unhappiness. Nor will money secure your children for the rest of their lives. Even with huge sums of money you can still lose that money, get sick, die, get divorced, raise screwed up kids, raise kids who lose all that money you wanted so much. It happens and it has happened to people who are smarter and nicer and more attractive than you or me. You might say "oh, but money makes all of those worst-case scenarios less likely," or "I'd rather have a problem WITH money than without it." Ok, sure, but wouldn't you rather just not have problems?

I make an average income, but I don't have a shit-ton of problems in my life. I definitely have problems, but they're problems I can handle. And you know what? That's enough. I don't need a luxury yacht, or trips to Europe, or fancy schools for my kids.

You know what money can't buy? Time. You have a finite time on this Earth, and you are wasting it on stupid shit like fantasizing about your rich friend and how she has it better than you.
I'm going to enjoy what I have instead of wasting my time.

x10000

Rich men do NOT want shallow women (can't hide shallow, no matter how hard you try). You didn't/would not have wanted him when he was poor and living in a tiny condo? He knows who looked at him back then (when he was poor and struggling), and who did not, he is not stupid. So, he won't want you when he is rich and living in a big house. Not too hard to understand. You can act all friendly and fake nice when you see him, but he laughs behind your back (at parties, the guy turns to his wife and says: "I see how she (that woman) looks at you (the wife) - she hates you, she sneers at you, and she thinks I am interested in her - what an ugly hag!"). Besides, your husband doesn't want you, what makes you think another man would?

I have a friend that describes this to me, and I have actually seen it in action at parties (my friend is the cute, bubbly type - but she also has more brains than most), so I think there is some truth to it. OP, he sees something in his wife that you just don't have, and never will. Get over it, and start enjoying the life you have (without someone else's husband). If your husband doesn't like you, find one that it is not taken. Better yet, figure out why you are such a miserable shrew to live with. Anyone worth having does not want that, for sure. I can see my friend's point, some women are just so obvious, and men really are not that stupid. If you think they are, then I can't help you.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Posts like OP's are so immature and seem so devoid of wisdom I wonder if the person writing them is actually an adult. Is this all some of you do all day, compare your life to that of your rich acquaintances? Is that really what life has taught you? Can't you at least learn to control your thoughts?

And further, these posts are always about money and talking about this mid-point of someone's life, not the result. No one on DCUM is jealous of their friend who was a doctor for 30 years and made a breakthrough in a disease, or their friend who raised 2 great kids who became awesome adults. You know why? Because by the time people reach that age, I'm thinking they are mature enough not to care about this shit anymore.

Also, this is America. If you want a luxury SUV, go ahead and lease one. It really won't make your life one iota better but at least you'll get it out of your system.

Bitter yentas cling to the niece's choice of any new luxury SUV (so tacky!!! ) while ignoring the custom mansion, vacation homes, liquid assets, best private schools, being top of the economic food chain wherever they're at, never having to worry about retirement, on and on. Before age 30. A communications major who never crammed for a tough exam. Who can do yoga and pilates all day while we sit in offices all day getting fat asses. All because she had the sense in college to reel in a rich boy from flyover country.

I agree. I don’t think it’s shallow or silly to be jealous of her.

I for one am not jealous because of the ugly expensive car or mansion.

I’m jealous of her early smarts and realizing the importance of finding a guy who can provide.

I’m jealous that she’ll never have to worry about money.

I’m jealous that she will have comfort and security her whole life.

Her children will have access to the best of the best.

She will not have to work her butt off and be upset trying to please bosses.

She can focus on herself and her family.

Again, are you an actual adult? If the one and only objective in your life is to have the "best," in material goods and status and working little, then yes, marrying rich is a brilliant move.

But maybe there are plenty of happy, secure people who don't actually desire this.

I think there is a fallacy on this board that money = security for the rest of your life. That's not true. Money gives you the illusion of security, which for many people, is enough. But money cannot protect you from everything, including depression or unhappiness. Nor will money secure your children for the rest of their lives. Even with huge sums of money you can still lose that money, get sick, die, get divorced, raise screwed up kids, raise kids who lose all that money you wanted so much. It happens and it has happened to people who are smarter and nicer and more attractive than you or me. You might say "oh, but money makes all of those worst-case scenarios less likely," or "I'd rather have a problem WITH money than without it." Ok, sure, but wouldn't you rather just not have problems?

