Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading these posts from women is entertaining. The women think they are not the cause or partial cause of the divorce and have everything going for them. Get real. Most divorced women I know, and I admit I don't know that many, are out of their prime looks-wise and have attitudes. The divorced men I know say the same thing about not getting remarried. Sure divorced women may have successful careers and money but so do a lot of single/divorced guys I know. I don't any of them would look to have a relationship with any of you. Just a quick roll in the hay if you were attractive and then that's it. Enjoy your independence.

Why are you so bothered by women who don’t want relationships when you don’t want one either?

It goes both ways, honey.

NP. LOL. Honey. Now I see the PP really got to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

I'm the PP. I admit life has made me cynical about second marriages, but not mean-spirited. Your post suggests a fourth category - a hopeless romantic. Reading and life suggests if either person has children, second marriages are not good for mutual well-being, as they bring conflicting loyalties and priorities.

I'm not a hopeless romantic. Marriage is a totally practical institute, and I had a long and rather successful first marriage. Yes, we both made mistakes but I selected my first husband wisely: we were both driven, professional and hard working. We both made tons of money during marriage, joined resources in child raising and building up wealth. Neither of us lost wealth after divorce: each had it multiplied many times over what our individual NW was prior to marriage. I dont have "multiple kids" still at home. I'm an empty nester with one child. I don't date men with more than one child either, and their child should be over 13 years of age. Don't date those who wouldn't want to co-habilite or remarry in a long term perspective.
You don't don't want a relationship, period. Others want it.

It sounds absolutely miserable to try to date to marry in your 50s with ridiculous standards like not dating men with multiple children. What’s the point? Not caring about marriage means you can loosen up and date whoever you want. No need to rush for kids, to settle down, for financial support. If I found myself in my 50s doing that kind of dating like I did in my late 20s/30s I’d consider that a pretty big life failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

I'm the PP. I admit life has made me cynical about second marriages, but not mean-spirited. Your post suggests a fourth category - a hopeless romantic. Reading and life suggests if either person has children, second marriages are not good for mutual well-being, as they bring conflicting loyalties and priorities.

I'm not a hopeless romantic. Marriage is a totally practical institute, and I had a long and rather successful first marriage. Yes, we both made mistakes but I selected my first husband wisely: we were both driven, professional and hard working. We both made tons of money during marriage, joined resources in child raising and building up wealth. Neither of us lost wealth after divorce: each had it multiplied many times over what our individual NW was prior to marriage. I dont have "multiple kids" still at home. I'm an empty nester with one child. I don't date men with more than one child either, and their child should be over 13 years of age. Don't date those who wouldn't want to co-habilite or remarry in a long term perspective.
You don't don't want a relationship, period. Others want it.

Not wanting to remarry is not the same as not wanting relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading these posts from women is entertaining. The women think they are not the cause or partial cause of the divorce and have everything going for them. Get real. Most divorced women I know, and I admit I don't know that many, are out of their prime looks-wise and have attitudes. The divorced men I know say the same thing about not getting remarried. Sure divorced women may have successful careers and money but so do a lot of single/divorced guys I know. I don't any of them would look to have a relationship with any of you. Just a quick roll in the hay if you were attractive and then that's it. Enjoy your independence.

Why are you so bothered by women who don’t want relationships when you don’t want one either?

It goes both ways, honey.

NP. LOL. Honey. Now I see the PP really got to you.

Now I know that I got to you. 👋

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here, there’s no need. At 58 I’ve launched my kids who are all doing very well so I have the family I want and the odds are high that someone else’s family has a problem child or two and I don’t need that. I have a very high NW and getting married would require a prenup and I don’t need the hassle. I have plenty of female companionship and I’m happy to spoil them with travel etc but I’m free to do my own thing at any time. At the same time lightening could strike but there are a lot of boxes that would need to be checked before I got married again.

