Not inviting kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a selfish brat.

Many couples exclude children from weddings, it is extremely common.

Furthermore i wouldn’t want a baby and toddler at ANY intimate dinner at a nice elegant restaurant especially if it were my wedding dinner.

BTW iI am a parent of two young children and invited kids to my wedding. Everyone has different preferences and the wedding couple get to decide.

That's really rude. Op is not being a selfish brat. She's trying to figure out how to make sure her family including a nursing baby of a few months is cared for. She's thinking of them and that doesn't make her a brat.

Op also never said it was a nice elegant restaurant. It could be a very family friendly place for all we know.

Whatever it is, her kids aren’t included. So stay home and care for them since apparently the husband is incapable.

I've never met a husband who could nurse.

I agree she should stay home and skip the events.

lol so you don’t have experience with freezer supplies and putting BM in a bottle.

My kid had bottle refusal around 3 months which was unfun. We got him off it but it took quite a bit of work.

Breastfeeding in the nurse heavy days does also mean you get uncomfortable after a few hours of not pumping or nursing.

A few hours? So OP can easily go to either the court house or the dinner, comfortably, for an hour or two. I still don’t get how this is a huge imposition. She just wants her kids included, just cuz. Not because this is logistically difficult. It’s not like she even RSVPd 2 for herself and the nursing baby. She went all in for the family of 4. Rude.

Yes, even for a few hours.

Op was not rude. She rsvp-ed for 4 because no one at that point said no kids.

Well, now she knows. I guess this family is a little different that this was all a verbal invitation to a wedding anyway issued by the parents of the groom.

Exactly. This whole wedding invite thing is very unusual...all verbal, not done by the couple getting married.

Frankly op, I'd be thrilled to skip this mess.

Plot twist. The parents of the groom are the ones who want it to be kid free not the couple getting married.

Because they know their daughter is the type to let the toddler run wild and let the baby scream without taking it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a selfish brat.

Many couples exclude children from weddings, it is extremely common.

Furthermore i wouldn’t want a baby and toddler at ANY intimate dinner at a nice elegant restaurant especially if it were my wedding dinner.

BTW iI am a parent of two young children and invited kids to my wedding. Everyone has different preferences and the wedding couple get to decide.

That's really rude. Op is not being a selfish brat. She's trying to figure out how to make sure her family including a nursing baby of a few months is cared for. She's thinking of them and that doesn't make her a brat.

Op also never said it was a nice elegant restaurant. It could be a very family friendly place for all we know.

Whatever it is, her kids aren’t included. So stay home and care for them since apparently the husband is incapable.

I've never met a husband who could nurse.

I agree she should stay home and skip the events.

lol so you don’t have experience with freezer supplies and putting BM in a bottle.

My kid had bottle refusal around 3 months which was unfun. We got him off it but it took quite a bit of work.

Breastfeeding in the nurse heavy days does also mean you get uncomfortable after a few hours of not pumping or nursing.

A few hours? So OP can easily go to either the court house or the dinner, comfortably, for an hour or two. I still don’t get how this is a huge imposition. She just wants her kids included, just cuz. Not because this is logistically difficult. It’s not like she even RSVPd 2 for herself and the nursing baby. She went all in for the family of 4. Rude.

Yes, even for a few hours.

Op was not rude. She rsvp-ed for 4 because no one at that point said no kids.

Well, now she knows. I guess this family is a little different that this was all a verbal invitation to a wedding anyway issued by the parents of the groom.

Exactly. This whole wedding invite thing is very unusual...all verbal, not done by the couple getting married.

Frankly op, I'd be thrilled to skip this mess.

Plot twist. The parents of the groom are the ones who want it to be kid free not the couple getting married.

Because they know their daughter is the type to let the toddler run wild and let the baby scream without taking it out.

And you the daughter is this kind of parent how?

[Anonymous]

I believe even a family wedding is an invitation not a summons, especially if you aren't close. I would not go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I went back and read op's original post and I don't see "production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet".

She asked if there was any flexibility-she didn't demand it or throw a fit.

