Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know that some people think that marriage encourages good behavior but my experience was that marriage encouraged laziness in the relationship. My ex became very entitled and often condescending. Those behaviors rarely emerged before we tied the knot. I hear this often from women but I'm a man.

So I doubt I'll remarry.

Why, why get married? Absent religious or a particular personal hang up with the idea……why? You can wear a fancy ring from your partner. You can live together (ideally you each have your own lives but whatever).

Why are people fixated on marriage? The whole, you know, partner aspect seems far less important than I guess being able to tell people I’M MARRIED.

Plus, people my age watched the whole wedding obsession/conspicuous spending/reality tv thing happen before and during the 2008 financial crisis and I’ve got better things to do with money, thank you.

Seems very old fashioned now, and I’m hardly young myself.

Because if my partner doesn't want to marry me, I'll always think he/she wants an easy way out if I get sick, need their support when old etc. It's ethical: if you truly commit to someone, and love them - you become relatives, a family. Make your each other's well-being a priority. I wouldn't want to build a home with a man who would dump me if I get a cancer, and just go dating on OLD with minimal regrets in no time.

My ex cheated on me after 25 years with a lovely family. Why? Thought he could get away with it. That’s all.

I divorced him and my life is amazing. I doubt I’ll ever marry again but if I find the right person……….

………being married won’t stop them from dumping you when you’re old and sick. Wake up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

I'm the PP. I admit life has made me cynical about second marriages, but not mean-spirited. Your post suggests a fourth category - a hopeless romantic. Reading and life suggests if either person has children, second marriages are not good for mutual well-being, as they bring conflicting loyalties and priorities.

I'm not a hopeless romantic. Marriage is a totally practical institute, and I had a long and rather successful first marriage. Yes, we both made mistakes but I selected my first husband wisely: we were both driven, professional and hard working. We both made tons of money during marriage, joined resources in child raising and building up wealth. Neither of us lost wealth after divorce: each had it multiplied many times over what our individual NW was prior to marriage. I dont have "multiple kids" still at home. I'm an empty nester with one child. I don't date men with more than one child either, and their child should be over 13 years of age. Don't date those who wouldn't want to co-habilite or remarry in a long term perspective.
You don't don't want a relationship, period. Others want it.

Not wanting to remarry is not the same as not wanting relationships.

RelationshipS in plural is the general common denominator for the PP commenters above, men and women. They are totally discouraged in committing and either just want switch partners every 2-3 years. This has nothing to do with building a life with someone, or joint future. They just want zero entanglements and an easy exit. Maybe for some it's tempting but for me to be happy I need to be the center of his universe and other way around.
And I have zero desire to date in my mid 50s looking for a new BF every 3 years. Seems too complicated and takes the lifetime from other important goals and people in my life, all that OLD dating.

I don't date men with multiple children (even college age), as I could see from these photos that kids are the center of their universe and I will always be secondary. I'm mid 40s, but I meet a lot of single never married slightly younger men, or men with one child who still want to commit. Of course if a guy has that many kids the women's role in his life would be limited to FWB (e.g. meeting on demand whenever he's available for a nice date followed by sex, maybe travel sometimes).

I want to have make a home with someone who I love in my space at some point (and no, he wouldn't need to buy it for me, I'm totally fine to equally contribute). I probably wouldn't marry outright, but would own a home with long term partner as a first step, and to see if we are able to coexist and enjoy it.

I’m pretty confident that you won’t remarry. Thanks for the post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

I'm the PP. I admit life has made me cynical about second marriages, but not mean-spirited. Your post suggests a fourth category - a hopeless romantic. Reading and life suggests if either person has children, second marriages are not good for mutual well-being, as they bring conflicting loyalties and priorities.

I'm not a hopeless romantic. Marriage is a totally practical institute, and I had a long and rather successful first marriage. Yes, we both made mistakes but I selected my first husband wisely: we were both driven, professional and hard working. We both made tons of money during marriage, joined resources in child raising and building up wealth. Neither of us lost wealth after divorce: each had it multiplied many times over what our individual NW was prior to marriage. I dont have "multiple kids" still at home. I'm an empty nester with one child. I don't date men with more than one child either, and their child should be over 13 years of age. Don't date those who wouldn't want to co-habilite or remarry in a long term perspective.
You don't don't want a relationship, period. Others want it.

Not wanting to remarry is not the same as not wanting relationships.

