Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we toured Maret this fall (with an admissions person and a student), the admissions person specifically asked the tour group not to ask the student about the college application process but to direct those questions to her. Seemed reasonable.

+100

Potomac did the same

Was coming to say the same of our Maret tour with my now-senior.

It can be a very stressful process and time of year, and some kids just don't want to talk about it at every turn.

[Anonymous]

These people saying NBD don’t have a child going thru the college process. To the OP, give your kid a response that answers a question without saying anything specific. For example, “I am currently in the process and ask me in mid May! For more information, the guidance office has data on previous cycles.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am a boomer, because it never occurred to me that this is an inappropriate question. without being sarcastic or snotty, can someone explain what is wrong with asking this?

It’s because of the enormous expense now associated with college. Essentially, this question is asking a child how wealthy their family is. It’s very tacky, at best.

When the boomers applied, the cost was far less of a factor. So, they could ask openly because it really wasn’t going to be a deeply financial inquiry.

The question is particularly insensitive to kids at private schools who receive aid, many of whom volunteer to be guides. They’re often excited about the school and appreciate the aid, and view admissions tours as a way to show appreciation. But their college choice may be significantly constrained by money, and that’s not anything they should need to explain to a nosy stranger.

The question is essentially a proxy for asking family income, which is obviously rude.

Perhaps the most absurd response yet, considering they're, you know, on a tour of a school that's probably $50K/year. Around 20% of private school students get financial aid, around 80% of college families.

Is the fact that the tour guide is at a private school a de facto assumption on the earnings of their family? If so, I'm incredibly curious what your proposed solution might be. What about the other families on the tour? Is it fair to see their faces considering that, in all likelihood, they can afford the school and therefore are probably high earners?

What a conundrum!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I think it’s inconsiderate to ask any HS senior but it’s rude to ask a stranger. As many posters have explained, life is different than it was 20 or 30 years ago.

Why is it different, though? How is it any different than "what do you do?" when meeting another adult and engaging in small talk.

Because they are only applying to schools. It's just wishful thinking in some cases. Why do you think they need to share this with you? They don't currently go to any college so they aren't "doing" anything. A more applicable question would be "what classes are you taking now"?

This is nonsense. It's not rude to ask people about their thoughts and plans for the future. Small talk is not limited to topics only regarding what is happening now.

I was making small talk with a client at work while waiting for my boss and she asked me where I see my career heading and what kind of roles I would like to move into. Who cares? I didn't think it was invasive, but I also didn't really want to talk about it because it's kind of a loaded topic in my life right now. I answered vaguely and pivoted the conversation. No harm was done, she meant no ill intent.

It is very rude to ask strangers personal questions. Do you ask your clients if they plan to have kids? Or if they are pregnant if they look a little heavier? You don't know these people. But, you're a lost cause so just keep doing you.

DP. The fact that you equate asking a HS senior about their college application list with these questions shows how ridiculous your position is.

Uh, your boss asking you your future plans is akin to the college advisor asking the student where they plan to apply. Not at all the same. A parent on a tour is just some dipshit nosy busybody.

It was a client who I’d never met before, not my boss, as I stated clearly. I know this topic makes you kind of emotional but please to read so you can engage in the conversation properly and not derail it.

It’s funny how clueless you are about all this. If you actually have a soon to be high schooler you are in for a rough ride. Buckle up.

Ooooh, scawy! It seems you are still too worked up to read and engage with my posts but please tell—buckle up for….what, exactly? Me and/or my sons being asked where they’re applying? Somehow I think we’ll be fine but thanks for the heads up. I’m sorry it’s been hard for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am a boomer, because it never occurred to me that this is an inappropriate question. without being sarcastic or snotty, can someone explain what is wrong with asking this?

It’s because of the enormous expense now associated with college. Essentially, this question is asking a child how wealthy their family is. It’s very tacky, at best.

When the boomers applied, the cost was far less of a factor. So, they could ask openly because it really wasn’t going to be a deeply financial inquiry.

The question is particularly insensitive to kids at private schools who receive aid, many of whom volunteer to be guides. They’re often excited about the school and appreciate the aid, and view admissions tours as a way to show appreciation. But their college choice may be significantly constrained by money, and that’s not anything they should need to explain to a nosy stranger.

The question is essentially a proxy for asking family income, which is obviously rude.

How on earth did you make THAT leap? A person's college choices are dictated by more than just family income, obviously. Do you always read way too much into basic questions?

Funny how you asked for a neutral, non-sarcastic or snotty answer and then can’t handle the neutral answer when provided and go immediately to a snotty response yourself.

No, it is a different poster. I am the poster at 12:01 who asked for a non-snotty non-sarcastic answer, but someone else wrote the "how on earth did you make THAT leap" reply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am a boomer, because it never occurred to me that this is an inappropriate question. without being sarcastic or snotty, can someone explain what is wrong with asking this?

It’s because of the enormous expense now associated with college. Essentially, this question is asking a child how wealthy their family is. It’s very tacky, at best.

When the boomers applied, the cost was far less of a factor. So, they could ask openly because it really wasn’t going to be a deeply financial inquiry.

