Running moms ragged with Teacher Appreciation right before Mother’s Day

[Anonymous]

If you are that involved - make it teacher appreciation DAY. They don't need a week. It's just ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look I’m not going to pretend there’s not a vast amount of misogyny baked into ALL aspects of this— paying teachers so little that “appreciation” gifts matter, expecting teachers to be “appreciated” by free breakfast something provided every day in Silicon Valley…expecting mothers to spend time being “appreciation chairs” as an unpaid activity…all of it. All of it.

But, you are making this way too hard on yourself and there is no excuse for that other than poor planning. Let me help you make 2023 the last year this sucks for you:

On prime day or cyber week, gift cards are discounted (I think last year target did $10 off every $50). Purchase $400 worth of $50 gift cards, put them in your top desk drawer.

If you or anyone in your group chat go to Aldi you will find occasionally nice-looking but inexpensive thank you cards. Buy 8. If you must make your life harder also grab a holiday themed card or two.

Every time there is a request for teacher appreciation, Venmo the organizer, have your kid scribble in a card, add a gift card and send the card to school. Do not “scramble”. Do not volunteer for anything extra. Do not stress further. Do not continue to think about this after confirming the card reached the teacher.

Tone deaf, much? Not all of us have $400 to “just” throw around at any one time, let alone to pre-pay a long-term investment for some future date. Wow, $50 each for teacher gift cards? Must be freaking nice. Wow, how organized you are, what a planner you are. Oh, wait. You’re just rich.

I mean... I'm definitely not rich, solidly MC by DCUM standards but I basically do what this PP suggests. It's a priority to me to be able to give to DC's teachers.
I SAH now but was a teacher. Gift cards are best, no need for much of anything else. Of course I had many students who genuinely could not afford gifts of any type but when their parents thanked me for helping them or whatever that was just as awesome as a gift card.
I started out working at a wealthy school and during TAW the PTA did a catered lunch from a very nice restaurant and that was the only time I felt like it was worth the effort they put in...but I'm sure it was $$.

NP. Ohhhhh, so people who can afford to pre-pay $400 at a time for teacher gift cards are able to do so because it’s a “priority.” Got it. Sorry, poors, you’re going to have to make $400 for gift cards a *priority.* It has to be important to you. Go put the bread, green beans, cereal and milk back, because Good People Prioritize Gift Cards. It’s a matter of priorities, you see. Not means.

Yeah this is crazy to me. We don't make a lot for DCUM and $50 is more than our budget for Christmas or birthday gifts for any adults, including each other (we usually try to keep it $20-40 max). $400 is close to what we'd spend at Christmas for the entire extended family. Teachers are important but not a higher priority than everyone else in my life.

JFC. Do you people have no imagination or problem solving ability? If you can’t buy $50, buy $20. If you can’t buy $20, buy $10. If you can’t afford $10, have your kid make a free card at home. The point is that all of these things can be planned in ADVANCE instead of throwing tantrums when the dates show up just as they do every year.

If the room parent asks for specific things every day of a week, it is not a requirement. If it’s sooooo harrrrd and you’re soooo buuuuusy, just don’t do it. But we all know you won’t, because then you wouldn’t get attention for whining about your mEnTal LoAd.

NP and yes, your privilege is showing, too. I can afford $10 gift cards, but not until the paycheck immediately before the event. Stop acting like some of us are not “planning ahead” or “prioritizing” when we CANNOT AFFORD TO BUY AHEAD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give cash to teachers. That is what I do. I give gift cards to all my kid's teachers.

OP here. I…literally said in my original post that I give gift cards to teachers. I don’t get them cutesy crap, just a gift card and a note, and then I also make a contribution to whatever the PTA is doing, like muffins or napkins or something. I consider that to be pretty bare bones, but still…all of it is a lot on top of everything else moms do. I think it would be much nicer if Teacher Appreciation was at the end of the school year or something, not right before Mother’s Day.

This seems like such a minor commitment that it’s hard to see why it matters that it’s right before Mother’s Day. Also every single thing you mentioned can be done at any point in time during the school year. Pick a week in September and run to the store and get a gift card, a card and some napkins. Heck you could do it once and purchase everything for all six or seven years of your kid’s elementary years - none of this is perishable.

While I agree with you, PTA's put pressure on parents to do it during Teacher Appreciation week. And when I say they pressure parents, you and I both know that in most families, this means moms.