RelationshipS in plural is the general common denominator for the PP commenters above, men and women. They are totally discouraged in committing and either just want switch partners every 2-3 years. This has nothing to do with building a life with someone, or joint future. They just want zero entanglements and an easy exit. Maybe for some it's tempting but for me to be happy I need to be the center of his universe and other way around.
And I have zero desire to date in my mid 50s looking for a new BF every 3 years. Seems too complicated and takes the lifetime from other important goals and people in my life, all that OLD dating.

I don't date men with multiple children (even college age), as I could see from these photos that kids are the center of their universe and I will always be secondary. I'm mid 40s, but I meet a lot of single never married slightly younger men, or men with one child who still want to commit. Of course if a guy has that many kids the women's role in his life would be limited to FWB (e.g. meeting on demand whenever he's available for a nice date followed by sex, maybe travel sometimes).

I want to have make a home with someone who I love in my space at some point (and no, he wouldn't need to buy it for me, I'm totally fine to equally contribute). I probably wouldn't marry outright, but would own a home with long term partner as a first step, and to see if we are able to coexist and enjoy it.

wow you sound incredibly immature. jealous of his kids? demanding that you be the “center of his universe”? don’t you have any self esteem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know that some people think that marriage encourages good behavior but my experience was that marriage encouraged laziness in the relationship. My ex became very entitled and often condescending. Those behaviors rarely emerged before we tied the knot. I hear this often from women but I'm a man.

So I doubt I'll remarry.

Why, why get married? Absent religious or a particular personal hang up with the idea……why? You can wear a fancy ring from your partner. You can live together (ideally you each have your own lives but whatever).

Why are people fixated on marriage? The whole, you know, partner aspect seems far less important than I guess being able to tell people I’M MARRIED.

Plus, people my age watched the whole wedding obsession/conspicuous spending/reality tv thing happen before and during the 2008 financial crisis and I’ve got better things to do with money, thank you.

Seems very old fashioned now, and I’m hardly young myself.

Because if my partner doesn't want to marry me, I'll always think he/she wants an easy way out if I get sick, need their support when old etc. It's ethical: if you truly commit to someone, and love them - you become relatives, a family. Make your each other's well-being a priority. I wouldn't want to build a home with a man who would dump me if I get a cancer, and just go dating on OLD with minimal regrets in no time.

My ex cheated on me after 25 years with a lovely family. Why? Thought he could get away with it. That’s all.

I divorced him and my life is amazing. I doubt I’ll ever marry again but if I find the right person……….

………being married won’t stop them from dumping you when you’re old and sick. Wake up.

I might be in a minority here, but simply one -off cheating or even periodic sex on a side wouldn't be a dealbreaker worth ending marriage for me. If you filed for divorce, it means the marriage itself wasn't worth it anymore. If it was a lovely family, you wouldn't have divorced him. You would have at least tried therapy and reconcile.
Nothing is forever: you had a good run. If I manage to meet someone at 48 and stay with that person for 25 years, even if he cheats on me, I would still consider it a successful marriage. But chances of a husband cheating on you in his 60s and 70s are way lower than in their 50s. I know many cases where the husband finally becomes happy and content in 2nd or 3rd marriage and never cheats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something wrong with all you single people. You won’t remarry because you aren’t the marrying type in the first place and are all bitter.

Yea, a great constellation of opportunistic users on this thread with zero morals or attachments

Maybe if men want women to have “morals and attachments” and marry them, they should step up and contribute more to relationships. The stark difference between male and female interest in dating & remarriage indicates men are doing something pretty wrong collectively. Once we no longer need men to provide children or money, the equation shifts. There’s nothing immoral about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

I'm the PP. I admit life has made me cynical about second marriages, but not mean-spirited. Your post suggests a fourth category - a hopeless romantic. Reading and life suggests if either person has children, second marriages are not good for mutual well-being, as they bring conflicting loyalties and priorities.

I'm not a hopeless romantic. Marriage is a totally practical institute, and I had a long and rather successful first marriage. Yes, we both made mistakes but I selected my first husband wisely: we were both driven, professional and hard working. We both made tons of money during marriage, joined resources in child raising and building up wealth. Neither of us lost wealth after divorce: each had it multiplied many times over what our individual NW was prior to marriage. I dont have "multiple kids" still at home. I'm an empty nester with one child. I don't date men with more than one child either, and their child should be over 13 years of age. Don't date those who wouldn't want to co-habilite or remarry in a long term perspective.
You don't don't want a relationship, period. Others want it.

Not wanting to remarry is not the same as not wanting relationships.

