No sex drive and dh and I argue over it constantly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure i understand this complete loss of libido. Isn’t it at least partly driven by the sex not being good and not being worth the effort? Are all the posters who are totally fine with no sex turning down amazing sex or just tired of going through the motions because it’s just not that great?

I’m really curious about this as i approach my 50s and divorce. I don’t actually know how I feel about sex, I’m definitely right in the middle of menopause, but I always thought my low interest was related to the quality of the sex and low level dislike of the person i was sharing a bed with. If he’d been amazing in bed or a likable person, would I have maintained interest all these years later?

Guess I will have the opportunity to do some research soon, but i still can’t recreate what it might be like to be 5, 10 or 15 years into someone who’s amazing in bed.

Meeting a new person and being infatuated with them does powerful things biologically. Really no matter what the age though I’m sure it’s more powerful when we’re young of course but I imagine in the 50s and 60s the adrenaline and those love hormones are still strong.

But that’s not really what we’re talking about. It is tougher when you’ve been with someone 25, 35, 40 years. They might be your best friend and your family…you might live them…but it’s not rare for the sex to ebb.

Sex in decades long relationships coupled with people aging is what we are mostly taking about.

+1. Sex can be better or worse, depending on the people involved. Maybe a partner is more creative, more attuned, physically gifted or whatever. But, at a certain point, those advantages are going to be fighting what might easily be a losing battle against hormones and familiarity. So, I don't think it's a sound inference to conclude that the couples not having sex are just bad at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends what you want. If you care about companionship, support in all ways, care, love etc, then open your legs or just split and do yourself a favor.

not going to open my legs but perfectly happy to wear a strap-on. you open YOUR legs, jack.

LOL! if your DH swings that way then sure, otherwise just divorce him or let him get pleasure outside. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

what exactly is my cake? we both have loving spouses who like us, a good financial partner, and a good parenting partner.

you seem to think it's incumbent on only the woman in a partnership to "open their legs" (ignoring all of the hormonal and body change reasons why that might have become painful or unpleasant or both) in the name of "sex", but the guy in the relationship doesn't have to open their legs for something that they think might be painful or unpleasant to them in reciprocity? they have to "swing that way"?

i hear that you seem to value sex on your terms above everything else. cool, you'll pay for that at the divorce settlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:90% of a woman’s issue with low desire at this age is that she’s with the wrong man.

Totally wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:90% of a woman’s issue with low desire at this age is that she’s with the wrong man.

Totally wrong

Well, 90% wrong anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends what you want. If you care about companionship, support in all ways, care, love etc, then open your legs or just split and do yourself a favor.

not going to open my legs but perfectly happy to wear a strap-on. you open YOUR legs, jack.

LOL! if your DH swings that way then sure, otherwise just divorce him or let him get pleasure outside. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

what exactly is my cake? we both have loving spouses who like us, a good financial partner, and a good parenting partner.

you seem to think it's incumbent on only the woman in a partnership to "open their legs" (ignoring all of the hormonal and body change reasons why that might have become painful or unpleasant or both) in the name of "sex", but the guy in the relationship doesn't have to open their legs for something that they think might be painful or unpleasant to them in reciprocity? they have to "swing that way"?

i hear that you seem to value sex on your terms above everything else. cool, you'll pay for that at the divorce settlement.

LOL! someone sounds bitter. Seems like she is not getting anything.