Is this the norm for divorced 30 something women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Again with a list of mostly irrelevant things. "Christmas Eve menu" Really? As if without that men would be lost? The majority of items on your men-are-taken-care-of-list are not directed towards the man.

When I was single (mid-thirties) my Thanksgiving and Christmas meals were healthy snacks eaten at the gym. Now that I'm married I don't have time for the gym because I'm running around taking care of all sorts of "family tasks" that I personally DO NOT NEED. A large percentage of things "scheduled for me" merely add to my list of ever growing to-do items that do not add value to my life. I can't remember the last time I had time for the gym and I get to listen to a wife that makes off-hand comments about my "belly" and tells me I should eat so late at night after I'm finally able to shut off the computer at 10:00 pm after a 14 hour work day.

Don't add a pile of irrelevant items done for your own benefit and then claim you are doing it for me.

Are you deliberately being stupid? When you were single, you didn't have children to take care of, feed, clothe, vaccinate and furnish their rooms. You think taking your children to the doctor, signing them up for camps and activities, and making sure their room has a damn bed that looks somewhat easy on the eye is busy work? Or, I get it, you personally DO NOT NEED it, therefore it doesn't have to be done?

Dude. We all had time for the gym when we were single. I was in the gym or at the skating rink six damn times a week before I got married. Now my evenings are spent on cooking dinner, feeding dinner, cleaning up from it, planning for tomorrow and making sure the freaking roof doesn't cave on me. Because it's not just me anymore. And if you're married, it's not just you anymore, so don't give me the bullshit line how you PERSONALLY don't need, because guess I what? I, too, don't PERSONALLY need vaccinated children, or beds in their rooms, or school lunches, but I'd like them to not die of preventable causes, not sleep on the floor, or not go hungry at school, therefore I spend my energy and time doing things for other small people that I PERSONALLY do not need. Time that used to be spent in the gym.

Amen!!

Hahaha yup. +6 billion. The way you are obsessing over you and your gym time tells me that you don't even come close to pulling your household weight in a family situation, and you're incredibly clueless about everything that's required / everything your wife is covering. Yep, I miss the daily hour+ gym trips of my 20s too...

[Anonymous]

To answer the question, no, it won't get better for your friend. She doesn't want better - she wants drama and excitement. These types of women destroy their relationships, children's lives, homes, etc all for excitement. So she can tell her other divorcing friends about the struggle. So her friends can bond over talking about which divorce attorney they retained.

I heard two old trouts talking about their second divorces today during a gym class I regularly attend. It doesn't get better. These women are fooling themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was divorced with two kids and remarried a hot former Marine with two advanced degrees.

People win Powerball, too.

Well, you have to play to win.

If I had listened to anyone who told me that being divorced at 30 something with 2 kids meant that a good-looking, financially stable, and emotionally healthy man would never look at me, I would be both stupid and alone. I'm neither.

I listened to my gut which was to never date anyone that I wouldn't want my own daughter to bring home. I turned down probably close to 99% of men who approached me. I carefully vetted the ones that I didn't turn down. It was actually easier dating as a mom of two because I didn't feel a biological clock ticking. I didn't rush into anything I wasn't ready for sexually or emotionally. I could tell by the end of the first date if there was any connection worthwhile cultivating. No shared values meant no second date regardless of physical attraction. Nights when I didnt have my kids or a date, I poured that time and energy into passions that made me more fit physically, financially, and emotionally. When I met my DH, he was someone that I instantly loved being around. He's hot so there was that, but he also was and is the guy everyone wants to be friends with. He's been best man at something like 15 weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I heard two old trouts

Haven't heard that one before. I'll have to remember it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's been best man at something like 15 weddings.

That's nothing to be proud of. Sounds like a fool, more like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We totally agree: men want to remarry because marriage is a good deal for them.

Marriage is a HORRIBLE deal for men. We have to put up with slavedrivers like you and risk losing half our money in a divorce. Screw that.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? You wouldn't marry a urinal, would you?

Haha EHM the entire context here is the (true) premise that men do want to get married, and often women don't. Try to keep up

But does the data support the premise? My few divorced friends quickly found younger women who were thrilled to get married to them. I do not have a single divorced, professional, early 50's friend. I am the one exception, and I run across nothing but divorce women (ages 45-55) who want to be in a long-term relationship again.