RelationshipS in plural is the general common denominator for the PP commenters above, men and women. They are totally discouraged in committing and either just want switch partners every 2-3 years. This has nothing to do with building a life with someone, or joint future. They just want zero entanglements and an easy exit. Maybe for some it's tempting but for me to be happy I need to be the center of his universe and other way around.
And I have zero desire to date in my mid 50s looking for a new BF every 3 years. Seems too complicated and takes the lifetime from other important goals and people in my life, all that OLD dating.

I don't date men with multiple children (even college age), as I could see from these photos that kids are the center of their universe and I will always be secondary. I'm mid 40s, but I meet a lot of single never married slightly younger men, or men with one child who still want to commit. Of course if a guy has that many kids the women's role in his life would be limited to FWB (e.g. meeting on demand whenever he's available for a nice date followed by sex, maybe travel sometimes).

I want to have make a home with someone who I love in my space at some point (and no, he wouldn't need to buy it for me, I'm totally fine to equally contribute). I probably wouldn't marry outright, but would own a home with long term partner as a first step, and to see if we are able to coexist and enjoy it.

wow you sound incredibly immature. jealous of his kids? demanding that you be the “center of his universe”? don’t you have any self esteem?

I'm not jealous of anyone's kids: I just avoid profiles of mid 50s guys hugging their grown up children. I could see already how these 3 young daughters would hate me if I was a step mom. I don't need to date these men, as I get plenty of attention from never married guys in early-mid 40s or men with one child who have way more time for relationships. And yes, I have self-esteem which is why I would never allow to be seconded in a relationship (to his hobbies, children, work etc). A partnership is only reciprocal: when we are both equally invested.

[Anonymous]

I adore DH and hope we make it until the end. We have over 10 years marriage together. But if he died, i wouldn't remarry. I make enough to support the kids and i put up with all his faults because he is amazing other ways and puts up with my stuff. But we met a long time ago (early college) and have seen each other really grow into adults. I cant imagine having the same connection with someone i only know as an adult. We only grow more stubborn and challenging with age so id be fine with my kids, friends, work, and hobbies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something wrong with all you single people. You won’t remarry because you aren’t the marrying type in the first place and are all bitter.

Yea, a great constellation of opportunistic users on this thread with zero morals or attachments

Maybe if men want women to have “morals and attachments” and marry them, they should step up and contribute more to relationships. The stark difference between male and female interest in dating & remarriage indicates men are doing something pretty wrong collectively. Once we no longer need men to provide children or money, the equation shifts. There’s nothing immoral about it.

Maybe you’re the problem with playing victim.

It seems that the woman above just didn't have a great dating experience. I met men on OLD and in RL who were able to offer me a lot, and would bring a lot to the equation. I don't only mean joint travel or nice dates. I've met highly intellectual men, who were great advisors in career, overall life well-being and personal growth to me. One person offered to edit my CV, for example, and gave suggestions where to send it (I didn't even sleep with him). Another had me join all local social groups, engaged in the community, business clubs and was taking me out dancing when I was going through very difficult personal times. Again, didn't even sleep with the person, only date socially at that point. Dating helps me a lot to grow as a person and truly understand men.
I don't know where you ladies find such trashy men who are not able to give you anything at all, besides sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

I'm the PP. I admit life has made me cynical about second marriages, but not mean-spirited. Your post suggests a fourth category - a hopeless romantic. Reading and life suggests if either person has children, second marriages are not good for mutual well-being, as they bring conflicting loyalties and priorities.

I'm not a hopeless romantic. Marriage is a totally practical institute, and I had a long and rather successful first marriage. Yes, we both made mistakes but I selected my first husband wisely: we were both driven, professional and hard working. We both made tons of money during marriage, joined resources in child raising and building up wealth. Neither of us lost wealth after divorce: each had it multiplied many times over what our individual NW was prior to marriage. I dont have "multiple kids" still at home. I'm an empty nester with one child. I don't date men with more than one child either, and their child should be over 13 years of age. Don't date those who wouldn't want to co-habilite or remarry in a long term perspective.
You don't don't want a relationship, period. Others want it.

Not wanting to remarry is not the same as not wanting relationships.

RelationshipS in plural is the general common denominator for the PP commenters above, men and women. They are totally discouraged in committing and either just want switch partners every 2-3 years. This has nothing to do with building a life with someone, or joint future. They just want zero entanglements and an easy exit. Maybe for some it's tempting but for me to be happy I need to be the center of his universe and other way around.
And I have zero desire to date in my mid 50s looking for a new BF every 3 years. Seems too complicated and takes the lifetime from other important goals and people in my life, all that OLD dating.

