Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So this is an example of why so many kids are on anxiety, ADHD, anti every damn thing meds, etc. Damn shame that a basic question can trigger anything.

Man, you are triggered by this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you not ask a date what they do for a living? Do you ask a new client or vendor about their family?

Do you ask a date what salary they make at their job? Do you ask a new client or vendor about whether they get along with certain family members?

Not PP, but those questions aren’t the same. I didn’t hear OP saying that parents were asking the tour guide about aid packages or about their families.

Exactly my point. They aren't the same.

Asking a date what they do for a living is general. That kind of small talk is totally normal and fine.

Asking a date what salary they make at a job is starting to get into private details. Do you all not see the difference between talking in light, breezy generalities and prying into specifics that are none of your business?

[Anonymous]

Well, I view “how’s the college process going” much closer to “what do you do for a living” than “what salary do you earn.”

Only on this board where parents view their own self-worth and value vicariously through their kids’ private school and college selections is this a deeply personal question. Pro tip: if you want a handbag, buy one. But don’t live through your kids.

Let me ask the sensitive folks, if your friends ask where your kids are applying, is it equally outrageous?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you not ask a date what they do for a living? Do you ask a new client or vendor about their family?

Do you ask a date what salary they make at their job? Do you ask a new client or vendor about whether they get along with certain family members?

Not PP, but those questions aren’t the same. I didn’t hear OP saying that parents were asking the tour guide about aid packages or about their families.

Exactly my point. They aren't the same.

Asking a date what they do for a living is general. That kind of small talk is totally normal and fine.

Asking a date what salary they make at a job is starting to get into private details. Do you all not see the difference between talking in light, breezy generalities and prying into specifics that are none of your business?

Asking a HS senior who is literally in the process of applying to college what colleges they are applying to is not the same as asking someone how much money they make. It just isn’t, no matter how many times you insist otherwise. I have never heard anyone of real life—parent or kid—be offended at being asked that question. I am truly flummoxed at what constitutes small talk in your world. I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree on this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you not ask a date what they do for a living? Do you ask a new client or vendor about their family?

Do you ask a date what salary they make at their job? Do you ask a new client or vendor about whether they get along with certain family members?

Not PP, but those questions aren’t the same. I didn’t hear OP saying that parents were asking the tour guide about aid packages or about their families.

Exactly. We know they are applying to college. That is a fact. No secret there. If someone asks where they are applying they can say something like, “honestly it’s kind of stressful and I’m not talking about it until I know what my options are” and then smile and proceed with the tour or they can come up with some other thing to say with out really answering. But I do think it builds character to be able to handle these sorts of questions. People used to ask me all the time when I was in the middle of my thesis, what are you going to do after? So annoying in the moment but not an inappropriate question just because I was stressed about finishing at the time. They were making conversation or actually curious.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don’t get the people who insist they have the right to demand information out of every person they meet. It’s so crazy and rude and entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Asking a HS senior who is literally in the process of applying to college what colleges they are applying to is not the same as asking someone how much money they make. It just isn’t, no matter how many times you insist otherwise. I have never heard anyone of real life—parent or kid—be offended at being asked that question. I am truly flummoxed at what constitutes small talk in your world. I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree on this one.

So are there no questions that you would consider inappropriately intrusive to ask a HS senior about their college application process?

If there are, where does it "cross the line" from okay to not okay in your eyes?

[Anonymous]

Here’s one that would be inappropriate: “Did you apply for the scholarship for unattractive people?”

One of many examples of inappropriate questions.

That said, “where are you applying” is not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s one that would be inappropriate: “Did you apply for the scholarship for unattractive people?”

That one is clearly inappropriate.

I'm asking where you think the line is just crossed, in other words, one that's a close call where reasonable minds can disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get the people who insist they have the right to demand information out of every person they meet. It’s so crazy and rude and entitled.

No one is demanding anything.
Also, a wonderful skill for any young person to learn: how to politely avoid a question they don’t want to answer. If for whatever reason they don’t want to share.
I expect people to ask my junior next year, and will give him tools to handle it without it being a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asking a HS senior who is literally in the process of applying to college what colleges they are applying to is not the same as asking someone how much money they make. It just isn’t, no matter how many times you insist otherwise. I have never heard anyone of real life—parent or kid—be offended at being asked that question. I am truly flummoxed at what constitutes small talk in your world. I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree on this one.

So are there no questions that you would consider inappropriately intrusive to ask a HS senior about their college application process?

If there are, where does it "cross the line" from okay to not okay in your eyes?

We are talking about one specific question. Just the one. No one is arguing every question is fair game. And the one question at issue—where are you applying to college—is not a question that most people in the real world would find offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get the people who insist they have the right to demand information out of every person they meet. It’s so crazy and rude and entitled.

Would it be too much to ask what sports teams they are on ( what if they got cut!) or if they are in the school play (what if they auditioned but didn’t get a role!)?
There are endless disappointments in life. We can’t tip toe around people all the time. Kids and some of their parents need to be able to live among questions asking basic things like “ how’s the college application process going” or “ where are you applying to college” . They don’t have to answer if they don’t want to. These are not personal questions, much less so because these kids have chosen to be a tour guide for a school that ends in 12th grade and it would be natural to be curious where kids go after.
These kids should prepare themselves for questions like “are you applying to grad school” or “ where are you applying for jobs” when they are in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get the people who insist they have the right to demand information out of every person they meet. It’s so crazy and rude and entitled.

Would it be too much to ask what sports teams they are on ( what if they got cut!) or if they are in the school play (what if they auditioned but didn’t get a role!)?
There are endless disappointments in life. We can’t tip toe around people all the time. Kids and some of their parents need to be able to live among questions asking basic things like “ how’s the college application process going” or “ where are you applying to college” . They don’t have to answer if they don’t want to. These are not personal questions, much less so because these kids have chosen to be a tour guide for a school that ends in 12th grade and it would be natural to be curious where kids go after.
These kids should prepare themselves for questions like “are you applying to grad school” or “ where are you applying for jobs” when they are in college.

Who said the kids don’t have a canned response ready? If they don’t give you the list are you going to get mad? At least now you know when you get the canned non response the kid thought your question was inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Just because someone might provide a canned response doesn’t mean the question was inappropriate. It just means the person might have their own reasons for not answering which most likely has nothing to do with the one asking the question. It doesn’t turn an otherwise normal, appropriate question into a rude one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because someone might provide a canned response doesn’t mean the question was inappropriate. It just means the person might have their own reasons for not answering which most likely has nothing to do with the one asking the question. It doesn’t turn an otherwise normal, appropriate question into a rude one.

This!