I make an average income, but I don't have a shit-ton of problems in my life. I definitely have problems, but they're problems I can handle. And you know what? That's enough. I don't need a luxury yacht, or trips to Europe, or fancy schools for my kids.

You know what money can't buy? Time. You have a finite time on this Earth, and you are wasting it on stupid shit like fantasizing about your rich friend and how she has it better than you.
I'm going to enjoy what I have instead of wasting my time.

x10000

Rich men do NOT want shallow women (can't hide shallow, no matter how hard you try). You didn't/would not have wanted him when he was poor and living in a tiny condo? He knows who looked at him back then (when he was poor and struggling), and who did not, he is not stupid. So, he won't want you when he is rich and living in a big house. Not too hard to understand. You can act all friendly and fake nice when you see him, but he laughs behind your back (at parties, the guy turns to his wife and says: "I see how she (that woman) looks at you (the wife) - she hates you, she sneers at you, and she thinks I am interested in her - what an ugly hag!"). Besides, your husband doesn't want you, what makes you think another man would?

I have a friend that describes this to me, and I have actually seen it in action at parties (my friend is the cute, bubbly type - but she also has more brains than most), so I think there is some truth to it. OP, he sees something in his wife that you just don't have, and never will. Get over it, and start enjoying the life you have (without someone else's husband). If your husband doesn't like you, find one that it is not taken. Better yet, figure out why you are such a miserable shrew to live with. Anyone worth having does not want that, for sure. I can see my friend's point, some women are just so obvious, and men really are not that stupid. If you think they are, then I can't help you.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for you, OP. Truly I do. Your mind and world are so small and circumscribed.

She's cute but not the prettiest. She's not bright. She had fun in college, fun after college, married a schmuck rich kid who "manages" car dealers and is pampered. She's doing better than 99 out of 100 women her age that I know. Her template is one to follow.

I'm pretty sure you are a troll...or an idiot. Even if this is the right thing for her, surely you understand why her experience cannot be used as a template for anyone to follow.

If this is considered an achievement in your group of friends, I would not want to hang out with the people you know.

Life is hard enough with no guarantees.

It’s great if you want more degrees and certificates or whatever. But at the end of the day some women really know security. Marrying early into a rich family provides them with the guaranteed financial security that no prestigious job ever ever.

With a strategic and well timed marriage, they are guaranteed entry and membership into the upper class or upper middle class. They don’t have to take the gmats, work thankless ours trying to move up and be noticed. By marrying well they can be the wife of the hot shot engineer and have a father in law who is a ceo and rub shoulders with and be acknowledged by the best and the brightest.

I know a pretty girl who married an astronaut. She has never taken a high level calculus or physics classes. Doesn’t know much about geopolitical strife the Middle East but now has a father in law who is a law firm partner and she attends NASA rocket launches. Her social circle is filled with intelligent acconplished people who are changing the world. And she is rich and has access to their multiple properties.

She didn’t even have to work very hard to accomplish all this.

Still not my dreamlife, because I want to be successful myself and not only be the wife of a successful man, but sounds way better than marrying a car-dealer from the midwest.

Pp here. I agree. I would never be jealous of a girl who married a car dealers son in the Midwest. I’d find that culture and setting totally suffocating.

But marrying a really smart successful guy who travels out of space, probably has interesting intellectually stimulating conversations, and comes from an accomplished educated family? Sure! Who doesn’t want that?

Personally I’d like to Be the smart accomplished person and married to a smart accomplished person. But this girl has an easy life but still has access to all of this by association. She’s automatically smart because her husband is smart. And I’m sure she learns something new every day. And her children will be super smart too.

this whole thread is like living in the 1950s. space travel and marrying a rich guy!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Being rich in a flyover metro is no different than being rich in a coastal city once you're married (with kids). Men work, go to kid's private school functions, drink good scotch alone in the basement while watching cable news at night. SAHMs do yoga, shop at Whole Foods, post on facebook. Your circle of friends is other execs, business owners, lawyers, doctors, professors. If you're jones'ing for the one Kennedy Center event you go to a year, fly to it. Flyover is only a risk for middle class who don't have the deep labor market bounce around.

This isn't true. I'm from a wealthy area in a flyover metro and it's VERY different than living in DC with a two career household.

Can you elaborate PP? I am considering a relocation with my family and would love to hear your take. Will I die of boredom?

