Pendente Lite Guideline vs Actual Spousal Support (in VA) -- How did it compare in your case? SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

I have a job. Much to my husband's professional detriment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

This is what I think VA and MD should do at a minimum. It really is unfair that the child is now at college and can't pay for their own living expenses and one parent has to foot that bill entirely even just for food and other basics.

Living expenses are way above $7k/year. My ex is spending high on his girlfriend (Caribbean vacations, jewelry etc_) and on his house (a custom gym, added pool etc). But he told son to go take loans or work flipping burgers.
That same father told son a few years ago to drop a sport because he didn't want to drive him to practices on 50/50 custody schedule. My son is 6'3 and very athletic, he could have had his room &board completely free as a college athlete.

My exH is bitter I got 50% assets and am relatively ok. He wants ME to pay for the son's college living expenses, out of a spite

I don't really mind a child having to pay for a degree or college, but it just seems unfair that they also have to pay for their room and board if instead they could be working but are doing this so they will be more self sufficient in the future. And often that becomes a parent's job to finance. I just think if we are basically requiring kids to go to school longer for most jobs in the US that their clothing and food and basics should be covered just like medical and insurance also covers through this time. DC obviously agrees.

When I was in college I worked to pay room & board. My rent (circa 2005) was $225/mo for my share in a weird 1BR apartment where we turned a dining room into a sleeping nook. I paid for it working $10/hr part time. Today in my college town a 1BR runs more like $1500 and all the weird crappy buildings were long ago torn down and replaced with more expensive housing. And good luck finding anyone willing to do a weird housing share with you.

In college one of my friends couldn't afford the dorm so he set up his tent on school property and lived there for a semester for free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

This is what I think VA and MD should do at a minimum. It really is unfair that the child is now at college and can't pay for their own living expenses and one parent has to foot that bill entirely even just for food and other basics.

Living expenses are way above $7k/year. My ex is spending high on his girlfriend (Caribbean vacations, jewelry etc_) and on his house (a custom gym, added pool etc). But he told son to go take loans or work flipping burgers.
That same father told son a few years ago to drop a sport because he didn't want to drive him to practices on 50/50 custody schedule. My son is 6'3 and very athletic, he could have had his room &board completely free as a college athlete.

My exH is bitter I got 50% assets and am relatively ok. He wants ME to pay for the son's college living expenses, out of a spite

I don't really mind a child having to pay for a degree or college, but it just seems unfair that they also have to pay for their room and board if instead they could be working but are doing this so they will be more self sufficient in the future. And often that becomes a parent's job to finance. I just think if we are basically requiring kids to go to school longer for most jobs in the US that their clothing and food and basics should be covered just like medical and insurance also covers through this time. DC obviously agrees.

When I was in college I worked to pay room & board. My rent (circa 2005) was $225/mo for my share in a weird 1BR apartment where we turned a dining room into a sleeping nook. I paid for it working $10/hr part time. Today in my college town a 1BR runs more like $1500 and all the weird crappy buildings were long ago torn down and replaced with more expensive housing. And good luck finding anyone willing to do a weird housing share with you.

Childcare expenses in Virgina are max. $1000 per child per month. They probably max out before this amount. It doesn't even cover food and clothing and toiletries.

Give me $12,000 (post-tax) per year per kid, and I'll give them their own room, and good food three times a day in one of the best school districts in NOVA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

You don't need to go to college. Everyone does not go to college. No child is entitled to go to college, not even the children of DCUM parents.

No they don't but at the same time why are we encouraging our offspring to be in lower paid positions than we are in? It doesn't make sense and even if you are in a trade there are trade costs and low pay in those fields to start. And for instance, we had done 3 years of prepaid tuition for each of our kids, so obviously the plan was for the kids to go to college in Virginia, so I think child support should have been covered for those years.

You want your kids to go to college and you encourage it but this is not a need in the same sense as providing food/clothing/shelter, which is the intent of child support, and therefore college should not be covered in child support. You might as well argue that piano lessons and travel soccer should be automatically covered in child support.

No dum dum. Piano lessons are not part of child support. Basic necessities are and that’s all that child support covers. I’m saying that kids should be supported with basic necessities till 21 since at a minimum most kids need at least community college to get a job. It is really upsetting that men just want their kids to have no skills but most jobs these days will not hire you without an associates and so kids should be covered in living expenses till then

Yes, dum dum, basic necessities are part of CS and that’s all that CS covers. That was exactly my point. College tuition is NOT a basic necessity however much you want it to be.

