“First come, first serve” household?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op back. I’ll have to add the “that is so odd” for the shock from PPs at taking plates home as from the circles I have been in people always take food from events with them home when there is extra. What do people in your circles do with the extra food after the event or holiday dinner?

Holiday meal leftovers belong to the host, unless offered to guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I’m also more on your DHs side- who wants mcD that’s been sitting out for 3-4 hours? Setting aside a plate for someone who’s not at the party on time- if they’re running out of food, seems like people there should eat it first. I might do it if people are grabbing 2nd and 3rds or the food is sitting around and you want to put it aside to prevent all the touching?

It’s not “sitting out for 3-4 hours.” It’s in the refrigerator and it microwaves just fine, just like they microwaved it at McDonalds.

And “who wants” it? Teens. Teens do.

(not OP)

That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve heard? You’re refrigerating barely edible food and reheating it? Your kids have no taste buds. That beyond disgusting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.

Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.

You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!

You are totally weird. Why do several plates need to be lined up "saved"? Is there going to be a shortage of food at Thanksgiving or something? Why not just serve yourself from the leftovers when you get there? You're describing something very odd and not normal at a holiday dinner that special plates are set aside as if there won't be an abundance of food. If food is so short and scarce, what are you bringing to the dinner you can't be bothered to show up for on time?

My question is for the daughter who was late multiple times with her family. Why did one set of grandkids, who were late multiple times, get food set aside “several plates need to be lined up saved” (sic - as if PP was there, and actually knew what was saved for the daughter’s family. Huh.) and one set, the ones who were late one time, not given food? Since there was obviously not enough food.

That seems like a really, really cruel thing to do to little kids. Bet they asked about that on the way home from the visit.

That is the weird part. That, and PP being so very strangely being invested in this conversation.

Maybe some MILs enjoy drama, and teach exactly what not to do, thankfully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op back. I’ll have to add the “that is so odd” for the shock from PPs at taking plates home as from the circles I have been in people always take food from events with them home when there is extra. What do people in your circles do with the extra food after the event or holiday dinner?

Holiday meal leftovers belong to the host, unless offered to guests.

Oh damn - a whole new post right here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I’m also more on your DHs side- who wants mcD that’s been sitting out for 3-4 hours? Setting aside a plate for someone who’s not at the party on time- if they’re running out of food, seems like people there should eat it first. I might do it if people are grabbing 2nd and 3rds or the food is sitting around and you want to put it aside to prevent all the touching?

It’s not “sitting out for 3-4 hours.” It’s in the refrigerator and it microwaves just fine, just like they microwaved it at McDonalds.

And “who wants” it? Teens. Teens do.

(not OP)

That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve heard? You’re refrigerating barely edible food and reheating it? Your kids have no taste buds. That beyond disgusting

Op here. I would have guessed most people reheat fast food. It never crossed my mind others do not fwiw. I don’t mind warming up fast food actually. Do you not oven warm up Popeyes the next day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. For the college kids pizza scenario, isn’t it also about taking more for oneself so they don’t have to cook or make food the next day? Not necessarily that that are excessively hungry or are they eating the additional pizza slices in the moment? I know my roommates and I would do that to keep from cooking the next day. Well, I actually know older adult relatives who have always done that fwiw at holiday dinners or events where food is buffet style. If you have something like a large meal with a group of friends and you take leftovers to eat the next day so you don’t have to cook one meal or whatnot. This happened recently at a baby shower. It did ruffle some feathers when some took large portions leaving others with just a small portion to take home. Things like macaroni and cheese, chicken wings, sandwiches and salad. Making a plate to take with you and then making more than one plate before others can make one. I do think in that case you should probably only make one unless you are taking it for family members who did not attend but are in your household.

Why are people taking home food from a baby shower that had been sitting out and touched by so many? Gross.

This whole making a plate thing is weird. I have never asked anyone to make me a plate. If I get somewhere late, I will make do with what is available or eat some cheese and crackers when I get home.

For dinner?? Why??

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine running out of food at a holiday dinner. I host Thanksgiving every year and there's always an abundance of food. I wouldn't "make a plate" for somebody who was running late (ain't nobody got time for that), but they could certainly help themselves to the leftovers when they arrived. There would be plenty. If there wasn't, that would mean I didn't make enough food.

Luckily I don't associate with anybody rude enough to start packing up to-go plates of leftovers without being offered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.

Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.

You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!

You are totally weird. Why do several plates need to be lined up "saved"? Is there going to be a shortage of food at Thanksgiving or something? Why not just serve yourself from the leftovers when you get there? You're describing something very odd and not normal at a holiday dinner that special plates are set aside as if there won't be an abundance of food. If food is so short and scarce, what are you bringing to the dinner you can't be bothered to show up for on time?

My question is for the daughter who was late multiple times with her family. Why did one set of grandkids, who were late multiple times, get food set aside “several plates need to be lined up saved” (sic - as if PP was there, and actually knew what was saved for the daughter’s family. Huh.) and one set, the ones who were late one time, not given food? Since there was obviously not enough food.

That seems like a really, really cruel thing to do to little kids. Bet they asked about that on the way home from the visit.

That is the weird part. That, and PP being so very strangely being invested in this conversation.

Maybe some MILs enjoy drama, and teach exactly what not to do, thankfully.

Without the details how do we know? But WTF kind of Thanksgiving is this where nobody comes on time and there's not enough food? MIL likely at least knows her daughter well enough to know what kind of food she will eat. I don't need or want my MIL to make me a plate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine running out of food at a holiday dinner. I host Thanksgiving every year and there's always an abundance of food. I wouldn't "make a plate" for somebody who was running late (ain't nobody got time for that), but they could certainly help themselves to the leftovers when they arrived. There would be plenty. If there wasn't, that would mean I didn't make enough food.

