Unfriendly Classmate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11 stands in the garage until we see the bus coming, instead of going to the stop which is probably only 50 feet away.

She's not a morning person and we let her wait for the bus as she wants.

It's not rude to want a little space

But your daughter is coming up with a solution that affords her space without ignoring someone who is greeting her.

Also, you can say hi and still have space. You can say "Hi" and then turn to talk to your mom or get out a book to read. You can even say "Hi -- I'm going to take some space for myself, I'm just not a morning person."

Ignoring someone who says hello to you, that you know and see on a regular basis, actually IS rude, even if the reasons behind it are understandable. It's worth it to teach kids that they can set boundaries with other people without just shutting others out or ignoring them.

In OP original post "She stands at the top of her driveway, while my DD stands on the curb. "

Leave this girl the hell alone!

OP here... I truly mean this without any snark... but how is saying a quick "good morning" while giving her the physical space she seems to want, bothering her? Or enough to illicit a "Leave this girl the hell alone!" response? It's not like my DD is forcing her to have a conversation or invading her personal space.

We can turn this around though.

Your daughter also needs to learn that if someone is putting out social clues that they want to be left alone, then you should leave them alone.

Standing alone at the top of the driveway (or as my DD does: in the garage) is a pretty clear signal that they want to be left alone.

It's actually kind of rude to try to engage in conversation with a person who is making it clear that they don't want to be engaged.

Its like the guys at the gyms that keep try to talk to women, even when the women have headphones on. Your daughter has to learn to read the room

+1. Do I think the girls behavior is ideal? No. Do I think OP’s kid needs to learn to read the room? Yes.

The reality is my husband isn’t a morning person. Me telling him a bright “hello” at 7am isn’t going to get me the response I want. I’ve learned to read the room.

+1

OP isn't going to like this, but her DD is being just as rude (or honestly, imo, ruder) than the other little girl. You don't have some god-given right to conversation. This kid made it perfectly clear by standing at the top of the driveway that she did not want to engage. OP, and her daughter, should have respected that

"Hi" or even polite wave and smile, is not conversation.

Expecting people to acknowledge our existence is actually sort of the bare minimum of what we CAN expect from other people. Except I guess not anymore, because we're all going to claim spectrum disorders to get us out of doing even the most minor possible thing to sustain some kind of social ties?

We need to teach our kids that saying hello, goodbye, thank you, and you're welcome are not burdensome. No, not even for people with social anxiety or spectrum disorders. They might have to work harder to do this, but it's still not a burden. That's like saying "well my kid has a spectrum disorder, so I don't make her brush her teeth." Or "my kid has a spectrum disorder, so I've decided it's okay for her to stick her tongue out at the teacher and roll her eyes when he asks her to turn in her work." Like yes, some people do have to work harder to do basic things, but that doesn't suddenly mean that those things are suddenly too much to ask.

It's not too much to ask. I agree with PPs that OP should take the opportunity to help her DD figure out how to deal with it when people are rude. Absolutely, that's going to be a good skill to have. But the other girl is being rude even if there is a reason why saying hello in response to someone greeting you is harder for her than it might be for the average person.

Also, hey, being rude is not the end of the world. But we should at least be able to acknowledge when something is rude. Standing there not responding when someone you know says hello to you is rude. No matter why you are doing it.

The PPs explaining that the girl might be shy, introverted, anxious etc. were (for the most part) not denying that the behavior is rude. They were just responding to the OP's assumption that the girl was mean and intending to signal to her DD that she doesn't like her. They were explaining why that might not be the case. Most of these PPs expressed that they are working on the issues with their kids, but it's a slow process, and they (the parents) try to be extra friendly to compensate for their kid. Eight isn't 4, but it's still young.

Multiple posters have said “it’s not rudeness, it’s (insert presumed diagnosis with no evidence here).”

That’s what I love so much about contemporary parenting. Mommies are just sooooo tired that they’d rather presume that their kid has a neurodivergence that requires delicate sensitive tip-toeing around and maybe fingers crossed a 1 on 1 and extra test time and a calligraphied IEP than actually attempt to parent their slightly struggling kid. It’s hilarious.

