Do women expect a ring at 1 year?

[Anonymous]

It depends on their age. If we are talking about women who waited until mid to late 30s to stress over husband and kids then they expect a ring by 6 weeks. Ok not 6 weeks lol but those women I describe above do not want to wait. They have their own timeline and expect men they come across to abide by their timeline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You remind me of a boyfriend my doctor sister had at that age. He was nice guy, good-looking and a doctor. We all liked him and really thought he would be her husband. Well, she met another guy at a conference (also a doctor) and he swept her off her feet. He proposed to her within the year and she accepted. Her boyfriend was in shock. He was planning on proposing to her but he lost out to a more determined suitor. The poor guy even came over and talked to my mom. If your girlfriend is all that you say, there will be other guys interested, too. My sister and her DH have been happily married for decades with two great sons.

Your sister cheated on her boyfriend? Dude dodged a bullet. Congrats to the married cuck who can live with his eyes closed.

OP here. Your sister is a cheater. That’s not the cute wholesome story you think it is.

There was no promise of exclusivity on either side. They were dating and busy with med school. He was more serious than he let on. She would have married him if he told her how he felt before she met her current husband. Maybe your girlfriend will fall in love with someone her age.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults.

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids.

I’d bet good money that none of your happily married parents and extended family had a 10/10 woman hanging around waiting until they were 38 with 6 figures liquid cash and whatever else you think you need first. They just did it. Perhaps you should consider the wisdom of their experience over your own imagination since, you know, they have achieved what you want and you have accomplished nothing so far?

OP here. I wouldn’t say I have accomplished nothing. I make great money and have enough to buy a really nice ring ( the one I’ve looked at is $22k), pay for the wedding and honeymoon, put down a hefty down payment on a home in the millions, pay off her student loan debt, and have her quit working or fund childcare expenses. I wouldn’t say that’s nothing.

Why do you have to pay for everything? She’s working and wants a career. You act that she is a poor orphan in need of rescuing.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If you just want to be DINKs then who cares. Also at your age, she might be best you'll ever be able to do. Let's say she hits 30 and all her friends start hitting their major life milestones and you're still not ready, but she is, and dumps you. You're now back in the dating pool with a different, older crowd of women.

OP here. Most older men always find younger women. They almost always pass up the older women for younger. Not saying it’s right but I think men my age still go for 23-30 year old women.

My point is that they are less likely to go for you as you age.

OP here. I don’t agree with that. Many men my age still date younger women and I think they can always get that. It’s women over 35 that have a harder time of ever finding a partner because men my age won’t date them.

OP, you’re gross and have cultish ideas about things. It took some prodding with these comments, but you’ve surely revealed yourself.

OP here. I’m merely speaking facts. Most women over 35+ have a much harder time finding a partner than a man 35+. Most men will date younger women instead of a woman their age. Don’t be upset because you can’t accept reality.

They’re not facts unless you can show me a peer reviewed studies. Otherwise your statement is just some anecdotal experiences you and your Peter Pan Cath-bros are spouting as truth.

OP here. You don’t live in real world.

I bet you’re such a nerd IRL. Otherwise you’d already have bagged a wonderful woman. They just didn’t want anything to do you.

OP here. What’s wrong with being a nerd?

Most men have a financial clock, just like women have a biological clock.

A man isn’t a man unless he provides for his family. I stand by that belief. I don’t believe a man 30+ should get married unless he’s financially well. Being able to provide for your wife and kids is important.

There are many, many good men out there that are not financially well. This doesn’t make them less of a man by any stretch of the imagination. It’s their character and how they treat others that makes them a man, not whether they can provide their hot sexy 10 girlfriend a house in Bethesda.

For your age, you haven’t grown up much from your fairy tale idea of what adulthood should look like. You should work on your character, sexist tendencies, and general propensity for black and white thinking before you worry about whether the one year mark is too early to buy a ring.

OP here. I never said men who made less weren’t suitable partners or good people. Two of my brothers work trades. My uncle and grandfather were mailmen. I value those jobs and would never look down on anyone for their job choice.

I still think men should provide. That doesn’t mean the woman doesn’t have to work or that he needs to be rich. Whether he makes $50k or $500k, men are ingrained to be providers.