Not pp but I’m from Chicago and never been bored. The nightlife is extensive, we have good outdoor spaces to run and bike, and many of the moms are yoga finatics that shop at Whole Foods. I can see moving to a rural area can be boring if you’re a city person, but living in Chicago or in the heart of cities like Minneapolis, Indianapolis, Colombus, OH, etc., will not leave you bored.

I would be very happy living in Indianapolis. I spent a year living in South Bend and I actually became depressed it was so horrible.

Flyover country single and broke != flyover country with a family and millions

I was married and definitely not broke. It was just a god awful place to live. There was absolutely nothing to do and the restaurants were horrific. Look, I have lived in a lot of places as a trailing spouse of an academic (and i mean a lot, including 2 in Europe), and some places are just shitty no matter how much money you have.

This plus 1 million. South Bend/Mishawaka is God-awful. Restaurants? Steak and Ale. Shake Shack. TGI Fridays. Mediocre chain after mediocre chain.

I spent two awful years of my life there in my mid 20s.

I live there now and actually the restaurants have vastly improved. We have Café Navarre, Corndance, two decent sushi places, two craft beer places in town and a ton of local microbreweries within an hour, etc. I haven't been to a chain in the 7 years I have been here except Chipotle and the odd Buffalo Wild Wings.

I also have a lovely house and 20 acres for less than the Bethesda shack we owned in DC. I wouldn't go back to DC for anything.

We go to Chicago for fun stuff fairly often, it's only 2 hours. Indy is also 2 hours. An hour from Lake Michigan in the summer. I rather like the Bend.

[Anonymous]

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Life is hard enough with no guarantees.

It’s great if you want more degrees and certificates or whatever. But at the end of the day some women really know security. Marrying early into a rich family provides them with the guaranteed financial security that no prestigious job ever ever.

With a strategic and well timed marriage, they are guaranteed entry and membership into the upper class or upper middle class. They don’t have to take the gmats, work thankless ours trying to move up and be noticed. By marrying well they can be the wife of the hot shot engineer and have a father in law who is a ceo and rub shoulders with and be acknowledged by the best and the brightest.

Are you dumb or something? Do you not understand that they have access to this life at the pleasure of the husband/his family? Which can, and does, change on a whim? It's great if all ends well but if not, she'd be a dumped divorcee with no skills trying to start a life.

Anonymous wrote:
I know a pretty girl who married an astronaut. She has never taken a high level calculus or physics classes. Doesn’t know much about geopolitical strife the Middle East but now has a father in law who is a law firm partner and she attends NASA rocket launches. Her social circle is filled with intelligent acconplished people who are changing the world. And she is rich and has access to their multiple properties.

She didn’t even have to work very hard to accomplish all this.

I don't even know how to explain this to you since it should be so obvious. You don't automatically enter a circle of smart accomplished people by marrying one of them because - please pay attention here - if you are not smart and accomplished yourself, these people have NO INTEREST in you. You have nothing to talk about. You bore them. You are there as a pretty piece of furniture owned by one of them, but unless you can carry your own conversation and say meaningful things, these people will not even notice you. You'll be a non-entity. Imagine that by some stroke of luck you found yourself at a party for the world's top ten bestselling authors. Do you think any of them would have a slightest interest in you just because you're there?

Unless someone is a self-centered snob, they can always find something to converse about with another person. Good listeners will always be in demand.

lol

[Anonymous]

Newsflash: the woman that has been married to the "astronaut" for 20+ years must be pretty damn interesting herself.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:People I am envious of:
My friend who just got tenure at an R1 university
My friend who has a killer design sense and just bought her 3rd investment property
My friend who literally built her own house by hand, travels the world, and is now getting a nursing degree
My friend who quit a sucky job and went out on her own as a consultant making more money working less time, spends her time on a multitude of creative hobbies and lives abroad part of the year
My other friend who quit HER sucky job after saving up mucho dinero and now sails around the world
All of these friends are 40+ and unmarried.

Person I never in a million years would be envious of:
Woman who left NYC at 27 to marry into a midwest car dealer family and live in a giant lake house and drive a new SUV.

OP, I'm not jealous of your niece's carefree 0.10% lifestyle, I'm jealous of these other 1% lifestyles a select few of my friends achieved. Also, those are much tougher and/or rely on too much luck/chance than merely being cute and targeting a rich boy in college.

what? none of my friends' lives depend on lucl of chance. They depend on talent, initiative, and hard work.

