Reply to Pendente Lite Guideline vs Actual Spousal Support (in VA) -- How did it compare in your case? SAHM

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Reply to "Pendente Lite Guideline vs Actual Spousal Support (in VA) -- How did it compare in your case? SAHM"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas![/quote]

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.[/quote]

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you. [/quote]

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.[/quote]

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.[/quote]

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.[/quote]

100% this.[/quote]

I 100% recognize this now but I didn't at the time. Since that is the situation, [b]should I forever be up against a financial wall?[/b] My earning potential suffered while he never had to miss a meeting, a work dinner,  or a business trip.  His continued to contribute to retirement while I stayed at home. I took a job earning the same amount as I was making 8 years prior when I left the workforce. I'm happily working full-time now and would not expect spousal support but what about the 1/2 of the retirement contributions and interest for the period that I was at home?[/quote]

Yes, that’s what you chose when you decided to SAH. I’m not being mean, that’s just life. It’s a trade off and the woman assumes a lot of the risk in that scenario. I would never recommend it to my daughter unless she had a great prenup and even then — why? Life is uncertain, don’t put your eggs in one basket.

It is always important for women to look out for themselves. Many women sell themselves down the river for a Hallmark card slogan one day of the year. If it was such a good deal to stay at home and so valuable and important, men would do it.[/quote]

I mean sort of except alimony DOES exist for women who make this choice, and rightfully so. [/quote]

Permanent alimony is only available in 14 states. Taking alimony means you're depending on your ex to pay. My only point is that it's a position of relative vulnerability, which is why you rarely see men taking it. Men look out for themselves. The whole thing is very tricky. I will advise my daughter never to marry someone who isn't willing to make career sacrifices to the same extent that she does. Both parents need to be involved in raising the kids, and both need to take the career hits. Otherwise you're taking a real risk with your financial future, unless you are independently wealthy.[/quote]

You can advise your daughter whatever you want but when the rubber hits the road the full ugly reality of gender roles comes out. I met my husband in law school and we both went straight to biglaw. But he adopted the classic “I’ll do my best she’ll do the rest” approach and my work suffered because I wasn’t willing to let every single domestic ball drop the way he was just because a brief deadline was on the horizon. There is just no way for any woman to know what it will be like in advance. [/quote]

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