Women always say they don't want to get married, but that's just a hard-to-get ploy. Deep down every woman's ego is inflated by that ring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We totally agree: men want to remarry because marriage is a good deal for them.

Marriage is a HORRIBLE deal for men. We have to put up with slavedrivers like you and risk losing half our money in a divorce. Screw that.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? You wouldn't marry a urinal, would you?

Haha EHM the entire context here is the (true) premise that men do want to get married, and often women don't. Try to keep up

But does the data support the premise? My few divorced friends quickly found younger women who were thrilled to get married to them. I do not have a single divorced, professional, early 50's friend. I am the one exception, and I run across nothing but divorce women (ages 45-55) who want to be in a long-term relationship again.

Women always say they don't want to get married, but that's just a hard-to-get ploy. Deep down every woman's ego is inflated by that ring.

But do they stay thrilled to be married to them? That is the question.

You know there is a saying: "The only women who are jealous of married women are single women." Sure, after divorced women have been alone for a while they might start to imagine the possibility of security, romance, fun, etc. again but the truth is only a lucky few obtain this in marriage.

If a woman is financially secure and doesn't want anymore children there is very little reason for marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men, and particularly men who are used to being in a long term relationship (esp. one where they weren't the one to initiate the split), tend to be kind of helpless post-breakup. They don't like being alone, and will be quick to jump into something with someone new. Women who have gone through a divorce are more cognizant of the (perceived, or real) mistakes and shortcomings in their prior partner / relationship, and tend to be a little more discriminate when looking for their next partner.

I have seen this time and again with people who divorce in their 40s and 50s...the men tend to jump into their next relationship and generally end up remarried within a few years, while the women have ZERO intention of ever mrryinf again.

Haw. Nice job of rationalizing it in terms of what you want to be true.

The fact is, older men who divorce get remarried because they are still attractive enough to find a new partner.

Older women who divorce, especially if they have kids, not so much. ("I'm not old and wrinkled, I'm just really really discriminating! I have zero intention of remarrying, and the fact that nobody's even asking me to has nothing to do with that, honest!")

Completely agree.
What? No not at all, I have no horse in this race. Older women date around or will even have a long term boyfriend, but tend to have a "hell no" attitude towards marrying again. They are tired of the role of thankless caretaker and are siked about the idea of doing their own thing / making their own decisions / etc. Men tend to be more codependent, and jump into their next relationships - they don't like being alone. I'm 30, this isn't about me or the narrative I want - it's from firsthand observation of the round of my parents' friends / family friends who went through this at that age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Again with a list of mostly irrelevant things. "Christmas Eve menu" Really? As if without that men would be lost? The majority of items on your men-are-taken-care-of-list are not directed towards the man.

When I was single (mid-thirties) my Thanksgiving and Christmas meals were healthy snacks eaten at the gym. Now that I'm married I don't have time for the gym because I'm running around taking care of all sorts of "family tasks" that I personally DO NOT NEED. A large percentage of things "scheduled for me" merely add to my list of ever growing to-do items that do not add value to my life. I can't remember the last time I had time for the gym and I get to listen to a wife that makes off-hand comments about my "belly" and tells me I should eat so late at night after I'm finally able to shut off the computer at 10:00 pm after a 14 hour work day.

Don't add a pile of irrelevant items done for your own benefit and then claim you are doing it for me.

Are you deliberately being stupid? When you were single, you didn't have children to take care of, feed, clothe, vaccinate and furnish their rooms. You think taking your children to the doctor, signing them up for camps and activities, and making sure their room has a damn bed that looks somewhat easy on the eye is busy work? Or, I get it, you personally DO NOT NEED it, therefore it doesn't have to be done?

Dude. We all had time for the gym when we were single. I was in the gym or at the skating rink six damn times a week before I got married. Now my evenings are spent on cooking dinner, feeding dinner, cleaning up from it, planning for tomorrow and making sure the freaking roof doesn't cave on me. Because it's not just me anymore. And if you're married, it's not just you anymore, so don't give me the bullshit line how you PERSONALLY don't need, because guess I what? I, too, don't PERSONALLY need vaccinated children, or beds in their rooms, or school lunches, but I'd like them to not die of preventable causes, not sleep on the floor, or not go hungry at school, therefore I spend my energy and time doing things for other small people that I PERSONALLY do not need. Time that used to be spent in the gym.

