Wife Wants To Be A SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a troll but my husband hates budgets so I'll bite. I would tell her to go back for at least six months before quitting and I would play up the important of her having financial independence and even create a PPT with a "this is what we can do if we both work and our budget" and a much sadder "this is what we can do if only I work and our budget slide." Hammer it home! If I had quit my job when my first child was born 3 years ago my higher earning year would have been $94K. I make $255K now and I've had a second child during that time too and I am pregnant with my third. I would only quit my job if my husband made in excess of $900K and even then I probably wouldn't. People get fired all the time. It's a huge risk to be a one income household.

You would only quit if your husband made $900k? You people are crazy and out of touch with what the vast majority of Americans make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems trolly. No one gets a weekly massage and facial.

I think someone made the whole thing up just to get a bunch of pages. If the troll is savvy as to what sets off DCUM folks the pages just rack up, as they did here.

And nobody who has had a job believes they don’t need a budget. Definitely a troll.

OP here. She think we can manage easily on my income and our current savings and investments.

You need to sit down together and look at your current rate of spending with all of the subscriptions, nails, massage etc and see how much money you'd have left over. As others have said I'd also factor in other baby expenses since she might want to do activities with the baby as SAHM, plus clothes and baby gear.

Spending 1,000 on meal/food subscriptions on top of groceries seems really high. Can you cut a few of them? Do you need two different meal kits and a meat subscription?

My husband and I have always agreed to have a fun money budget and a budget for our children's activities

With his economy I'd recommend having a minimum of 3 to 6 months of expenses saved. I would not eat up my savings on consumables.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s been a busy day with work and I haven’t had the time to check this.

I don’t think my wife is high maintenance. She does like massages and looking nice, but she is not into fancy designer or materialistic things. She does have weekly massages because she has some genetic nerve issues that cause neck and lower back pain. The facials she gets are not necessary - apparently facials aren’t the same thing as body scrubs, etc., but she gets one of these done each week. Nails and toes done every two weeks. Hair done every 6 weeks.
I’m okay with these.

What I’m not okay with is the meal subscriptions that we hardly use. Hello Fresh sucks honestly and many of the shipments come with bad food. Daily Harvest is not worth the money for what you get. We can get cuts of meat cheaper at Whole Foods or Costco than Butcher Box. I would be fine if we cut these expenses that are about $1000/month.

We don’t live in DC and can afford our lifestyle on my salary alone. We do have a large savings accounts that we can dip into. My main concern still is the economy and going down to one income. We plan to have a second child fairly soon. We haven’t everything we need for infants but kids need a lot of stuff. I will try to talk to my wife again and get her to see we need to cut these items.

I agree but I think if you want to cancel some or all of those services you would need to take the lead on grocery shopping and meal prepping. I've definitely relied on meal kits when I'm too busy to meal plan, it's more about the mental load/planning time needed. Maybe keep one service so you are only prepping 4 dinners q week and then the kit covers the other 3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems trolly. No one gets a weekly massage and facial.

I think someone made the whole thing up just to get a bunch of pages. If the troll is savvy as to what sets off DCUM folks the pages just rack up, as they did here.

And nobody who has had a job believes they don’t need a budget. Definitely a troll.

OP here. She think we can manage easily on my income and our current savings and investments.

You need to sit down together and look at your current rate of spending with all of the subscriptions, nails, massage etc and see how much money you'd have left over. As others have said I'd also factor in other baby expenses since she might want to do activities with the baby as SAHM, plus clothes and baby gear.

Spending 1,000 on meal/food subscriptions on top of groceries seems really high. Can you cut a few of them? Do you need two different meal kits and a meat subscription?

My husband and I have always agreed to have a fun money budget and a budget for our children's activities

With his economy I'd recommend having a minimum of 3 to 6 months of expenses saved. I would not eat up my savings on consumables.

Do NOT dip into savings and investments to live on. That is a very bad plan.

Unless you are trust fund kids or you both used to work some lucrative jobs and saved a few million already, you should not be going into your savings so your wife can stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s been a busy day with work and I haven’t had the time to check this.

I don’t think my wife is high maintenance. She does like massages and looking nice, but she is not into fancy designer or materialistic things. She does have weekly massages because she has some genetic nerve issues that cause neck and lower back pain. The facials she gets are not necessary - apparently facials aren’t the same thing as body scrubs, etc., but she gets one of these done each week. Nails and toes done every two weeks. Hair done every 6 weeks.
I’m okay with these.