I feel like I’m a good person. I’m also not sexist - don’t know where that came from.

I just know that I want more and want to give my future wife and kids the world. I want to be able to afford that big house in the suburbs, those private school tuitions, her dream wedding, her choice to stay home, work flexibility to be an involved parent, etc. You can do that on any budget, but my dream was always to be financially secure before marriage to afford a lifestyle my father gave to us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults.

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids.

I’d bet good money that none of your happily married parents and extended family had a 10/10 woman hanging around waiting until they were 38 with 6 figures liquid cash and whatever else you think you need first. They just did it. Perhaps you should consider the wisdom of their experience over your own imagination since, you know, they have achieved what you want and you have accomplished nothing so far?

OP here. I wouldn’t say I have accomplished nothing. I make great money and have enough to buy a really nice ring ( the one I’ve looked at is $22k), pay for the wedding and honeymoon, put down a hefty down payment on a home in the millions, pay off her student loan debt, and have her quit working or fund childcare expenses. I wouldn’t say that’s nothing.

You are rich lol. I wish I had 1/5 of what you have. Good for you though I am sure you are a high performer in your field of work.

OP here. I’m not rich or have millions. I have saved a lot and made good investments that will hopefully pay off in the future. I live a very frugal life and saved most of my money. I worked multiple jobs to pay for my secondary degree. I then put in 70 work weeks for years to maximize my earning. By DC standards I make chump change. I’ve just been diligent with saving and investments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults.

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids.

I’d bet good money that none of your happily married parents and extended family had a 10/10 woman hanging around waiting until they were 38 with 6 figures liquid cash and whatever else you think you need first. They just did it. Perhaps you should consider the wisdom of their experience over your own imagination since, you know, they have achieved what you want and you have accomplished nothing so far?

OP here. I wouldn’t say I have accomplished nothing. I make great money and have enough to buy a really nice ring ( the one I’ve looked at is $22k), pay for the wedding and honeymoon, put down a hefty down payment on a home in the millions, pay off her student loan debt, and have her quit working or fund childcare expenses. I wouldn’t say that’s nothing.

If you have all that already and you still aren’t ready to propose, then this girl isn’t the one.

(Duh, you don’t trust her that she won’t divorce you, how could she possibly be the one?)

This.

(PP here, from the "no one in my family divorced" dated for 3 years and my ex had this kind of mindset. Waiting for two years to propose to "mitigiate" the risk of divorce" made no difference. Timing does not matter if you found the person. This kind of thinking does not bode well for marriage...had these stats, we are divorced (one catholic). And btw, he is four years older than me and has had a much worse time dating. He admits I would be better off. I only date younger. I am not dumb enough to remarry. Men who think like this don't work well for marriage. He is marrying an idea...not the woman. I wish I had realized this before when I wondered wtf is taking so long...him being sure...A woman is an accessory to these types.

OP: If she was the one and all this is set up, you would not be second guessing proposing now. Your thinking about marriage is going to backfire on you later. Been in this exact scenario. The timeline thing does not work. You have everything set up and ready. Your obsession with timelines being ideal is going to be a real hindrance to marriage. You will lack the ability to compromise and when kids come, well, that is going to really give you a hard time.

You are living in a fantasyland of how things "should" be rather than marrying an actual person you love. When I asked my ex why he even married me, he said: "you checked all of my boxes." You sound exactly the same.

OP here. I don’t believe in the false notion of “ the one”. It’s all a fallacy. I’m in love with my girlfriend and can see us building a life together, but I can’t say she’s the only one in the world I can do that with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults.

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids.

I’d bet good money that none of your happily married parents and extended family had a 10/10 woman hanging around waiting until they were 38 with 6 figures liquid cash and whatever else you think you need first. They just did it. Perhaps you should consider the wisdom of their experience over your own imagination since, you know, they have achieved what you want and you have accomplished nothing so far?

OP here. I wouldn’t say I have accomplished nothing. I make great money and have enough to buy a really nice ring ( the one I’ve looked at is $22k), pay for the wedding and honeymoon, put down a hefty down payment on a home in the millions, pay off her student loan debt, and have her quit working or fund childcare expenses. I wouldn’t say that’s nothing.

Why do you have to pay for everything? She’s working and wants a career. You act that she is a poor orphan in need of rescuing.