Amen!!

Hahaha yup. +6 billion. The way you are obsessing over you and your gym time tells me that you don't even come close to pulling your household weight in a family situation, and you're incredibly clueless about everything that's required / everything your wife is covering. Yep, I miss the daily hour+ gym trips of my 20s too...

But you can still have this! I go to yoga every single evening for an hour. Stop making excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Again with a list of mostly irrelevant things. "Christmas Eve menu" Really? As if without that men would be lost? The majority of items on your men-are-taken-care-of-list are not directed towards the man.

When I was single (mid-thirties) my Thanksgiving and Christmas meals were healthy snacks eaten at the gym. Now that I'm married I don't have time for the gym because I'm running around taking care of all sorts of "family tasks" that I personally DO NOT NEED. A large percentage of things "scheduled for me" merely add to my list of ever growing to-do items that do not add value to my life. I can't remember the last time I had time for the gym and I get to listen to a wife that makes off-hand comments about my "belly" and tells me I should eat so late at night after I'm finally able to shut off the computer at 10:00 pm after a 14 hour work day.

Don't add a pile of irrelevant items done for your own benefit and then claim you are doing it for me.

Are you deliberately being stupid? When you were single, you didn't have children to take care of, feed, clothe, vaccinate and furnish their rooms. You think taking your children to the doctor, signing them up for camps and activities, and making sure their room has a damn bed that looks somewhat easy on the eye is busy work? Or, I get it, you personally DO NOT NEED it, therefore it doesn't have to be done?

Dude. We all had time for the gym when we were single. I was in the gym or at the skating rink six damn times a week before I got married. Now my evenings are spent on cooking dinner, feeding dinner, cleaning up from it, planning for tomorrow and making sure the freaking roof doesn't cave on me. Because it's not just me anymore. And if you're married, it's not just you anymore, so don't give me the bullshit line how you PERSONALLY don't need, because guess I what? I, too, don't PERSONALLY need vaccinated children, or beds in their rooms, or school lunches, but I'd like them to not die of preventable causes, not sleep on the floor, or not go hungry at school, therefore I spend my energy and time doing things for other small people that I PERSONALLY do not need. Time that used to be spent in the gym.

Amen!!

Hahaha yup. +6 billion. The way you are obsessing over you and your gym time tells me that you don't even come close to pulling your household weight in a family situation, and you're incredibly clueless about everything that's required / everything your wife is covering. Yep, I miss the daily hour+ gym trips of my 20s too...

But you can still have this! I go to yoga every single evening for an hour. Stop making excuses.

Hahaha ummm you don't know JACK about my life / schedule / family / finances / responsibilities, interesting that you feel you can make that statement. Yoga not doing much to open your mind beyond the 4 corners of your own head, huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men, and particularly men who are used to being in a long term relationship (esp. one where they weren't the one to initiate the split), tend to be kind of helpless post-breakup. They don't like being alone, and will be quick to jump into something with someone new. Women who have gone through a divorce are more cognizant of the (perceived, or real) mistakes and shortcomings in their prior partner / relationship, and tend to be a little more discriminate when looking for their next partner.

I have seen this time and again with people who divorce in their 40s and 50s...the men tend to jump into their next relationship and generally end up remarried within a few years, while the women have ZERO intention of ever mrryinf again.

Haw. Nice job of rationalizing it in terms of what you want to be true.

The fact is, older men who divorce get remarried because they are still attractive enough to find a new partner.

Older women who divorce, especially if they have kids, not so much. ("I'm not old and wrinkled, I'm just really really discriminating! I have zero intention of remarrying, and the fact that nobody's even asking me to has nothing to do with that, honest!")

Completely agree.
What? No not at all, I have no horse in this race. Older women date around or will even have a long term boyfriend, but tend to have a "hell no" attitude towards marrying again. They are tired of the role of thankless caretaker and are siked about the idea of doing their own thing / making their own decisions / etc. Men tend to be more codependent, and jump into their next relationships - they don't like being alone. I'm 30, this isn't about me or the narrative I want - it's from firsthand observation of the round of my parents' friends / family friends who went through this at that age

Older women don't like being alone, they just don't have any choice in the matter.