+1 Man here and this is similar to my situation. I'm 54 with a net worth north of $14M (even after my divorce) and have two launched "normal" kids who are doing great. I'm in good shape, cycling several hundred miles a week and very independent. I spend time between my house in Arlington and my two vacation houses both alone, with my kids, friends, and female companions. I just don't see myself ever getting married again. Not sure what I would gain from it. I'm very content. I have had two longer term girlfriends, and it was fun for a while. They were attractive with successful careers. We traveled a lot, shared a lot of experiences and had a lot of sex but both eventually started talking about marriage and I just wasn't interested, despite them saying they would sign an airtight pre-nup (without me even asking about it). In the end, I just like my independence and frankly I think I was getting bored. I don't want someone trying to "change" me. I'm sure there are women out there in the same situation.

I am one of the PP females (NW at 45 over $5mm, will be around $7mm at your age). I think all these answers are evidently showing the consumerism based attitude to relationship. Instant gratification and give nothing in return. All men would say their GFs are attractive, young, successful etc. But none of them say they were in love with any of their partners, experienced a companionship, truly enjoyed that person being next to them every day.

I had an 18-years marriage which unfortunately ended in exH adultery, and he's still very bitter about me ending it. But it didn't make me bitter, or stop believing in love and companionship. We were inseparable for the first 15 good years, and never did we experience this level or resentment or desire to be left alone. I still miss spousal sex.

Nothing is forever or can be 100% predicted in life. Most people are transactional and truly lost the ability to feel anymore. If I meet someone who gives me this sense of "relative-like" closeness, butterflies, sexual satisfaction and becomes my best friend, I would consider it a great luck, even if it only lasts a few years. I'm too wealthy to seriously consider my exH social security as reason not to remarry.

And I did met several giving, kind, and successful men on OLD who were marriage material. Those who want and look for relationship material find it.

PP guy here. Well I was in love with my ex-wife, enjoyed her companionship, loved waking up to her everyday, etc that is until she slept with her law firm partner boss. In hindsight, clearly all was not well with our marriage, I was naive, and didn’t see it coming. She was two years younger than me when we divorced in our early 40s so I wouldn’t say she was “young”. And beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and I thought my ex-wife was attractive. Also she was hit on by guys so I’ll let you be the judge.

As far as my girlfriends go post-divorce, I think they are attractive and that’s all that matters (Note: my guy friends also think they are attractive as well). Almost all of them were not very young, more like 5-10 years younger than me so early to late 40s. When you have a high NW, are in shape, and socialize in certain circles you can be selective. I’m just not looking for marriage and most of my girlfriends aren’t either. I can have almost all the good things that comes with a marriage without being married. And I think I have a pretty good gold digger detector as those types are definitely out there.

[Anonymous]

45 yo man here — I don’t know why I would ever want to remarry. I’m financially secure and love the adult Disneyland that exists for guys my age especially with OLD. It’s like I’m in my 20s again. I don’t need the baggage and loss of my independence that comes with marriage. And it seems as soon as young women (late 20s and early 30s) see you’re financially secure, have a head on your shoulders, and willing to spoil them a little, they are very giving. I plan to enjoy this for the foreseeable future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of us married rich men who when they die will leave us well off. Hence, never needing to marry again.

Glad I didn’t marry you. That goes both ways honey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of us married rich men who when they die will leave us well off. Hence, never needing to marry again.

Glad I didn’t marry you. That goes both ways honey.

Did he ask you to marry him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know that some people think that marriage encourages good behavior but my experience was that marriage encouraged laziness in the relationship. My ex became very entitled and often condescending. Those behaviors rarely emerged before we tied the knot. I hear this often from women but I'm a man.

So I doubt I'll remarry.

Why, why get married? Absent religious or a particular personal hang up with the idea……why? You can wear a fancy ring from your partner. You can live together (ideally you each have your own lives but whatever).

Why are people fixated on marriage? The whole, you know, partner aspect seems far less important than I guess being able to tell people I’M MARRIED.