Op here… I’ve never felt like this… until
this thread.

Honestly the crazy thing I left out is that my DD has anxiety. But she’s also very friendly (both can exist together before you come at me)

It’s very obvious from your DDs reaction that she has anxiety or a similar issue. You need to help her with her issue not try and make sure that everyone always says hi to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11 stands in the garage until we see the bus coming, instead of going to the stop which is probably only 50 feet away.

She's not a morning person and we let her wait for the bus as she wants.

It's not rude to want a little space

But your daughter is coming up with a solution that affords her space without ignoring someone who is greeting her.

Also, you can say hi and still have space. You can say "Hi" and then turn to talk to your mom or get out a book to read. You can even say "Hi -- I'm going to take some space for myself, I'm just not a morning person."

Ignoring someone who says hello to you, that you know and see on a regular basis, actually IS rude, even if the reasons behind it are understandable. It's worth it to teach kids that they can set boundaries with other people without just shutting others out or ignoring them.

In OP original post "She stands at the top of her driveway, while my DD stands on the curb. "

Leave this girl the hell alone!

OP here... I truly mean this without any snark... but how is saying a quick "good morning" while giving her the physical space she seems to want, bothering her? Or enough to illicit a "Leave this girl the hell alone!" response? It's not like my DD is forcing her to have a conversation or invading her personal space.

We can turn this around though.

Your daughter also needs to learn that if someone is putting out social clues that they want to be left alone, then you should leave them alone.

Standing alone at the top of the driveway (or as my DD does: in the garage) is a pretty clear signal that they want to be left alone.

It's actually kind of rude to try to engage in conversation with a person who is making it clear that they don't want to be engaged.

Its like the guys at the gyms that keep try to talk to women, even when the women have headphones on. Your daughter has to learn to read the room

+1. Do I think the girls behavior is ideal? No. Do I think OP’s kid needs to learn to read the room? Yes.

The reality is my husband isn’t a morning person. Me telling him a bright “hello” at 7am isn’t going to get me the response I want. I’ve learned to read the room.

+1

OP isn't going to like this, but her DD is being just as rude (or honestly, imo, ruder) than the other little girl. You don't have some god-given right to conversation. This kid made it perfectly clear by standing at the top of the driveway that she did not want to engage. OP, and her daughter, should have respected that

"Hi" or even polite wave and smile, is not conversation.

Expecting people to acknowledge our existence is actually sort of the bare minimum of what we CAN expect from other people. Except I guess not anymore, because we're all going to claim spectrum disorders to get us out of doing even the most minor possible thing to sustain some kind of social ties?

We need to teach our kids that saying hello, goodbye, thank you, and you're welcome are not burdensome. No, not even for people with social anxiety or spectrum disorders. They might have to work harder to do this, but it's still not a burden. That's like saying "well my kid has a spectrum disorder, so I don't make her brush her teeth." Or "my kid has a spectrum disorder, so I've decided it's okay for her to stick her tongue out at the teacher and roll her eyes when he asks her to turn in her work." Like yes, some people do have to work harder to do basic things, but that doesn't suddenly mean that those things are suddenly too much to ask.

It's not too much to ask. I agree with PPs that OP should take the opportunity to help her DD figure out how to deal with it when people are rude. Absolutely, that's going to be a good skill to have. But the other girl is being rude even if there is a reason why saying hello in response to someone greeting you is harder for her than it might be for the average person.

Also, hey, being rude is not the end of the world. But we should at least be able to acknowledge when something is rude. Standing there not responding when someone you know says hello to you is rude. No matter why you are doing it.

The PPs explaining that the girl might be shy, introverted, anxious etc. were (for the most part) not denying that the behavior is rude. They were just responding to the OP's assumption that the girl was mean and intending to signal to her DD that she doesn't like her. They were explaining why that might not be the case. Most of these PPs expressed that they are working on the issues with their kids, but it's a slow process, and they (the parents) try to be extra friendly to compensate for their kid. Eight isn't 4, but it's still young.

