Do you spank your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my kid was little around 2, she pushed every button, and I ended up spanking her once or twice. I felt so bad that I let myself do that. I vowed never to do it again, and I haven't.

I remember being hit by my parents even when I was like 10 years old, my dad hit me with a belt. I will never forget it, and would not want to do anything like that to my children.

No one here advocates hitting with a belt or any instrument. Spanking should be open handed, never a fist.

I don't care how you do it. It isn't right. If you've read any studies on spanking, you will find that the jails are full of people that were spanked as a child.

Spare the rod and lower the crime rate? There is a growing body of data suggesting such a link.

The Charlemagne blog on The Economist’s website explores the question of why violent crime is steadily decreasing in Europe in particular and much of the developed world in general, and concludes that the drop correlates with a similar decrease in the rates of children being spanked.

Numerous studies over the years have found that children who are spanked are more likely to become teens and then adults who are violent. They are also more prone to suffer with psychological problems, abuse drugs and alcohol, and own firearms, some studies have found.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/17/outlawing-spanking_n_3606886.html


http://www.naturalchild.org/research/corporal_punishment.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spank but very rarely (once a month, maybe).

This is regularly, not rarely.

Do you get a utility bill rarely, pay your mortgage rarely?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents spanked me and I cannot say it changed my relationship with them. I honestly don't think I was that affected by being spanked. (?) Does anyone else feel like this?

Yes. It was just natural, and something that you earned if you were really bad. (I'm a guy.) I remember being put over both of their knees at different points in time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do spank. Never out of anger, however. I think that's the key- like PP said, there are a few things that are an automatic spanking in our house. Like any consequence, the kids KNOW why they are being spanked, and we discuss the issue before and after the correction. Hugs, kisses, and reflection on how we can do better next time. And then it's done, and we move on. No different than other consequences.

I am not a fan of the impromptu whack on the butt stuff.

Just to push your thinking here a bit, would you be okay if your kids hit someone even if it wasn't out of anger? If you have a discussion about why they are being spanked, it seems reasonable to leave it at that. I was hit/spanked by my mother and it's never a good thing to see your parent so out of control. It completely change our relationship, for the worse.

I'm not sure I understand the question. The issue would be whether the spanker has legitimate authority to issue a punishment. Kids don't have this authority over other kids; kids can't take away each other's iPhones, either.

That's my question: so you believe that hitting is okay only if used as punishment? That's why a parent wouldn't be a hypocrite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents spanked me and I cannot say it changed my relationship with them. I honestly don't think I was that affected by being spanked. (?) Does anyone else feel like this?

Yes. It was just natural, and something that you earned if you were really bad. (I'm a guy.) I remember being put over both of their knees at different points in time.

Yeah, same here. (I'm a female.) It was just something natural. No big deal (to me).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like all the folks posting about having very bad memories of being spanked as a child, experienced more than what I consider spanking. Spanking is not when any kind of belt or object is used, it's a light open palmed smack that doesn't leave any mark, maybe some redness that goes away quickly.

I'm pretty sure they just have an agenda. Talk about this with people in real life, and everyone chuckles about it and says "I deserved it, too." Get on a debate online, and it's all "It was ssoooooooo traumatic."

pp here, uh no. Really your kids are seeing you out of control and being hypocritical (because I'm guessing these kids who are spanked are not allowed to hit). My only agenda is to save a kid from pain and to save a parent from their kids seeing them as weak or despicable. But, justify it if you want.

My agenda is to raise well-behaved, respectful, contributing members of society who have an appreciation for self discipline and the rule of law. I would never say that my agenda is to save them from every form of pain. Pain happens, and there are all different types. That's part of growing up. Else you should just leave them in a padded room with a nutrition shake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do spank. Never out of anger, however. I think that's the key- like PP said, there are a few things that are an automatic spanking in our house. Like any consequence, the kids KNOW why they are being spanked, and we discuss the issue before and after the correction. Hugs, kisses, and reflection on how we can do better next time. And then it's done, and we move on. No different than other consequences.

I am not a fan of the impromptu whack on the butt stuff.

Just to push your thinking here a bit, would you be okay if your kids hit someone even if it wasn't out of anger? If you have a discussion about why they are being spanked, it seems reasonable to leave it at that. I was hit/spanked by my mother and it's never a good thing to see your parent so out of control. It completely change our relationship, for the worse.

I'm not sure I understand the question. The issue would be whether the spanker has legitimate authority to issue a punishment. Kids don't have this authority over other kids; kids can't take away each other's iPhones, either.

That's my question: so you believe that hitting is okay only if used as punishment? That's why a parent wouldn't be a hypocrite?

Correct, hitting in a controlled, measured, punitive manner, used sparingly (which is how I define spanking) is OK. It does not make the parent a hypocrite any more than taking away a toy, but telling a child not to steal makes a parent a hypocrite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents spanked me and I cannot say it changed my relationship with them. I honestly don't think I was that affected by being spanked. (?) Does anyone else feel like this?

