Date has no online presence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems that some people have lost the ability to detect human character traits with the advent of social media. Whatever happened to instinct, trusting your gut - the kind of stuff that comes with IRL interactions?
Here's what social media can't tell you - charisma, humor, follow-thru capacity, family dysfunction, all the soft skill and red flag stuff.
I personally don't do social media except linkedin and thankfully I have an extremely common name. I was forced onto facebook by my children's PTAs and then Instagram by their sports teams.
My first introduction to facebook was another mom from long ago. Her page had inspirational quotes and images of herself like the stuff a suburbanite might buy at a mall store selling Bob Ross prints. I was embarassed for her and from then on thought of facebook as self promotional BS. I also didn't want to be her friend and stayed away from her.

If anybody knew my Ebay handle, they'd know that I am a 100% positive review seller of my children's outgrown stuff. That's about the only online feedback I get.

+100

The issue isn't his lack of social media; he's already raising red flags in OP's gut and this is a justification. For that reason, she shouldn't pursue him further imo.

Op is nuts. She'll see red flags in anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who doesn't understand the dinner date thing and what's so offensive about it?

I don't want him to take me to fancy place, pay for the dinner and then expect some increase level of proximity. I won't be kissing him, hugging him etc until I am certain about his identity.

Still not following op.
You're not required to do this because you have dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do genealogy research, and it is rare that I cannot find out some information about someone online. You don't have to have an "online presence." You don't need LinkedIn or Facebook, Insta., etc. But with a name and a city, you can usually find an address or a phone number along with names/relatives you are associated with. I look on whitepagescom, or addresses.com.

You also might be listed as a relative in an obituary announcement or as the subject in a former marriage/engagement announcement or as a parent in a birth announcement. You might be mentioned in a church bulletin or a volunteer group or if you ran a race. If you bought real estate, I can look up real estate transactions or property records. If you have a kid and mention his name, he may be listed on school/sports/scout sites, etc.

The hardest people to find are those with very common names in large cities. So John Smith in Los Angeles and David Schwartz in New York would be very hard without additional information. But Elliott Blackburn in Bethesda should be pretty easy to find if he's not lying about his name.

Right. People latched on to online and equated it narrowly to social media accounts (and then got smug about how they are too busy and important and smart to post a pic on Instagram) and this is what OP was talking about, if you can't find any online trace of a 40-plus-aged person these days it might be a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know someone's name, phone number, address, place of employment before I dated them past a date or two. Certainly, stick to public venues until you learn more about him.

Wonder if maybe he's a married man?

That was my thought, too. And the house he would take me would be his friend's house and then he ghosts me. Something like that.

Thanks, all. I will decline the dinner date, and would offer him something less casual like a book store coffee to learn each other better. Maybe it's my paranoia but I just don't feel like it and will listen to my gut sense.

You seem like a nut. You go on a date to get to know people; you don’t date the Internet..

NP and she does not seem like a nut. People are taking OP literally about knowing the guy first, but she just means knowing he’s who he says he is. Most people can be googled for basic name, address, possibly job. I gave zero internet presence but you can find my name and where I live.

This is about safety and not inadvertently saying a married man. It’s common sense.

[Anonymous]

Not inadvertently *dating* a married man ^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know someone's name, phone number, address, place of employment before I dated them past a date or two. Certainly, stick to public venues until you learn more about him.

Wonder if maybe he's a married man?

That was my thought, too. And the house he would take me would be his friend's house and then he ghosts me. Something like that.

Thanks, all. I will decline the dinner date, and would offer him something less casual like a book store coffee to learn each other better. Maybe it's my paranoia but I just don't feel like it and will listen to my gut sense.

You seem like a nut. You go on a date to get to know people; you don’t date the Internet..

NP and she does not seem like a nut. People are taking OP literally about knowing the guy first, but she just means knowing he’s who he says he is. Most people can be googled for basic name, address, possibly job. I gave zero internet presence but you can find my name and where I live.

This is about safety and not inadvertently saying a married man. It’s common sense.

NP. Have you actually read all of OP’s posts? I can understand being uncomfortable going on a date with someone you don’t know, but she’s taking this a bit further than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would actually prefer a man who doesn't waste his time on social media.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

You get to know him over dinner and you say you prefer to be asked before being touched.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

You get to know him over dinner and you say you prefer to be asked before being touched.

OP here, sorry but this does sound very turning off : you agree for a romantic dinner and tell him this ? I kind of like him and wouldn’t mind being touched. But I want to know his identity first.

[Anonymous]

OP I am on page 1. I get it. I took time to erase my online presence as much as possible a while back, because I don’t want nosy people looking me up. I use my last name initial for my LinkedIn. I use a completely different name for FB and my instagram has a third one (and fb and insta aren’t connected).
I have a common foreign name (think along the lines of Patel Kumar or Jose Martinez)
I am not dangerous just super insignificant and I like it that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

You get to know him over dinner and you say you prefer to be asked before being touched.

OP here, sorry but this does sound very turning off : you agree for a romantic dinner and tell him this ? I kind of like him and wouldn’t mind being touched. But I want to know his identity first.

Okay troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know someone's name, phone number, address, place of employment before I dated them past a date or two. Certainly, stick to public venues until you learn more about him.

Wonder if maybe he's a married man?

That was my thought, too. And the house he would take me would be his friend's house and then he ghosts me. Something like that.

Thanks, all. I will decline the dinner date, and would offer him something less casual like a book store coffee to learn each other better. Maybe it's my paranoia but I just don't feel like it and will listen to my gut sense.

You seem like a nut. You go on a date to get to know people; you don’t date the Internet..

NP and she does not seem like a nut. People are taking OP literally about knowing the guy first, but she just means knowing he’s who he says he is. Most people can be googled for basic name, address, possibly job. I gave zero internet presence but you can find my name and where I live.

This is about safety and not inadvertently saying a married man. It’s common sense.

Sockpuppeting makes you seem nuttier

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I am on page 1. I get it. I took time to erase my online presence as much as possible a while back, because I don’t want nosy people looking me up. I use my last name initial for my LinkedIn. I use a completely different name for FB and my instagram has a third one (and fb and insta aren’t connected).
I have a common foreign name (think along the lines of Patel Kumar or Jose Martinez)
I am not dangerous just super insignificant and I like it that way.

Read the entire thread before commenting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would actually prefer a man who doesn't waste his time on social media.

Said by someone "wasting time" on social media

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

You get to know him over dinner and you say you prefer to be asked before being touched.

OP here, sorry but this does sound very turning off : you agree for a romantic dinner and tell him this ? I kind of like him and wouldn’t mind being touched. But I want to know his identity first.

Why is it a romantic dinner? Nobody has the right to touch you and you don’t have to go back to their house because they took you out. You go for dinner at a restaurant, a public place. You have conversation, over dinner, so you get to know each other better.