Multiple posters have said “it’s not rudeness, it’s (insert presumed diagnosis with no evidence here).”

My DD is the most extroverted person you’ve ever met. She says hello to everyone. And sometimes it’s not returned. Oh well! We have lots of conversations about well maybe so and so is shy, maybe she wants some space. I have no idea if this little girl has something else going on (and neither does OP, she doesn’t sound like she’s someone anyone would confide in) but I do think at 8 this is so minor and attributable to so many other things (and the mom is working on it!!!) that it boggles the mind that this thread exists. Yes, she should acknowledge another girl in her social group in some way. Is it mean or anything that requires a second thought at 8? No not even close.

But OP’s daughter is hurt by it so instead of continuing to work on the over reaction with her daughter it she came on here to whip up a reaction so a bunch of other moms could talk sh*t about an 8 year old. If your daughter wasn’t upset you would have let this go right? It’s not something that on its face is really that bad at all. And so you self righteously want to make her mom feel bad and recognize her “hypocrisy” even though you have no idea if this girl is being seriously bullied at school or something like that. While totally seriously writing that you are convinced there’s no way your daughter has done anything ever unkind or that could have hurt her feelings. You have to parent your kid, OP, and trying to snowplow over these tiny tiny problems doesn’t do her any favors.

OP didn’t do any of the dramatic sh!t you wrote above, but you got to feel important for a couple of paragraphs so she certainly helped you out.

She’s on here going over and over isn’t this bad? How is this too much to ask? My child is upset!!!! Please re-iterate that you are on MY side and this child should say hi to my daughter. It’s insane to suggest that I consider there could be other things going on. This is a mean girl with a hypocritical mom PERIOD.


It’s a REALLY strong and odd reaction for a grown woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11 stands in the garage until we see the bus coming, instead of going to the stop which is probably only 50 feet away.

She's not a morning person and we let her wait for the bus as she wants.

It's not rude to want a little space

But your daughter is coming up with a solution that affords her space without ignoring someone who is greeting her.

Also, you can say hi and still have space. You can say "Hi" and then turn to talk to your mom or get out a book to read. You can even say "Hi -- I'm going to take some space for myself, I'm just not a morning person."

Ignoring someone who says hello to you, that you know and see on a regular basis, actually IS rude, even if the reasons behind it are understandable. It's worth it to teach kids that they can set boundaries with other people without just shutting others out or ignoring them.

In OP original post "She stands at the top of her driveway, while my DD stands on the curb. "

Leave this girl the hell alone!

OP here... I truly mean this without any snark... but how is saying a quick "good morning" while giving her the physical space she seems to want, bothering her? Or enough to illicit a "Leave this girl the hell alone!" response? It's not like my DD is forcing her to have a conversation or invading her personal space.

We can turn this around though.

Your daughter also needs to learn that if someone is putting out social clues that they want to be left alone, then you should leave them alone.

Standing alone at the top of the driveway (or as my DD does: in the garage) is a pretty clear signal that they want to be left alone.

It's actually kind of rude to try to engage in conversation with a person who is making it clear that they don't want to be engaged.

Its like the guys at the gyms that keep try to talk to women, even when the women have headphones on. Your daughter has to learn to read the room

+1. Do I think the girls behavior is ideal? No. Do I think OP’s kid needs to learn to read the room? Yes.

The reality is my husband isn’t a morning person. Me telling him a bright “hello” at 7am isn’t going to get me the response I want. I’ve learned to read the room.

+1

OP isn't going to like this, but her DD is being just as rude (or honestly, imo, ruder) than the other little girl. You don't have some god-given right to conversation. This kid made it perfectly clear by standing at the top of the driveway that she did not want to engage. OP, and her daughter, should have respected that

"Hi" or even polite wave and smile, is not conversation.

Expecting people to acknowledge our existence is actually sort of the bare minimum of what we CAN expect from other people. Except I guess not anymore, because we're all going to claim spectrum disorders to get us out of doing even the most minor possible thing to sustain some kind of social ties?

