Running moms ragged with Teacher Appreciation right before Mother’s Day

[Anonymous]

I’m considering not doing anything for it. This has been my approach with my DH and it’s worked out well so far. He doesn’t seem to care or remember this holiday so why should I? He’s focusing on himself and his career. I should do the same, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the real issue for so many here a strange fear that other parents (moms) will gossip meanly about you if you don’t do anything for your kid’s teachers or school? I really think it’s the latter and damn, you are pathetic to get this degree of upset about any of this crap. Because I don’t understand all of these agonies otherwise. If people actually ask what you’re doing for staff or teacher appreciation day or week or month or year, you really can’t smile brightly and say something bland and avoidant about how great the school is and move on, and mentally start planning how you and DH are going to catch up on Barry tonight and when you’re next on vacation or whatever little pleasant thing you can call up to focus on?

It’s not about the burden or teaching being a “Women’s” profession in history or current day. It’s really just a choice to feel burdened by a bullshit obligation so that you feel you’re part of the horde. It’s pointless. Do it freely and happily or do none of it, don’t force your kids or DH to participate. It’s meaningless. If you can afford a significant donation to the PTA for art or music supplementation that’s one thing. If you can’t, raise your kids so that they can handle school to the best of their and your ability. No one wants to deal with your “exceptional” “spirited” “future leader” and no Starbucks gift card or a banner or whatever other bit of tedium will make up for being a loser parent to a PITA kid.

Anytime holiday gifts for teachers, appreciation week, end of school gifts, etc. is brought up on here, the thread dissolves into calling parents that don’t gift or participate lazy, cheap, not caring about their kids, not caring about school, uninvolved, incapable, and so on. So yeah, it is pretty safe to assume these same sentiments are said or thought about those that are not participating in the gifting IRL. Which is why so many women feel heavily obligated and burdened to participate, even if they don’t want to- they care how they are perceived. Clearly there are a lot of people/women out there that do feel like the gifting is not optional and anyone not participating is beneath them. That is the biggest part of the problem. The secondary one is letting go of what people think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m considering not doing anything for it. This has been my approach with my DH and it’s worked out well so far. He doesn’t seem to care or remember this holiday so why should I? He’s focusing on himself and his career. I should do the same, right?

Yes, please. It is fine. You have my permission to ignore and delete the emails.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not required to do all that. The best way to show appreciation is to encourage your child to be well behaved and work hard.

This! Plus I’d like to add, don’t get defensive when a teacher is brave enough to express concerns. Don’t bombard teachers with unimportant emails and demands. And finally, have your child express their gratitude verbally or with a thoughtful hand-made card. Extra points if you can send the teacher an email expressing appreciation at one or more points during the year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drop the rope. Delete the begging emails without opening them. You do not have to engage, contribute, volunteer, etc. All the "activities" are for a set of SAHMs who like to create busy work for themselves. Let them have at it. Do what's important to your life and your family.

Can we please stop with this utter nonsense?

I'm a full-time working mom, always have been, and I have volunteered to be a room mom every year for one of my kids. The other room moms in my class are a OB/GYN and a Naval officer. So just stop.

I’m a room parent. I was a room parent when I was working and now that I’m a SAHM. There are more working room parents than SAHM ones. I was actually far more efficient and productive when I was going in to an office. Now I have this extra toddler who makes it hard to get anything done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are all you moms doing all the work? Where are the kids’ dads?

You are doing this wrong.

You mean administration. The moms didn’t hire the teachers and they aren’t aren’t personal employees. Administration should be planning and executing teacher appreciation. If they don’t, oh well. Join the rest of us that get no “appreciation week” of gift cards and free food

You missed it.

If a family wants to show appreciation for a teacher, a dad can do it just as well as a mom.

We will be showing appreciation because we view our kids’ teachers as important members of the team.

You don’t have to do anything at all and it seems like that would suit you best.

You might want to work on that bitterness.

Dads won’t/don’t do it because they don’t care. Really. They just don’t and at their jobs this doesn’t exist. It wouldn’t even occur to them to buy the teacher a week of stuff/gift cards in the name of teacher approximation. Moms do it out of social obligation and pressure. But moms don’t have to do it either. As several teachers have pointed out; nothing is necessary. Better yet, send well behaved kids and a thank you note outlining how they have made a different. This week of stuff is bananas

Sure they do/will. You say “Brian, did you see the email about teacher appreciation week? Can you handle that please?”

And you’re done. And not at all ragged.

Brain saw it, and he doesn’t care. If he did, you wouldn’t need to tell him to handle it.

As a dad who is that primary parent, and does volunteer a lot with Girl Scouts, Sunday School etc., this is true. Teacher appreciation day isn't something I think is important, so I don't worry about it. Because I only volunteer for stuff, I think is worth it, I don't feel any resentment when I have to do things. I'd advise any parent to do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the real issue for so many here a strange fear that other parents (moms) will gossip meanly about you if you don’t do anything for your kid’s teachers or school? I really think it’s the latter and damn, you are pathetic to get this degree of upset about any of this crap. Because I don’t understand all of these agonies otherwise. If people actually ask what you’re doing for staff or teacher appreciation day or week or month or year, you really can’t smile brightly and say something bland and avoidant about how great the school is and move on, and mentally start planning how you and DH are going to catch up on Barry tonight and when you’re next on vacation or whatever little pleasant thing you can call up to focus on?