Naturally they're not going to tell the truth (nobody wants them), they will explain it in more flattering terms (I want to be a proud independent woman yay!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men, and particularly men who are used to being in a long term relationship (esp. one where they weren't the one to initiate the split), tend to be kind of helpless post-breakup. They don't like being alone, and will be quick to jump into something with someone new. Women who have gone through a divorce are more cognizant of the (perceived, or real) mistakes and shortcomings in their prior partner / relationship, and tend to be a little more discriminate when looking for their next partner.

I have seen this time and again with people who divorce in their 40s and 50s...the men tend to jump into their next relationship and generally end up remarried within a few years, while the women have ZERO intention of ever mrryinf again.

Haw. Nice job of rationalizing it in terms of what you want to be true.

The fact is, older men who divorce get remarried because they are still attractive enough to find a new partner.

Older women who divorce, especially if they have kids, not so much. ("I'm not old and wrinkled, I'm just really really discriminating! I have zero intention of remarrying, and the fact that nobody's even asking me to has nothing to do with that, honest!")

Completely agree.
What? No not at all, I have no horse in this race. Older women date around or will even have a long term boyfriend, but tend to have a "hell no" attitude towards marrying again. They are tired of the role of thankless caretaker and are siked about the idea of doing their own thing / making their own decisions / etc. Men tend to be more codependent, and jump into their next relationships - they don't like being alone. I'm 30, this isn't about me or the narrative I want - it's from firsthand observation of the round of my parents' friends / family friends who went through this at that age

Older women don't like being alone, they just don't have any choice in the matter.

Naturally they're not going to tell the truth (nobody wants them), they will explain it in more flattering terms (I want to be a proud independent woman yay!).

Sigh. If you are unwilling to actually listen, you don't and never will get it, and there's no point in continuing to try to explain it to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Again with a list of mostly irrelevant things. "Christmas Eve menu" Really? As if without that men would be lost? The majority of items on your men-are-taken-care-of-list are not directed towards the man.

When I was single (mid-thirties) my Thanksgiving and Christmas meals were healthy snacks eaten at the gym. Now that I'm married I don't have time for the gym because I'm running around taking care of all sorts of "family tasks" that I personally DO NOT NEED. A large percentage of things "scheduled for me" merely add to my list of ever growing to-do items that do not add value to my life. I can't remember the last time I had time for the gym and I get to listen to a wife that makes off-hand comments about my "belly" and tells me I should eat so late at night after I'm finally able to shut off the computer at 10:00 pm after a 14 hour work day.

Don't add a pile of irrelevant items done for your own benefit and then claim you are doing it for me.

Are you deliberately being stupid? When you were single, you didn't have children to take care of, feed, clothe, vaccinate and furnish their rooms. You think taking your children to the doctor, signing them up for camps and activities, and making sure their room has a damn bed that looks somewhat easy on the eye is busy work? Or, I get it, you personally DO NOT NEED it, therefore it doesn't have to be done?

Dude. We all had time for the gym when we were single. I was in the gym or at the skating rink six damn times a week before I got married. Now my evenings are spent on cooking dinner, feeding dinner, cleaning up from it, planning for tomorrow and making sure the freaking roof doesn't cave on me. Because it's not just me anymore. And if you're married, it's not just you anymore, so don't give me the bullshit line how you PERSONALLY don't need, because guess I what? I, too, don't PERSONALLY need vaccinated children, or beds in their rooms, or school lunches, but I'd like them to not die of preventable causes, not sleep on the floor, or not go hungry at school, therefore I spend my energy and time doing things for other small people that I PERSONALLY do not need. Time that used to be spent in the gym.

Amen!!

Hahaha yup. +6 billion. The way you are obsessing over you and your gym time tells me that you don't even come close to pulling your household weight in a family situation, and you're incredibly clueless about everything that's required / everything your wife is covering. Yep, I miss the daily hour+ gym trips of my 20s too...

But you can still have this! I go to yoga every single evening for an hour. Stop making excuses.

