Not sure how to feel about this (trigger warning)

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. You've gotten a lot of good advice. I don't think this has to be marriage ending, but it's going to be a lot of work getting back to a good place. Any chance he was smoking weed or using edibles too? My husband was a horrific person when he mixed weed and alcohol. And it has a huge compounding effect on impairment. might explain why he doesn't remember. Not excusing him. Just trying to find a potential cause of his not remembering.

[Anonymous]

Similar scenario happened to me with a boyfriend. It was he who called it rape the next day, not me. So, he did remember it and understood what it was. He wasn’t an inherently violent or bad person as your husband may not be either but it does indicate a problem for sure with an inability to self regulate or have empathy for others. When drunk their own needs and desires become more important than anyone else’s. That’s what needs to be addressed in therapy along with the blackout drunk thing.

[Anonymous]

You are nuts. You are surprised a person did not behave responsibly after altering their mind?

[Anonymous]

OP just an internet stranger here to say good for you for talking to a counselor and not pushing it down. That must have been really hard. I think your husbands reaction sounds promising but I agree with you that it’s not on you to write him out an exact list of tasks to make this better (although I think no alcohol ever again sounds like a good one). I will say another prayer for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are getting suckered in by this fake post? Wow.

This was my first reaction too.

My second is how bizarre it is that when this type of story is told from the perspective of the woman about a man who is completely trashed out of his mind drunk doing something he cannot remember doing (while she tells him no but then “gives up” in her words and just “let’s him”) then he is the one who is responsible? How about the idea that she could have gotten up and poured cold water on him?
Also if the circumstances were that SHE had been the drunk one and had consented to sex in her drunken state and then regretted it the next day, this same DCUM crowd would be telling her that that’s rape too bc she wasn’t in any frame of mind to consent!

Sounds to me like DH is described as being waaaaay too drunk to respond rationally to her weak protests if he doesn’t even remember the incident the next day.

Also if I’m wrong and the post wasn’t a troll to begin with then yes it definitely sucks that this happened. But no I don’t think drunk husband is a rapist. And I also think he clearly needs to never drink again.

If a guy (guy 1) had a drunk guy (guy 2) at a bar pushing him around a bit and guy 1 calm said stop touching him and “I don’t want to fight” - no one would say it was guy 1’s fault if guy 2 then punched him. No one would excuse guy 2 because he as drunk. No one would say guy 1 should have escalated and fought when the pushing started to prevent being punched. It is 100% guy 2s fault. He punched someone that didn’t want to be punch and clearly said don’t touch me. Why is rape different?? Why is the expectation of the victim different? Why are you supposed to fight like hell and risk getting even more hurt than trying to minimize the violence you’re experiencing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how are you?

OP is gone because it’s not a real post

She posted right after you.

Just because you lie, it doesn’t mean other people do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are getting suckered in by this fake post? Wow.

This was my first reaction too.

My second is how bizarre it is that when this type of story is told from the perspective of the woman about a man who is completely trashed out of his mind drunk doing something he cannot remember doing (while she tells him no but then “gives up” in her words and just “let’s him”) then he is the one who is responsible? How about the idea that she could have gotten up and poured cold water on him?
Also if the circumstances were that SHE had been the drunk one and had consented to sex in her drunken state and then regretted it the next day, this same DCUM crowd would be telling her that that’s rape too bc she wasn’t in any frame of mind to consent!

Sounds to me like DH is described as being waaaaay too drunk to respond rationally to her weak protests if he doesn’t even remember the incident the next day.

Also if I’m wrong and the post wasn’t a troll to begin with then yes it definitely sucks that this happened. But no I don’t think drunk husband is a rapist. And I also think he clearly needs to never drink again.

If a guy (guy 1) had a drunk guy (guy 2) at a bar pushing him around a bit and guy 1 calm said stop touching him and “I don’t want to fight” - no one would say it was guy 1’s fault if guy 2 then punched him. No one would excuse guy 2 because he as drunk. No one would say guy 1 should have escalated and fought when the pushing started to prevent being punched. It is 100% guy 2s fault. He punched someone that didn’t want to be punch and clearly said don’t touch me. Why is rape different?? Why is the expectation of the victim different? Why are you supposed to fight like hell and risk getting even more hurt than trying to minimize the violence you’re experiencing?

Part of what’s different here is that, if we keep to your analogy, the guys have been consensually punching one another for years, so it’s not crazy for one of them to think this is just like last week’s punching session.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm a therapist. I'm not saying you should stay with your husband (not sure I could), but if this is something you're committed to getting over you could look into EMDR or ketamine therapy to deal with the trauma.

[Anonymous]

Wait… So you told your husband “ let’s do it later” and according to your post “kind of…give in”???? Sorry, but I do not think it was rape. Yes, you were not in the mood, but you also let him have sex with you by just “kind of give in”. You were both drunk. He probably thought you were enjoying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are getting suckered in by this fake post? Wow.

This was my first reaction too.

My second is how bizarre it is that when this type of story is told from the perspective of the woman about a man who is completely trashed out of his mind drunk doing something he cannot remember doing (while she tells him no but then “gives up” in her words and just “let’s him”) then he is the one who is responsible? How about the idea that she could have gotten up and poured cold water on him?
Also if the circumstances were that SHE had been the drunk one and had consented to sex in her drunken state and then regretted it the next day, this same DCUM crowd would be telling her that that’s rape too bc she wasn’t in any frame of mind to consent!

Sounds to me like DH is described as being waaaaay too drunk to respond rationally to her weak protests if he doesn’t even remember the incident the next day.