It’s not about the burden or teaching being a “Women’s” profession in history or current day. It’s really just a choice to feel burdened by a bullshit obligation so that you feel you’re part of the horde. It’s pointless. Do it freely and happily or do none of it, don’t force your kids or DH to participate. It’s meaningless. If you can afford a significant donation to the PTA for art or music supplementation that’s one thing. If you can’t, raise your kids so that they can handle school to the best of their and your ability. No one wants to deal with your “exceptional” “spirited” “future leader” and no Starbucks gift card or a banner or whatever other bit of tedium will make up for being a loser parent to a PITA kid.

Anytime holiday gifts for teachers, appreciation week, end of school gifts, etc. is brought up on here, the thread dissolves into calling parents that don’t gift or participate lazy, cheap, not caring about their kids, not caring about school, uninvolved, incapable, and so on. So yeah, it is pretty safe to assume these same sentiments are said or thought about those that are not participating in the gifting IRL. Which is why so many women feel heavily obligated and burdened to participate, even if they don’t want to- they care how they are perceived. Clearly there are a lot of people/women out there that do feel like the gifting is not optional and anyone not participating is beneath them. That is the biggest part of the problem. The secondary one is letting go of what people think.

I mostly agree, but part of this is that most parents genuinely want to participate in efforts to support teachers. It's not "pathetic" to want to show support. But I agree with the OP's point that it is too much. Honestly, the entire end of the school year for elementary school, starting with teacher appreciation week and continuing with various school day activities leading up to summer vacation, are stressful and overwhelming for most working mothers.

[Anonymous]

A lot of teachers are moms, too. I wonder how they get through?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the real issue for so many here a strange fear that other parents (moms) will gossip meanly about you if you don’t do anything for your kid’s teachers or school? I really think it’s the latter and damn, you are pathetic to get this degree of upset about any of this crap. Because I don’t understand all of these agonies otherwise. If people actually ask what you’re doing for staff or teacher appreciation day or week or month or year, you really can’t smile brightly and say something bland and avoidant about how great the school is and move on, and mentally start planning how you and DH are going to catch up on Barry tonight and when you’re next on vacation or whatever little pleasant thing you can call up to focus on?

It’s not about the burden or teaching being a “Women’s” profession in history or current day. It’s really just a choice to feel burdened by a bullshit obligation so that you feel you’re part of the horde. It’s pointless. Do it freely and happily or do none of it, don’t force your kids or DH to participate. It’s meaningless. If you can afford a significant donation to the PTA for art or music supplementation that’s one thing. If you can’t, raise your kids so that they can handle school to the best of their and your ability. No one wants to deal with your “exceptional” “spirited” “future leader” and no Starbucks gift card or a banner or whatever other bit of tedium will make up for being a loser parent to a PITA kid.

Anytime holiday gifts for teachers, appreciation week, end of school gifts, etc. is brought up on here, the thread dissolves into calling parents that don’t gift or participate lazy, cheap, not caring about their kids, not caring about school, uninvolved, incapable, and so on. So yeah, it is pretty safe to assume these same sentiments are said or thought about those that are not participating in the gifting IRL. Which is why so many women feel heavily obligated and burdened to participate, even if they don’t want to- they care how they are perceived. Clearly there are a lot of people/women out there that do feel like the gifting is not optional and anyone not participating is beneath them. That is the biggest part of the problem. The secondary one is letting go of what people think.

I am a nobody and a gasp! SAHM and I do none of these things. I love our teachers and DH and I say so and thank them during parent-teacher conferences, and I chaperone sometimes. There are some parents who no doubt do a lot; I am completely fine not being one, at all, and smile and give vague answers when I’m pressed which is rarely. I know school culture and community perceptions play into this; we’re at a very well-regarded public ES in a high-income neighborhood.
I just don’t care. I make sure DC are at school on time every day, respectful, do homework, etc, and feel lucky and…that’s it. It’s enough for me so therefore it’s enough for people I don’t care about- parent-peers I’m not close with. And I’ve never perceived deleterious after effects from any teacher, ever, for my failure to be a class mom or a mug-gifter or banner-painter. In case anyone is tempted to just opt out, if Op struck a chord, just try it and see if it’s not freeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the real issue for so many here a strange fear that other parents (moms) will gossip meanly about you if you don’t do anything for your kid’s teachers or school? I really think it’s the latter and damn, you are pathetic to get this degree of upset about any of this crap. Because I don’t understand all of these agonies otherwise. If people actually ask what you’re doing for staff or teacher appreciation day or week or month or year, you really can’t smile brightly and say something bland and avoidant about how great the school is and move on, and mentally start planning how you and DH are going to catch up on Barry tonight and when you’re next on vacation or whatever little pleasant thing you can call up to focus on?

