Pendente Lite Guideline vs Actual Spousal Support (in VA) -- How did it compare in your case? SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

100% this.

I 100% recognize this now but I didn't at the time. Since that is the situation, should I forever be up against a financial wall? My earning potential suffered while he never had to miss a meeting, a work dinner, or a business trip. His continued to contribute to retirement while I stayed at home. I took a job earning the same amount as I was making 8 years prior when I left the workforce. I'm happily working full-time now and would not expect spousal support but what about the 1/2 of the retirement contributions and interest for the period that I was at home?

I got that as a working spouse.

And this is why working spouses are not getting alimony

I agree I should not get alimony but are you saying that SAH parents don't get 1/2 of retirement contributions? They do as far as I know. Plus alimony.

They get 50% of their spouse contributions (which are considered joint while married), but they lost their own. This is why they get a "bridge" alimony at least. If you work your own retirement would be around $1mm at mid 40s, and alimony won't be anywhere close to this in most cases

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

100% this.

I 100% recognize this now but I didn't at the time. Since that is the situation, should I forever be up against a financial wall? My earning potential suffered while he never had to miss a meeting, a work dinner, or a business trip. His continued to contribute to retirement while I stayed at home. I took a job earning the same amount as I was making 8 years prior when I left the workforce. I'm happily working full-time now and would not expect spousal support but what about the 1/2 of the retirement contributions and interest for the period that I was at home?

I got that as a working spouse.

Me too which is why I think the arguments against fair alimony are stupid. Men externalize everything they can onto their wives. I’m not blaming other moms for saying, fine but I’m not doing all that and a job too. And when that’s the deal, compensating them for it is more than fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

100% this.

I 100% recognize this now but I didn't at the time. Since that is the situation, should I forever be up against a financial wall? My earning potential suffered while he never had to miss a meeting, a work dinner, or a business trip. His continued to contribute to retirement while I stayed at home. I took a job earning the same amount as I was making 8 years prior when I left the workforce. I'm happily working full-time now and would not expect spousal support but what about the 1/2 of the retirement contributions and interest for the period that I was at home?

I got that as a working spouse.

And this is why working spouses are not getting alimony

I agree I should not get alimony but are you saying that SAH parents don't get 1/2 of retirement contributions? They do as far as I know. Plus alimony.

They get 50% of their spouse contributions (which are considered joint while married), but they lost their own. This is why they get a "bridge" alimony at least. If you work your own retirement would be around $1mm at mid 40s, and alimony won't be anywhere close to this in most cases

LOL. My retirement is nowhere near 1mm. DCUM again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

100% this.

I 100% recognize this now but I didn't at the time. Since that is the situation, should I forever be up against a financial wall? My earning potential suffered while he never had to miss a meeting, a work dinner, or a business trip. His continued to contribute to retirement while I stayed at home. I took a job earning the same amount as I was making 8 years prior when I left the workforce. I'm happily working full-time now and would not expect spousal support but what about the 1/2 of the retirement contributions and interest for the period that I was at home?

I got that as a working spouse.

And this is why working spouses are not getting alimony

I agree I should not get alimony but are you saying that SAH parents don't get 1/2 of retirement contributions? They do as far as I know. Plus alimony.

They get 50% of their spouse contributions (which are considered joint while married), but they lost their own. This is why they get a "bridge" alimony at least. If you work your own retirement would be around $1mm at mid 40s, and alimony won't be anywhere close to this in most cases

LOL. My retirement is nowhere near 1mm. DCUM again.

Sorry then probably there was no point for you to work AND pull all the household duties. You overburdened yourself and appear now bitter that other women who made this joint decision with their exes to be home while he worked are also getting alimony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

100% this.

I 100% recognize this now but I didn't at the time. Since that is the situation, should I forever be up against a financial wall? My earning potential suffered while he never had to miss a meeting, a work dinner, or a business trip. His continued to contribute to retirement while I stayed at home. I took a job earning the same amount as I was making 8 years prior when I left the workforce. I'm happily working full-time now and would not expect spousal support but what about the 1/2 of the retirement contributions and interest for the period that I was at home?

Yes, that’s what you chose when you decided to SAH. I’m not being mean, that’s just life. It’s a trade off and the woman assumes a lot of the risk in that scenario. I would never recommend it to my daughter unless she had a great prenup and even then — why? Life is uncertain, don’t put your eggs in one basket.

It is always important for women to look out for themselves. Many women sell themselves down the river for a Hallmark card slogan one day of the year. If it was such a good deal to stay at home and so valuable and important, men would do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

100% this.

