Step kid returns to nest - mixed feelings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good lord. Just tell him his car cannot block yours in and tell your DH that it’s non-negotiable and you expect him to back you up on it.

She’s already done that to no avail. This leaves her the nuclear options of making it the SS/H’s problem or the doormat solution of parking on the street herself.

OP if you are still reading, I know you have worked hard to be a good SM, not competing with his mom or adding difficulty to an already high conflict divorce. But you are still a role model, your younger child(ren) are seeing that it’s ok to treat you this way, and I think you need to show them it’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. But I think that's kind of a red herring. It's still annoying. I've been blocked more trying to just leave the house at 6:30 for regular shifts than for emergency calls. And also no fun doing grocery shopping after a 24 hour shift and being blocked from my garage spot.

(No one literally takes my spot in the garage. They just park behind it in the driveway.

I’m a PP who has assigned my kids parking spots. I honestly cannot fathom the disrespect you are experiencing. The idea of emergencies and schedules are irrelevant. When you tell your kids, step kids, nieces, nephews, their friends or whomever that they cannot block you in, it shouldn’t happen. Good luck.

that's because you are a mom, not a stepmom. I'm a stepmom and we are expected to just act cheerful when we are treated with disrespect by our step kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens when you ask him to park in the street instead of the driveway?

He parks in the driveway. I ask him to move. He says to just tell him when I need to leave and he will move. And my husband says to chill out and since he, husband, doesn't care if folks park behind him, he, husband, isn't going to back me up on this.

I know. It's 90% a husband issue. But he's almost 70 and I'm not changing him.

You may need to start parking on the street yourself.

OP here. I have! Rather than block people in. I figured I'd model what I request! But honestly, between rain, cold, and unloading, I'd like to park in the lovely garage. There has to be some perks to being one paying for the place. (And the cars! He has my old car)

That’s annoying, but less annoying in the end I suspect. You could try one more time with DH and ask that adult step son be assigned a parking place that works for all of you. If that doesn’t work, I think u need to park on the street (control what u can control)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP in regards to the parking can't you keep a set of his keys? If you could move his car yourself would that make it better?

Move his car a few blocks away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. But I think that's kind of a red herring. It's still annoying. I've been blocked more trying to just leave the house at 6:30 for regular shifts than for emergency calls. And also no fun doing grocery shopping after a 24 hour shift and being blocked from my garage spot.

(No one literally takes my spot in the garage. They just park behind it in the driveway.

I’m a PP who has assigned my kids parking spots. I honestly cannot fathom the disrespect you are experiencing. The idea of emergencies and schedules are irrelevant. When you tell your kids, step kids, nieces, nephews, their friends or whomever that they cannot block you in, it shouldn’t happen. Good luck.

that's because you are a mom, not a stepmom. I'm a stepmom and we are expected to just act cheerful when we are treated with disrespect by our step kids.

Wrong. There’s putting up with minor things, and then there’s what OP is describing. She needs to grow a spine and tell this young adult what the deal is. I wouldn’t put up with that “just move my car” nonsense for one minute.

[Anonymous]

I might have missed it but is it a one car garage or a two car garage? If it’s a two car garage and he continually blocks your side can you and your DH switch sides? Otherwise, if my DH’s car wasn’t blocked I would take his car if I got called in and he can deal with his DS if he needs to get your car out.

[Anonymous]

Hai-yaah! You raised the kid for 20 years, since he was 5. What's wrong with you OP? This is just Emotional Damage!!

[Anonymous]

Husband issue
And a YOU issue
It’s a you issue because you are not willing to require your husband to step up and be a united front about house rules.
This is not fair to your stepson or other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This child has been in your life since he was FIVE and he’s still your “step kid.” For the purposes of this thread, you could have said adult son.

OP here. I'm not sure if you have step kids:.. but it's never actually the same. You just never get the same "authority" even if you feel the same feelings. He has two parents who, frankly ,don't get along and add a lot of stress to his life. He went through some really rough years and came out the other side triumphant. He doesn't need me as a third parent. I just try to be a positive presence in his life.