We need to teach our kids that saying hello, goodbye, thank you, and you're welcome are not burdensome. No, not even for people with social anxiety or spectrum disorders. They might have to work harder to do this, but it's still not a burden. That's like saying "well my kid has a spectrum disorder, so I don't make her brush her teeth." Or "my kid has a spectrum disorder, so I've decided it's okay for her to stick her tongue out at the teacher and roll her eyes when he asks her to turn in her work." Like yes, some people do have to work harder to do basic things, but that doesn't suddenly mean that those things are suddenly too much to ask.

It's not too much to ask. I agree with PPs that OP should take the opportunity to help her DD figure out how to deal with it when people are rude. Absolutely, that's going to be a good skill to have. But the other girl is being rude even if there is a reason why saying hello in response to someone greeting you is harder for her than it might be for the average person.

Also, hey, being rude is not the end of the world. But we should at least be able to acknowledge when something is rude. Standing there not responding when someone you know says hello to you is rude. No matter why you are doing it.

The PPs explaining that the girl might be shy, introverted, anxious etc. were (for the most part) not denying that the behavior is rude. They were just responding to the OP's assumption that the girl was mean and intending to signal to her DD that she doesn't like her. They were explaining why that might not be the case. Most of these PPs expressed that they are working on the issues with their kids, but it's a slow process, and they (the parents) try to be extra friendly to compensate for their kid. Eight isn't 4, but it's still young.

Multiple posters have said “it’s not rudeness, it’s (insert presumed diagnosis with no evidence here).”

My DD is the most extroverted person you’ve ever met. She says hello to everyone. And sometimes it’s not returned. Oh well! We have lots of conversations about well maybe so and so is shy, maybe she wants some space. I have no idea if this little girl has something else going on (and neither does OP, she doesn’t sound like she’s someone anyone would confide in) but I do think at 8 this is so minor and attributable to so many other things (and the mom is working on it!!!) that it boggles the mind that this thread exists. Yes, she should acknowledge another girl in her social group in some way. Is it mean or anything that requires a second thought at 8? No not even close.

But OP’s daughter is hurt by it so instead of continuing to work on the over reaction with her daughter it she came on here to whip up a reaction so a bunch of other moms could talk sh*t about an 8 year old. If your daughter wasn’t upset you would have let this go right? It’s not something that on its face is really that bad at all. And so you self righteously want to make her mom feel bad and recognize her “hypocrisy” even though you have no idea if this girl is being seriously bullied at school or something like that. While totally seriously writing that you are convinced there’s no way your daughter has done anything ever unkind or that could have hurt her feelings. You have to parent your kid, OP, and trying to snowplow over these tiny tiny problems doesn’t do her any favors.

OP didn’t do any of the dramatic sh!t you wrote above, but you got to feel important for a couple of paragraphs so she certainly helped you out.

She’s on here going over and over isn’t this bad? How is this too much to ask? My child is upset!!!! Please re-iterate that you are on MY side and this child should say hi to my daughter. It’s insane to suggest that I consider there could be other things going on. This is a mean girl with a hypocritical mom PERIOD.


It’s a REALLY strong and odd reaction for a grown woman.

Op here… um, NO. You need to read the whole thread.

Yowza this thread is getting out of control

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11 stands in the garage until we see the bus coming, instead of going to the stop which is probably only 50 feet away.

She's not a morning person and we let her wait for the bus as she wants.

It's not rude to want a little space

But your daughter is coming up with a solution that affords her space without ignoring someone who is greeting her.

Also, you can say hi and still have space. You can say "Hi" and then turn to talk to your mom or get out a book to read. You can even say "Hi -- I'm going to take some space for myself, I'm just not a morning person."

Ignoring someone who says hello to you, that you know and see on a regular basis, actually IS rude, even if the reasons behind it are understandable. It's worth it to teach kids that they can set boundaries with other people without just shutting others out or ignoring them.

In OP original post "She stands at the top of her driveway, while my DD stands on the curb. "

Leave this girl the hell alone!