Yes. It was just natural, and something that you earned if you were really bad. (I'm a guy.) I remember being put over both of their knees at different points in time.

Yeah, same here. (I'm a female.) It was just something natural. No big deal (to me).

Do you spank your kids now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my kid was little around 2, she pushed every button, and I ended up spanking her once or twice. I felt so bad that I let myself do that. I vowed never to do it again, and I haven't.

I remember being hit by my parents even when I was like 10 years old, my dad hit me with a belt. I will never forget it, and would not want to do anything like that to my children.

No one here advocates hitting with a belt or any instrument. Spanking should be open handed, never a fist.

I don't care how you do it. It isn't right. If you've read any studies on spanking, you will find that the jails are full of people that were spanked as a child.

Spare the rod and lower the crime rate? There is a growing body of data suggesting such a link.

The Charlemagne blog on The Economist’s website explores the question of why violent crime is steadily decreasing in Europe in particular and much of the developed world in general, and concludes that the drop correlates with a similar decrease in the rates of children being spanked.

Numerous studies over the years have found that children who are spanked are more likely to become teens and then adults who are violent. They are also more prone to suffer with psychological problems, abuse drugs and alcohol, and own firearms, some studies have found.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/17/outlawing-spanking_n_3606886.html


http://www.naturalchild.org/research/corporal_punishment.html

Correlation, not causation, etc. Those studies do not separate the sort of spanking people talk about on here with truly abusive situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents spanked me and I cannot say it changed my relationship with them. I honestly don't think I was that affected by being spanked. (?) Does anyone else feel like this?

Yes. It was just natural, and something that you earned if you were really bad. (I'm a guy.) I remember being put over both of their knees at different points in time.

Yeah, same here. (I'm a female.) It was just something natural. No big deal (to me).

Do you spank your kids now?

Yes, I have spanked them. Open hand, over clothing, on the bottom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents spanked me and I cannot say it changed my relationship with them. I honestly don't think I was that affected by being spanked. (?) Does anyone else feel like this?

Yes. It was just natural, and something that you earned if you were really bad. (I'm a guy.) I remember being put over both of their knees at different points in time.

Yeah, same here. (I'm a female.) It was just something natural. No big deal (to me).

Do you spank your kids now?

Yes, I have spanked them. Open hand, over clothing, on the bottom.

At what ages, and for what offenses? Do they go over your lap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents spanked me and I cannot say it changed my relationship with them. I honestly don't think I was that affected by being spanked. (?) Does anyone else feel like this?

Yes. It was just natural, and something that you earned if you were really bad. (I'm a guy.) I remember being put over both of their knees at different points in time.

Yeah, same here. (I'm a female.) It was just something natural. No big deal (to me).

Do you spank your kids now?

Yes, I have spanked them. Open hand, over clothing, on the bottom.

At what ages, and for what offenses? Do they go over your lap?

They're 3 and 7 now. No, I don't make them lean over my lap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do spank. Never out of anger, however. I think that's the key- like PP said, there are a few things that are an automatic spanking in our house. Like any consequence, the kids KNOW why they are being spanked, and we discuss the issue before and after the correction. Hugs, kisses, and reflection on how we can do better next time. And then it's done, and we move on. No different than other consequences.

I am not a fan of the impromptu whack on the butt stuff.

Just to push your thinking here a bit, would you be okay if your kids hit someone even if it wasn't out of anger? If you have a discussion about why they are being spanked, it seems reasonable to leave it at that. I was hit/spanked by my mother and it's never a good thing to see your parent so out of control. It completely change our relationship, for the worse.

If my kids decided that they, as parents, will use spanking as a disciplinary measure, I AM okay with that.

So only parents can hit their kids. Is that the only way in which hitting is permissible?

Well, yes. Parents have the authority to issue punishments. Kids do not have the power to issue punishments to other kids. I would not be OK with my child putting another child in time-out, or taking away a child's today, nor would I be OK with them spanking another child. This question does not make much sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents spanked me and I cannot say it changed my relationship with them. I honestly don't think I was that affected by being spanked. (?) Does anyone else feel like this?

Yes. It was just natural, and something that you earned if you were really bad. (I'm a guy.) I remember being put over both of their knees at different points in time.

Yeah, same here. (I'm a female.) It was just something natural. No big deal (to me).

Do you spank your kids now?

Yes, I have spanked them. Open hand, over clothing, on the bottom.

At what ages, and for what offenses? Do they go over your lap?

They're 3 and 7 now. No, I don't make them lean over my lap.

Did you talk with DH about how this would be carried out? Does it just happen? Do you tell the kids beforehand, and have that discussion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my kid was little around 2, she pushed every button, and I ended up spanking her once or twice. I felt so bad that I let myself do that. I vowed never to do it again, and I haven't.

I remember being hit by my parents even when I was like 10 years old, my dad hit me with a belt. I will never forget it, and would not want to do anything like that to my children.

No one here advocates hitting with a belt or any instrument. Spanking should be open handed, never a fist.

Really, its all the same thing.

Gotta wonder about people that defend striking their own flesh and blood.