I don't date men with multiple children (even college age), as I could see from these photos that kids are the center of their universe and I will always be secondary. I'm mid 40s, but I meet a lot of single never married slightly younger men, or men with one child who still want to commit. Of course if a guy has that many kids the women's role in his life would be limited to FWB (e.g. meeting on demand whenever he's available for a nice date followed by sex, maybe travel sometimes).

I want to have make a home with someone who I love in my space at some point (and no, he wouldn't need to buy it for me, I'm totally fine to equally contribute). I probably wouldn't marry outright, but would own a home with long term partner as a first step, and to see if we are able to coexist and enjoy it.

wow you sound incredibly immature. jealous of his kids? demanding that you be the “center of his universe”? don’t you have any self esteem?

I'm not jealous of anyone's kids: I just avoid profiles of mid 50s guys hugging their grown up children. I could see already how these 3 young daughters would hate me if I was a step mom. I don't need to date these men, as I get plenty of attention from never married guys in early-mid 40s or men with one child who have way more time for relationships. And yes, I have self-esteem which is why I would never allow to be seconded in a relationship (to his hobbies, children, work etc). A partnership is only reciprocal: when we are both equally invested.

I have a friend in your shoes and based on her dating experiences. I completely agree. From what I've seen, I, too, wouldn't want to get tangled up with a man who is enmeshed with his adult children. You sound like you know what you want, which is great. Once you get to a certain age, you accept that not everyone needs to like you, and likewise, it's okay for you to have standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know that some people think that marriage encourages good behavior but my experience was that marriage encouraged laziness in the relationship. My ex became very entitled and often condescending. Those behaviors rarely emerged before we tied the knot. I hear this often from women but I'm a man.

So I doubt I'll remarry. [/quote

Why, why get married? Absent religious or a particular personal hang up with the idea……why? You can wear a fancy ring from your partner. You can live together (ideally you each have your own lives but whatever).

Why are people fixated on marriage? The whole, you know, partner aspect seems far less important than I guess being able to tell people I’M MARRIED.

Plus, people my age watched the whole wedding obsession/conspicuous spending/reality tv thing happen before and during the 2008 financial crisis and I’ve got better things to do with money, thank you.

Seems very old fashioned now, and I’m hardly young myself.

Because if my partner doesn't want to marry me, I'll always think he/she wants an easy way out if I get sick, need their support when old etc. It's ethical: if you truly commit to someone, and love them - you become relatives, a family. Make your each other's well-being a priority. I wouldn't want to build a home with a man who would dump me if I get a cancer, and just go dating on OLD with minimal regrets in no time.

My ex cheated on me after 25 years with a lovely family. Why? Thought he could get away with it. That’s all.

I divorced him and my life is amazing. I doubt I’ll ever marry again but if I find the right person……….

………being married won’t stop them from dumping you when you’re old and sick. Wake up.

I might be in a minority here, but simply one -off cheating or even periodic sex on a side wouldn't be a dealbreaker worth ending marriage for me. If you filed for divorce, it means the marriage itself wasn't worth it anymore. If it was a lovely family, you wouldn't have divorced him. You would have at least tried therapy and reconcile.
Nothing is forever: you had a good run. If I manage to meet someone at 48 and stay with that person for 25 years, even if he cheats on me, I would still consider it a successful marriage. But chances of a husband cheating on you in his 60s and 70s are way lower than in their 50s. I know many cases where the husband finally becomes happy and content in 2nd or 3rd marriage and never cheats.

And that’s fine for you, I don’t care. As if I’m going to justify my decision to divorce.

I’m trying to point out, from experience, there are no guarantees.

You’re spending a lot of time rationalizing to me, an internet stranger, that your hypothetical future husband certainly won’t cheat on YOU, because obv there’s something wrong with ME, to have been cheated on.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The men in my generation want too much and offer too little in return. Gen X men want women with Boomer values and millennial money. No thanks. Never again.

This is a great way of explaining it. The level of entitlement and greed from men who offer nothing beyond the bare minimum is truly disgusting. And what’s up with middle aged men overrating their looks?

And what’s up with middle aged women overrating their looks? Most of you are probably overweight, saggy, and spent too much time in the sun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The men in my generation want too much and offer too little in return. Gen X men want women with Boomer values and millennial money. No thanks. Never again.