OP here... I truly mean this without any snark... but how is saying a quick "good morning" while giving her the physical space she seems to want, bothering her? Or enough to illicit a "Leave this girl the hell alone!" response? It's not like my DD is forcing her to have a conversation or invading her personal space.

OP, it's monday and the bored moms here have to take their snark out on us which they always do in very typical fashion. Ignore them. You can see it when they are saying the girl saying Hi is mean girling the freak who can't say hi back. Don't come here for real advice.

Op here. I was pretty taken aback to hear that saying good morning while still respecting the boundaries this other girl is putting in place is somehow “mean girl” behavior.

Once when DD was a bit younger, I said hi to a neighbor I didn’t know on a walk and she said “do you know them? Why did you say hi?” I told her that was the polite, kind thing to do.

Im still at a loss at how saying hello or good morning could ever be received in a negative way.

No one said your DD was being a mean girl; some folks thought she wasn't reading the room and her continued attempts to engage the other girl were rude. I disagree -- I don't think your DD is being rude. But really, no one said she was being a mean girl.

To the PP -- calling an 8 yr old a "freak" over this is not a good look.

Op here. Maybe it was that I was a mean girl somehow? Regardless, insinuating that she’s in the wrong by engaging in societal norms… she has read the room and has backed off quite a bit. We are literally down to “good morning” or “hi Larla” and that’s it.

That's still NOT reading the room. In fact, continuing to engage is almost a sort of obnoxious stubborn behavior on your part

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11 stands in the garage until we see the bus coming, instead of going to the stop which is probably only 50 feet away.

She's not a morning person and we let her wait for the bus as she wants.

It's not rude to want a little space

But your daughter is coming up with a solution that affords her space without ignoring someone who is greeting her.

Also, you can say hi and still have space. You can say "Hi" and then turn to talk to your mom or get out a book to read. You can even say "Hi -- I'm going to take some space for myself, I'm just not a morning person."

Ignoring someone who says hello to you, that you know and see on a regular basis, actually IS rude, even if the reasons behind it are understandable. It's worth it to teach kids that they can set boundaries with other people without just shutting others out or ignoring them.

Well of course it's rude to blank a friendly morning greeting from a neighbor/classmate. And, actually, it sounds like she's doing it because she doesn't like your DD (or at least doesn't want to engage with her) as opposed to out of shyness/anxiety.

But why is this still so upsetting to your DD EIGHT MONTHS into the school year? This isn't bullying, taunting, or even really exclusionary behavior that would merit such prolonged upset. Nothing you have said can get her to move past it? I'm asking this sincerely, no snark: does she have friends? My DD (9) gives zero poops about the girls at school who don't talk to her because she has a group of (kind!) friends who she adores and has a blast with. Why is this girl occupying so much space in your DD's head?

In OP original post "She stands at the top of her driveway, while my DD stands on the curb. "

Leave this girl the hell alone!

OP here... I truly mean this without any snark... but how is saying a quick "good morning" while giving her the physical space she seems to want, bothering her? Or enough to illicit a "Leave this girl the hell alone!" response? It's not like my DD is forcing her to have a conversation or invading her personal space.

We can turn this around though.

Your daughter also needs to learn that if someone is putting out social clues that they want to be left alone, then you should leave them alone.

Standing alone at the top of the driveway (or as my DD does: in the garage) is a pretty clear signal that they want to be left alone.

It's actually kind of rude to try to engage in conversation with a person who is making it clear that they don't want to be engaged.

Its like the guys at the gyms that keep try to talk to women, even when the women have headphones on. Your daughter has to learn to read the room

+1. Do I think the girls behavior is ideal? No. Do I think OP’s kid needs to learn to read the room? Yes.

The reality is my husband isn’t a morning person. Me telling him a bright “hello” at 7am isn’t going to get me the response I want. I’ve learned to read the room.