What I’m not okay with is the meal subscriptions that we hardly use. Hello Fresh sucks honestly and many of the shipments come with bad food. Daily Harvest is not worth the money for what you get. We can get cuts of meat cheaper at Whole Foods or Costco than Butcher Box. I would be fine if we cut these expenses that are about $1000/month.

We don’t live in DC and can afford our lifestyle on my salary alone. We do have a large savings accounts that we can dip into. My main concern still is the economy and going down to one income. We plan to have a second child fairly soon. We haven’t everything we need for infants but kids need a lot of stuff. I will try to talk to my wife again and get her to see we need to cut these items.

I agree but I think if you want to cancel some or all of those services you would need to take the lead on grocery shopping and meal prepping. I've definitely relied on meal kits when I'm too busy to meal plan, it's more about the mental load/planning time needed. Maybe keep one service so you are only prepping 4 dinners q week and then the kit covers the other 3

Please. A SAHM of one baby doesn’t need a meal service. She isn’t too busy to put together something simple for herself and DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s been a busy day with work and I haven’t had the time to check this.

I don’t think my wife is high maintenance. She does like massages and looking nice, but she is not into fancy designer or materialistic things. She does have weekly massages because she has some genetic nerve issues that cause neck and lower back pain. The facials she gets are not necessary - apparently facials aren’t the same thing as body scrubs, etc., but she gets one of these done each week. Nails and toes done every two weeks. Hair done every 6 weeks.
I’m okay with these.

What I’m not okay with is the meal subscriptions that we hardly use. Hello Fresh sucks honestly and many of the shipments come with bad food. Daily Harvest is not worth the money for what you get. We can get cuts of meat cheaper at Whole Foods or Costco than Butcher Box. I would be fine if we cut these expenses that are about $1000/month.

We don’t live in DC and can afford our lifestyle on my salary alone. We do have a large savings accounts that we can dip into. My main concern still is the economy and going down to one income. We plan to have a second child fairly soon. We haven’t everything we need for infants but kids need a lot of stuff. I will try to talk to my wife again and get her to see we need to cut these items.

I agree but I think if you want to cancel some or all of those services you would need to take the lead on grocery shopping and meal prepping. I've definitely relied on meal kits when I'm too busy to meal plan, it's more about the mental load/planning time needed. Maybe keep one service so you are only prepping 4 dinners q week and then the kit covers the other 3

Please. A SAHM of one baby doesn’t need a meal service. She isn’t too busy to put together something simple for herself and DH.

+1 I'm very much pro-DH needs to help out when he gets home, but a sahm to one young child doesn't need a meal prep service. It's not like she's busy shuttling multiple kids around to their after school activities.

Ridiculous. What does she do all do day other than get massages, her nails done, and go shopping? IMO, she wants to live in fairy princess la la land. I mean.. I get it, who doesn't want to have an easy life where you don't have to budget, but reality is very different.

I would not touch your savings if you are unsure about the economy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a troll but my husband hates budgets so I'll bite. I would tell her to go back for at least six months before quitting and I would play up the important of her having financial independence and even create a PPT with a "this is what we can do if we both work and our budget" and a much sadder "this is what we can do if only I work and our budget slide." Hammer it home! If I had quit my job when my first child was born 3 years ago my higher earning year would have been $94K. I make $255K now and I've had a second child during that time too and I am pregnant with my third. I would only quit my job if my husband made in excess of $900K and even then I probably wouldn't. People get fired all the time. It's a huge risk to be a one income household.

You would only quit if your husband made $900k? You people are crazy and out of touch with what the vast majority of Americans make.

dp.. everyone has different priorities. Maybe PP has expensive tastes, multiple kids in $$ private school. Maybe PP is just really paranoid about not having enough money. That can happen when you grow up lower income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s been a busy day with work and I haven’t had the time to check this.

I don’t think my wife is high maintenance. She does like massages and looking nice, but she is not into fancy designer or materialistic things. She does have weekly massages because she has some genetic nerve issues that cause neck and lower back pain. The facials she gets are not necessary - apparently facials aren’t the same thing as body scrubs, etc., but she gets one of these done each week. Nails and toes done every two weeks. Hair done every 6 weeks.
I’m okay with these.

What I’m not okay with is the meal subscriptions that we hardly use. Hello Fresh sucks honestly and many of the shipments come with bad food. Daily Harvest is not worth the money for what you get. We can get cuts of meat cheaper at Whole Foods or Costco than Butcher Box. I would be fine if we cut these expenses that are about $1000/month.