Yes of course I want my kids to have skills, dum dum, but they are not entitled to go to college and no parent is or should be obligated to pay for it.

Child support DOES NOT cover private school or college. It covers basic necessities. I’ve told you this now about five times. It should be continued till a kid has a job that can cover these.

I'm not sure if it's you or not, but someone keeps arguing that CS should cover college tuition. And no, it should not be continued "until a kid has a job that can cover basic necessities". Among other things this encourages kids not to get a job. When you're legally an adult, get out of the nest. Live in a group house or whatever you need to do.

No you are misunderstanding the argument. Right now in Virginia parents don't have to pay for any child support beyond age 18 or till they finish high school. I am advocating that child support be extended till children finish college up to age 21 which I believe is the law in DC now. If 90% of the jobs that are above the level for free and reduced meals require an associates degree, then really it's a requirement for the jobs in this area for 90% of kids, so it shouldn't be optional that necessities be covered. If you are attending college you don't have the time to raise money to pay for your necessities. At most you have money to pay for your books and computer and other school supplies.

I am the PP from DC and I agree that CS in all states should be by age 21. Because everyone needs an associate degree to be employable. At least I can go try arguing in court that my son's living expenses in college should be covered as necessities since he has no time to work and both study full time. And regardless of what part time job he gets in college it won't be enough to support himself, even in a group house!

I have three close relatives who never spent a day on a college campus, but each of them built successful businesses worth $10-50 million.

Let’s not make an exception look like a rule. There are way more low paid ppl without a college degree than other way around

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the raw entitlement on this thread that is so jarring to me. Circumstances changed and it didn’t work out. If you aren’t disabled, go to work and take care of yourself.

Nobody owes you anything, you’re an adult.

You're funny. Men check out of all domestic work for years and then whine "entitlement!" Luckily courts are uncharacteristically unmisogynistic on this one and actually do assign what is owed to women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

This is what I think VA and MD should do at a minimum. It really is unfair that the child is now at college and can't pay for their own living expenses and one parent has to foot that bill entirely even just for food and other basics.

Really? Child support to age 21? A friend pays a lot of CS and alimony to her exH. They have 50/50 but he's worthless and she makes a good income. So she should keep paying CS to exH through age 21 even though she will be paying all of the kid's college expenses? That sounds like double or triple taxation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

This is what I think VA and MD should do at a minimum. It really is unfair that the child is now at college and can't pay for their own living expenses and one parent has to foot that bill entirely even just for food and other basics.

Really? Child support to age 21? A friend pays a lot of CS and alimony to her exH. They have 50/50 but he's worthless and she makes a good income. So she should keep paying CS to exH through age 21 even though she will be paying all of the kid's college expenses? That sounds like double or triple taxation.

What exactly is the issue? She’s paying tuition but expecting her deadbeat ex to pay for living expenses? If she’s paying for college tuition she can certainly divert the money to that towards child support instead and pay the same amount. The amount of people in this situation paying tuition but not living expenses for their kids while paying child support is maybe 0.5 of the population. This just isn’t an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

This is what I think VA and MD should do at a minimum. It really is unfair that the child is now at college and can't pay for their own living expenses and one parent has to foot that bill entirely even just for food and other basics.

Living expenses are way above $7k/year. My ex is spending high on his girlfriend (Caribbean vacations, jewelry etc_) and on his house (a custom gym, added pool etc). But he told son to go take loans or work flipping burgers.
That same father told son a few years ago to drop a sport because he didn't want to drive him to practices on 50/50 custody schedule. My son is 6'3 and very athletic, he could have had his room &board completely free as a college athlete.

My exH is bitter I got 50% assets and am relatively ok. He wants ME to pay for the son's college living expenses, out of a spite

I don't really mind a child having to pay for a degree or college, but it just seems unfair that they also have to pay for their room and board if instead they could be working but are doing this so they will be more self sufficient in the future. And often that becomes a parent's job to finance. I just think if we are basically requiring kids to go to school longer for most jobs in the US that their clothing and food and basics should be covered just like medical and insurance also covers through this time. DC obviously agrees.

When I was in college I worked to pay room & board. My rent (circa 2005) was $225/mo for my share in a weird 1BR apartment where we turned a dining room into a sleeping nook. I paid for it working $10/hr part time. Today in my college town a 1BR runs more like $1500 and all the weird crappy buildings were long ago torn down and replaced with more expensive housing. And good luck finding anyone willing to do a weird housing share with you.