The question is particularly insensitive to kids at private schools who receive aid, many of whom volunteer to be guides. They’re often excited about the school and appreciate the aid, and view admissions tours as a way to show appreciation. But their college choice may be significantly constrained by money, and that’s not anything they should need to explain to a nosy stranger.

The question is essentially a proxy for asking family income, which is obviously rude.

Oh this is so great. This thread keeps on giving.

OP, PP thinks you’re probably poor because your kid is a tour guide to show appreciation to her benefactors for allowing her to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s inconsiderate to ask any HS senior but it’s rude to ask a stranger. As many posters have explained, life is different than it was 20 or 30 years ago.

Why is it different, though? How is it any different than "what do you do?" when meeting another adult and engaging in small talk.

Because they are only applying to schools. It's just wishful thinking in some cases. Why do you think they need to share this with you? They don't currently go to any college so they aren't "doing" anything. A more applicable question would be "what classes are you taking now"?

This is nonsense. It's not rude to ask people about their thoughts and plans for the future. Small talk is not limited to topics only regarding what is happening now.

I was making small talk with a client at work while waiting for my boss and she asked me where I see my career heading and what kind of roles I would like to move into. Who cares? I didn't think it was invasive, but I also didn't really want to talk about it because it's kind of a loaded topic in my life right now. I answered vaguely and pivoted the conversation. No harm was done, she meant no ill intent.

It is very rude to ask strangers personal questions. Do you ask your clients if they plan to have kids? Or if they are pregnant if they look a little heavier? You don't know these people. But, you're a lost cause so just keep doing you.

DP. The fact that you equate asking a HS senior about their college application list with these questions shows how ridiculous your position is.

Uh, your boss asking you your future plans is akin to the college advisor asking the student where they plan to apply. Not at all the same. A parent on a tour is just some dipshit nosy busybody.

It was a client who I’d never met before, not my boss, as I stated clearly. I know this topic makes you kind of emotional but please to read so you can engage in the conversation properly and not derail it.

It’s funny how clueless you are about all this. If you actually have a soon to be high schooler you are in for a rough ride. Buckle up.

Ooooh, scawy! It seems you are still too worked up to read and engage with my posts but please tell—buckle up for….what, exactly? Me and/or my sons being asked where they’re applying? Somehow I think we’ll be fine but thanks for the heads up. I’m sorry it’s been hard for you.

"Me and my sons" says a lot about you. You're not really interested in this discussion.

[Anonymous]

You know what we need? A new symbol or pin that the guides can wear that say "Don't Ask." Perhaps a question mark or stereotypical university building with a red slash through it.

That way, the guide can safely broadcast their personal preference without the discomfort of actually having to address the parents that are secretly looking to judge both the kid and the school.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, people are so sensitive these days. This is a completely normal question to ask someone that age. Didn't you get this question from adults and other peers when you were in your senior year? Most of the time I figured the people asking didn't really care, but were just asking to be polite and show an interest in my life. Geez.

Why do people keep going back to their own very outdated experience? Do any of you know high school students or anyone involved in this process in the past 25 years? Times have changed, keep up.

I graduated from high school in 2013. and I fielded this question constantly. I worked at a popular tourist destination on campus of my town’s university before my senior year. Visitors would frequently ask whether I was applying to the university. I wasn’t, I was applying only to out of state SLACs. but I didn’t want to appear to denigrate the school which was essentially my employer, so I had to come up with a polite canned response. I got annoyed with the question the same way I got annoyed with questions about how I handled questions about whether I liked Sarah Palin or if I got depressed in the winter due to our extremely short days: just tired of hearing and answering the same question 10 times a day. No harm was meant and it certainly never occurred to me that it was inappropriate.

Unless you can give me a good reason why the question is sooooooo much ruder than it was 10 years ago, I’m going to assume you’re just socially awkward like most people in DC.

Yes, the socially awkward person is the one who tries to avoid making a tour guide uncomfortable. Look in the mirror, hon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be serious. That's the tour guide equivalent of cocktail party question. Where do you live/work. Good lord.

+1
I will continue to ask. If the tour guide is too sensitive about their personal experiences at the school, they need a different role.

That is such an ignorant take. Someday you will get it.

[Anonymous]

Do you not ask a date what they do for a living? Do you ask a new client or vendor about their family?

The manufactured drama from the OP makes me deeply curious about the other major things about which she is concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you not ask a date what they do for a living? Do you ask a new client or vendor about their family?

Do you ask a date what salary they make at their job? Do you ask a new client or vendor about whether they get along with certain family members?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you not ask a date what they do for a living? Do you ask a new client or vendor about their family?

Do you ask a date what salary they make at their job? Do you ask a new client or vendor about whether they get along with certain family members?

Not PP, but those questions aren’t the same. I didn’t hear OP saying that parents were asking the tour guide about aid packages or about their families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you not ask a date what they do for a living? Do you ask a new client or vendor about their family?

Do you ask a date what salary they make at their job? Do you ask a new client or vendor about whether they get along with certain family members?

Not PP, but those questions aren’t the same. I didn’t hear OP saying that parents were asking the tour guide about aid packages or about their families.

You don’t need to ask a tour guide personal questions. They are there to answer questions about the school.