Luckily I don't associate with anybody rude enough to start packing up to-go plates of leftovers without being offered.

To begin with, you have enough brains to calculate more than enough food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. For the college kids pizza scenario, isn’t it also about taking more for oneself so they don’t have to cook or make food the next day? Not necessarily that that are excessively hungry or are they eating the additional pizza slices in the moment? I know my roommates and I would do that to keep from cooking the next day. Well, I actually know older adult relatives who have always done that fwiw at holiday dinners or events where food is buffet style. If you have something like a large meal with a group of friends and you take leftovers to eat the next day so you don’t have to cook one meal or whatnot. This happened recently at a baby shower. It did ruffle some feathers when some took large portions leaving others with just a small portion to take home. Things like macaroni and cheese, chicken wings, sandwiches and salad. Making a plate to take with you and then making more than one plate before others can make one. I do think in that case you should probably only make one unless you are taking it for family members who did not attend but are in your household.

Why are people taking home food from a baby shower that had been sitting out and touched by so many? Gross.

This whole making a plate thing is weird. I have never asked anyone to make me a plate. If I get somewhere late, I will make do with what is available or eat some cheese and crackers when I get home.

For dinner?? Why??

DP. It's one meal! Chill. There will be another meal at the next mealtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op back. I’ll have to add the “that is so odd” for the shock from PPs at taking plates home as from the circles I have been in people always take food from events with them home when there is extra. What do people in your circles do with the extra food after the event or holiday dinner?

Holiday meal leftovers belong to the host, unless offered to guests.

Oh damn - a whole new post right here.

Op back. This is funny to me. I think I always thought people took leftovers home. Almost all dinners that are Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc are usually in my circles cooked by either older women who are widowed/divorced and have no children at home or single unmarried men. So there’s always plenty to go around that they wouldn’t be able to finish.

I’ll throw two curve balls or what I think would surprise people - speaking of MILs. My MIL cooks ahead and freezes food for holiday events. She will then freeze leftovers no one took and reheat them for the next occasion. So it’s Thanksgiving leftovers at Christmas in a free for all environment but you can take whatever leftovers home. I’ll admit I do not take a plate of the Christmas leftovers. There’s also not a set start time for that Thanksgiving (or Christmas) dinner so the people who arrive at 3pm may be eating what’s done by 3pm and the people arriving at 7pm are eating what’s leftover or freshly finished.

[Anonymous]

This is a class issue.

[Anonymous]

This isn't minor.

DH is a prick. If someone is running late, or has a different schedule from the rest of the family, of course you save them food. In fact in our family, we literally make the plate and cover it to keep it warm.

Heck, most nights, when DS comes home from football practice late, we all wait to eat together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.

Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.

You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!

You are totally weird. Why do several plates need to be lined up "saved"? Is there going to be a shortage of food at Thanksgiving or something? Why not just serve yourself from the leftovers when you get there? You're describing something very odd and not normal at a holiday dinner that special plates are set aside as if there won't be an abundance of food. If food is so short and scarce, what are you bringing to the dinner you can't be bothered to show up for on time?

My question is for the daughter who was late multiple times with her family. Why did one set of grandkids, who were late multiple times, get food set aside “several plates need to be lined up saved” (sic - as if PP was there, and actually knew what was saved for the daughter’s family. Huh.) and one set, the ones who were late one time, not given food? Since there was obviously not enough food.

That seems like a really, really cruel thing to do to little kids. Bet they asked about that on the way home from the visit.

That is the weird part. That, and PP being so very strangely being invested in this conversation.

Maybe some MILs enjoy drama, and teach exactly what not to do, thankfully.

Without the details how do we know? But WTF kind of Thanksgiving is this where nobody comes on time and there's not enough food? MIL likely at least knows her daughter well enough to know what kind of food she will eat. I don't need or want my MIL to make me a plate.

Maybe the MIL has food and control issues, and likes to passively aggressively puppeteer situations.

For all you know, MIL enables/handicaps the daughter and neglects/empowers the son. You would have no way of knowing the background of a situation unless you are actually in that family.

You would also not know, unless you have kids in such a family.

It is probably not about food, but the MILs angry ways. I suppose that would be hurtful and tiresome after a number of years.

But I would not pretend to know unless I was in that situation myself. Wondering why the daughter would not have stepped up and done the right thing? Especially after having food saved for her and her family, more than once. Maybe she is just as selfish as the mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op back. I’ll have to add the “that is so odd” for the shock from PPs at taking plates home as from the circles I have been in people always take food from events with them home when there is extra. What do people in your circles do with the extra food after the event or holiday dinner?

Holiday meal leftovers belong to the host, unless offered to guests.

Oh damn - a whole new post right here.

Op back. This is funny to me. I think I always thought people took leftovers home. Almost all dinners that are Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc are usually in my circles cooked by either older women who are widowed/divorced and have no children at home or single unmarried men. So there’s always plenty to go around that they wouldn’t be able to finish.

I’ll throw two curve balls or what I think would surprise people - speaking of MILs. My MIL cooks ahead and freezes food for holiday events. She will then freeze leftovers no one took and reheat them for the next occasion. So it’s Thanksgiving leftovers at Christmas in a free for all environment but you can take whatever leftovers home. I’ll admit I do not take a plate of the Christmas leftovers. There’s also not a set start time for that Thanksgiving (or Christmas) dinner so the people who arrive at 3pm may be eating what’s done by 3pm and the people arriving at 7pm are eating what’s leftover or freshly finished.

I'm so confused.