OP here. She doesn’t don’t make a lot of money. I want to provide these things for her. It’s important to me that she’s feels taken care of, comfortable, and safe.

[Anonymous]

I don't get you, OP.

You say you are ready in terms of finances, and you think she's the one, but then why do you hesitate? Fear of divorce? Anything can happen. But, if you fear divorce so much that it is paralyzing you, I don't think you should get married. You need to work on your fear first.

There's no timeline. You said she has no timeline, then what's the issue?

IMO, you have deep seated fears about your marriage not being perfect because you seem to think all the marriages around you were perfect and did not end up in divorce. Marriages take work and compromise; kids make a marriage worse, and you might even have a SN kid, and that will make the marriage even harder.

If you want to marry her, then get engaged. You don't have to get married right away. But, your hesitancy tells us that there's something else there. That is what you need to work on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults.

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids.

I’d bet good money that none of your happily married parents and extended family had a 10/10 woman hanging around waiting until they were 38 with 6 figures liquid cash and whatever else you think you need first. They just did it. Perhaps you should consider the wisdom of their experience over your own imagination since, you know, they have achieved what you want and you have accomplished nothing so far?

OP here. I wouldn’t say I have accomplished nothing. I make great money and have enough to buy a really nice ring ( the one I’ve looked at is $22k), pay for the wedding and honeymoon, put down a hefty down payment on a home in the millions, pay off her student loan debt, and have her quit working or fund childcare expenses. I wouldn’t say that’s nothing.

You are rich lol. I wish I had 1/5 of what you have. Good for you though I am sure you are a high performer in your field of work.

OP here. I’m not rich or have millions. I have saved a lot and made good investments that will hopefully pay off in the future. I live a very frugal life and saved most of my money. I worked multiple jobs to pay for my secondary degree. I then put in 70 work weeks for years to maximize my earning. By DC standards I make chump change. I’ve just been diligent with saving and investments.

At some point, you have to live your life. Sounds like it’s been one long grind. Will you be able to relax enough to enjoy sharing your life with someone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults.

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids.

I’d bet good money that none of your happily married parents and extended family had a 10/10 woman hanging around waiting until they were 38 with 6 figures liquid cash and whatever else you think you need first. They just did it. Perhaps you should consider the wisdom of their experience over your own imagination since, you know, they have achieved what you want and you have accomplished nothing so far?

OP here. I wouldn’t say I have accomplished nothing. I make great money and have enough to buy a really nice ring ( the one I’ve looked at is $22k), pay for the wedding and honeymoon, put down a hefty down payment on a home in the millions, pay off her student loan debt, and have her quit working or fund childcare expenses. I wouldn’t say that’s nothing.

Why do you have to pay for everything? She’s working and wants a career. You act that she is a poor orphan in need of rescuing.

OP here. She doesn’t don’t make a lot of money. I want to provide these things for her. It’s important to me that she’s feels taken care of, comfortable, and safe.

Is it important to her? What if she doesn’t want to quit working or have children right away?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you can do better then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults.

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids.

I’d bet good money that none of your happily married parents and extended family had a 10/10 woman hanging around waiting until they were 38 with 6 figures liquid cash and whatever else you think you need first. They just did it. Perhaps you should consider the wisdom of their experience over your own imagination since, you know, they have achieved what you want and you have accomplished nothing so far?

OP here. I wouldn’t say I have accomplished nothing. I make great money and have enough to buy a really nice ring ( the one I’ve looked at is $22k), pay for the wedding and honeymoon, put down a hefty down payment on a home in the millions, pay off her student loan debt, and have her quit working or fund childcare expenses. I wouldn’t say that’s nothing.

Why do you have to pay for everything? She’s working and wants a career. You act that she is a poor orphan in need of rescuing.

OP here. She doesn’t don’t make a lot of money. I want to provide these things for her. It’s important to me that she’s feels taken care of, comfortable, and safe.

Is it important to her? What if she doesn’t want to quit working or have children right away?

OP here. I don’t care if she works. I want to give her the option not to work or not to work as much once kids come, or take extended mat leave.

