Is this the norm for divorced 30 something women?

[Anonymous]

Filed for divorce at 34. Two kids. Finalized at 35. Primary custody. Started dating again at 37. In a committed relationship at 41. Older DC in college. Engaged at 44. Married six weeks before 45.

ExH 37 at separation. He was dating again within weeks of finalization. Has had more gfs than I can count and 2 different fiancées before he remarried at 46. Was sleeping with her (44 and divorced, no kids) a couple weeks after breaking up with previous gf. Engaged after dating two weeks. Basically less than a month from his prior gf. Shockingly, didn't last. His new wife filed for divorce before their first anniversary. He was engaged again a few months later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men, and particularly men who are used to being in a long term relationship (esp. one where they weren't the one to initiate the split), tend to be kind of helpless post-breakup. They don't like being alone, and will be quick to jump into something with someone new. Women who have gone through a divorce are more cognizant of the (perceived, or real) mistakes and shortcomings in their prior partner / relationship, and tend to be a little more discriminate when looking for their next partner.

I have seen this time and again with people who divorce in their 40s and 50s...the men tend to jump into their next relationship and generally end up remarried within a few years, while the women have ZERO intention of ever mrryinf again.

+1. Men really have a hard time being alone after having been married or in a long term relationship. If my husband and I got divorced he'd probably be in a relationship right away. Being married to my husband has been so challenging that I don't think I'll ever marry again. I'm sure many women say this but I don't even think I would date.

I think about I bring to the relationship and it makes sense why men marry again quickly. We plan their social lives, plan family events, have their children, decorate their homes, plan vacations, send thank you notes, schedule the cleaning ladies and home maintenance, buy the children clothing and sign them up for school and activities, buy birthday gifts, plan parties... I could go on! It's not like I need to marry again to find someone to do this stuff because I already do it and I'm not interested in doing it again for another guy. On top of working full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Filed for divorce at 34. Two kids. Finalized at 35. Primary custody. Started dating again at 37. In a committed relationship at 41. Older DC in college. Engaged at 44. Married six weeks before 45.

ExH 37 at separation. He was dating again within weeks of finalization. Has had more gfs than I can count and 2 different fiancées before he remarried at 46. Was sleeping with her (44 and divorced, no kids) a couple weeks after breaking up with previous gf. Engaged after dating two weeks. Basically less than a month from his prior gf. Shockingly, didn't last. His new wife filed for divorce before their first anniversary. He was engaged again a few months later.

That's a lot of girlfriends!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men, and particularly men who are used to being in a long term relationship (esp. one where they weren't the one to initiate the split), tend to be kind of helpless post-breakup. They don't like being alone, and will be quick to jump into something with someone new. Women who have gone through a divorce are more cognizant of the (perceived, or real) mistakes and shortcomings in their prior partner / relationship, and tend to be a little more discriminate when looking for their next partner.

I have seen this time and again with people who divorce in their 40s and 50s...the men tend to jump into their next relationship and generally end up remarried within a few years, while the women have ZERO intention of ever mrryinf again.

+1. Men really have a hard time being alone after having been married or in a long term relationship. If my husband and I got divorced he'd probably be in a relationship right away. Being married to my husband has been so challenging that I don't think I'll ever marry again. I'm sure many women say this but I don't even think I would date.

I think about I bring to the relationship and it makes sense why men marry again quickly. We plan their social lives, plan family events, have their children, decorate their homes, plan vacations, send thank you notes, schedule the cleaning ladies and home maintenance, buy the children clothing and sign them up for school and activities, buy birthday gifts, plan parties... I could go on! It's not like I need to marry again to find someone to do this stuff because I already do it and I'm not interested in doing it again for another guy. On top of working full time.

Yes. This is exactly it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends is getting divorced. It's basically amicable, they're just very different people and want different things. A lot of it stemmed from money issues (she's a spender, he's a saver, she wanted to be a SAHM, he wasn't making enough to support the lifestyle she wanted, etc. etc. The point is, no cheating or anything like that).

Anyway, we just found out that he's already got a fairly serious girlfriend who he just introduced to his family. The new gf is really pretty, younger, has a graduate degree, and a better job than he does. I heard through the grapevine (friend of a friend) that she doesn't want kids. My friend is also dating but nothing serious. She did meet one guy she really liked but he wasn't looking for a commitment. She's upset and I didn't know what to say. It reminded me of that SATC episode though where Miranda and Steve broke up, he's homeless and living on her couch, and already has girls lining up for him.

I knew this was a stereotype but not a real thing. Can anyone tell her/us that it gets better? Did you meet "the one" with two kids in your thirties?

She probably stupidly slept with him instead of dating a few people and finding someone serious. Just because the guy found someone younger etc. doesn't mean she's compatible. If anything I see most divorced couples struggle. Why the divorce rate the 2nd time is even higher. That younger cuter thing is often a nightmare. Your friend who is upset sounds immature and needy.

In your 30's you can meet all kinds of nice guys. The problem is finding a nice guy who is stable and balanced. Too many flakes so weeding through them is the challenge. If they have exes still hanging around that's a deal breaker. Your friend is better off moving on and away from her exes circle etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Filed for divorce at 34. Two kids. Finalized at 35. Primary custody. Started dating again at 37. In a committed relationship at 41. Older DC in college. Engaged at 44. Married six weeks before 45.

