Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s inconsiderate to ask any HS senior but it’s rude to ask a stranger. As many posters have explained, life is different than it was 20 or 30 years ago.

Why is it different, though? How is it any different than "what do you do?" when meeting another adult and engaging in small talk.

Because they are only applying to schools. It's just wishful thinking in some cases. Why do you think they need to share this with you? They don't currently go to any college so they aren't "doing" anything. A more applicable question would be "what classes are you taking now"?

This is nonsense. It's not rude to ask people about their thoughts and plans for the future. Small talk is not limited to topics only regarding what is happening now.

I was making small talk with a client at work while waiting for my boss and she asked me where I see my career heading and what kind of roles I would like to move into. Who cares? I didn't think it was invasive, but I also didn't really want to talk about it because it's kind of a loaded topic in my life right now. I answered vaguely and pivoted the conversation. No harm was done, she meant no ill intent.

It is very rude to ask strangers personal questions. Do you ask your clients if they plan to have kids? Or if they are pregnant if they look a little heavier? You don't know these people. But, you're a lost cause so just keep doing you.

DP. The fact that you equate asking a HS senior about their college application list with these questions shows how ridiculous your position is.

Uh, your boss asking you your future plans is akin to the college advisor asking the student where they plan to apply. Not at all the same. A parent on a tour is just some dipshit nosy busybody.

It was a client who I’d never met before, not my boss, as I stated clearly. I know this topic makes you kind of emotional but please to read so you can engage in the conversation properly and not derail it.

It’s funny how clueless you are about all this. If you actually have a soon to be high schooler you are in for a rough ride. Buckle up.

Buckle up for what? Teenagers who don’t want to discuss certain things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s inconsiderate to ask any HS senior but it’s rude to ask a stranger. As many posters have explained, life is different than it was 20 or 30 years ago.

Why is it different, though? How is it any different than "what do you do?" when meeting another adult and engaging in small talk.

Because they are only applying to schools. It's just wishful thinking in some cases. Why do you think they need to share this with you? They don't currently go to any college so they aren't "doing" anything. A more applicable question would be "what classes are you taking now"?

This is nonsense. It's not rude to ask people about their thoughts and plans for the future. Small talk is not limited to topics only regarding what is happening now.

I was making small talk with a client at work while waiting for my boss and she asked me where I see my career heading and what kind of roles I would like to move into. Who cares? I didn't think it was invasive, but I also didn't really want to talk about it because it's kind of a loaded topic in my life right now. I answered vaguely and pivoted the conversation. No harm was done, she meant no ill intent.

It is very rude to ask strangers personal questions. Do you ask your clients if they plan to have kids? Or if they are pregnant if they look a little heavier? You don't know these people. But, you're a lost cause so just keep doing you.

DP. The fact that you equate asking a HS senior about their college application list with these questions shows how ridiculous your position is.

Uh, your boss asking you your future plans is akin to the college advisor asking the student where they plan to apply. Not at all the same. A parent on a tour is just some dipshit nosy busybody.

It was a client who I’d never met before, not my boss, as I stated clearly. I know this topic makes you kind of emotional but please to read so you can engage in the conversation properly and not derail it.

It’s funny how clueless you are about all this. If you actually have a soon to be high schooler you are in for a rough ride. Buckle up.

Buckle up for what? Teenagers who don’t want to discuss certain things?

With strangers? No, they don’t. They don’t owe you answers to nosy questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you not ask a date what they do for a living? Do you ask a new client or vendor about their family?

Do you ask a date what salary they make at their job? Do you ask a new client or vendor about whether they get along with certain family members?

Not PP, but those questions aren’t the same. I didn’t hear OP saying that parents were asking the tour guide about aid packages or about their families.

You don’t need to ask a tour guide personal questions. They are there to answer questions about the school.

So asking about their experience at the school is likewise off limits then?

I mean, are YOU offended about all of this or is your kid? Because these responses scream hyper-sensitive lawn mower type parents. If your kid doesn’t care, then why the fuss?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you not ask a date what they do for a living? Do you ask a new client or vendor about their family?

Do you ask a date what salary they make at their job? Do you ask a new client or vendor about whether they get along with certain family members?

Not PP, but those questions aren’t the same. I didn’t hear OP saying that parents were asking the tour guide about aid packages or about their families.

You don’t need to ask a tour guide personal questions. They are there to answer questions about the school.