She posted here for a sanity check like plenty of people do on things ranging from work disputes, college visits, clothes, and yes, family visits.

If you want your family there, you make it family friendly. He didn't so do what's best for the family you created. I don't think OP sees it as a attack. She's probably worried some family members will give her a hard time or he will be offended, but part of having a party, even a wedding is making it thinking about the needs of your guests. You don't have to, and they don't have to come.

My sister and BIL had their wedding during a busy time for high schoolers (most of the nieces and nephews are in high school) and expected everyone to fly to an undesirable area where you must rent a car and all they offered was a cheap meal at their wedding. They both are high earners who live large. They were offended that not many of us came because we didn't want to leave our kids unsupervised and they couldn't miss school. Those of us who didn't go don't even have a relationship with her. She tried to stir up so much drama, meanwhile the people who went aren't speaking to her anymore. After taking planes and renting cars, they expected a decent meal and perhaps a few more meals or a welcome basket and/or an actual thank you note for their gift and travel. They weren't making the wedding all about them. It's about being gracious and decent to guests.


The OP was paranoid and delusional. First she played the victim by an unsubstantiated comment about how the brother doesn’t like her very much, then she claims his no kid policy is a direct attack on her children.

I'm going to trust the op over a random Internet person when she says her brother doesn't like her.

It’s because she’s taking all of this as a personal attack. Like her brother could have had a different type of wedding that would be more family friendly but didn’t just to stick it to her.

[Anonymous]

I mean I've been through getting married when my sibling had a young child and I talked to my sibling about what they needed.

I just think this is another symptom in a larger picture of a strained sibling relationship. Which is a little sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

[Anonymous]

This is a strange post. They don't actually expect you to go to the destination wedding with a 2 year old and a baby. The invite was just a courtesy.
For the local event, it is not unreasonable that you would find a babysitter, or that you would go and your significant other would stay with the kids. When my grandmother died, I left my 2 month old son with my husband for 2 days and went to her funeral. I pumped.

[Anonymous]

Why are you put off? If you are not close with him, why would he change the format of his wedding (an event that many prefer to be child-free) to accommodate your kids? He's having the event that he wants, and you can decline to attend if it is not feasible for you. No one should be upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean I've been through getting married when my sibling had a young child and I talked to my sibling about what they needed.

I just think this is another symptom in a larger picture of a strained sibling relationship. Which is a little sad.

I hope the op has supportive and thoughtful in laws because her family of origin is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

Think about it. After an hour they are probably still eating, doing toasts, maybe even some informal pictures, etc. It is entirely believable that someone will decide that op leaving before the event concludes officially is unacceptable and make a petty comment.

[Anonymous]

It is entirely believable that someone will decide that op leaving before the event concludes officially is unacceptable and make a petty comment.

And so the groom and OP should bend over backwards to change what works best for each of them to avoid a petty comment being made? Who cares? Brother should have the wedding he wants, and if OP is not close with him, and the situation doesn't work for her, it's ok to leave early or only go to the ceremony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

Think about it. After an hour they are probably still eating, doing toasts, maybe even some informal pictures, etc. It is entirely believable that someone will decide that op leaving before the event concludes officially is unacceptable and make a petty comment.

Nobody there cares about OP. This is a dinner party not a formal reception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean I've been through getting married when my sibling had a young child and I talked to my sibling about what they needed.

I just think this is another symptom in a larger picture of a strained sibling relationship. Which is a little sad.

This. Can’t be fixed by a wedding invitation. But anyone who does this does not have a good relationship with their sibling or they are just supremely self centered! Loving people want the people they love around them on these special occasions. Hope no one did this and thought they were being a normal good person lolol. Everyone thinks you’re awful and also a little crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It is entirely believable that someone will decide that op leaving before the event concludes officially is unacceptable and make a petty comment.

And so the groom and OP should bend over backwards to change what works best for each of them to avoid a petty comment being made? Who cares? Brother should have the wedding he wants, and if OP is not close with him, and the situation doesn't work for her, it's ok to leave early or only go to the ceremony.

I think the point is the groom or the bride shouldn't make a petty comment if op chooses to leave early because of her newborn.