We don’t live in DC and can afford our lifestyle on my salary alone. We do have a large savings accounts that we can dip into. My main concern still is the economy and going down to one income. We plan to have a second child fairly soon. We haven’t everything we need for infants but kids need a lot of stuff. I will try to talk to my wife again and get her to see we need to cut these items.

I agree but I think if you want to cancel some or all of those services you would need to take the lead on grocery shopping and meal prepping. I've definitely relied on meal kits when I'm too busy to meal plan, it's more about the mental load/planning time needed. Maybe keep one service so you are only prepping 4 dinners q week and then the kit covers the other 3

Please. A SAHM of one baby doesn’t need a meal service. She isn’t too busy to put together something simple for herself and DH.

I mean... if you lucked out with easy babies that's great but when your baby is colicky screaming most of the day, only held for naps, and waking every hour or two overnight for months it's a different story. I had one of each and yes it's a walk in the park with an easy baby. A complete nightmare with the other, I would've been lucky to even manage to put together a Hello Fresh meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s been a busy day with work and I haven’t had the time to check this.

I don’t think my wife is high maintenance. She does like massages and looking nice, but she is not into fancy designer or materialistic things. She does have weekly massages because she has some genetic nerve issues that cause neck and lower back pain. The facials she gets are not necessary - apparently facials aren’t the same thing as body scrubs, etc., but she gets one of these done each week. Nails and toes done every two weeks. Hair done every 6 weeks.
I’m okay with these.

What I’m not okay with is the meal subscriptions that we hardly use. Hello Fresh sucks honestly and many of the shipments come with bad food. Daily Harvest is not worth the money for what you get. We can get cuts of meat cheaper at Whole Foods or Costco than Butcher Box. I would be fine if we cut these expenses that are about $1000/month.

We don’t live in DC and can afford our lifestyle on my salary alone. We do have a large savings accounts that we can dip into. My main concern still is the economy and going down to one income. We plan to have a second child fairly soon. We haven’t everything we need for infants but kids need a lot of stuff. I will try to talk to my wife again and get her to see we need to cut these items.

I agree but I think if you want to cancel some or all of those services you would need to take the lead on grocery shopping and meal prepping. I've definitely relied on meal kits when I'm too busy to meal plan, it's more about the mental load/planning time needed. Maybe keep one service so you are only prepping 4 dinners q week and then the kit covers the other 3

Please. A SAHM of one baby doesn’t need a meal service. She isn’t too busy to put together something simple for herself and DH.

There is no one size fits-all approach to a budget. Spending $1,000 on meal subscription services when you are only making 200,000 a year is a very bad idea but I'm not going to criticize having one meal subscription if that's how you stay sane. I think that the original poster and his wife just need to figure out what is their biggest priorities for spending.

And just because you have one person as to stay at home parent doesn't mean that person has to be the default person for every domestic task.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s been a busy day with work and I haven’t had the time to check this.

I don’t think my wife is high maintenance. She does like massages and looking nice, but she is not into fancy designer or materialistic things. She does have weekly massages because she has some genetic nerve issues that cause neck and lower back pain. The facials she gets are not necessary - apparently facials aren’t the same thing as body scrubs, etc., but she gets one of these done each week. Nails and toes done every two weeks. Hair done every 6 weeks.
I’m okay with these.

What I’m not okay with is the meal subscriptions that we hardly use. Hello Fresh sucks honestly and many of the shipments come with bad food. Daily Harvest is not worth the money for what you get. We can get cuts of meat cheaper at Whole Foods or Costco than Butcher Box. I would be fine if we cut these expenses that are about $1000/month.

We don’t live in DC and can afford our lifestyle on my salary alone. We do have a large savings accounts that we can dip into. My main concern still is the economy and going down to one income. We plan to have a second child fairly soon. We haven’t everything we need for infants but kids need a lot of stuff. I will try to talk to my wife again and get her to see we need to cut these items.

I agree but I think if you want to cancel some or all of those services you would need to take the lead on grocery shopping and meal prepping. I've definitely relied on meal kits when I'm too busy to meal plan, it's more about the mental load/planning time needed. Maybe keep one service so you are only prepping 4 dinners q week and then the kit covers the other 3

Please. A SAHM of one baby doesn’t need a meal service. She isn’t too busy to put together something simple for herself and DH.