How do you have time for that? From the time I get home to work to bedtime is exactly 2 hours, and I feel like I'm sprinting every night to get a healthy dinner and proper bedtime and time for bonding with my kid. I don't have time for an hour-long yoga class "every single evening." If I were more on top of things I'd probably have time for a 30 minute workout every morning (my preferred time to workout) but that would have to be exactly 30 minutes running -- not a leisurely trip to and from the gym. I have time about once a week for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men, and particularly men who are used to being in a long term relationship (esp. one where they weren't the one to initiate the split), tend to be kind of helpless post-breakup. They don't like being alone, and will be quick to jump into something with someone new. Women who have gone through a divorce are more cognizant of the (perceived, or real) mistakes and shortcomings in their prior partner / relationship, and tend to be a little more discriminate when looking for their next partner.

I have seen this time and again with people who divorce in their 40s and 50s...the men tend to jump into their next relationship and generally end up remarried within a few years, while the women have ZERO intention of ever mrryinf again.

Haw. Nice job of rationalizing it in terms of what you want to be true.

The fact is, older men who divorce get remarried because they are still attractive enough to find a new partner.

Older women who divorce, especially if they have kids, not so much. ("I'm not old and wrinkled, I'm just really really discriminating! I have zero intention of remarrying, and the fact that nobody's even asking me to has nothing to do with that, honest!")

Completely agree.
What? No not at all, I have no horse in this race. Older women date around or will even have a long term boyfriend, but tend to have a "hell no" attitude towards marrying again. They are tired of the role of thankless caretaker and are siked about the idea of doing their own thing / making their own decisions / etc. Men tend to be more codependent, and jump into their next relationships - they don't like being alone. I'm 30, this isn't about me or the narrative I want - it's from firsthand observation of the round of my parents' friends / family friends who went through this at that age

Older women don't like being alone, they just don't have any choice in the matter.

Naturally they're not going to tell the truth (nobody wants them), they will explain it in more flattering terms (I want to be a proud independent woman yay!).

Sigh. If you are unwilling to actually listen, you don't and never will get it, and there's no point in continuing to try to explain it to you.

Yep. Men just can't seem to understand that women have full, rich lives even without men. I'm on the brink of separation (I am 42) and I really don't think I'm going to try to date at all. I'm MUCH more interested in working on my friendships and hobbies than jumping right back into a relationship. That's not to say I wouldn't be open to it, but a man would have to add a LOT to my life to be worth it, and there would have to be zero drama. And of course he'd have to love my DS. I have no doubt my fat, lazy, underpaid, mean, DH will find another partner right away, and given that this is DC, I'm sure she'll be younger and disproportionately accomplished. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men, and particularly men who are used to being in a long term relationship (esp. one where they weren't the one to initiate the split), tend to be kind of helpless post-breakup. They don't like being alone, and will be quick to jump into something with someone new. Women who have gone through a divorce are more cognizant of the (perceived, or real) mistakes and shortcomings in their prior partner / relationship, and tend to be a little more discriminate when looking for their next partner.

I have seen this time and again with people who divorce in their 40s and 50s...the men tend to jump into their next relationship and generally end up remarried within a few years, while the women have ZERO intention of ever mrryinf again.

Haw. Nice job of rationalizing it in terms of what you want to be true.

The fact is, older men who divorce get remarried because they are still attractive enough to find a new partner.

Older women who divorce, especially if they have kids, not so much. ("I'm not old and wrinkled, I'm just really really discriminating! I have zero intention of remarrying, and the fact that nobody's even asking me to has nothing to do with that, honest!")

What? No not at all, I have no horse in this race. Older women date around or will even have a long term boyfriend, but tend to have a "hell no" attitude towards marrying again. They are tired of the role of thankless caretaker and are siked about the idea of doing their own thing / making their own decisions / etc. Men tend to be more codependent, and jump into their next relationships - they don't like being alone. I'm 30, this isn't about me or the narrative I want - it's from firsthand observation of the round of my parents' friends / family friends who went through this at that age

I'm not divorced, but I've seen this happen so often. I think that after being married and having a wife taking care of them, once divorced, a lot of men (not all of course) feel the need to find someone to take care of them again as soon as possible. I have thought occasionally about what I would do if my DH and I divorced, and I feel that I would want to spend time alone and taking care of myself for once, no interest in dating, but I couldn't really say for sure since I'm not in that situation, so who knows.