Location sharing with spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We share. We have nothing to hide. If you are freaking out—that shows me you have something to be worried about. If your lives are as boring as ours it’s no big deal

Do you feel the same way about government surveillance?

Are you equating the father of my children and life partner of 28 years to a complete stranger?

You are the dumbest person I have encountered today. Congrats!

I am responding to your position that (paraphrasing) "if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to worry about." This has often been used to condone government/police surveillance/interrogation. I fundamentally disagree with it.

Again, you cannot see any distinction and nuance. Honestly it must be difficult to live in the world if you think all situations are the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW always thought sharing locations was odd. Implies to me something controlling about person requesting or trust issues. (Person who's never cheated or been cheated on that know of.)

This. I was married to someone who was diagnosed with Obsessive/Compusive behavior. I never want to be associated with someone with that behavior again.

I hope you're seeing someone for your issues.

Many people aren't controlling or have OCD. Those people have no problem with location sharing. Your probably was that you married someone with a mental illness. Do you now see how that's not the case for most people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I share locations with my spouse, children, mother, sister, and in-laws, including my sister-in-law and nieces. We also have several active group texts that include mundane photos of our dinners and sunset walks. I think we've always been like this.

I’d hate to be one of your relatives receiving pictures of your dinners and sunset walks. How dull. Aren’t we all busy enough without this drivel?

Aren't you too busy to post negative drivel on DCUM? Our elderly family members share the most...and they are not very busy. As I said, we've always been like this. You should take a long sunset walk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No we don't share, nor would I. We very occasioally turn it on if one of us will be alone in a remote place just for safety but otherwise no. I don't need to know where he is every single second and he doesn't need to know where I am. I have zero interest in tracking him and have zero interest in being tracked. I am someone that likes privacy and wouldn't be with someone who needed to be able to check on me 24/7 and know where I was at all times.

And if my teen daugher told me that her boyfriend wanted to track her and needed to know where she is at all times, I would not tell her oh that is so sweet and loving, he just clearly cares about you so much. I would tell her to run.

I find this so odd given that I have kids. Why wouldn't you want your spouse (or your child) to know where you are? Do you literally just leave the house and say I'll be back in 4 hours but I'm not telling you where I'm going?

If your spouse wants to know they can ask, rather than spy on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you read the relationship forums here, on reddit, and other places - many people do use phones to track their partners and there are a lot of questions aboutwhat they see and is this 'suspicious' and should I confront etc.

And there are tons of posts about how I saw he/she read but didn't reply or was on social media but didn't answer my text. Or I know they aren't that busy at work but haven't answered me all afternoon.

People can pretend they aren't tracking their partners / spouses but the evidence online says otherwise.

Oh, I didn't realize people were a monolith. So if one crazy person is stalking their spouse's movements, that means everyone who has location sharing on is doing the same thing? How enlightening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No we don't share, nor would I. We very occasioally turn it on if one of us will be alone in a remote place just for safety but otherwise no. I don't need to know where he is every single second and he doesn't need to know where I am. I have zero interest in tracking him and have zero interest in being tracked. I am someone that likes privacy and wouldn't be with someone who needed to be able to check on me 24/7 and know where I was at all times.

And if my teen daugher told me that her boyfriend wanted to track her and needed to know where she is at all times, I would not tell her oh that is so sweet and loving, he just clearly cares about you so much. I would tell her to run.

It's pretty sad that you relate adult marriages with teen flings. Beyond bizarre to consider those the same situation.

I don't associate it with any healthy relationship and it isn't something I would model for my teens or tell them would be healthy for them now or later. I don't think needing to track and know where your partner is at all times is healthy in any relationship at any age. Cell phones are definitely a convenience but the idea now that it means that you expect access to people at all times isn't a positive. I also tell them that they aren't required to answer every message immediately - that they do not need to be at anyone's beck and call. I personally think a lot of harm is done to relationships when we see cell phones as this tether and we track people and require them to answer within x minutes or else. But I get that for many, they like control and so they model and teach that for their kids.

Ah, the crux of your issue. You view your spouse having potential access to your location as "controlling". Found the cheater!

Not a cheater at all. But yes I think that anyone who needs access to be able to track their partners whereabouts and movements at all times is controlling. We don't track our kids either. We believe in personal autonomy and independence and have zero interest in controlling behavior. I don't really care that I don't know that my husband left work at 6:03 and then turned left instead of his normal route turning right and that his car stopped for 3.5 minutes in a certain location where there is a pharmacy and that he then got home at 6:46 instead of the 6:41 that I would have expected based on the estimates given by the tracking information. I truly don't care. I am not going to quiz him on his route or why it took longer than google maps said it did and why he made a stop - people here are paranoid their spouses are cheating - that is why that information is so vital to them to have at their fingertips 24/7.