Childcare expenses in Virgina are max. $1000 per child per month. They probably max out before this amount. It doesn't even cover food and clothing and toiletries.

Give me $12,000 (post-tax) per year per kid, and I'll give them their own room, and good food three times a day in one of the best school districts in NOVA.

You people are gross. If you are in the best school districts in the area someone is paying $12000 just for summer camp. A kid doesn’t just need meals and a bed and you know it. It’s not a bed and breakfast

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

This is what I think VA and MD should do at a minimum. It really is unfair that the child is now at college and can't pay for their own living expenses and one parent has to foot that bill entirely even just for food and other basics.

Living expenses are way above $7k/year. My ex is spending high on his girlfriend (Caribbean vacations, jewelry etc_) and on his house (a custom gym, added pool etc). But he told son to go take loans or work flipping burgers.
That same father told son a few years ago to drop a sport because he didn't want to drive him to practices on 50/50 custody schedule. My son is 6'3 and very athletic, he could have had his room &board completely free as a college athlete.

My exH is bitter I got 50% assets and am relatively ok. He wants ME to pay for the son's college living expenses, out of a spite

I don't really mind a child having to pay for a degree or college, but it just seems unfair that they also have to pay for their room and board if instead they could be working but are doing this so they will be more self sufficient in the future. And often that becomes a parent's job to finance. I just think if we are basically requiring kids to go to school longer for most jobs in the US that their clothing and food and basics should be covered just like medical and insurance also covers through this time. DC obviously agrees.

When I was in college I worked to pay room & board. My rent (circa 2005) was $225/mo for my share in a weird 1BR apartment where we turned a dining room into a sleeping nook. I paid for it working $10/hr part time. Today in my college town a 1BR runs more like $1500 and all the weird crappy buildings were long ago torn down and replaced with more expensive housing. And good luck finding anyone willing to do a weird housing share with you.

Childcare expenses in Virgina are max. $1000 per child per month. They probably max out before this amount. It doesn't even cover food and clothing and toiletries.

Give me $12,000 (post-tax) per year per kid, and I'll give them their own room, and good food three times a day in one of the best school districts in NOVA.

You people are gross. If you are in the best school districts in the area someone is paying $12000 just for summer camp. A kid doesn’t just need meals and a bed and you know it. It’s not a bed and breakfast

There are kids coming in from overseas who need places to stay who have parents. You took them in right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

This is what I think VA and MD should do at a minimum. It really is unfair that the child is now at college and can't pay for their own living expenses and one parent has to foot that bill entirely even just for food and other basics.

Living expenses are way above $7k/year. My ex is spending high on his girlfriend (Caribbean vacations, jewelry etc_) and on his house (a custom gym, added pool etc). But he told son to go take loans or work flipping burgers.
That same father told son a few years ago to drop a sport because he didn't want to drive him to practices on 50/50 custody schedule. My son is 6'3 and very athletic, he could have had his room &board completely free as a college athlete.

My exH is bitter I got 50% assets and am relatively ok. He wants ME to pay for the son's college living expenses, out of a spite

I don't really mind a child having to pay for a degree or college, but it just seems unfair that they also have to pay for their room and board if instead they could be working but are doing this so they will be more self sufficient in the future. And often that becomes a parent's job to finance. I just think if we are basically requiring kids to go to school longer for most jobs in the US that their clothing and food and basics should be covered just like medical and insurance also covers through this time. DC obviously agrees.

When I was in college I worked to pay room & board. My rent (circa 2005) was $225/mo for my share in a weird 1BR apartment where we turned a dining room into a sleeping nook. I paid for it working $10/hr part time. Today in my college town a 1BR runs more like $1500 and all the weird crappy buildings were long ago torn down and replaced with more expensive housing. And good luck finding anyone willing to do a weird housing share with you.

Childcare expenses in Virgina are max. $1000 per child per month. They probably max out before this amount. It doesn't even cover food and clothing and toiletries.

Give me $12,000 (post-tax) per year per kid, and I'll give them their own room, and good food three times a day in one of the best school districts in NOVA.

Can I get your contact to send my teen to you fir R&B?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

This is what I think VA and MD should do at a minimum. It really is unfair that the child is now at college and can't pay for their own living expenses and one parent has to foot that bill entirely even just for food and other basics.

