Do you ever wish your DH made more money?

[Anonymous]

Definitely haven't read this whole thread, just chiming in to say my DH definitely wishes I made more money. And/or that I had picked a career with more earning potential. And/or that I would change careers to something more lucrative. But hell, so do I. Particularly because I'm beginning to hate my chosen career.

I wish he would be happy with a smaller house with a lower mortgage payment. But I've never actively wished he made more money. He makes about 40% more than I do, and both are salaries that would make us perfectly comfortable if we lived somewhere with a decent cost of living. But I wouldn't make what I do now in a place like that. He might.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make a decent amount of money and support our family, and DH makes very little. I get resentful because I always thought that either he would make enough so that I could go PT, or we would have enough money to really live well. Instead, I work FT, but his hours are worse than mine, so I also do the majority of the child-related things, and we don't get to go on vacation often because I need to work so much. Its very stressful being basically the sold source of income, not something I ever thought I would do.

OP here. That's my worst fear; being depended on for our whole family's lifestyle. I strongly expect my man to provide for me and take care of me financially, so it's a little strange getting used to the idea that I'll have to be the primary breadwinner.

This is fucking pathetic. Have you no shame?

BTW, to the PP who said OP must have been born in the 70sf. I was born in the 70s and have been the primary breadwinner my entire life. That was stupid generalization.

I don't think it was about OP being born in the 70s, it was a PP. It's pretty clear that OP was probably born in the 90s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make much more than my DH, and I also have all the family money (trust fund). The inequality of power that flows from that is distinctly non-sexy. Don't get me wrong -- he's great in many areas of life, I enjoy my work and am thankful we have the family money to fall back on. Still, is it too much to expect a guy with two advanced degrees to make more than 45k/yr? Yeah, I know it was my choice and it shouldn't matter. But it does. Guess I'm not as egalitarian as I'd like to think.

I'm in the same boat and feel awful admitting it. However I also suspect that because I did well, invested well, etc. it enabled DH to f****ck around and not have to get very serious. I am just disappointed on some days. We are divorcing, but not because of this. I don't think I will marry again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyday. DH is content to be a SAHD even though our kids are in middle school.

and how long until the affair begins?

For me, it was my SAHD who had the affair. Sad SAHD, marriage is over.

[Anonymous]

My husband makes $175k and I make 110k. He has a lot of flexibility, doesn't work long hours and LOVES his job so I think wishing for money would be a bit greedy.

[Anonymous]

Something must be wrong with me. I never envisioned a life of luxury. If I had, I would have gone out and got my own luxury.

I showed this thread to my husband. He shook his head and said thank God I didn't marry such a shallow ugly woman. Hey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I make my own money. Do you have a high paying career yourself?

No. But by the looks of it, I probably will have to if I want to give my children the life I envision.

Drop the phone and start looking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In 2014 I made 212k. My DH made 185k. He was upset I was out earning him And in November started a job search. He had a new one Jan 1st with a 225k salary. I lover the fact that he competes with me. This is an insecurity that is great for the bottom line.

Insecurity within a marriage can also lead you to the plastic surgeon. Be careful about how you compete with him. In the long run, you will never be able to compete with him on looks and attractiveness to other people. He'll win that one every time. Men age much better and if he has money, that's a plus for him...not so much for you.

[Anonymous]

I would not want my DH to make more money just so that my kids can go to private schools.

My kids are doing just fine in the magnet public school programs.

[Anonymous]

I want my DH to make more just like he wants to make more, because its a signal that he's valued by his employer and successful in his field. We each make enough to comfortably support our household on one salary (not including two private school tuitions).

[Anonymous]

i wish he made more money, because between us, we're low earners, and poors. We own nothing but a 10-year-old car, and have no savings, but instead have debt from trying to pay for medical expenses and everyday basics. I'm not greedy, and have never chosen a man based on money. We work hard and never get ahead or even keep up. So yes, why wouldn't I want him (and myself) to make enough money for us to live on?

[Anonymous]

As long as he is not a freeloader off of you and is self-supporting, I would count my blessings that I found such a nice guy and be grateful.

Sure, it would be nice to have a nice big home and the prestige that goes along with the fancy zip code. But to give all of that up for this gem of a husband??

Not in a million years.

[Anonymous]

I am a DH. I used to think my DW wanted me to make more money, but when the offer came in (160K to 220k), she was ok with me turning it down, which I did.
I like what I do -- I am a scientist, and going to work is fun. I have a very flexible job, can spend time with the family as needed, and have a good reputation at work.
I rarely miss a child's sporting event, and used to coach her teams. I had the flexibility to do that.

On my salary, we can live comfortably: we own a small house in a good neighborhood with excellent schools, we have two decent cars (VW & Subaru). We used to take nice vacations, but that money is now used for medical expenses...so our vacations are now more modest. Also, instead of nice vacations, DD goes to a good summer camp, which she loves.

We are not rich, but we are comfortable. And we have time to enjoy life. I would not mind if we had a little more $$, I would like my DW to go back to work -- she should be able to make 20-30K which we could use to build up savings...

What I do wish could change is to not have cancer.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read it all, but yes, absolutely I wish he made more. I don't want a life of luxury but wish I could be a stay at home mom instead of working full-time. I don't resent our life and like my career. But I wish I could volunteer at school and be home with them during all of these teacher work days. I wish I could fully enjoy activities on the weekends without waking up early or staying up late to get work done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read it all, but yes, absolutely I wish he made more. I don't want a life of luxury but wish I could be a stay at home mom instead of working full-time. I don't resent our life and like my career. But I wish I could volunteer at school and be home with them during all of these teacher work days. I wish I could fully enjoy activities on the weekends without waking up early or staying up late to get work done.

NP here. Just wanted to respond that part of this may be getting a more flexible job. I recently changed my schedule to work late two days in order to take every other Friday off and I have used those Friday's to volunteer at the school, be home on a half-day or pick the kids up right after school etc. Not every job is like this for sure but this flexibility was a factor in my job choice.

Back to the OP's question. When I met DH he wasn't making a lot and to be honest, I really didn't look at earning potential. I already owned a townhouse that I could afford on my own and I was making a good salary. I just wanted to always live below our means and as much as possible stick to living off one salary and banking atleast what would have been rent for DH so if something unexpected came up we could weather the storm. So I guess I expected each of us to be able to afford things like decent housing, transportation, retirement savings, food, and rainy day saving on our own and as long as we don't take a big leap in our expectations once we combine finances pre-kids we should be doing really well and able to save a lot. We have both been fortunate that our salaries have gone up and I won't lie and say that our cars haven't gotten nicer and we haven't spent more on vacations etc, but I like to think moving up in those things were several years after we could have afforded to do so.