Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college

Anonymous
You’d better be coaching your son never to ask people where they are from, why they are interested in the tour, what they do, what they hope to study or do in the future, or if they have any plans for the weekend. So personal! How rude.
Anonymous
+1 Generally speaking I'm finding that if parents haven't gone through this recently they have no idea how stressful the process can be. I don't even ask Seniors in my own orbit where they are applying. At most I'll ask how it's going. They can answer with one word or expand if that's their preference.

I am suprised the administration hasn't coached the student on how to traverse questions they don't want to answer as part of their preparation for giving tours.

^^

I think that's exactly what's going on. Unfortunately, high school tours match up with the time period where seniors are preparing RD applications and waiting on ED results. It's kind of hard to say "I applied ED to Princeton," when in the next few weeks you're mostly likely going to get a rejection from Princeton and then move on to your regular applications. I know that my DD will be perfectly happy to tell anyone (neighbors, family friends, classmates, etc.) where she's attending college once she knows where she's going. She'll probably also be happy to talk about how that decision came about. At present, there's just a whole lot of stress. She doesn't even like to discuss college stuff with her parents and close friends.

What seems like general small talk to the parents of middle schoolers feels very big to a lot (of course not all) of seniors right now.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:You’d better be coaching your son never to ask people where they are from, why they are interested in the tour, what they do, what they hope to study or do in the future, or if they have any plans for the weekend. So personal! How rude.


Another post from someone who apparently has not been through the college application process recently
Anonymous
He needs a breezy script like a lot of different schools. The local state one and some reaches cross country
Anonymous
When we toured Maret this fall (with an admissions person and a student), the admissions person specifically asked the tour group not to ask the student about the college application process but to direct those questions to her. Seemed reasonable.
Anonymous
100% with OP. This is very rude behavior. No one is supposed to be asking Seniors these questions, especially right now when they are in the thick of the stress of the process.

If you want to know where kids from the school go to college, that info is available on nearly every school's website.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:You’d better be coaching your son never to ask people where they are from, why they are interested in the tour, what they do, what they hope to study or do in the future, or if they have any plans for the weekend. So personal! How rude.


You are clueless and rude.
Anonymous
Seriously?
Get over yourself
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe the two PPs think a kid’s collefe list is any of their business (but then I am a public school parent)


So why are you here? Specifically, why are you weighing in on this post? You opinion is irrelevant.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My 12-year-old knows how to politely get a conversation back on track, and avoid answering personal questions if they make her uncomfortable. You need to spend less time trying to “educate” total strangers and spend more time helping your son to prepare for, you know, life.


OT, but how did she learn this -- what did you tell her? *I* am fairly emotionally intellegent but I have a hard time at times with this - I am impressed!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My DC conducts tours for prospective students. On almost every tour, DC is asked where he is applying to college. He is happy to talk about the college guidance office and the process in general, but asking someone where they're applying is not okay. It's personal and absolutely none of your business. Please stop. There are far better and more relevant questions to ask.


Thanks for the PSA…I guess. 🙄
You do understand that your son will continue to be asked this question, right? He needs to put on his big boy pants and learn to politely, but firmly, set conversational boundaries. He doesn’t have to answer every question he’s asked.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My 12-year-old knows how to politely get a conversation back on track, and avoid answering personal questions if they make her uncomfortable. You need to spend less time trying to “educate” total strangers and spend more time helping your son to prepare for, you know, life.


OT, but how did she learn this -- what did you tell her? *I* am fairly emotionally intellegent but I have a hard time at times with this - I am impressed!


Actually, quoting myself -- if this is a common question, which it sounds like it is, couldn't it be part of the kids' training to learn how to handle situations like this in a way that is comfortable and respectful of boundaries for everyone?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My DC conducts tours for prospective students. On almost every tour, DC is asked where he is applying to college. He is happy to talk about the college guidance office and the process in general, but asking someone where they're applying is not okay. It's personal and absolutely none of your business. Please stop. There are far better and more relevant questions to ask.


What colleges current students expect to attend is highly relevant to prospective students
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My DC conducts tours for prospective students. On almost every tour, DC is asked where he is applying to college. He is happy to talk about the college guidance office and the process in general, but asking someone where they're applying is not okay. It's personal and absolutely none of your business. Please stop. There are far better and more relevant questions to ask.


I'll add....

Having had a kid go through college admissions, I wouldn't ask any kid or any parent where their kid is applying to college. If the subject comes up, the most I'd ask is whether they are leaning for a certain kind of school (urban/rural, region, big/small). If they want to divulge, they will. The NEVER do. (and I'm OK with that - it's the reason I'm not asking). I also commiserate on how stressful it all can be. When they finally know where they are going, and choose to share, I celebrate with them!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:You can't be serious. That's the tour guide equivalent of cocktail party question. Where do you live/work. Good lord.


You must have been raised in a barn. The question is intrusive and personal.
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