+1

OP isn't going to like this, but her DD is being just as rude (or honestly, imo, ruder) than the other little girl. You don't have some god-given right to conversation. This kid made it perfectly clear by standing at the top of the driveway that she did not want to engage. OP, and her daughter, should have respected that

"Hi" or even polite wave and smile, is not conversation.

Expecting people to acknowledge our existence is actually sort of the bare minimum of what we CAN expect from other people. Except I guess not anymore, because we're all going to claim spectrum disorders to get us out of doing even the most minor possible thing to sustain some kind of social ties?

We need to teach our kids that saying hello, goodbye, thank you, and you're welcome are not burdensome. No, not even for people with social anxiety or spectrum disorders. They might have to work harder to do this, but it's still not a burden. That's like saying "well my kid has a spectrum disorder, so I don't make her brush her teeth." Or "my kid has a spectrum disorder, so I've decided it's okay for her to stick her tongue out at the teacher and roll her eyes when he asks her to turn in her work." Like yes, some people do have to work harder to do basic things, but that doesn't suddenly mean that those things are suddenly too much to ask.

It's not too much to ask. I agree with PPs that OP should take the opportunity to help her DD figure out how to deal with it when people are rude. Absolutely, that's going to be a good skill to have. But the other girl is being rude even if there is a reason why saying hello in response to someone greeting you is harder for her than it might be for the average person.

Also, hey, being rude is not the end of the world. But we should at least be able to acknowledge when something is rude. Standing there not responding when someone you know says hello to you is rude. No matter why you are doing it.

The PPs explaining that the girl might be shy, introverted, anxious etc. were (for the most part) not denying that the behavior is rude. They were just responding to the OP's assumption that the girl was mean and intending to signal to her DD that she doesn't like her. They were explaining why that might not be the case. Most of these PPs expressed that they are working on the issues with their kids, but it's a slow process, and they (the parents) try to be extra friendly to compensate for their kid. Eight isn't 4, but it's still young.

Multiple posters have said “it’s not rudeness, it’s (insert presumed diagnosis with no evidence here).”

My DD is the most extroverted person you’ve ever met. She says hello to everyone. And sometimes it’s not returned. Oh well! We have lots of conversations about well maybe so and so is shy, maybe she wants some space. I have no idea if this little girl has something else going on (and neither does OP, she doesn’t sound like she’s someone anyone would confide in) but I do think at 8 this is so minor and attributable to so many other things (and the mom is working on it!!!) that it boggles the mind that this thread exists. Yes, she should acknowledge another girl in her social group in some way. Is it mean or anything that requires a second thought at 8? No not even close.

But OP’s daughter is hurt by it so instead of continuing to work on the over reaction with her daughter it she came on here to whip up a reaction so a bunch of other moms could talk sh*t about an 8 year old. If your daughter wasn’t upset you would have let this go right? It’s not something that on its face is really that bad at all. And so you self righteously want to make her mom feel bad and recognize her “hypocrisy” even though you have no idea if this girl is being seriously bullied at school or something like that. While totally seriously writing that you are convinced there’s no way your daughter has done anything ever unkind or that could have hurt her feelings. You have to parent your kid, OP, and trying to snowplow over these tiny tiny problems doesn’t do her any favors.

OP didn’t do any of the dramatic sh!t you wrote above, but you got to feel important for a couple of paragraphs so she certainly helped you out.

She’s on here going over and over isn’t this bad? How is this too much to ask? My child is upset!!!! Please re-iterate that you are on MY side and this child should say hi to my daughter. It’s insane to suggest that I consider there could be other things going on. This is a mean girl with a hypocritical mom PERIOD.


It’s a REALLY strong and odd reaction for a grown woman.

Op here… um, NO. You need to read the whole thread.

Yowza this thread is getting out of control

[Anonymous]

Well of course it's rude to blank a friendly morning greeting from a neighbor/classmate. And, actually, it sounds like she's doing it because she doesn't like your DD (or at least doesn't want to engage with her) as opposed to out of shyness/anxiety.