Living expenses are way above $7k/year. My ex is spending high on his girlfriend (Caribbean vacations, jewelry etc_) and on his house (a custom gym, added pool etc). But he told son to go take loans or work flipping burgers.
That same father told son a few years ago to drop a sport because he didn't want to drive him to practices on 50/50 custody schedule. My son is 6'3 and very athletic, he could have had his room &board completely free as a college athlete.

My exH is bitter I got 50% assets and am relatively ok. He wants ME to pay for the son's college living expenses, out of a spite

I don't really mind a child having to pay for a degree or college, but it just seems unfair that they also have to pay for their room and board if instead they could be working but are doing this so they will be more self sufficient in the future. And often that becomes a parent's job to finance. I just think if we are basically requiring kids to go to school longer for most jobs in the US that their clothing and food and basics should be covered just like medical and insurance also covers through this time. DC obviously agrees.

When I was in college I worked to pay room & board. My rent (circa 2005) was $225/mo for my share in a weird 1BR apartment where we turned a dining room into a sleeping nook. I paid for it working $10/hr part time. Today in my college town a 1BR runs more like $1500 and all the weird crappy buildings were long ago torn down and replaced with more expensive housing. And good luck finding anyone willing to do a weird housing share with you.

Childcare expenses in Virgina are max. $1000 per child per month. They probably max out before this amount. It doesn't even cover food and clothing and toiletries.

Give me $12,000 (post-tax) per year per kid, and I'll give them their own room, and good food three times a day in one of the best school districts in NOVA.

Can I get your contact to send my teen to you fir R&B?

Right? No one can get room and board in this area for that much. And she takes teens too! The absolute best in terms of cleanliness and behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

100% this.

I 100% recognize this now but I didn't at the time. Since that is the situation, should I forever be up against a financial wall? My earning potential suffered while he never had to miss a meeting, a work dinner, or a business trip. His continued to contribute to retirement while I stayed at home. I took a job earning the same amount as I was making 8 years prior when I left the workforce. I'm happily working full-time now and would not expect spousal support but what about the 1/2 of the retirement contributions and interest for the period that I was at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

100% this.

I 100% recognize this now but I didn't at the time. Since that is the situation, should I forever be up against a financial wall? My earning potential suffered while he never had to miss a meeting, a work dinner, or a business trip. His continued to contribute to retirement while I stayed at home. I took a job earning the same amount as I was making 8 years prior when I left the workforce. I'm happily working full-time now and would not expect spousal support but what about the 1/2 of the retirement contributions and interest for the period that I was at home?

I got that as a working spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

100% this.

I 100% recognize this now but I didn't at the time. Since that is the situation, should I forever be up against a financial wall? My earning potential suffered while he never had to miss a meeting, a work dinner, or a business trip. His continued to contribute to retirement while I stayed at home. I took a job earning the same amount as I was making 8 years prior when I left the workforce. I'm happily working full-time now and would not expect spousal support but what about the 1/2 of the retirement contributions and interest for the period that I was at home?

I got that as a working spouse.

And this is why working spouses are not getting alimony

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

I’m a WOHM. You need to be a bit more objective. The childcare part, yes. You covered — his half. You would have had to cover your half from your paycheck if you worked because it’s your child also. So take that $15 and make it $7.50. The rest of the stuff WOHMs do too. You think someone else buys the gifts? Plans the vacations and holidays? I’m folding a load of laundry every other night.

It is not a good financial deal for women to SAH. Not for the husband, not for the wife. There are other intangibles but if you get divorced recognize you had the privilege of not working for many years and that’s what it was. I am not saying there should not be child support and bridge alimony. But a man is not a plan. You can’t plan to live off someone else’s job and never support yourself in life.

100% this.

I 100% recognize this now but I didn't at the time. Since that is the situation, should I forever be up against a financial wall? My earning potential suffered while he never had to miss a meeting, a work dinner, or a business trip. His continued to contribute to retirement while I stayed at home. I took a job earning the same amount as I was making 8 years prior when I left the workforce. I'm happily working full-time now and would not expect spousal support but what about the 1/2 of the retirement contributions and interest for the period that I was at home?

I got that as a working spouse.

And this is why working spouses are not getting alimony

I agree I should not get alimony but are you saying that SAH parents don't get 1/2 of retirement contributions? They do as far as I know. Plus alimony.