So asking about their experience at the school is likewise off limits then?

I mean, are YOU offended about all of this or is your kid? Because these responses scream hyper-sensitive lawn mower type parents. If your kid doesn’t care, then why the fuss?

You will get a sanitized answer or deflection. Get real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you not ask a date what they do for a living? Do you ask a new client or vendor about their family?

Do you ask a date what salary they make at their job? Do you ask a new client or vendor about whether they get along with certain family members?

Not PP, but those questions aren’t the same. I didn’t hear OP saying that parents were asking the tour guide about aid packages or about their families.

You don’t need to ask a tour guide personal questions. They are there to answer questions about the school.

So asking about their experience at the school is likewise off limits then?

I mean, are YOU offended about all of this or is your kid? Because these responses scream hyper-sensitive lawn mower type parents. If your kid doesn’t care, then why the fuss?

You will get a sanitized answer or deflection. Get real.

Then why make such a big deal about even being asked? You’re talking in circles now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am a boomer, because it never occurred to me that this is an inappropriate question. without being sarcastic or snotty, can someone explain what is wrong with asking this?

It’s because of the enormous expense now associated with college. Essentially, this question is asking a child how wealthy their family is. It’s very tacky, at best.

When the boomers applied, the cost was far less of a factor. So, they could ask openly because it really wasn’t going to be a deeply financial inquiry.

The question is particularly insensitive to kids at private schools who receive aid, many of whom volunteer to be guides. They’re often excited about the school and appreciate the aid, and view admissions tours as a way to show appreciation. But their college choice may be significantly constrained by money, and that’s not anything they should need to explain to a nosy stranger.

The question is essentially a proxy for asking family income, which is obviously rude.

Oh this is so great. This thread keeps on giving.

OP, PP thinks you’re probably poor because your kid is a tour guide to show appreciation to her benefactors for allowing her to attend.

It’s really appalling how many of you seem to want to grill kids on their family’s financial status. Honestly, who raised you people? Wolves have better manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you not ask a date what they do for a living? Do you ask a new client or vendor about their family?

Do you ask a date what salary they make at their job? Do you ask a new client or vendor about whether they get along with certain family members?

Not PP, but those questions aren’t the same. I didn’t hear OP saying that parents were asking the tour guide about aid packages or about their families.

You don’t need to ask a tour guide personal questions. They are there to answer questions about the school.

So asking about their experience at the school is likewise off limits then?

I mean, are YOU offended about all of this or is your kid? Because these responses scream hyper-sensitive lawn mower type parents. If your kid doesn’t care, then why the fuss?

You will get a sanitized answer or deflection. Get real.

Then why make such a big deal about even being asked? You’re talking in circles now.

What have i said? You know there are multiple people posting right? The rude nosy ones are the ones outraged here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 12-year-old knows how to politely get a conversation back on track, and avoid answering personal questions if they make her uncomfortable. You need to spend less time trying to “educate” total strangers and spend more time helping your son to prepare for, you know, life.

+100

This. expect the question and have him have a response in his back pocket like” oh I’m still making final decisions,” laugh politely and then talk about the college counseling office and how supportive they are. Or answer as if they are asking about which part of the country, “a number of places out west” or “ I’m looking at some liberal arts colleges in the mid west” or program specific, “I’m looking at colleges with strong drama programs” …
There are lots of ways to answer without giving specific info. That is a life skill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 12-year-old knows how to politely get a conversation back on track, and avoid answering personal questions if they make her uncomfortable. You need to spend less time trying to “educate” total strangers and spend more time helping your son to prepare for, you know, life.

+100

This. expect the question and have him have a response in his back pocket like” oh I’m still making final decisions,” laugh politely and then talk about the college counseling office and how supportive they are. Or answer as if they are asking about which part of the country, “a number of places out west” or “ I’m looking at some liberal arts colleges in the mid west” or program specific, “I’m looking at colleges with strong drama programs” …
There are lots of ways to answer without giving specific info. That is a life skill.

I’ve seen no indication that OPs kid isn’t able to brush off the question. Yes, being able to brush off rude questions is indeed a life skill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am a boomer, because it never occurred to me that this is an inappropriate question. without being sarcastic or snotty, can someone explain what is wrong with asking this?

It’s because of the enormous expense now associated with college. Essentially, this question is asking a child how wealthy their family is. It’s very tacky, at best.

When the boomers applied, the cost was far less of a factor. So, they could ask openly because it really wasn’t going to be a deeply financial inquiry.