You live in DC and know NO trust fund babies? I call BS

I live in the intellectual DC world. You live in a crasser, stupider world.

Oh man, your friends sound amazing - but you are joking if you think the intellectual DC world isn't lousy with trust funders. How do you think that these kids can afford to go build a house from scratch, and sail around the world, and buy downtown DC condos while working at news websites, and do all these other things?

It's great stuff, that requires quite a lot of financial backing to be able to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll have to let my best friend who is a pediatric oncologist and who saves babies who have cancer know that she's actually a failure compared to a former sorority girl who lives in a big house.

I'll have to let my sister who recently won a Fulbright scholarship know that she's also a failure because she's not a former sorority girl who lives in a big house.

I'll have to let my friend who runs a nonprofit for children with disabilities know as well.

I'll make sure to let them know that you think they are abject failures who have made poor decisions and are wasting their lives. I'm sure they will have some interesting opinions on that subject.

End of the day every woman wants to be rich, beautiful home, exotic travel, nice car, summer home, best schools for kids, best health care. Those you described worked their asses off and might still be miserable because they don’t make as much as a cute ditz married to a car dealer heir.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll have to let my best friend who is a pediatric oncologist and who saves babies who have cancer know that she's actually a failure compared to a former sorority girl who lives in a big house.

I'll have to let my sister who recently won a Fulbright scholarship know that she's also a failure because she's not a former sorority girl who lives in a big house.

I'll have to let my friend who runs a nonprofit for children with disabilities know as well.

I'll make sure to let them know that you think they are abject failures who have made poor decisions and are wasting their lives. I'm sure they will have some interesting opinions on that subject.

End of the day every woman wants to be rich, beautiful home, exotic travel, nice car, summer home, best schools for kids, best health care. Those you described worked their asses off and might still be miserable because they don’t make as much as a cute ditz married to a car dealer heir.

I am not the PP, but your view of life is so one dimensional I am actually starting to seriously suspect you are... slow.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:People I am envious of:
My friend who just got tenure at an R1 university
My friend who has a killer design sense and just bought her 3rd investment property
My friend who literally built her own house by hand, travels the world, and is now getting a nursing degree
My friend who quit a sucky job and went out on her own as a consultant making more money working less time, spends her time on a multitude of creative hobbies and lives abroad part of the year
My other friend who quit HER sucky job after saving up mucho dinero and now sails around the world
All of these friends are 40+ and unmarried.

Person I never in a million years would be envious of:
Woman who left NYC at 27 to marry into a midwest car dealer family and live in a giant lake house and drive a new SUV.

OP, I'm not jealous of your niece's carefree 0.10% lifestyle, I'm jealous of these other 1% lifestyles a select few of my friends achieved. Also, those are much tougher and/or rely on too much luck/chance than merely being cute and targeting a rich boy in college.

what? none of my friends' lives depend on lucl of chance. They depend on talent, initiative, and hard work.

You live in DC and know NO trust fund babies? I call BS

I live in the intellectual DC world. You live in a crasser, stupider world.

Oh man, your friends sound amazing - but you are joking if you think the intellectual DC world isn't lousy with trust funders. How do you think that these kids can afford to go build a house from scratch, and sail around the world, and buy downtown DC condos while working at news websites, and do all these other things?

It's great stuff, that requires quite a lot of financial backing to be able to do.

None of those friends of mine have trustfunds. One will likely have a solid inheritance (nothing trust-fund scale, but some property that could be sold for a lot that she'll likely keep to live on instead). They're all making it on their own. It actually is quite possible to have an amazing, adventure filled life without a rich husband OR a trust fund. (My friends do have many advantages of relative family prosperity, but we're talking "normal" help with college tuition etc, not a multi-million trust fund.)

I only know 1 actual trust fund baby, and he's super annoying. I would never hold him up as an aspirational figure.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:People I am envious of:
My friend who just got tenure at an R1 university
My friend who has a killer design sense and just bought her 3rd investment property
My friend who literally built her own house by hand, travels the world, and is now getting a nursing degree
My friend who quit a sucky job and went out on her own as a consultant making more money working less time, spends her time on a multitude of creative hobbies and lives abroad part of the year
My other friend who quit HER sucky job after saving up mucho dinero and now sails around the world
All of these friends are 40+ and unmarried.