Also if I’m wrong and the post wasn’t a troll to begin with then yes it definitely sucks that this happened. But no I don’t think drunk husband is a rapist. And I also think he clearly needs to never drink again.

If a guy (guy 1) had a drunk guy (guy 2) at a bar pushing him around a bit and guy 1 calm said stop touching him and “I don’t want to fight” - no one would say it was guy 1’s fault if guy 2 then punched him. No one would excuse guy 2 because he as drunk. No one would say guy 1 should have escalated and fought when the pushing started to prevent being punched. It is 100% guy 2s fault. He punched someone that didn’t want to be punch and clearly said don’t touch me. Why is rape different?? Why is the expectation of the victim different? Why are you supposed to fight like hell and risk getting even more hurt than trying to minimize the violence you’re experiencing?

Part of what’s different here is that, if we keep to your analogy, the guys have been consensually punching one another for years, so it’s not crazy for one of them to think this is just like last week’s punching session.

Nailed it! And both guys are drunk and they are expected to behave responsibly, gmab. If guy 2 drank more than guy 1, thats irrelevant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are getting suckered in by this fake post? Wow.

+1
People are generally very naive and not that bright.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are getting suckered in by this fake post? Wow.

+1
People are generally very naive and not that bright.

Try lying less in 2024.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are getting suckered in by this fake post? Wow.

This was my first reaction too.

My second is how bizarre it is that when this type of story is told from the perspective of the woman about a man who is completely trashed out of his mind drunk doing something he cannot remember doing (while she tells him no but then “gives up” in her words and just “let’s him”) then he is the one who is responsible? How about the idea that she could have gotten up and poured cold water on him?
Also if the circumstances were that SHE had been the drunk one and had consented to sex in her drunken state and then regretted it the next day, this same DCUM crowd would be telling her that that’s rape too bc she wasn’t in any frame of mind to consent!

Sounds to me like DH is described as being waaaaay too drunk to respond rationally to her weak protests if he doesn’t even remember the incident the next day.

Also if I’m wrong and the post wasn’t a troll to begin with then yes it definitely sucks that this happened. But no I don’t think drunk husband is a rapist. And I also think he clearly needs to never drink again.

If a guy (guy 1) had a drunk guy (guy 2) at a bar pushing him around a bit and guy 1 calm said stop touching him and “I don’t want to fight” - no one would say it was guy 1’s fault if guy 2 then punched him. No one would excuse guy 2 because he as drunk. No one would say guy 1 should have escalated and fought when the pushing started to prevent being punched. It is 100% guy 2s fault. He punched someone that didn’t want to be punch and clearly said don’t touch me. Why is rape different?? Why is the expectation of the victim different? Why are you supposed to fight like hell and risk getting even more hurt than trying to minimize the violence you’re experiencing?

Part of what’s different here is that, if we keep to your analogy, the guys have been consensually punching one another for years, so it’s not crazy for one of them to think this is just like last week’s punching session.

No - if two guys enthusiastically box for fun every day and one says “hey man, I’m exhausted and don’t feel up to practicing today” over and over and over we would not say it’s totally understandable for the other guy to still clock him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait… So you told your husband “ let’s do it later” and according to your post “kind of…give in”???? Sorry, but I do not think it was rape. Yes, you were not in the mood, but you also let him have sex with you by just “kind of give in”. You were both drunk. He probably thought you were enjoying it.

She repeatedly said "stop" and said that she wasn't enjoying, but quit physically resisting when he wouldn't stop. That's rape.

You are an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are getting suckered in by this fake post? Wow.

This was my first reaction too.

My second is how bizarre it is that when this type of story is told from the perspective of the woman about a man who is completely trashed out of his mind drunk doing something he cannot remember doing (while she tells him no but then “gives up” in her words and just “let’s him”) then he is the one who is responsible? How about the idea that she could have gotten up and poured cold water on him?
Also if the circumstances were that SHE had been the drunk one and had consented to sex in her drunken state and then regretted it the next day, this same DCUM crowd would be telling her that that’s rape too bc she wasn’t in any frame of mind to consent!

Sounds to me like DH is described as being waaaaay too drunk to respond rationally to her weak protests if he doesn’t even remember the incident the next day.

Also if I’m wrong and the post wasn’t a troll to begin with then yes it definitely sucks that this happened. But no I don’t think drunk husband is a rapist. And I also think he clearly needs to never drink again.

If a guy (guy 1) had a drunk guy (guy 2) at a bar pushing him around a bit and guy 1 calm said stop touching him and “I don’t want to fight” - no one would say it was guy 1’s fault if guy 2 then punched him. No one would excuse guy 2 because he as drunk. No one would say guy 1 should have escalated and fought when the pushing started to prevent being punched. It is 100% guy 2s fault. He punched someone that didn’t want to be punch and clearly said don’t touch me. Why is rape different?? Why is the expectation of the victim different? Why are you supposed to fight like hell and risk getting even more hurt than trying to minimize the violence you’re experiencing?

Part of what’s different here is that, if we keep to your analogy, the guys have been consensually punching one another for years, so it’s not crazy for one of them to think this is just like last week’s punching session.

No - if two guys enthusiastically box for fun every day and one says “hey man, I’m exhausted and don’t feel up to practicing today” over and over and over we would not say it’s totally understandable for the other guy to still clock him

At most dojos, people bow in before they spar. They explicitly consent. Consent is important when you're engaged in risky activity that can bring harm to another person.