The question is particularly insensitive to kids at private schools who receive aid, many of whom volunteer to be guides. They’re often excited about the school and appreciate the aid, and view admissions tours as a way to show appreciation. But their college choice may be significantly constrained by money, and that’s not anything they should need to explain to a nosy stranger.

The question is essentially a proxy for asking family income, which is obviously rude.

Oh this is so great. This thread keeps on giving.

OP, PP thinks you’re probably poor because your kid is a tour guide to show appreciation to her benefactors for allowing her to attend.

It’s really appalling how many of you seem to want to grill kids on their family’s financial status. Honestly, who raised you people? Wolves have better manners.

I volunteer for the admissions office as did my kid and we are full pay so you are off on that assumption. Also, I would never think that question has anything to do with financial status as many many of the most rejective schools are need blind! So that isn’t an issue for the oh so poor families you think are giving these tours. Geez pp
It is a basic question people ask ALL seniors even at public schools in other parts of the country to make conversation. As a tour guide I would expect it and either respond honestly if comfortable with the name of a couple of them or what kind of major you are looking at and say “ I’m looking at schools with strong xyx programs.”
If anything they are asking to see what kind of schools these kids think they have a shot at getting into, as in what the school has prepared that student for. I assure you no one is trying to gauge how much money the kid’s family has!

[Anonymous]

There are some grade A ass holes in this thread. Let's review - OP said, it makes students uncomfortable, so don't ask about college applicstions. Jackasses respond, 'these kids need to toughen up and learn how to change the topic.'

Guess what, in the polite world, we don't try to make people uncomfortable. It's rude. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am a boomer, because it never occurred to me that this is an inappropriate question. without being sarcastic or snotty, can someone explain what is wrong with asking this?

It’s because of the enormous expense now associated with college. Essentially, this question is asking a child how wealthy their family is. It’s very tacky, at best.

When the boomers applied, the cost was far less of a factor. So, they could ask openly because it really wasn’t going to be a deeply financial inquiry.

The question is particularly insensitive to kids at private schools who receive aid, many of whom volunteer to be guides. They’re often excited about the school and appreciate the aid, and view admissions tours as a way to show appreciation. But their college choice may be significantly constrained by money, and that’s not anything they should need to explain to a nosy stranger.

The question is essentially a proxy for asking family income, which is obviously rude.

Oh this is so great. This thread keeps on giving.

OP, PP thinks you’re probably poor because your kid is a tour guide to show appreciation to her benefactors for allowing her to attend.

It’s really appalling how many of you seem to want to grill kids on their family’s financial status. Honestly, who raised you people? Wolves have better manners.

I volunteer for the admissions office as did my kid and we are full pay so you are off on that assumption. Also, I would never think that question has anything to do with financial status as many many of the most rejective schools are need blind! So that isn’t an issue for the oh so poor families you think are giving these tours. Geez pp
It is a basic question people ask ALL seniors even at public schools in other parts of the country to make conversation. As a tour guide I would expect it and either respond honestly if comfortable with the name of a couple of them or what kind of major you are looking at and say “ I’m looking at schools with strong xyx programs.”
If anything they are asking to see what kind of schools these kids think they have a shot at getting into, as in what the school has prepared that student for. I assure you no one is trying to gauge how much money the kid’s family has!

I’ve also volunteered and yes, this is a question that goes directly to family financial status. It’s rude and intrusive.

I swear I have no idea what has happened to basic manners in this country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some grade A ass holes in this thread. Let's review - OP said, it makes students uncomfortable, so don't ask about college applicstions. Jackasses respond, 'these kids need to toughen up and learn how to change the topic.'

Guess what, in the polite world, we don't try to make people uncomfortable. It's rude. End of story.

Seriously. The entitlement is off the charts.

[Anonymous]

So this is an example of why so many kids are on anxiety, ADHD, anti every damn thing meds, etc. Damn shame that a basic question can trigger anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some grade A ass holes in this thread. Let's review - OP said, it makes students uncomfortable, so don't ask about college applicstions. Jackasses respond, 'these kids need to toughen up and learn how to change the topic.'

Guess what, in the polite world, we don't try to make people uncomfortable. It's rude. End of story.

Seriously. The entitlement is off the charts.

It’s weird, like their decision to have their kid apply to a high school hinges on what colleges the tour guide is considering. Bizarre.