Oh, and like a lot of moms of young kids, I will put more effort into celebrating my own my and my MIL this year than anyone will put into celebrating me. Because if I leave it to my DH, he won't do anything for his mom and she'll be sad and I'll feel bad for her. If I want to do anything for Mother's Day, I will also largely have to plan it myself, as I do my own birthday. I generally resolve this by not really caring about Mother's Day, because at least then I don't have to make my own plans.

So it's really more about the expectations and the way they fall on my moms (and never, ever on dads -- a dad who does something for Teacher Appreciation weeks is Dad of the Year in most people's eyes, same with the guy who sends his MIL a Mother's Day gift) and how we can't even create a stupid fake holiday for moms without somehow turning it into an obligation for them.

We just obligate women, constantly, to supporting and helping others, we even obligate them to help themselves. And we don't do the same for men. This is just a really good example of that.

Sounds like you have a husband problem, OP. Maybe deal with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drop the rope. Delete the begging emails without opening them. You do not have to engage, contribute, volunteer, etc. All the "activities" are for a set of SAHMs who like to create busy work for themselves. Let them have at it. Do what's important to your life and your family.

Can we please stop with this utter nonsense?

I'm a full-time working mom, always have been, and I have volunteered to be a room mom every year for one of my kids. The other room moms in my class are a OB/GYN and a Naval officer. So just stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are all you moms doing all the work? Where are the kids’ dads?

You are doing this wrong.

You mean administration. The moms didn’t hire the teachers and they aren’t aren’t personal employees. Administration should be planning and executing teacher appreciation. If they don’t, oh well. Join the rest of us that get no “appreciation week” of gift cards and free food

You missed it.

If a family wants to show appreciation for a teacher, a dad can do it just as well as a mom.

We will be showing appreciation because we view our kids’ teachers as important members of the team.

You don’t have to do anything at all and it seems like that would suit you best.

You might want to work on that bitterness.

Dads won’t/don’t do it because they don’t care. Really. They just don’t and at their jobs this doesn’t exist. It wouldn’t even occur to them to buy the teacher a week of stuff/gift cards in the name of teacher approximation. Moms do it out of social obligation and pressure. But moms don’t have to do it either. As several teachers have pointed out; nothing is necessary. Better yet, send well behaved kids and a thank you note outlining how they have made a different. This week of stuff is bananas

Sure they do/will. You say “Brian, did you see the email about teacher appreciation week? Can you handle that please?”

And you’re done. And not at all ragged.

Mine was the opposite. He came to me the night before the “make a card or artwork” night and said he forgot about it and that he would get up early with the kid and make cards. Asked if there was anything I wanted to say in the card, then sat down and wrote them. I had nothing to do with telling him what needed to happen or reminding him. It didn’t need to be delegated, he just made sure it got done.

+1 DH wrote notes and ordered Amazon gift cards. Don't say "dads can't do this" as some sort of monolith just bc yours is a dud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give cash to teachers. That is what I do. I give gift cards to all my kid's teachers.

OP here. I…literally said in my original post that I give gift cards to teachers. I don’t get them cutesy crap, just a gift card and a note, and then I also make a contribution to whatever the PTA is doing, like muffins or napkins or something. I consider that to be pretty bare bones, but still…all of it is a lot on top of everything else moms do. I think it would be much nicer if Teacher Appreciation was at the end of the school year or something, not right before Mother’s Day.

This seems like such a minor commitment that it’s hard to see why it matters that it’s right before Mother’s Day. Also every single thing you mentioned can be done at any point in time during the school year. Pick a week in September and run to the store and get a gift card, a card and some napkins. Heck you could do it once and purchase everything for all six or seven years of your kid’s elementary years - none of this is perishable.

Do you mean like do it in September, which many of us already do to prepare for *teacher holiday gifts*?

I never heard of teacher holiday gifts. Sounds made up at your school

NP. Um, if you don’t get your teachers anything for the holidays, know you are an outlier. It’s not some organized thing, it’s just common courtesy in the spirit of the season.

Teacher here.

I wouldn’t say this is common. I’m a rather well-loved teacher, and I get 3-4 gifts each holiday season. While I appreciate the gifts, I don’t expect them.

Please just work with me. Be my partner. That’s all I ask for, and it’s something I don’t always get.

When did I say I didn’t? Why are you trotting this out?

OP, you need to relax. This teacher posted in response to the above, she wasn't attacking you. Seriously, chill out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I’m just exhausted in general. But I did it all and our schools have teacher appreciation week last week and then this coming week.
- pickup flowers twice
-buy 5, $5 gift cards for the special teachers raffle (they each get several- I like that they do this to spread out the gifts to teachers who don’t always get them). $5 gift cards are hard to buy. Wish I could just give $5 bills
-buy each teacher $25 gift cards (between my kids there are 5 teachers)
-buy each teacher their favorite treats, which were chocolate bars, macarons and cookies.