But why is this still so upsetting to your DD EIGHT MONTHS into the school year? This isn't bullying, taunting, or even really exclusionary behavior that would merit such prolonged upset. Nothing you have said can get her to move past it? I'm asking this sincerely, no snark: does she have friends? My DD (9) gives zero poops about the girls at school who don't talk to her because she has a group of (kind!) friends who she adores and has a blast with. Why is this girl occupying so much space in your DD's head?

[Anonymous]

I think this girl is living rent-free in OP and her daughter's head.
Whether or not this girl is rude, really doesn't matter. What matters is your child is unable to move past it. Others have said it's 8 months into the school year. You really need to get over this by now. Whether she's shy, anxious, just a rude a****** who knows and who cares.... Tell your daughter this girl obviously doesn't want to say hi. So move on with your life and go about your day. . End of story.... This is really not that difficult.

[Anonymous]

I'm just waiting for the OP to come back and say how rude we all are for not giving a dang if someone says hi to her daughter or not.

Imagine having such a privileged life that this is honestly something to be stewing over for 8 months. Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just waiting for the OP to come back and say how rude we all are for not giving a dang if someone says hi to her daughter or not.

Imagine having such a privileged life that this is honestly something to be stewing over for 8 months. Lol

+1,000,000

[Anonymous]

there is also the very real possibility that the OPs daughter did or said something to the other girl that makes her silence totally acceptable and the daughter is playing the victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP. My daughter is like the child you are describing and she is very shy/has social anxiety. We have been working really, really hard on getting her to wave back to people who say hi to her, to look at people when they talk to her, etc., but it has been really, really hard. One thing I tell her is that unfortunately, other kids are going to think she's rude for not saying hello back to them, but she's not TRYING to be mean or TRYING to be rude, she just really has a hard time in social situations.

Fortunately for my daughter, the kids in her grade ARE very kind and have a lot of empathy towards her. There are several whose parents have clearly explained to them that my daughter is not mean, she's just very shy, and they keep saying hi, and she has finally started looking up and saying hi back to them.

I'm glad to live in an area with people who are kind and have empathy and not around people like you who just automatically assume the worst of people.

For every kid with a story like this there are dozens of kids who are just rude. I've seen it with my own eyes. They are perfectly capable of greeting others when it suits them and then rude some of the time.

It's not assuming the worst, it's assuming what's likely going on which is what we all do every day in countless situations.

Sure, so some kinds are rude and some kids aren't. You can either decide to assume they're rude, which is what OP has done, and be upset about it, or you could assume the best about them and decide there is something else going on that isn't your problem or your business nd let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree not to say anything to the other parent. Just continue to say hi or good morning to the mom and daughter at the bus stop, whether or not one or both of them return your greeting. That is being polite and is showing by example to your daughter about how to be polite.

As for your daughter, I also agree with what others posted here, that it could be a good learning experience. She may say that the girl doesn’t like her, and you can take the opportunity to say that everybody doesn’t always like everybody else or is friends with everybody and that is OK. You could also take the opportunity to talk about how sometimes you don’t know what somebody else is feeling. The other girl may be quiet or shy, or may be nervous or anxious about school, or may be super tired or grumpy and doesn’t like to talk in the morning.

What you want your daughter to know is it is kind and thoughtful to greet people she knows or new people she meets, regardless of whether she is ignored. If she is feeling hurt by saying hello, or good morning to the other girl and not getting a reply, you could suggest that she wave or smile instead. And then take the opportunity to talk to your daughter about how good it is to focus on her friends and friendships, and being a kind person, even if others may not be the same.

OP here, thank you for the thoughtful response. I definitely am not expecting them to be friends, but I'm just a little put off by the outright rudeness. The parents are not there in the morning. I've also seen it in the afternoon when they get off the bus. My DD will say "bye Larla!" and the girl ignores her then too. It's odd. If her mom is there, I've seen her correct her, so I know her mom knows better.

Correct, I don't know 1000000000% for sure that this girl doesn't have special needs, but having known this family long enough, I am fairly certain. Also, I agree with some of the other posters to say that it's far more likely that she's just rude vs. being on the spectrum (or other issues). But of course, there's always exceptions, and I will try to keep that in mind.