You sound really insecure. Perhaps therapy would help.

Actually very secure - which is why we don't need to track each other's locations.

Ha, nope. You literally pointed out how you'd abuse the tracking if you had access to it. No one does what you described above yet that's what you figured you'd do if you could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can only think of suspect reasons NOT to share. A controlling spouse you are hiding from, some kind of unhealthy boundary issues in your relationship you haven't addressed, laziness, doing things you shouldn't be doing or aren't willing to share.

And at its very core, it's a safety issue.

Honestly, if you have children, especially kids who are driving age, and you don't have "find my" or life 360 with your whole family, why not?

Somehow, dozens if not hundreds of generations survived without "Life 360." God, it even sounds like some dystopian invention.

[Anonymous]

My wife can’t seem to keep her location active so I solved the problem putting an Itag in her car. Problem solved! I don’t have any reason not to trust her but since she can’t seem to keep it on I went another way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We share. We have nothing to hide. If you are freaking out—that shows me you have something to be worried about. If your lives are as boring as ours it’s no big deal

Do you feel the same way about government surveillance?

Are you equating the father of my children and life partner of 28 years to a complete stranger?

You are the dumbest person I have encountered today. Congrats!

I am responding to your position that (paraphrasing) "if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to worry about." This has often been used to condone government/police surveillance/interrogation. I fundamentally disagree with it.

Again, you cannot see any distinction and nuance. Honestly it must be difficult to live in the world if you think all situations are the same.

So you agree with the principle, then. Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend's family all track each other and are proud to speak about how helpful it is but she also flipped out when her own parents retired and wanted to be in the tracking group because she didnt want them to know what her family was doing every moment. It was interesting to see her "over my dead body" reaction when she is such a big proponent of tracking.

Sigh. Your poor friend trying to have a conversation with you.

She probably assumed that her retired parents would spend all day tracking the movements of her family members, which she may have had reason for believing they would do.

That is NOT the same thing as sharing your location with your children and spouse for logistical reasons. Can you understand that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can only think of suspect reasons NOT to share. A controlling spouse you are hiding from, some kind of unhealthy boundary issues in your relationship you haven't addressed, laziness, doing things you shouldn't be doing or aren't willing to share.

And at its very core, it's a safety issue.

Honestly, if you have children, especially kids who are driving age, and you don't have "find my" or life 360 with your whole family, why not?

Somehow, dozens if not hundreds of generations survived without "Life 360." God, it even sounds like some dystopian invention.

We also managed without smart phones, tablets, computers, the internet, and anonymous mommy blogs. Yet, here we all are.

Would you like me to remind you of the things that were perfectly normal for hundreds of generations that are illegal, verboten, etc today? It goes both ways of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend's family all track each other and are proud to speak about how helpful it is but she also flipped out when her own parents retired and wanted to be in the tracking group because she didnt want them to know what her family was doing every moment. It was interesting to see her "over my dead body" reaction when she is such a big proponent of tracking.

Why is it weird? She doesn't want people outside of her household having their location. That sounds fine. No one is saying that everyone should share their location with everyone they come across. Your spouse and children are presumably closer to you than the starbucks barista or grandparents you see twice a year.

But why would it matter if they had her location? They would only check if it they needed to because of arriving / leaving or for safety.

How do you know that's how her parents would use it? It appears that some of you folks have trouble understanding the differing quality of relationships.

I can't figure out if these people are being purposefully obtuse to try to make a point or if they're really that dim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should also add that a lot of this has to do with his mistrust of the “surveillance state.” He has some philosophical thing against it, which I said was dumb considering I am your wife not the government. He said he just doesn’t want to be tracked 24/7. I said I have no intention or desire to do that and around and around we went.

It ended with him agreeing to share and me removing it because I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.

I think I am going to take a couple steps back emotionally and see what he does - whether he matches my energy or not. If he doesn’t meant to share his location? Ok fine, I will never ask where he is ir what he is up to again.

Your husband's an idiot then, because I bet he has at least a dozen apps that are tracking his location, and possibly selling that and other information, across the world. I mean, come on.

[Anonymous]

my husband and kids wandered out into the neighborhood yesterday to find a place to sled. I rarely look at his location but I looked at it yesterday to see where they were and when they were heading home so I could make some hot cocoa while he wasn't looking at his phone. Is this absolutely necessary? No, but it's a nice convenience and neither of us have anything to hide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't currently, nor does my husband with me. But if that was his reaction? I'd be going through is phone TODAY. That response is suspicious AF.

Op here. I did, didn’t find anything.

How do you go through someone's phone? I don't have my husband's password nor he mine.

Of course I have my H's password and he has mine, why wouldn't he. How would he unlock it when he is using it.

For privacy?

Having someone's password doesn't mean you're violating their privacy. It's not hard.