Plus, people my age watched the whole wedding obsession/conspicuous spending/reality tv thing happen before and during the 2008 financial crisis and I’ve got better things to do with money, thank you.

Seems very old fashioned now, and I’m hardly young myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

I'm the PP. I admit life has made me cynical about second marriages, but not mean-spirited. Your post suggests a fourth category - a hopeless romantic. Reading and life suggests if either person has children, second marriages are not good for mutual well-being, as they bring conflicting loyalties and priorities.

I'm not a hopeless romantic. Marriage is a totally practical institute, and I had a long and rather successful first marriage. Yes, we both made mistakes but I selected my first husband wisely: we were both driven, professional and hard working. We both made tons of money during marriage, joined resources in child raising and building up wealth. Neither of us lost wealth after divorce: each had it multiplied many times over what our individual NW was prior to marriage. I dont have "multiple kids" still at home. I'm an empty nester with one child. I don't date men with more than one child either, and their child should be over 13 years of age. Don't date those who wouldn't want to co-habilite or remarry in a long term perspective.
You don't don't want a relationship, period. Others want it.

Not wanting to remarry is not the same as not wanting relationships.

RelationshipS in plural is the general common denominator for the PP commenters above, men and women. They are totally discouraged in committing and either just want switch partners every 2-3 years. This has nothing to do with building a life with someone, or joint future. They just want zero entanglements and an easy exit. Maybe for some it's tempting but for me to be happy I need to be the center of his universe and other way around.
And I have zero desire to date in my mid 50s looking for a new BF every 3 years. Seems too complicated and takes the lifetime from other important goals and people in my life, all that OLD dating.

I don't date men with multiple children (even college age), as I could see from these photos that kids are the center of their universe and I will always be secondary. I'm mid 40s, but I meet a lot of single never married slightly younger men, or men with one child who still want to commit. Of course if a guy has that many kids the women's role in his life would be limited to FWB (e.g. meeting on demand whenever he's available for a nice date followed by sex, maybe travel sometimes).

I want to have make a home with someone who I love in my space at some point (and no, he wouldn't need to buy it for me, I'm totally fine to equally contribute). I probably wouldn't marry outright, but would own a home with long term partner as a first step, and to see if we are able to coexist and enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Something wrong with all you single people. You won’t remarry because you aren’t the marrying type in the first place and are all bitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know that some people think that marriage encourages good behavior but my experience was that marriage encouraged laziness in the relationship. My ex became very entitled and often condescending. Those behaviors rarely emerged before we tied the knot. I hear this often from women but I'm a man.

So I doubt I'll remarry.

Why, why get married? Absent religious or a particular personal hang up with the idea……why? You can wear a fancy ring from your partner. You can live together (ideally you each have your own lives but whatever).

Why are people fixated on marriage? The whole, you know, partner aspect seems far less important than I guess being able to tell people I’M MARRIED.

Plus, people my age watched the whole wedding obsession/conspicuous spending/reality tv thing happen before and during the 2008 financial crisis and I’ve got better things to do with money, thank you.

Seems very old fashioned now, and I’m hardly young myself.

Because if my partner doesn't want to marry me, I'll always think he/she wants an easy way out if I get sick, need their support when old etc. It's ethical: if you truly commit to someone, and love them - you become relatives, a family. Make your each other's well-being a priority. I wouldn't want to build a home with a man who would dump me if I get a cancer, and just go dating on OLD with minimal regrets in no time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something wrong with all you single people. You won’t remarry because you aren’t the marrying type in the first place and are all bitter.

Yea, a great constellation of opportunistic users on this thread with zero morals or attachments

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The men in my generation want too much and offer too little in return. Gen X men want women with Boomer values and millennial money. No thanks. Never again.

This is a great way of explaining it. The level of entitlement and greed from men who offer nothing beyond the bare minimum is truly disgusting. And what’s up with middle aged men overrating their looks?

m

Speaking the truth! There is an age range right now, early-mid fifties, and so many are like this. Not all, I know.