It’s not about the burden or teaching being a “Women’s” profession in history or current day. It’s really just a choice to feel burdened by a bullshit obligation so that you feel you’re part of the horde. It’s pointless. Do it freely and happily or do none of it, don’t force your kids or DH to participate. It’s meaningless. If you can afford a significant donation to the PTA for art or music supplementation that’s one thing. If you can’t, raise your kids so that they can handle school to the best of their and your ability. No one wants to deal with your “exceptional” “spirited” “future leader” and no Starbucks gift card or a banner or whatever other bit of tedium will make up for being a loser parent to a PITA kid.

Anytime holiday gifts for teachers, appreciation week, end of school gifts, etc. is brought up on here, the thread dissolves into calling parents that don’t gift or participate lazy, cheap, not caring about their kids, not caring about school, uninvolved, incapable, and so on. So yeah, it is pretty safe to assume these same sentiments are said or thought about those that are not participating in the gifting IRL. Which is why so many women feel heavily obligated and burdened to participate, even if they don’t want to- they care how they are perceived. Clearly there are a lot of people/women out there that do feel like the gifting is not optional and anyone not participating is beneath them. That is the biggest part of the problem. The secondary one is letting go of what people think.

I mostly agree, but part of this is that most parents genuinely want to participate in efforts to support teachers. It's not "pathetic" to want to show support. But I agree with the OP's point that it is too much. Honestly, the entire end of the school year for elementary school, starting with teacher appreciation week and continuing with various school day activities leading up to summer vacation, are stressful and overwhelming for most working mothers.

It is “pathetic” to “want to show support” in ways that aren’t material to whatever the actual teaching burden is. It’s a show, and ultimately a fairly empty pantomime, and participation reinforces that. Be an adult. Give cash, make sure that teachers aren’t dipping into their paychecks for wipes or folders, chaperone if s/he needs another warm body for a field trip. It doesn’t have the overlay of emotion and obligation unless you choose to be the kind of person who sees that as a necessary feature of whatever it means to “support.” I mean, be ridiculous by choice, but don’t pretend choice isn’t involved here.

[Anonymous]

I literally just ordered gift cards from Amazon and they will be delivered same day. I’m going to have my kids make cards after school today. I added a few items that I signed up for on the sign up genius.

It took longer to type this on dcum.

Some people complain for the sake of complaining. OP could have clicked and ordered in the time she was complaining on dcum. You don’t have to do everything.

If this gift card or napkins or orange juice is a hardship for your family, just don’t participate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I literally just ordered gift cards from Amazon and they will be delivered same day. I’m going to have my kids make cards after school today. I added a few items that I signed up for on the sign up genius.

It took longer to type this on dcum.

Some people complain for the sake of complaining. OP could have clicked and ordered in the time she was complaining on dcum. You don’t have to do everything.

If this gift card or napkins or orange juice is a hardship for your family, just don’t participate.

The irony is, you don’t have to participate in this thread if other people’s dissatisfaction bothers you so very much. Live by your same rules! It took you longer to type out your reasoning why OP should see the world the way you do than it would have taken you to, you know, scroll on by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I literally just ordered gift cards from Amazon and they will be delivered same day. I’m going to have my kids make cards after school today. I added a few items that I signed up for on the sign up genius.

It took longer to type this on dcum.

Some people complain for the sake of complaining. OP could have clicked and ordered in the time she was complaining on dcum. You don’t have to do everything.

If this gift card or napkins or orange juice is a hardship for your family, just don’t participate.

How cute you are. Nice that it's so easy for you.

I hated teacher appreciation week. I volunteered a lot and saw several teachers be snarky about the gifts they got in front of me. The worst were the request for specific items for each day. Tuesday is purple flower day. Thursday is scented candle day... The teachers do not want this junk but plenty of them get upset if they don't get the junk. It's ridiculous.

Also to the people bragging about being room parents while working full time, I never saw that. It was always the sahms and they usually had a bit of a controlling personality. I got asked several times to be room mom because the teachers were comfortable with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I literally just ordered gift cards from Amazon and they will be delivered same day. I’m going to have my kids make cards after school today. I added a few items that I signed up for on the sign up genius.

It took longer to type this on dcum.

Some people complain for the sake of complaining. OP could have clicked and ordered in the time she was complaining on dcum. You don’t have to do everything.

If this gift card or napkins or orange juice is a hardship for your family, just don’t participate.

The irony is, you don’t have to participate in this thread if other people’s dissatisfaction bothers you so very much. Live by your same rules! It took you longer to type out your reasoning why OP should see the world the way you do than it would have taken you to, you know, scroll on by.

DP. I like that you’re honest about needing to put on that hairshirt.

[Anonymous]

I also hate that there is so much in May. My younger one's school piled on a spirit week so I'm also trying to remember what outfit he's supposed to wear every day, in addition to remembering what day I'm bringing in food and having him do cards. It's also public employee appreciation week which entails some tasks for me and it was just admin professionals day.

I felt lucky this year that my younger one and older one had separate teacher appreciation weeks, at least.