I 100% recognize this now but I didn't at the time. Since that is the situation, should I forever be up against a financial wall? My earning potential suffered while he never had to miss a meeting, a work dinner, or a business trip. His continued to contribute to retirement while I stayed at home. I took a job earning the same amount as I was making 8 years prior when I left the workforce. I'm happily working full-time now and would not expect spousal support but what about the 1/2 of the retirement contributions and interest for the period that I was at home?

I got that as a working spouse.

And this is why working spouses are not getting alimony

I agree I should not get alimony but are you saying that SAH parents don't get 1/2 of retirement contributions? They do as far as I know. Plus alimony.

They get 50% of their spouse contributions (which are considered joint while married), but they lost their own. This is why they get a "bridge" alimony at least. If you work your own retirement would be around $1mm at mid 40s, and alimony won't be anywhere close to this in most cases

LOL. My retirement is nowhere near 1mm. DCUM again.

Sorry then probably there was no point for you to work AND pull all the household duties. You overburdened yourself and appear now bitter that other women who made this joint decision with their exes to be home while he worked are also getting alimony.

I'm not sad. I was the one saying that stay at home moms deserve some alimony and making the case for the work they did. I love to work so it's not a problem either that I worked and did work at home. I also don't want to be burdened by him paying alimony and worry about him getting angry about it and going after me emotionally or physically. I would like more money for my kids. But it is what it is. I don't think he would have paid me much alimony so in our case I would not have made out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

100% this.

I 100% recognize this now but I didn't at the time. Since that is the situation, should I forever be up against a financial wall? My earning potential suffered while he never had to miss a meeting, a work dinner, or a business trip. His continued to contribute to retirement while I stayed at home. I took a job earning the same amount as I was making 8 years prior when I left the workforce. I'm happily working full-time now and would not expect spousal support but what about the 1/2 of the retirement contributions and interest for the period that I was at home?

Yes, that’s what you chose when you decided to SAH. I’m not being mean, that’s just life. It’s a trade off and the woman assumes a lot of the risk in that scenario. I would never recommend it to my daughter unless she had a great prenup and even then — why? Life is uncertain, don’t put your eggs in one basket.

It is always important for women to look out for themselves. Many women sell themselves down the river for a Hallmark card slogan one day of the year. If it was such a good deal to stay at home and so valuable and important, men would do it.

I agree that it was a very poor decision making on my part, but I had a SN child. My other choice was to send my child to a specialty school instead of trying to make him be "like everyone". Men are also known bullshitters when they marry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

100% this.

I 100% recognize this now but I didn't at the time. Since that is the situation, should I forever be up against a financial wall? My earning potential suffered while he never had to miss a meeting, a work dinner, or a business trip. His continued to contribute to retirement while I stayed at home. I took a job earning the same amount as I was making 8 years prior when I left the workforce. I'm happily working full-time now and would not expect spousal support but what about the 1/2 of the retirement contributions and interest for the period that I was at home?

Yes, that’s what you chose when you decided to SAH. I’m not being mean, that’s just life. It’s a trade off and the woman assumes a lot of the risk in that scenario. I would never recommend it to my daughter unless she had a great prenup and even then — why? Life is uncertain, don’t put your eggs in one basket.

It is always important for women to look out for themselves. Many women sell themselves down the river for a Hallmark card slogan one day of the year. If it was such a good deal to stay at home and so valuable and important, men would do it.

I mean sort of except alimony DOES exist for women who make this choice, and rightfully so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

100% this.

I 100% recognize this now but I didn't at the time. Since that is the situation, should I forever be up against a financial wall? My earning potential suffered while he never had to miss a meeting, a work dinner, or a business trip. His continued to contribute to retirement while I stayed at home. I took a job earning the same amount as I was making 8 years prior when I left the workforce. I'm happily working full-time now and would not expect spousal support but what about the 1/2 of the retirement contributions and interest for the period that I was at home?

Yes, that’s what you chose when you decided to SAH. I’m not being mean, that’s just life. It’s a trade off and the woman assumes a lot of the risk in that scenario. I would never recommend it to my daughter unless she had a great prenup and even then — why? Life is uncertain, don’t put your eggs in one basket.

It is always important for women to look out for themselves. Many women sell themselves down the river for a Hallmark card slogan one day of the year. If it was such a good deal to stay at home and so valuable and important, men would do it.

I agree that it was a very poor decision making on my part, but I had a SN child. My other choice was to send my child to a specialty school instead of trying to make him be "like everyone". Men are also known bullshitters when they marry

I do think it's better for the children and especially special needs children if a parent is home. Not as great financially if the family splits. Hard to tell if working would make it better. I assume your ex is also special needs just undiagnosed or at least a carrier and these mental deficits contributed to the divorce as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

100% this.