This is a great way of explaining it. The level of entitlement and greed from men who offer nothing beyond the bare minimum is truly disgusting. And what’s up with middle aged men overrating their looks?

And what’s up with middle aged women overrating their looks? Most of you are probably overweight, saggy, and spent too much time in the sun.

Awww. Bless you're heart. Does it make you feel better to say that? If it does, that says a lot about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

I'm the PP. I admit life has made me cynical about second marriages, but not mean-spirited. Your post suggests a fourth category - a hopeless romantic. Reading and life suggests if either person has children, second marriages are not good for mutual well-being, as they bring conflicting loyalties and priorities.

I'm not a hopeless romantic. Marriage is a totally practical institute, and I had a long and rather successful first marriage. Yes, we both made mistakes but I selected my first husband wisely: we were both driven, professional and hard working. We both made tons of money during marriage, joined resources in child raising and building up wealth. Neither of us lost wealth after divorce: each had it multiplied many times over what our individual NW was prior to marriage. I dont have "multiple kids" still at home. I'm an empty nester with one child. I don't date men with more than one child either, and their child should be over 13 years of age. Don't date those who wouldn't want to co-habilite or remarry in a long term perspective.
You don't don't want a relationship, period. Others want it.

It sounds absolutely miserable to try to date to marry in your 50s with ridiculous standards like not dating men with multiple children. What’s the point? Not caring about marriage means you can loosen up and date whoever you want. No need to rush for kids, to settle down, for financial support. If I found myself in my 50s doing that kind of dating like I did in my late 20s/30s I’d consider that a pretty big life failure.

Because his having more than one kid will easily block her from their money. You're welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:45 yo man here — I don’t know why I would ever want to remarry. I’m financially secure and love the adult Disneyland that exists for guys my age especially with OLD. It’s like I’m in my 20s again. I don’t need the baggage and loss of my independence that comes with marriage. And it seems as soon as young women (late 20s and early 30s) see you’re financially secure, have a head on your shoulders, and willing to spoil them a little, they are very giving. I plan to enjoy this for the foreseeable future.

Until you meet someone in her late twenties or early thirties who is self-assured, beautiful, and smart, and she wants to get married and have kids, and you know you're already out of your depth. This happened to a friend/colleague who had sworn off remarriage. However, he was still handsome, fit, high energy, high net-worth, and at the peak of his career, so he attracted some impressive women, and eventually one that he felt was too good to let go, and they had more kids. It is unclear whether he's happy, but he does project a happy family life, and his wife is hot. I think there are a lot of versions of this story out there: men in their late forties who have the resources end up getting sucked in because they're desirable and can pull high-quality women who have high standards and want marriage. Women in our late forties don't want to be responsible for raising children anymore. We've had enough, and we screen out men who are looking for a sugar mamma and a stepmom to take over their parenting responsibilities for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

I'm the PP. I admit life has made me cynical about second marriages, but not mean-spirited. Your post suggests a fourth category - a hopeless romantic. Reading and life suggests if either person has children, second marriages are not good for mutual well-being, as they bring conflicting loyalties and priorities.

I'm not a hopeless romantic. Marriage is a totally practical institute, and I had a long and rather successful first marriage. Yes, we both made mistakes but I selected my first husband wisely: we were both driven, professional and hard working. We both made tons of money during marriage, joined resources in child raising and building up wealth. Neither of us lost wealth after divorce: each had it multiplied many times over what our individual NW was prior to marriage. I dont have "multiple kids" still at home. I'm an empty nester with one child. I don't date men with more than one child either, and their child should be over 13 years of age. Don't date those who wouldn't want to co-habilite or remarry in a long term perspective.
You don't don't want a relationship, period. Others want it.

It sounds absolutely miserable to try to date to marry in your 50s with ridiculous standards like not dating men with multiple children. What’s the point? Not caring about marriage means you can loosen up and date whoever you want. No need to rush for kids, to settle down, for financial support. If I found myself in my 50s doing that kind of dating like I did in my late 20s/30s I’d consider that a pretty big life failure.

Because his having more than one kid will easily block her from their money. You're welcome.

No, because him having multiple kids limits his time and mental space for building a relationship with me. More kids - more vacations with them, more calls to these kids at night, more enmeshment with ex spouse etc. I tried to date a man with 3 kids, then a guy with 2 kids. It fell apart very early in the dating stages, as it was obvious my role would be a FWB on weekends they had free from kids.