These guys are the most outraged by getting left behind by life. The worst are the Trump types who really do want exactly what the PP describes at a GS 14 salary. Shut up and say thank you!

I’m ready to block off that age range for real! Guys around 35-40 right now? Totally different and so much more fun and very much involved in the world.

These old has-been fake feminists are worth avoiding. They are just so disappointed by how the world turned out for THEM, and many of them decide it’s too late and might as well quit pretending and let’s just go ahead and become a bitter old man (at 50!!!!)

It’s the modern version of those progressive 70’s hippie guys who spouted equality but were fully entitled by society to beat their wives and kids at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here, there’s no need. At 58 I’ve launched my kids who are all doing very well so I have the family I want and the odds are high that someone else’s family has a problem child or two and I don’t need that. I have a very high NW and getting married would require a prenup and I don’t need the hassle. I have plenty of female companionship and I’m happy to spoil them with travel etc but I’m free to do my own thing at any time. At the same time lightening could strike but there are a lot of boxes that would need to be checked before I got married again.

+1 Man here and this is similar to my situation. I'm 54 with a net worth north of $14M (even after my divorce) and have two launched "normal" kids who are doing great. I'm in good shape, cycling several hundred miles a week and very independent. I spend time between my house in Arlington and my two vacation houses both alone, with my kids, friends, and female companions. I just don't see myself ever getting married again. Not sure what I would gain from it. I'm very content. I have had two longer term girlfriends, and it was fun for a while. They were attractive with successful careers. We traveled a lot, shared a lot of experiences and had a lot of sex but both eventually started talking about marriage and I just wasn't interested, despite them saying they would sign an airtight pre-nup (without me even asking about it). In the end, I just like my independence and frankly I think I was getting bored. I don't want someone trying to "change" me. I'm sure there are women out there in the same situation.

I am one of the PP females (NW at 45 over $5mm, will be around $7mm at your age). I think all these answers are evidently showing the consumerism based attitude to relationship. Instant gratification and give nothing in return. All men would say their GFs are attractive, young, successful etc. But none of them say they were in love with any of their partners, experienced a companionship, truly enjoyed that person being next to them every day.

I had an 18-years marriage which unfortunately ended in exH adultery, and he's still very bitter about me ending it. But it didn't make me bitter, or stop believing in love and companionship. We were inseparable for the first 15 good years, and never did we experience this level or resentment or desire to be left alone. I still miss spousal sex.

Nothing is forever or can be 100% predicted in life. Most people are transactional and truly lost the ability to feel anymore. If I meet someone who gives me this sense of "relative-like" closeness, butterflies, sexual satisfaction and becomes my best friend, I would consider it a great luck, even if it only lasts a few years. I'm too wealthy to seriously consider my exH social security as reason not to remarry.

And I did met several giving, kind, and successful men on OLD who were marriage material. Those who want and look for relationship material find it.

PP guy here. Well I was in love with my ex-wife, enjoyed her companionship, loved waking up to her everyday, etc that is until she slept with her law firm partner boss. In hindsight, clearly all was not well with our marriage, I was naive, and didn’t see it coming. She was two years younger than me when we divorced in our early 40s so I wouldn’t say she was “young”. And beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and I thought my ex-wife was attractive. Also she was hit on by guys so I’ll let you be the judge.

As far as my girlfriends go post-divorce, I think they are attractive and that’s all that matters (Note: my guy friends also think they are attractive as well). Almost all of them were not very young, more like 5-10 years younger than me so early to late 40s. When you have a high NW, are in shape, and socialize in certain circles you can be selective. I’m just not looking for marriage and most of my girlfriends aren’t either. I can have almost all the good things that comes with a marriage without being married. And I think I have a pretty good gold digger detector as those types are definitely out there.

You sound still bitter and should have forgiven her sleeping with another man. It's not the end of marriage: it was a signal from you to work on something in that marriage. Maybe she just got bored by routine: did you consider giving yourself or her a hall pass?