I mean... if you lucked out with easy babies that's great but when your baby is colicky screaming most of the day, only held for naps, and waking every hour or two overnight for months it's a different story. I had one of each and yes it's a walk in the park with an easy baby. A complete nightmare with the other, I would've been lucky to even manage to put together a Hello Fresh meal.

This is bad parenting. You don’t allow it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put your happiness at the center of your decision making and go from there.

THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s been a busy day with work and I haven’t had the time to check this.

I don’t think my wife is high maintenance. She does like massages and looking nice, but she is not into fancy designer or materialistic things. She does have weekly massages because she has some genetic nerve issues that cause neck and lower back pain. The facials she gets are not necessary - apparently facials aren’t the same thing as body scrubs, etc., but she gets one of these done each week. Nails and toes done every two weeks. Hair done every 6 weeks.
I’m okay with these.

What I’m not okay with is the meal subscriptions that we hardly use. Hello Fresh sucks honestly and many of the shipments come with bad food. Daily Harvest is not worth the money for what you get. We can get cuts of meat cheaper at Whole Foods or Costco than Butcher Box. I would be fine if we cut these expenses that are about $1000/month.

We don’t live in DC and can afford our lifestyle on my salary alone. We do have a large savings accounts that we can dip into. My main concern still is the economy and going down to one income. We plan to have a second child fairly soon. We haven’t everything we need for infants but kids need a lot of stuff. I will try to talk to my wife again and get her to see we need to cut these items.

I agree but I think if you want to cancel some or all of those services you would need to take the lead on grocery shopping and meal prepping. I've definitely relied on meal kits when I'm too busy to meal plan, it's more about the mental load/planning time needed. Maybe keep one service so you are only prepping 4 dinners q week and then the kit covers the other 3

Please. A SAHM of one baby doesn’t need a meal service. She isn’t too busy to put together something simple for herself and DH.

I mean... if you lucked out with easy babies that's great but when your baby is colicky screaming most of the day, only held for naps, and waking every hour or two overnight for months it's a different story. I had one of each and yes it's a walk in the park with an easy baby. A complete nightmare with the other, I would've been lucky to even manage to put together a Hello Fresh meal.

OP has one kid, and the DW goes and gets massages and what not, so I'm thinking her baby isn't colicky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put your happiness at the center of your decision making and go from there.

THIS

Happiness but not at the expense of depleting your savings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put your happiness at the center of your decision making and go from there.

THIS

Happiness but not at the expense of depleting your savings

And happiness for the whole family not just the mother. The other members matter too - and none of that idiotic happy wife happy life BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s been a busy day with work and I haven’t had the time to check this.

I don’t think my wife is high maintenance. She does like massages and looking nice, but she is not into fancy designer or materialistic things. She does have weekly massages because she has some genetic nerve issues that cause neck and lower back pain. The facials she gets are not necessary - apparently facials aren’t the same thing as body scrubs, etc., but she gets one of these done each week. Nails and toes done every two weeks. Hair done every 6 weeks.
I’m okay with these.

What I’m not okay with is the meal subscriptions that we hardly use. Hello Fresh sucks honestly and many of the shipments come with bad food. Daily Harvest is not worth the money for what you get. We can get cuts of meat cheaper at Whole Foods or Costco than Butcher Box. I would be fine if we cut these expenses that are about $1000/month.

We don’t live in DC and can afford our lifestyle on my salary alone. We do have a large savings accounts that we can dip into. My main concern still is the economy and going down to one income. We plan to have a second child fairly soon. We haven’t everything we need for infants but kids need a lot of stuff. I will try to talk to my wife again and get her to see we need to cut these items.

I agree but I think if you want to cancel some or all of those services you would need to take the lead on grocery shopping and meal prepping. I've definitely relied on meal kits when I'm too busy to meal plan, it's more about the mental load/planning time needed. Maybe keep one service so you are only prepping 4 dinners q week and then the kit covers the other 3

Please. A SAHM of one baby doesn’t need a meal service. She isn’t too busy to put together something simple for herself and DH.

I mean... if you lucked out with easy babies that's great but when your baby is colicky screaming most of the day, only held for naps, and waking every hour or two overnight for months it's a different story. I had one of each and yes it's a walk in the park with an easy baby. A complete nightmare with the other, I would've been lucky to even manage to put together a Hello Fresh meal.

This is bad parenting. You don’t allow it.

Don't allow colic? Please share your secrets since I'm sure you cured your baby of it! Or were you one of those who "sleep trained" starting at birth and just left your baby to scream?