I 100% recognize this now but I didn't at the time. Since that is the situation, should I forever be up against a financial wall? My earning potential suffered while he never had to miss a meeting, a work dinner, or a business trip. His continued to contribute to retirement while I stayed at home. I took a job earning the same amount as I was making 8 years prior when I left the workforce. I'm happily working full-time now and would not expect spousal support but what about the 1/2 of the retirement contributions and interest for the period that I was at home?

Yes, that’s what you chose when you decided to SAH. I’m not being mean, that’s just life. It’s a trade off and the woman assumes a lot of the risk in that scenario. I would never recommend it to my daughter unless she had a great prenup and even then — why? Life is uncertain, don’t put your eggs in one basket.

It is always important for women to look out for themselves. Many women sell themselves down the river for a Hallmark card slogan one day of the year. If it was such a good deal to stay at home and so valuable and important, men would do it.

I mean sort of except alimony DOES exist for women who make this choice, and rightfully so.

Permanent alimony is only available in 14 states. Taking alimony means you're depending on your ex to pay. My only point is that it's a position of relative vulnerability, which is why you rarely see men taking it. Men look out for themselves. The whole thing is very tricky. I will advise my daughter never to marry someone who isn't willing to make career sacrifices to the same extent that she does. Both parents need to be involved in raising the kids, and both need to take the career hits. Otherwise you're taking a real risk with your financial future, unless you are independently wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

100% this.

I 100% recognize this now but I didn't at the time. Since that is the situation, should I forever be up against a financial wall? My earning potential suffered while he never had to miss a meeting, a work dinner, or a business trip. His continued to contribute to retirement while I stayed at home. I took a job earning the same amount as I was making 8 years prior when I left the workforce. I'm happily working full-time now and would not expect spousal support but what about the 1/2 of the retirement contributions and interest for the period that I was at home?

Yes, that’s what you chose when you decided to SAH. I’m not being mean, that’s just life. It’s a trade off and the woman assumes a lot of the risk in that scenario. I would never recommend it to my daughter unless she had a great prenup and even then — why? Life is uncertain, don’t put your eggs in one basket.

It is always important for women to look out for themselves. Many women sell themselves down the river for a Hallmark card slogan one day of the year. If it was such a good deal to stay at home and so valuable and important, men would do it.

I agree that it was a very poor decision making on my part, but I had a SN child. My other choice was to send my child to a specialty school instead of trying to make him be "like everyone". Men are also known bullshitters when they marry

I do think it's better for the children and especially special needs children if a parent is home. Not as great financially if the family splits. Hard to tell if working would make it better. I assume your ex is also special needs just undiagnosed or at least a carrier and these mental deficits contributed to the divorce as well.

My exH was a total nutcase, constant mood swings, hangups on minor things and lining up objects in order. I tolerated him for a long time, until I discovered cheating. And then I was done with the marriage. I do realize it would have been better for our son if I tolerated it longer, into college, perhaps. But it became impossible to bear any longer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

100% this.

I 100% recognize this now but I didn't at the time. Since that is the situation, should I forever be up against a financial wall? My earning potential suffered while he never had to miss a meeting, a work dinner, or a business trip. His continued to contribute to retirement while I stayed at home. I took a job earning the same amount as I was making 8 years prior when I left the workforce. I'm happily working full-time now and would not expect spousal support but what about the 1/2 of the retirement contributions and interest for the period that I was at home?

Yes, that’s what you chose when you decided to SAH. I’m not being mean, that’s just life. It’s a trade off and the woman assumes a lot of the risk in that scenario. I would never recommend it to my daughter unless she had a great prenup and even then — why? Life is uncertain, don’t put your eggs in one basket.

It is always important for women to look out for themselves. Many women sell themselves down the river for a Hallmark card slogan one day of the year. If it was such a good deal to stay at home and so valuable and important, men would do it.

I mean sort of except alimony DOES exist for women who make this choice, and rightfully so.

Permanent alimony is only available in 14 states. Taking alimony means you're depending on your ex to pay. My only point is that it's a position of relative vulnerability, which is why you rarely see men taking it. Men look out for themselves. The whole thing is very tricky. I will advise my daughter never to marry someone who isn't willing to make career sacrifices to the same extent that she does. Both parents need to be involved in raising the kids, and both need to take the career hits. Otherwise you're taking a real risk with your financial future, unless you are independently wealthy.