I don’t mind doing it all. Something I do to make it easy for me is to buy $20/$25 gift cards during the Target gift card sale. That way I always have gift cards ready, even for a kid birthday party that sneaks up on me.

But yeah the weekend before I have to go all out celebrating my mom and mil really drives in the stake. Someday I’ll get celebrated when my kids are older.

What on earth are you doing for Mother's Day?!? You sound like an exhausting martyr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I admittedly didn’t read all 8 pages here, but I’m confused about the relationship between teacher appreciation week and Mother’s Day. My husband sat with my kid to make cards. He venmoed the room mom money for the class gift. And I don’t do a thing for Mother’s Day, he does. We’re only martyrs if we want to be.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Teacher Appreciation Week would be more meaningful to me (and boost morale) if it came from the administration/School Board/prinicipal - not the parents.

But kudos to the PTA/PTOs out there who spin it to put the burden on parents and not the School Board. No bonus is too small and it would do wonders for morale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give cash to teachers. That is what I do. I give gift cards to all my kid's teachers.

OP here. I…literally said in my original post that I give gift cards to teachers. I don’t get them cutesy crap, just a gift card and a note, and then I also make a contribution to whatever the PTA is doing, like muffins or napkins or something. I consider that to be pretty bare bones, but still…all of it is a lot on top of everything else moms do. I think it would be much nicer if Teacher Appreciation was at the end of the school year or something, not right before Mother’s Day.

This seems like such a minor commitment that it’s hard to see why it matters that it’s right before Mother’s Day. Also every single thing you mentioned can be done at any point in time during the school year. Pick a week in September and run to the store and get a gift card, a card and some napkins. Heck you could do it once and purchase everything for all six or seven years of your kid’s elementary years - none of this is perishable.

Do you mean like do it in September, which many of us already do to prepare for *teacher holiday gifts*?

I never heard of teacher holiday gifts. Sounds made up at your school

NP. Um, if you don’t get your teachers anything for the holidays, know you are an outlier. It’s not some organized thing, it’s just common courtesy in the spirit of the season.

Teacher here.

I wouldn’t say this is common. I’m a rather well-loved teacher, and I get 3-4 gifts each holiday season. While I appreciate the gifts, I don’t expect them.

Please just work with me. Be my partner. That’s all I ask for, and it’s something I don’t always get.

When did I say I didn’t? Why are you trotting this out?

NP. Jesus. Whether you’re OP or just doing an amazing OP impersonation, you’re such a self-pitying whiner that it’s amazing you get through any interaction of any type in any circumstance. You’re not that important! Stop this apparently terrible stress-inducing “appreciation” that causes a teenager in meltdown in you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are all you moms doing all the work? Where are the kids’ dads?

You are doing this wrong.

You mean administration. The moms didn’t hire the teachers and they aren’t aren’t personal employees. Administration should be planning and executing teacher appreciation. If they don’t, oh well. Join the rest of us that get no “appreciation week” of gift cards and free food

You missed it.

If a family wants to show appreciation for a teacher, a dad can do it just as well as a mom.

We will be showing appreciation because we view our kids’ teachers as important members of the team.

You don’t have to do anything at all and it seems like that would suit you best.

You might want to work on that bitterness.

Dads won’t/don’t do it because they don’t care. Really. They just don’t and at their jobs this doesn’t exist. It wouldn’t even occur to them to buy the teacher a week of stuff/gift cards in the name of teacher approximation. Moms do it out of social obligation and pressure. But moms don’t have to do it either. As several teachers have pointed out; nothing is necessary. Better yet, send well behaved kids and a thank you note outlining how they have made a different. This week of stuff is bananas

Sure they do/will. You say “Brian, did you see the email about teacher appreciation week? Can you handle that please?”

And you’re done. And not at all ragged.

Brain saw it, and he doesn’t care. If he did, you wouldn’t need to tell him to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are all you moms doing all the work? Where are the kids’ dads?

You are doing this wrong.

You mean administration. The moms didn’t hire the teachers and they aren’t aren’t personal employees. Administration should be planning and executing teacher appreciation. If they don’t, oh well. Join the rest of us that get no “appreciation week” of gift cards and free food

Good news! They’re hiring! Enjoy your pay cut, but hey, that’s OK, because it’ll be made up for by all those sweet, sweet gift cards and free food.