I also don't know 1000000000% for sure that my DD is not mean to her when I'm not there, but I am fairly certain she is not. I've always heard from teachers that DD is very inclusive to others, as well as that being my experience watching her play as well. She's not perfect, but it'd be hard for me to imagine her being outright unkind.

I've told DD to not let it bother her and to continue to be polite. It really only started to irk me when this mom goes off on tirades about "unkind kids" at school for relatively minor infractions like not letting someone play with them at recess one day.

You seem really invested in this idea that your daughter is perfect and this other girl is rude. I assume the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

If this mom is talking about unkind kids at school then clearly some kids have been unkind to her daughter. You want to dismiss that as a minor infraction, but not letting someone play with them at recess could be a lot of things, including very mean behavior.

If you read this post as an impartial third party, you sound very defensive in insisting that your child has never and could never done anything wrong and very critical of this other girl and her mom. Maybe just extend some grace and assume that this mom doesn't talk about mean girl behavior because she's crazy and this kid doesn't ignore your daughter because she's rude. It's quite possible that your daughter's best friend has been horrible to this child. But I guess just go on assuming the worst of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11 stands in the garage until we see the bus coming, instead of going to the stop which is probably only 50 feet away.

She's not a morning person and we let her wait for the bus as she wants.

It's not rude to want a little space

But your daughter is coming up with a solution that affords her space without ignoring someone who is greeting her.

Also, you can say hi and still have space. You can say "Hi" and then turn to talk to your mom or get out a book to read. You can even say "Hi -- I'm going to take some space for myself, I'm just not a morning person."

Ignoring someone who says hello to you, that you know and see on a regular basis, actually IS rude, even if the reasons behind it are understandable. It's worth it to teach kids that they can set boundaries with other people without just shutting others out or ignoring them.

In OP original post "She stands at the top of her driveway, while my DD stands on the curb. "

Leave this girl the hell alone!

OP here... I truly mean this without any snark... but how is saying a quick "good morning" while giving her the physical space she seems to want, bothering her? Or enough to illicit a "Leave this girl the hell alone!" response? It's not like my DD is forcing her to have a conversation or invading her personal space.

By requiring a response out of this child, you are, in fact, forcing her to have a conversation, however short.

Honestly OP, the most you respond the worse you sound.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No other kid owes your child friendship. It doesn't mean you have to like it. It is what it is. Teach your child how to exist amid their peers who ignore them, teach them to be strong.

This.

Not asking for friendship, I just find it incredibly disrespectful to ignore someone when they speak to you

Right! I would say something to the mom. “Hey, I know you think being friendly and kind is important, just wanted to let you know my daughter had said hello a number of times and your daughter never acknowledges her polite greeting.”

Saying hello when someone says hello to you is basic politeness. No one is saying she needs to come down and have a chat, but at least wave or something.

Sigh.

If the girl waves or nods or says hello, then OP's daughter might want to continue having a conversation with her and then the girl will be considered rude for not following up or not moving down to the curb to stand with OP's kid. It'll always be something with people like you (although you'll say no a wave would just be fine!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's such a tendency/desire to respond to an OP's posts with criticism that all common sense goes out the window.

If the other mother is big on everyone being kind and polite and inclusive, it is highly unlikely that her own DD has a neuro-atypical issue that prohibits decent behavior.

OP I always tell my kids that this is a learning moment. Bored, uninterested people are boring and uninteresting. This girl doesn't seem happy. That is sad. Let how you feel in this moment serve as a reminder to go out of your way to show kindness to others.

We're too willing to not judge and make excuses and say everyone is great. Some people have poor character. Some people are not good people. It's a good skill to be able to identify this. I am not talking about the girl because she is a young child. I am talking about her parents and they way she is being raised and what her parents puts up with. Her mom also sounds like a hypocrite.

This is why girls falter with friendships in MS/HS and relationships in college. Assuming the best from people who do not deserve it.

You and OP should become best friends. Your post is even worse than hers are. Congrats!