I totally agree with the statement above. A man who is not willing to equally sacrifice his career for kids is not considering his wife an equal. He should contribute equally even if she makes $50K and he makes $500K. It's not about the money, it's about considering the wife a true equal and valuing her work in the office and at home.
My income was not that far from my exH when I was 25 ($85K at 25 vs his $170 at 30+). But when I took the setback, he did not and by the end of the marriage I had zero independent income while he had a $1mm/year. And he decided he was god and I was nobody, cheated on me and we divorced.

This shows in fact how much professional women can loose if they sacrifice themselves for kids and receive no support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

100% this.

I 100% recognize this now but I didn't at the time. Since that is the situation, should I forever be up against a financial wall? My earning potential suffered while he never had to miss a meeting, a work dinner, or a business trip. His continued to contribute to retirement while I stayed at home. I took a job earning the same amount as I was making 8 years prior when I left the workforce. I'm happily working full-time now and would not expect spousal support but what about the 1/2 of the retirement contributions and interest for the period that I was at home?

Yes, that’s what you chose when you decided to SAH. I’m not being mean, that’s just life. It’s a trade off and the woman assumes a lot of the risk in that scenario. I would never recommend it to my daughter unless she had a great prenup and even then — why? Life is uncertain, don’t put your eggs in one basket.

It is always important for women to look out for themselves. Many women sell themselves down the river for a Hallmark card slogan one day of the year. If it was such a good deal to stay at home and so valuable and important, men would do it.

I mean sort of except alimony DOES exist for women who make this choice, and rightfully so.

Permanent alimony is only available in 14 states. Taking alimony means you're depending on your ex to pay. My only point is that it's a position of relative vulnerability, which is why you rarely see men taking it. Men look out for themselves. The whole thing is very tricky. I will advise my daughter never to marry someone who isn't willing to make career sacrifices to the same extent that she does. Both parents need to be involved in raising the kids, and both need to take the career hits. Otherwise you're taking a real risk with your financial future, unless you are independently wealthy.

I totally agree with the statement above. A man who is not willing to equally sacrifice his career for kids is not considering his wife an equal. He should contribute equally even if she makes $50K and he makes $500K. It's not about the money, it's about considering the wife a true equal and valuing her work in the office and at home.
My income was not that far from my exH when I was 25 ($85K at 25 vs his $170 at 30+). But when I took the setback, he did not and by the end of the marriage I had zero independent income while he had a $1mm/year. And he decided he was god and I was nobody, cheated on me and we divorced.

This shows in fact how much professional women can loose if they sacrifice themselves for kids and receive no support.

Well I assume the money is often going to the kids. Yes, money/indirect work and time/direct work should go to the kids, but this doesn't need to be the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

100% this.

I 100% recognize this now but I didn't at the time. Since that is the situation, should I forever be up against a financial wall? My earning potential suffered while he never had to miss a meeting, a work dinner, or a business trip. His continued to contribute to retirement while I stayed at home. I took a job earning the same amount as I was making 8 years prior when I left the workforce. I'm happily working full-time now and would not expect spousal support but what about the 1/2 of the retirement contributions and interest for the period that I was at home?

Yes, that’s what you chose when you decided to SAH. I’m not being mean, that’s just life. It’s a trade off and the woman assumes a lot of the risk in that scenario. I would never recommend it to my daughter unless she had a great prenup and even then — why? Life is uncertain, don’t put your eggs in one basket.

It is always important for women to look out for themselves. Many women sell themselves down the river for a Hallmark card slogan one day of the year. If it was such a good deal to stay at home and so valuable and important, men would do it.

I mean sort of except alimony DOES exist for women who make this choice, and rightfully so.

Permanent alimony is only available in 14 states. Taking alimony means you're depending on your ex to pay. My only point is that it's a position of relative vulnerability, which is why you rarely see men taking it. Men look out for themselves. The whole thing is very tricky. I will advise my daughter never to marry someone who isn't willing to make career sacrifices to the same extent that she does. Both parents need to be involved in raising the kids, and both need to take the career hits. Otherwise you're taking a real risk with your financial future, unless you are independently wealthy.

You can advise your daughter whatever you want but when the rubber hits the road the full ugly reality of gender roles comes out. I met my husband in law school and we both went straight to biglaw. But he adopted the classic “I’ll do my best she’ll do the rest” approach and my work suffered because I wasn’t willing to let every single domestic ball drop the way he was just because a brief deadline was on the horizon. There is just no way for any woman to know what it will be like in advance.

[Anonymous]

God this is the most pitiful thing I have ever read. What a bunch of bottom feeding losers. Try getting a job.