She said she wants kids but not until 30. She’s thinking first kid at 31/32. She had said she wants 2-3 kids ( likely only 2) back to back and by 35. She is close in age with her 2 siblings an wants them all to be a 1-1.5 years apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you two?

Why do you feel like you’re not ready to make a life long commitment? Is it something about her, or something about commitment?

OP here. I’m in love with and see a future with her. I’ve never thought about marrying a woman before I met her. It’s still just scary because my family doesn’t believe in divorce and it’s a lifelong commitment. I don’t feel like there is a rush when it’s a decision that can determine the rest of your life.

It’s not a rush, but it’s common sense that you can make this decision in a reasonable amount of time. You’re thirty five for pete’s sake!

If you’ve never thought about marrying a woman before at your big age, what were you doing with women up until then? What kind of metric of assurance do you expect to meet before you are ready?

I would agree that you’re not ready for marriage, but that doesn’t mean it’s a “rush” to get engaged at one year. It means you are fairly immature and have not yet seriously evaluated what you want out of life. It’s not fair to do this kind of soul searching on another person’s time.

+1 she’s at the age where every year she wastes on someone unserious drastically reduces the options available to her and what type of family she can form

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you two?

Why do you feel like you’re not ready to make a life long commitment? Is it something about her, or something about commitment?

OP here. I’m in love with and see a future with her. I’ve never thought about marrying a woman before I met her. It’s still just scary because my family doesn’t believe in divorce and it’s a lifelong commitment. I don’t feel like there is a rush when it’s a decision that can determine the rest of your life.

It’s not a rush, but it’s common sense that you can make this decision in a reasonable amount of time. You’re thirty five for pete’s sake!

If you’ve never thought about marrying a woman before at your big age, what were you doing with women up until then? What kind of metric of assurance do you expect to meet before you are ready?

I would agree that you’re not ready for marriage, but that doesn’t mean it’s a “rush” to get engaged at one year. It means you are fairly immature and have not yet seriously evaluated what you want out of life. It’s not fair to do this kind of soul searching on another person’s time.

OP here. Again, I don’t believe in divorce and want to get it right. Between 32 and 35, I was working on solidifying my financial future.

I also took a break for a bit because my serious relationship before my current ended terribly when I found out she was cheating on me with multiple men.

I’ve worked hard to obtain several degrees and work my way up in my career. I’ve spent the last several years making sure I have a good financial backing for when I have a family. Being an active parent is extremely important to me, and I’ve set myself up where I can take off time or work less hours a week, and still provide for my family. I earn enough and have enough in savings and investments to support my future wife if she chooses to stay home. These are the things that are really important to me before I have a family.

How long was that relationship? Women are on a different time table. You keep playing around and they are figuring out exit strategies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you two?

Why do you feel like you’re not ready to make a life long commitment? Is it something about her, or something about commitment?

OP here. I’m in love with and see a future with her. I’ve never thought about marrying a woman before I met her. It’s still just scary because my family doesn’t believe in divorce and it’s a lifelong commitment. I don’t feel like there is a rush when it’s a decision that can determine the rest of your life.

It’s not a rush, but it’s common sense that you can make this decision in a reasonable amount of time. You’re thirty five for pete’s sake!

If you’ve never thought about marrying a woman before at your big age, what were you doing with women up until then? What kind of metric of assurance do you expect to meet before you are ready?

I would agree that you’re not ready for marriage, but that doesn’t mean it’s a “rush” to get engaged at one year. It means you are fairly immature and have not yet seriously evaluated what you want out of life. It’s not fair to do this kind of soul searching on another person’s time.

OP here. Again, I don’t believe in divorce and want to get it right. Between 32 and 35, I was working on solidifying my financial future.

I also took a break for a bit because my serious relationship before my current ended terribly when I found out she was cheating on me with multiple men.

I’ve worked hard to obtain several degrees and work my way up in my career. I’ve spent the last several years making sure I have a good financial backing for when I have a family. Being an active parent is extremely important to me, and I’ve set myself up where I can take off time or work less hours a week, and still provide for my family. I earn enough and have enough in savings and investments to support my future wife if she chooses to stay home. These are the things that are really important to me before I have a family.

How long was that relationship? Women are on a different time table. You keep playing around and they are figuring out exit strategies

OP here. We were together for 7 months. She was cheating starting at 4/5 months.