Step kid returns to nest - mixed feelings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. But I think that's kind of a red herring. It's still annoying. I've been blocked more trying to just leave the house at 6:30 for regular shifts than for emergency calls. And also no fun doing grocery shopping after a 24 hour shift and being blocked from my garage spot.

(No one literally takes my spot in the garage. They just park behind it in the driveway.

I’m a PP who has assigned my kids parking spots. I honestly cannot fathom the disrespect you are experiencing. The idea of emergencies and schedules are irrelevant. When you tell your kids, step kids, nieces, nephews, their friends or whomever that they cannot block you in, it shouldn’t happen. Good luck.

Agree. And you've already asked him not to park there and you're a doctor with emergency shifts, so parking behind your spot is like a willful FU. Can't believe your DH doesn't shot this down. Actually, I can. I think the mess and the parking will be an ongoing issue if he moves un. You have only yourself to blame for doing his laundry, though. Stop being the maid!

[Anonymous]

I'm not all that concerned about meals and laundry.

But it sets the tone, Op. It matters. What you don't want - is the dynamic you have, which is a child's needs being taken care of by an adult in charge. Instead what you want is three adults living together and not getting in each other's way. Each equally responsible, and each equally accountable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm not all that concerned about meals and laundry.

But it sets the tone, Op. It matters. What you don't want - is the dynamic you have, which is a child's needs being taken care of by an adult in charge. Instead what you want is three adults living together and not getting in each other's way. Each equally responsible, and each equally accountable.

At the very least, he should be doing his own laundry and dirty dishes, making his own breakfast and lunch, and moving his car as soon as you need it.

[Anonymous]

Well, I would not do his laundry. I would make my husband gather his dishes. And I would take his car to work or wherever I needed to go EVERY SINGLE TIME he was parked behind me. I would have done the car thing from the first moment he had a car. I would make enough food if I was cooking anyway. And I would be happy to see him.

I would not nag him. I would
Not even mention the car thing once. Just take his car. And I would not say “I’m not doing your laundry.” I just wouldnt do it. If he leaves it in the washing machine or dryer and you need it, throw it on top like happens in every college dorm laundry. And do it all cheerfully. He is who he is. Your husband created this. I wouldn’t blame the kid.

[Anonymous]

Oh. Also hide your car keys every time you take his car. Make this him or your husband’s problem. Don’t make it easy for him to drive your car.

[Anonymous]

it's possible that he has grown up some in the time that he is away and that he doesn't think he is going to be a guest. I lived with my parents as an adult. we had a cars in the driveway rule (we could park on the street, but cars getting hit wasn't uncommon). Both parents had on call jobs - we rearranged their cars so they would be able to leave when they needed to. everyone's keys were accessible.

[Anonymous]

OP in regards to the parking can't you keep a set of his keys? If you could move his car yourself would that make it better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. But I think that's kind of a red herring. It's still annoying. I've been blocked more trying to just leave the house at 6:30 for regular shifts than for emergency calls. And also no fun doing grocery shopping after a 24 hour shift and being blocked from my garage spot.

(No one literally takes my spot in the garage. They just park behind it in the driveway.

This discussion is crazy! OP, what ethnicity are you? You are a physician and doing the grocery shopping after a 24 hour shift? Please don't tell me you are the main breadwinner too? There is no way you are a black woman. I don't care if you are a step-mom, bio-mom, etc. This parking issue is not normal. Your stepson has no respect for you. You need to stand up to your lazy a** husband and tell him that he needs to enforce the parking situation. If he is unwilling to, people have given lots of suggestions. You are going to need to be direct and follow through with consequences. JFC, I hope this is a troll post, but I fear it isn't.

[Anonymous]

You’re in for the most miserable 365 days of your life OP

[Anonymous]

Haven't read all the posts, but just had to comment. BTW I'm also a SM who was in SK life from when they were young plus have bio kids with the same dad. They are all drive and I had one of the SK boomerang back into the house. I also have a boring government job, but....................since I am one of two people who own the house and driveway I at all times need access to and from my garage spot. My husband thought I overreacted and was making a big deal of nothing, but I basically ranted and raved that this was non-negotiable. To this day, none of the kids will ever block my access. DH on the other hand spends a lot of time negotiating parking/moving cars.

Long story - tell him your non-negotiables and stick to your guns. Otherwise you're going to be miserable.

[Anonymous]

What happens when you ask him to park in the street instead of the driveway?

You need to ask him to move his car every single time. When he says, "I'll do it in a minute", you say, "No, I need you to do it now." And then you stand there and stare him down. Stare your husband down if he tries to intervene or tell him to go move his son's car. You only have to do this about 2 to 3 times before he starts complying to avoid the confrontation. But you cannot be afraid to have the confrontation.

[Anonymous]

Good lord. Just tell him his car cannot block yours in and tell your DH that it’s non-negotiable and you expect him to back you up on it.

[Anonymous]

OP in regards to the parking can't you keep a set of his keys? If you could move his car yourself would that make it better?

Why should OP have to go to the trouble to either move his car or else take his car, which she isn't use to driving. Screw that. Pitch an enormous fit---this clearly bothers you, definitely inconveniences you, and you should not have to put up with this inconsiderate behavior in his own home. He is always free to live somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

* in OP's own home (was typing too fast)

[Anonymous]

There is no way!