Different poster and I’m
A step parent and you are full of it.
House rules are house rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
His entire stay at your home isn’t going to go well at all .. Starting w this parking in the driveway thing.

That’s a low key power struggle thing.

This. And with his addiction history it feels like there are unaddressed issues re: his past trauma and past and current family dynamics. I’d be reluctant to have tension for your daughters last year at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens when you ask him to park in the street instead of the driveway?

He parks in the driveway. I ask him to move. He says to just tell him when I need to leave and he will move. And my husband says to chill out and since he, husband, doesn't care if folks park behind him, he, husband, isn't going to back me up on this.

I know. It's 90% a husband issue. But he's almost 70 and I'm not changing him.

You may need to start parking on the street yourself.

OP here. I have! Rather than block people in. I figured I'd model what I request! But honestly, between rain, cold, and unloading, I'd like to park in the lovely garage. There has to be some perks to being one paying for the place. (And the cars! He has my old car)

That’s annoying, but less annoying in the end I suspect. You could try one more time with DH and ask that adult step son be assigned a parking place that works for all of you. If that doesn’t work, I think u need to park on the street (control what u can control)

F no.

If the stepkid does this, what has to happen is that her husband moves his car to the street and she gets his spot in the garage.

Every time.

The dad needs to be the one to man up and either talk to his son or deal with the consequences of his disrespect. The son specifically parks behind her spot in the driveway because he doesn’t want to inconvenience his dad. This is the only way to send a clear message that he’s being a dick in a way that he will understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens when you ask him to park in the street instead of the driveway?

He parks in the driveway. I ask him to move. He says to just tell him when I need to leave and he will move. And my husband says to chill out and since he, husband, doesn't care if folks park behind him, he, husband, isn't going to back me up on this.

I know. It's 90% a husband issue. But he's almost 70 and I'm not changing him.

I don’t have any advice but to tell you I am very sympathetic regarding the parking as my DW does that to me. I find it incredibly frustrating and selfish on her part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband issue
And a YOU issue
It’s a you issue because you are not willing to require your husband to step up and be a united front about house rules.
This is not fair to your stepson or other kids.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think my "out" has always been deferring to my ex (their dad) because he's obviously not doing the heavy lifting.

Too many traffic tickets? The cars are under his name. The house I live in is still under his name (and mine).

I'm prepared to go to the mat (court) over how has spent 100s of thousands of dollars on his mistress and secretly putting her kids through private school the whole time. He was hiding income.

I have enough. I knew what he was like a while ago and started putting money aside. I only have about 500K in my name only. But I can tell he's terrified to bring anything into the light in terms of who spent what on what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens when you ask him to park in the street instead of the driveway?

He parks in the driveway. I ask him to move. He says to just tell him when I need to leave and he will move. And my husband says to chill out and since he, husband, doesn't care if folks park behind him, he, husband, isn't going to back me up on this.

I know. It's 90% a husband issue. But he's almost 70 and I'm not changing him.

You may need to start parking on the street yourself.

OP here. I have! Rather than block people in. I figured I'd model what I request! But honestly, between rain, cold, and unloading, I'd like to park in the lovely garage. There has to be some perks to being one paying for the place. (And the cars! He has my old car)

That’s annoying, but less annoying in the end I suspect. You could try one more time with DH and ask that adult step son be assigned a parking place that works for all of you. If that doesn’t work, I think u need to park on the street (control what u can control)

F no.

If the stepkid does this, what has to happen is that her husband moves his car to the street and she gets his spot in the garage.

Every time.

The dad needs to be the one to man up and either talk to his son or deal with the consequences of his disrespect. The son specifically parks behind her spot in the driveway because he doesn’t want to inconvenience his dad. This is the only way to send a clear message that he’s being a dick in a way that he will understand.

Everything in her post suggests her husband is too weak to solve the problem, so OP will have to do it herself. Just sit them down and tell them both firmly and clearly that he can't park behind you ever again under any circumstances, because you are an all-call physician. If your stepkid continues to park behind you, you're taking back the car you gave him. Until you communicate clear boundaries and enforce them, you're going to keep getting walked all over by your weak husband and disrespectful stepkid.