Reply to Do women expect a ring at 1 year?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults. [/quote]

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids. [/quote]
I’d bet good money that none of your happily married parents and extended family had a 10/10 woman hanging around waiting until they were 38 with 6 figures liquid cash and whatever else you think you need first. They just did it. Perhaps you should consider the wisdom of their experience over your own imagination since, you know, they have achieved what you want and you have accomplished nothing so far? [/quote]

OP here. I wouldn’t say I have accomplished nothing. I make great money and have enough to buy a really nice ring ( the one I’ve looked at is $22k), pay for the wedding and honeymoon, put down a hefty down payment on a home in the millions, pay off her student loan debt, and have her quit working or fund childcare expenses. I wouldn’t say that’s nothing. [/quote]
[b]If you have all that already and you still aren’t ready to propose, then this girl isn’t the one. [/b]

(Duh, you don’t trust her that she won’t divorce you, how could she possibly be the one?)[/quote]

This.

(PP here, from the "no one in my family divorced" dated for 3 years and my ex had this kind of mindset. Waiting for two years to propose to "mitigiate" the risk of divorce" made no difference. Timing does not matter if you found the person. This kind of thinking does not bode well for marriage...had these stats, we are divorced (one catholic). And btw, he is four years older than me and has had a much worse time dating. He admits I would be better off. I only date younger. I am not dumb enough to remarry. Men who think like this don't work well for marriage. He is marrying an idea...not the woman. I wish I had realized this before when I wondered wtf is taking so long...him being sure...A woman is an accessory to these types.

OP: If she was the one and all this is set up, you would not be second guessing proposing now. Your thinking about marriage is going to backfire on you later. Been in this exact scenario. The timeline thing does not work. You have everything set up and ready. Your obsession with timelines being ideal is going to be a real hindrance to marriage. You will lack the ability to compromise and when kids come, well, that is going to really give you a hard time.

You are living in a fantasyland of how things "should" be rather than marrying an actual person you love. When I asked my ex why he even married me, he said: "you checked all of my boxes." You sound exactly the same. [/quote]

OP here. I don’t believe in the false notion of “ the one”. It’s all a fallacy. I’m in love with my girlfriend and can see us building a life together, but I can’t say she’s the only one in the world I can do that with. [/quote]

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