Real life and many people across all professions face. This is not unique to teachers and and does not justify expecting parents to shower gift cards their way. By all means, if you feel moved, do so. But do not shame others that don’t/can’t participate for whatever reason. It is 100% fine to not gift teachers at all.

[Anonymous]

Is the real issue for so many here a strange fear that other parents (moms) will gossip meanly about you if you don’t do anything for your kid’s teachers or school? I really think it’s the latter and damn, you are pathetic to get this degree of upset about any of this crap. Because I don’t understand all of these agonies otherwise. If people actually ask what you’re doing for staff or teacher appreciation day or week or month or year, you really can’t smile brightly and say something bland and avoidant about how great the school is and move on, and mentally start planning how you and DH are going to catch up on Barry tonight and when you’re next on vacation or whatever little pleasant thing you can call up to focus on?

It’s not about the burden or teaching being a “Women’s” profession in history or current day. It’s really just a choice to feel burdened by a bullshit obligation so that you feel you’re part of the horde. It’s pointless. Do it freely and happily or do none of it, don’t force your kids or DH to participate. It’s meaningless. If you can afford a significant donation to the PTA for art or music supplementation that’s one thing. If you can’t, raise your kids so that they can handle school to the best of their and your ability. No one wants to deal with your “exceptional” “spirited” “future leader” and no Starbucks gift card or a banner or whatever other bit of tedium will make up for being a loser parent to a PITA kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look I’m not going to pretend there’s not a vast amount of misogyny baked into ALL aspects of this— paying teachers so little that “appreciation” gifts matter, expecting teachers to be “appreciated” by free breakfast something provided every day in Silicon Valley…expecting mothers to spend time being “appreciation chairs” as an unpaid activity…all of it. All of it.

But, you are making this way too hard on yourself and there is no excuse for that other than poor planning. Let me help you make 2023 the last year this sucks for you:

On prime day or cyber week, gift cards are discounted (I think last year target did $10 off every $50). Purchase $400 worth of $50 gift cards, put them in your top desk drawer.

If you or anyone in your group chat go to Aldi you will find occasionally nice-looking but inexpensive thank you cards. Buy 8. If you must make your life harder also grab a holiday themed card or two.

Every time there is a request for teacher appreciation, Venmo the organizer, have your kid scribble in a card, add a gift card and send the card to school. Do not “scramble”. Do not volunteer for anything extra. Do not stress further. Do not continue to think about this after confirming the card reached the teacher.

Tone deaf, much? Not all of us have $400 to “just” throw around at any one time, let alone to pre-pay a long-term investment for some future date. Wow, $50 each for teacher gift cards? Must be freaking nice. Wow, how organized you are, what a planner you are. Oh, wait. You’re just rich.

I mean... I'm definitely not rich, solidly MC by DCUM standards but I basically do what this PP suggests. It's a priority to me to be able to give to DC's teachers.
I SAH now but was a teacher. Gift cards are best, no need for much of anything else. Of course I had many students who genuinely could not afford gifts of any type but when their parents thanked me for helping them or whatever that was just as awesome as a gift card.
I started out working at a wealthy school and during TAW the PTA did a catered lunch from a very nice restaurant and that was the only time I felt like it was worth the effort they put in...but I'm sure it was $$.

NP. Ohhhhh, so people who can afford to pre-pay $400 at a time for teacher gift cards are able to do so because it’s a “priority.” Got it. Sorry, poors, you’re going to have to make $400 for gift cards a *priority.* It has to be important to you. Go put the bread, green beans, cereal and milk back, because Good People Prioritize Gift Cards. It’s a matter of priorities, you see. Not means.

Yeah this is crazy to me. We don't make a lot for DCUM and $50 is more than our budget for Christmas or birthday gifts for any adults, including each other (we usually try to keep it $20-40 max). $400 is close to what we'd spend at Christmas for the entire extended family. Teachers are important but not a higher priority than everyone else in my life.

JFC. Do you people have no imagination or problem solving ability? If you can’t buy $50, buy $20. If you can’t buy $20, buy $10. If you can’t afford $10, have your kid make a free card at home. The point is that all of these things can be planned in ADVANCE instead of throwing tantrums when the dates show up just as they do every year.

If the room parent asks for specific things every day of a week, it is not a requirement. If it’s sooooo harrrrd and you’re soooo buuuuusy, just don’t do it. But we all know you won’t, because then you wouldn’t get attention for whining about your mEnTal LoAd.

