Can’t get husband to help with Easter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see the issue. You aren’t religious and all this could have been ordered online. Who goes to stores anymore?

Oh stop it with the religious stuff. You realize that many major Christian holidays are pegged to pagan holidays? And that the bunny is a symbol of fertility and spring?

Let people have their Easter egg hunts and baskets and stop being so insufferable.

Some of you sure are attached to your adult egg hunts and baskets. No one is preventing you from doing whatever you want. Just like if OP wants, she too should just do it.

NP and exactly this. OP is trying to act like this is as important as actual religious celebrations, or milestones/occasions that both partners actively choose to celebrate. For some, that is Christmas, whether or not they are Christian; for others, it is Super Bowl Sunday; for some, it is Fourth of July.

The point is: both partners have to actually agree that The Thing in question is A Thing worthy of time, effort, money, investment of energy.

Otherwise, if you want to go all out for Easter? Do that, then. But acting like DH must participate at the level OP dictates when they don’t even practice the religion which is at the center of the holiday is just…asinine, really.

If he wants to make a big deal out of the Super Bowl, would he have the right to dictate that OP help him cook, clean, invite people over, prepare special foods and watch the whole game at the level that he dictates? If any husband were to write that he “can’t get wife to help with Super Bowl,” we’d tear him apart and laugh in his face.

This might blow your mind, but some people care about how their spouses feel. If my husband wanted to throw a Super Bowl party, I would help him do that because it mattered to him, even though I have no desire to watch the game myself.

Ahh, how nice of you to fund, host, cook and clean up after your husbands football viewing gathering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you recently move away from family members that you used to do this stuff with, OP? I don’t understand how this is just coming up when you have a teenager.

I think there are fake Easter posts on this site today.

That makes sense. This stuff is for small children. If OP’s husband didn’t care when the kids were little, I don’t know why she would think he would start now.

My mom loved Easter she still made us Easter baskets even when we grew and flew! I looked forward to those baskets with the Godiva bunny, jelly beans and the Cadbury mini eggs every year.

Enjoy your Easter traditions.

I’d give anything for one more Easter basket and Mom hosted Easter dinner. I miss my mom!

I’m guessing that she made baskets when you were little too. She didn’t just start when you were a teenager.
It seems odd that OP expects her husband to start caring about this stuff when their kids are older. I’m wondering if she used to do it with her mom or her sister, and they moved away or passed away.

Whatever the situation is, trying to start this tradition that her husband buys all the candy OP likes, he's supposed to read her mind, seems a bit too late when kids are teens. Just buy the candy when you're at the store anytime in March and up until Easter in April. OP is the one who cares and has specifications, so OP owns that task now.

I too love being as careless, mindless and thoughtless with any task my family asks of me. Hopefully they get the picture and ignore me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

This seems like a recipe to stop having sex post menopause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

You say that, but I think you know the reality is that most men do not in fact care about anything. There would be no traditions for any holiday, no celebrating achievements, no thoughtful surprises, and probably no actual athletic or music extracurriculars because men simply cannot be bothered to give AF about their kids’ emotional development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weaponized incompetence at its finest.

Agree.

And also, it’s OK to not do Easter eggs and candy. There are other ways to make holidays meaningful without plastic and sugar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you recently move away from family members that you used to do this stuff with, OP? I don’t understand how this is just coming up when you have a teenager.

I think there are fake Easter posts on this site today.

That makes sense. This stuff is for small children. If OP’s husband didn’t care when the kids were little, I don’t know why she would think he would start now.

My mom loved Easter she still made us Easter baskets even when we grew and flew! I looked forward to those baskets with the Godiva bunny, jelly beans and the Cadbury mini eggs every year.

Enjoy your Easter traditions.

I’d give anything for one more Easter basket and Mom hosted Easter dinner. I miss my mom!

I’m guessing that she made baskets when you were little too. She didn’t just start when you were a teenager.
It seems odd that OP expects her husband to start caring about this stuff when their kids are older. I’m wondering if she used to do it with her mom or her sister, and they moved away or passed away.

Whatever the situation is, trying to start this tradition that her husband buys all the candy OP likes, he's supposed to read her mind, seems a bit too late when kids are teens. Just buy the candy when you're at the store anytime in March and up until Easter in April. OP is the one who cares and has specifications, so OP owns that task now.

I too love being as careless, mindless and thoughtless with any task my family asks of me. Hopefully they get the picture and ignore me.

Seems rude to foist a religious holiday celebration on an unwilling spouse. So caring and thoughful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

You say that, but I think you know the reality is that most men do not in fact care about anything. There would be no traditions for any holiday, no celebrating achievements, no thoughtful surprises, and probably no actual athletic or music extracurriculars because men simply cannot be bothered to give AF about their kids’ emotional development.

We're not talking about your marriage. If OP wants to come back and list all the other ways her husband sucks that's a different story. But we're here to talk about why he rejects bunnies and sugar for a holiday he doesn't celebrate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

This seems like a recipe to stop having sex post menopause.

They call it a gray divorce. Have at it if it makes you happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

This seems like a recipe to stop having sex post menopause.

They call it a gray divorce. Have at it if it makes you happier.

I honestly don’t understand why you would get married in the first place if you just want to do your own thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

This seems like a recipe to stop having sex post menopause.

They call it a gray divorce. Have at it if it makes you happier.

I honestly don’t understand why you would get married in the first place if you just want to do your own thing.

Because we have our things and it all makes the household run. Your way of insisting every small task is a joint activity seems to make women quite angry and resentful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on team DH on this one. The kids are only excited about it because OP is excited about it. If OP wanted to celebrate so badly, she should have been the one to put it together. Also OP, why didn’t you just buy the chocolate when you bought the baskets? It would have saved you and DH another trip.

I’m still waiting to hear what the DH is excited about to do for the kids and takes the lead on it.

Otherwise he sounds like a deadweight tag along ManChild. Who should NOT have had kids.

Right?!?! I hate it when we have no agency in these things. “Gosh, this guy is a terrible parent. I wish I didn’t have to keep having more kid with him, but…”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

This seems like a recipe to stop having sex post menopause.

Or even earlier! Like with every transaction, if you want the pro quo, you’ve got to provide the quid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weaponized incompetence at its finest.

Agree.

And also, it’s OK to not do Easter eggs and candy. There are other ways to make holidays meaningful without plastic and sugar.

It is. And you should bring this up with your spouse a couple of weeks before Easter. You shouldn’t agree to get the plastic and sugar and then flake the night before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on team DH on this one. The kids are only excited about it because OP is excited about it. If OP wanted to celebrate so badly, she should have been the one to put it together. Also OP, why didn’t you just buy the chocolate when you bought the baskets? It would have saved you and DH another trip.

I’m still waiting to hear what the DH is excited about to do for the kids and takes the lead on it.

Otherwise he sounds like a deadweight tag along ManChild. Who should NOT have had kids.

Right?!?! I hate it when we have no agency in these things. “Gosh, this guy is a terrible parent. I wish I didn’t have to keep having more kid with him, but…”

Or that she married an atheist who rejects Christian holidays and is pissed he won't celebrate the holiday with her in the most crass and commercialized way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weaponized incompetence at its finest.

Agree.

And also, it’s OK to not do Easter eggs and candy. There are other ways to make holidays meaningful without plastic and sugar.

It is. And you should bring this up with your spouse a couple of weeks before Easter. You shouldn’t agree to get the plastic and sugar and then flake the night before.

He got the candy but now it's not the "right" candy.