Person I never in a million years would be envious of:
Woman who left NYC at 27 to marry into a midwest car dealer family and live in a giant lake house and drive a new SUV.

OP, I'm not jealous of your niece's carefree 0.10% lifestyle, I'm jealous of these other 1% lifestyles a select few of my friends achieved. Also, those are much tougher and/or rely on too much luck/chance than merely being cute and targeting a rich boy in college.

what? none of my friends' lives depend on lucl of chance. They depend on talent, initiative, and hard work.

You live in DC and know NO trust fund babies? I call BS

I live in the intellectual DC world. You live in a crasser, stupider world.

Oh man, your friends sound amazing - but you are joking if you think the intellectual DC world isn't lousy with trust funders. How do you think that these kids can afford to go build a house from scratch, and sail around the world, and buy downtown DC condos while working at news websites, and do all these other things?

It's great stuff, that requires quite a lot of financial backing to be able to do.

None of those friends of mine have trustfunds. One will likely have a solid inheritance (nothing trust-fund scale, but some property that could be sold for a lot that she'll likely keep to live on instead). They're all making it on their own. It actually is quite possible to have an amazing, adventure filled life without a rich husband OR a trust fund. (My friends do have many advantages of relative family prosperity, but we're talking "normal" help with college tuition etc, not a multi-million trust fund.)

I only know 1 actual trust fund baby, and he's super annoying. I would never hold him up as an aspirational figure.

Also: they're not kids. They're 40+ year old women who have worked hard to get where they are. Two decades of academic study, grad school, jr professor; 15 years on wall street; 15 years homesteading, manual labor, saving up money to travel then come back; 15 years building up a reputation to be able to go out on her own as a freelance consultant. Obviously there are trust-fund intellectuals (I don't actually know any myself). But these women who I ADMIRE (which is the point of this post) did not get anything handed to them (other than their middle-class white privilege, which I freely cop to.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll have to let my best friend who is a pediatric oncologist and who saves babies who have cancer know that she's actually a failure compared to a former sorority girl who lives in a big house.

I'll have to let my sister who recently won a Fulbright scholarship know that she's also a failure because she's not a former sorority girl who lives in a big house.

I'll have to let my friend who runs a nonprofit for children with disabilities know as well.

I'll make sure to let them know that you think they are abject failures who have made poor decisions and are wasting their lives. I'm sure they will have some interesting opinions on that subject.

End of the day every woman wants to be rich, beautiful home, exotic travel, nice car, summer home, best schools for kids, best health care. Those you described worked their asses off and might still be miserable because they don’t make as much as a cute ditz married to a car dealer heir.

I am not the PP, but your view of life is so one dimensional I am actually starting to seriously suspect you are... slow.

Or trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I agree. I don’t think it’s shallow or silly to be jealous of her.

I for one am not jealous because of the ugly expensive car or mansion.

I’m jealous of her early smarts and realizing the importance of finding a guy who can provide.

I’m jealous that she’ll never have to worry about money.

I’m jealous that she will have comfort and security her whole life.

Her children will have access to the best of the best.

She will not have to work her butt off and be upset trying to please bosses.

She can focus on herself and her family.

Well how about this?

I never have to worry about money. I will inherit a large sum from my parents, and DH earns a very high salary as well. I don't earn as much as him, but even by DCUM standards I earn a lot. I work at home, and I have a ton of job flexibility. My boss is really nice, and he and I have a lot of mutual respect for each other.Before this job, when I wanted to take time off and just do a minimal amount of consulting work, we didn't even have to cut back on the amount of paid help we have at home.

And I have a PhD from an HYPS school, with all the respect and prestige that comes with it. DH respects my intelligence, and he considers me an equal in every way. And I get to apply my education to something that's interesting and useful without having to worry about making ends meet.

I am sure OP's niece is happy...but I don't understand why she thinks that's the only formula to being happy. I loved school and never had to cram for tests...I just got to learn about cool stuff that I found interesting from some of the smartest people in the world.

[Anonymous]

OP's young airhead niece has a better lifestyle than 99% of the yentas in here. Wait until your 40s and 50s when parents die off and you hard-working yentas see your rich friends inherit millions and ZOOM past your lifestyle. Wait until retirement when you're living like a piker and they're hopping from mansion to mansion and traveling the world. Maybe THEN it'll hit you.