How far in advance does your PTA send out the week's calendar? Because mine just sent it out two weeks ago. Sure, I could just buy a gift card. But then my kid wouldn't "participate" in all the theme days. And the theme days are different each year and my kid likes to participate, so I do all this stuff for him, not the teachers. This year we have to design a page around a word that we think of when we think of a teacher. All those pages will be collected into a binder to give the teacher. That's Wednesday. A flower from our garden was today. (We don't have a garden, so a bush bud had to do). Tomorrow is a favorite treat from the teachers "favorite things" list. Thursday is something from the amazon wish list. And Friday is the homemade card.
It's like this every year, only the things are DIFFERENT. (Well, Thursday and Friday are always the same)
Someone in our PTA has lost their marbles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look I’m not going to pretend there’s not a vast amount of misogyny baked into ALL aspects of this— paying teachers so little that “appreciation” gifts matter, expecting teachers to be “appreciated” by free breakfast something provided every day in Silicon Valley…expecting mothers to spend time being “appreciation chairs” as an unpaid activity…all of it. All of it.

But, you are making this way too hard on yourself and there is no excuse for that other than poor planning. Let me help you make 2023 the last year this sucks for you:

On prime day or cyber week, gift cards are discounted (I think last year target did $10 off every $50). Purchase $400 worth of $50 gift cards, put them in your top desk drawer.

If you or anyone in your group chat go to Aldi you will find occasionally nice-looking but inexpensive thank you cards. Buy 8. If you must make your life harder also grab a holiday themed card or two.

Every time there is a request for teacher appreciation, Venmo the organizer, have your kid scribble in a card, add a gift card and send the card to school. Do not “scramble”. Do not volunteer for anything extra. Do not stress further. Do not continue to think about this after confirming the card reached the teacher.

Tone deaf, much? Not all of us have $400 to “just” throw around at any one time, let alone to pre-pay a long-term investment for some future date. Wow, $50 each for teacher gift cards? Must be freaking nice. Wow, how organized you are, what a planner you are. Oh, wait. You’re just rich.

I mean... I'm definitely not rich, solidly MC by DCUM standards but I basically do what this PP suggests. It's a priority to me to be able to give to DC's teachers.
I SAH now but was a teacher. Gift cards are best, no need for much of anything else. Of course I had many students who genuinely could not afford gifts of any type but when their parents thanked me for helping them or whatever that was just as awesome as a gift card.
I started out working at a wealthy school and during TAW the PTA did a catered lunch from a very nice restaurant and that was the only time I felt like it was worth the effort they put in...but I'm sure it was $$.

NP. Ohhhhh, so people who can afford to pre-pay $400 at a time for teacher gift cards are able to do so because it’s a “priority.” Got it. Sorry, poors, you’re going to have to make $400 for gift cards a *priority.* It has to be important to you. Go put the bread, green beans, cereal and milk back, because Good People Prioritize Gift Cards. It’s a matter of priorities, you see. Not means.

Yeah this is crazy to me. We don't make a lot for DCUM and $50 is more than our budget for Christmas or birthday gifts for any adults, including each other (we usually try to keep it $20-40 max). $400 is close to what we'd spend at Christmas for the entire extended family. Teachers are important but not a higher priority than everyone else in my life.

JFC. Do you people have no imagination or problem solving ability? If you can’t buy $50, buy $20. If you can’t buy $20, buy $10. If you can’t afford $10, have your kid make a free card at home. The point is that all of these things can be planned in ADVANCE instead of throwing tantrums when the dates show up just as they do every year.

If the room parent asks for specific things every day of a week, it is not a requirement. If it’s sooooo harrrrd and you’re soooo buuuuusy, just don’t do it. But we all know you won’t, because then you wouldn’t get attention for whining about your mEnTal LoAd.

How far in advance does your PTA send out the week's calendar? Because mine just sent it out two weeks ago. Sure, I could just buy a gift card. But then my kid wouldn't "participate" in all the theme days. And the theme days are different each year and my kid likes to participate, so I do all this stuff for him, not the teachers. This year we have to design a page around a word that we think of when we think of a teacher. All those pages will be collected into a binder to give the teacher. That's Wednesday. A flower from our garden was today. (We don't have a garden, so a bush bud had to do). Tomorrow is a favorite treat from the teachers "favorite things" list. Thursday is something from the amazon wish list. And Friday is the homemade card.
It's like this every year, only the things are DIFFERENT. (Well, Thursday and Friday are always the same)
Someone in our PTA has lost their marbles.

What grade is he in? My hand to God I would start forgetting stuff and being non responsive if my son was insistent on participating, to phase out slowly over time the desire to yield to this stuff. It’s crazy, and you have my sympathies.