Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just so intrigued why most people on this thread got married to begin with. were you never excited about love and companionship and it was always pragmatic? Understanding the rationale behind those who have been hurt for sure. But was marriage always just pragmatism? to me, there was an idea that you would find a 'soul mate' and just because you didn't the first time around, does that mean that idea is dead? or never existed to begin with?

I'm a PP who has been in happy marriage for 30+ years, but who wouldn't marry again if anything happened to my DH.

I'm not sorry I got married in my 20s. I got married because I was in love and he wanted to get married and I thought, why not? And though we've had some tough times now and again, it's been a very good life. He's been a terrific partner and I'm proud of the life/family we've built together. No regrets.

But now, at this point in my life, I don't see any point in marrying again. Honestly, I think when the estrogen goes, it takes a lot of those warm fuzzy feelings with it, lol. It's very hard for me to imagine falling in love again.

I've never believed in soulmates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading these posts from women is entertaining. The women think they are not the cause or partial cause of the divorce and have everything going for them. Get real. Most divorced women I know, and I admit I don't know that many, are out of their prime looks-wise and have attitudes. The divorced men I know say the same thing about not getting remarried. Sure divorced women may have successful careers and money but so do a lot of single/divorced guys I know. I don't any of them would look to have a relationship with any of you. Just a quick roll in the hay if you were attractive and then that's it. Enjoy your independence.

Why are you so bothered by women who don’t want relationships when you don’t want one either?

[Anonymous]

Most of us married rich men who when they die will leave us well off. Hence, never needing to marry again.

[Anonymous]

It feels comforting to have these exact sentiments and know I’m not alone. I’m in my early thirties and I love my husband and my family. If he were to die, I would never ever expose my kids to a potential step father situation. I would also never entangle myself in other persons finances. I think part of this is because I have a career that can support my family without my husband so I don’t need a man. This may be a shift from the 60s/70s where you needed a man to survive financially.

[Anonymous]

If my DH, who I love dearly, would die, I think the ideal would be to have a boyfriend companion to go on dates with once a week, but then we each go back to our own houses. So like a long-term close friend with a side of intimacy, but not a spouse.

My grandmother had such an arrangement for 30 years after her divorce in the 60s. It isn’t unusual and they were committed, just not married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading these posts from women is entertaining. The women think they are not the cause or partial cause of the divorce and have everything going for them. Get real. Most divorced women I know, and I admit I don't know that many, are out of their prime looks-wise and have attitudes. The divorced men I know say the same thing about not getting remarried. Sure divorced women may have successful careers and money but so do a lot of single/divorced guys I know. I don't any of them would look to have a relationship with any of you. Just a quick roll in the hay if you were attractive and then that's it. Enjoy your independence.

Why are you so bothered by women who don’t want relationships when you don’t want one either?

It goes both ways, honey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of us married rich men who when they die will leave us well off. Hence, never needing to marry again.

Job 1 - secure the bag.

There is no job 2.

[Anonymous]

I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading these posts from women is entertaining. The women think they are not the cause or partial cause of the divorce and have everything going for them. Get real. Most divorced women I know, and I admit I don't know that many, are out of their prime looks-wise and have attitudes. The divorced men I know say the same thing about not getting remarried. Sure divorced women may have successful careers and money but so do a lot of single/divorced guys I know. I don't any of them would look to have a relationship with any of you. Just a quick roll in the hay if you were attractive and then that's it. Enjoy your independence.

Deat god, not attitudes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading these posts from women is entertaining. The women think they are not the cause or partial cause of the divorce and have everything going for them. Get real. Most divorced women I know, and I admit I don't know that many, are out of their prime looks-wise and have attitudes. The divorced men I know say the same thing about not getting remarried. Sure divorced women may have successful careers and money but so do a lot of single/divorced guys I know. I don't any of them would look to have a relationship with any of you. Just a quick roll in the hay if you were attractive and then that's it. Enjoy your independence.

Yes, that’s what we’re saying. We don’t want a relationship and don’t expect a relationship. Just answering the OP’s question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

I'm the PP. I admit life has made me cynical about second marriages, but not mean-spirited. Your post suggests a fourth category - a hopeless romantic. Reading and life suggests if either person has children, second marriages are not good for mutual well-being, as they bring conflicting loyalties and priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

I'm the PP. I admit life has made me cynical about second marriages, but not mean-spirited. Your post suggests a fourth category - a hopeless romantic. Reading and life suggests if either person has children, second marriages are not good for mutual well-being, as they bring conflicting loyalties and priorities.

I'm not a hopeless romantic. Marriage is a totally practical institute, and I had a long and rather successful first marriage. Yes, we both made mistakes but I selected my first husband wisely: we were both driven, professional and hard working. We both made tons of money during marriage, joined resources in child raising and building up wealth. Neither of us lost wealth after divorce: each had it multiplied many times over what our individual NW was prior to marriage. I dont have "multiple kids" still at home. I'm an empty nester with one child. I don't date men with more than one child either, and their child should be over 13 years of age. Don't date those who wouldn't want to co-habilite or remarry in a long term perspective.
You don't don't want a relationship, period. Others want it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading these posts from women is entertaining. The women think they are not the cause or partial cause of the divorce and have everything going for them. Get real. Most divorced women I know, and I admit I don't know that many, are out of their prime looks-wise and have attitudes. The divorced men I know say the same thing about not getting remarried. Sure divorced women may have successful careers and money but so do a lot of single/divorced guys I know. I don't any of them would look to have a relationship with any of you. Just a quick roll in the hay if you were attractive and then that's it. Enjoy your independence.

Yes, that’s what we’re saying. We don’t want a relationship and don’t expect a relationship. Just answering the OP’s question.

Ha ha. That PP thinks “enjoy your independence” is some kind of insult. Yes we will enjoy it, very much so!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

what exactly does marriage give you for “middle age planning”?