ExH 37 at separation. He was dating again within weeks of finalization. Has had more gfs than I can count and 2 different fiancées before he remarried at 46. Was sleeping with her (44 and divorced, no kids) a couple weeks after breaking up with previous gf. Engaged after dating two weeks. Basically less than a month from his prior gf. Shockingly, didn't last. His new wife filed for divorce before their first anniversary. He was engaged again a few months later.

That's a lot of girlfriends!

That's gross and sad for the kids. I wonder how many std's in the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my good friends is getting divorced. It's basically amicable, they're just very different people and want different things. A lot of it stemmed from money issues (she's a spender, he's a saver, she wanted to be a SAHM, he wasn't making enough to support the lifestyle she wanted, etc. etc. The point is, no cheating or anything like that).

Anyway, we just found out that he's already got a fairly serious girlfriend who he just introduced to his family. The new gf is really pretty, younger, has a graduate degree, and a better job than he does. I heard through the grapevine (friend of a friend) that she doesn't want kids. My friend is also dating but nothing serious. She did meet one guy she really liked but he wasn't looking for a commitment. She's upset and I didn't know what to say. It reminded me of that SATC episode though where Miranda and Steve broke up, he's homeless and living on her couch, and already has girls lining up for him.

I knew this was a stereotype but not a real thing. Can anyone tell her/us that it gets better? Did you meet "the one" with two kids in your thirties?

Unless your "friend's husband" is amazing in bed, why would a younger, prettier, more affluent woman want him? A man with two child support bills who doesn't make enough money? If she was as great as you say, men her age and her income bracket would be lining up.

[Anonymous]

So a guy jumping into a relationship with her would have to take on a whole lot of responsibility (her kids) and expense (her and her kids). What would he be getting in return? Is she super attractive or super fit?

I think that well-to-do guys in her age range are usually looking for young, attractive and fun.

[Anonymous]

it makes sense why men marry again quickly. We plan their social lives, plan family events, have their children, decorate their homes, plan vacations, send thank you notes, schedule the cleaning ladies and home maintenance, buy the children clothing and sign them up for school and activities, buy birthday gifts, plan parties... I could go on!

And you're wrong. You give a crap about planning family events. Men simply may not. I don't. My wife bought my clothes for 15 years. I had no clue where to get the brand of boxers she used to supply me until it occurred to me to look. But I haven't been dating to find a new supplier of boxer shorts (which I think about) or a home decorator (which you think about). I date to find another life partner and sex partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

it makes sense why men marry again quickly. We plan their social lives, plan family events, have their children, decorate their homes, plan vacations, send thank you notes, schedule the cleaning ladies and home maintenance, buy the children clothing and sign them up for school and activities, buy birthday gifts, plan parties... I could go on!

And you're wrong. You give a crap about planning family events. Men simply may not. I don't. My wife bought my clothes for 15 years. I had no clue where to get the brand of boxers she used to supply me until it occurred to me to look. But I haven't been dating to find a new supplier of boxer shorts (which I think about) or a home decorator (which you think about). I date to find another life partner and sex partner.

Nope, for the majority of men she is spot on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

it makes sense why men marry again quickly. We plan their social lives, plan family events, have their children, decorate their homes, plan vacations, send thank you notes, schedule the cleaning ladies and home maintenance, buy the children clothing and sign them up for school and activities, buy birthday gifts, plan parties... I could go on!

And you're wrong. You give a crap about planning family events. Men simply may not. I don't. My wife bought my clothes for 15 years. I had no clue where to get the brand of boxers she used to supply me until it occurred to me to look. But I haven't been dating to find a new supplier of boxer shorts (which I think about) or a home decorator (which you think about). I date to find another life partner and sex partner.

My husband does. As does his family and others. They expect family events, birthdays, thank you notes and a nice home.

[Anonymous]

Men remarry quicker because they have time. Too many DWs want sole/primary custody. By doing so, they limit their time to meet a guy. I advocate 50:50 time because it's better for the kids and equal for the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait a minute. She has 2 kids and is divorcing because her husband can't afford for her to SAH? Does she think having 2 households is going to make the money issues better? Wow, just wow.

No they're divorcing because they always fought about money and that led to a breakdown in the relationship. It's somewhat mutual but rimarilybinstigated by him and she didn't fight it. (Fwiw I used to think that if she promised to stop spending, he would try again - I guess not now though).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend who likes to spend but doesn't want to work isn't sounding like a prize to me.

+1. Pretty sure this is going to impact her ability to date in addition to her expensive tastes.

+100

OP's friend sounds like a massive loser. Spending more than you can afford is incredibly stupid and unattractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

it makes sense why men marry again quickly. We plan their social lives, plan family events, have their children, decorate their homes, plan vacations, send thank you notes, schedule the cleaning ladies and home maintenance, buy the children clothing and sign them up for school and activities, buy birthday gifts, plan parties... I could go on!

And you're wrong. You give a crap about planning family events. Men simply may not. I don't. My wife bought my clothes for 15 years. I had no clue where to get the brand of boxers she used to supply me until it occurred to me to look. But I haven't been dating to find a new supplier of boxer shorts (which I think about) or a home decorator (which you think about). I date to find another life partner and sex partner.

My husband does. As does his family and others. They expect family events, birthdays, thank you notes and a nice home.

Ask your husband: why remarry? Sex or thank you notes.