Wife wants a house cleaner instead of preschool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could she pick up a few extra hours during the week to cover the cost of the cleaner while the kid is in school?

She already has a weekend job, most likely because her husband takes care of the kids. I don't think hotel concierge employees make the big bucks.

If the child is in preschool let’s say 30 hours a week, that’s more than enough hours to cover the cost of weekly cleaning. Wife has to be making $15-20 an hour. She could cover cleaning in 10 hours. Or clean herself.

Preschool isn’t 30 hours a week. More like 15.

+1. My kid is in “full time” preschool 12hrs/week. 3hrs 4 days/wk in the afternoon. That aside, this a decision you need to make together. Looking for people to agree with you on the internet won’t help you.

Same with my kid, PS was 3 hours a day. It wasn’t worth it for me to drive to a job to work or drive home to clean, by the time I’d get started I’d have to leave to pick her up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am constantly in awe that sahms have in the last 20 years created this narrative that their only duty during 8-6 every day should be attending to their children, and that other than loading the dishwasher and putting on laundry, it is an affront for them to do any other chores about the house.

It's clearly a ridiculous untruth that exists solely in the minds of maybe the top 10% of households (because as people above have noted, obviously MOST women staying home with young kids are cleaning their house and don't have cleaners). But I can't believe that it's become the dominant narrative on sites like this. Do the people echoing this narrative really believe it? Or do you say it because you have to repeat it over and over to justify your set up? Or are you trolls? It's just be fascinating to watch this line of thinking evolve in the last 20 years.

Have you ever stayed home with a kid? Staying home was the hardest job I've ever had (and I waited tables, bartended and was a nanny). I was taking care of a screaming baby all day, cleaning up bottles, doing laundry, etc. Nap time wasn't an option for running the vacuum since it would wake up the baby. There were about 3 naps per day and it went like this: Nap 1- pump. Nap 2- catch up on household admin (paying bills, scheduling appts, etc.). Nap 3- cleaning up bottles, taking out the trash, etc.

You all act like SAHMs are sitting around leisurely while the baby naps. I think everyone saying she is lazy/ridiculous needs to take a week off, stay home and raise their own kids while also deep cleaning their own house.

Been there and done that. It's busy but not unmanageable; especially with one child. There is some down time. The things you are citing as activities are normal adulting and not specifically related to childcare- laundry, taking out trash and paying bills. Those are things that doesn't have to happen during the day much less only done by the SAHP.

Here's some tips for those struggling. Stop being martyrs. Feel free to use the dishwasher to wash the bottles. You don't have to vacuum or mop everyday, nor scrub toilets daily either.

Funny I have found the best way to avoid being a martyr is to outsource to an excellent housekeeper. Maybe OPs wife is taking your advice.

I think you mean you’ve figured out make staying home some extraordinary feat that you can’t handle ion your own so you require help for basic adult tasks. Sad.

OP works part time and a concierge. Nothing that require any heavy lifting mentally or physically. Give me a break.

What prize do you think is awarded for scrubbing your own toilets? Do you think your clothes know who is ironing them?

I assure you my daughter knows when I’m playing with her and reading to her, but my linens have never once complained that the housekeeper folds them.

You DO NOT play/read/engage with your child for a solid 8 hours per day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could she pick up a few extra hours during the week to cover the cost of the cleaner while the kid is in school?

She already has a weekend job, most likely because her husband takes care of the kids. I don't think hotel concierge employees make the big bucks.

If the child is in preschool let’s say 30 hours a week, that’s more than enough hours to cover the cost of weekly cleaning. Wife has to be making $15-20 an hour. She could cover cleaning in 10 hours. Or clean herself.

Preschool isn’t 30 hours a week. More like 15.

+1. My kid is in “full time” preschool 12hrs/week. 3hrs 4 days/wk in the afternoon. That aside, this a decision you need to make together. Looking for people to agree with you on the internet won’t help you.

When my kid was in preschool (age 4) it was 7am-6pm, M-F. I think that works out to 55 hours a week. My lazy wife had no job, and had me dropping the child off on the way to work at 7:30.

That was daycare, not preschool.

No, it was a preschool with day care. Around 3 hours a day of instruction, the rest was mostly playtime (and a nap!).

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM but hate cleaning the whole house by myself! We made a choice by having kids, than sacrificing my career rather than my husband's, and to read people saying SAHM should also be doing the cleaning on top of caring for the kids is infuriating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could she pick up a few extra hours during the week to cover the cost of the cleaner while the kid is in school?

She already has a weekend job, most likely because her husband takes care of the kids. I don't think hotel concierge employees make the big bucks.

If the child is in preschool let’s say 30 hours a week, that’s more than enough hours to cover the cost of weekly cleaning. Wife has to be making $15-20 an hour. She could cover cleaning in 10 hours. Or clean herself.

Preschool isn’t 30 hours a week. More like 15.

+1. My kid is in “full time” preschool 12hrs/week. 3hrs 4 days/wk in the afternoon. That aside, this a decision you need to make together. Looking for people to agree with you on the internet won’t help you.

When my kid was in preschool (age 4) it was 7am-6pm, M-F. I think that works out to 55 hours a week. My lazy wife had no job, and had me dropping the child off on the way to work at 7:30.

That was daycare, not preschool.

+1. A distinction should be made between daycare and preschool as they are two very things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am constantly in awe that sahms have in the last 20 years created this narrative that their only duty during 8-6 every day should be attending to their children, and that other than loading the dishwasher and putting on laundry, it is an affront for them to do any other chores about the house.

It's clearly a ridiculous untruth that exists solely in the minds of maybe the top 10% of households (because as people above have noted, obviously MOST women staying home with young kids are cleaning their house and don't have cleaners). But I can't believe that it's become the dominant narrative on sites like this. Do the people echoing this narrative really believe it? Or do you say it because you have to repeat it over and over to justify your set up? Or are you trolls? It's just be fascinating to watch this line of thinking evolve in the last 20 years.

Have you ever stayed home with a kid? Staying home was the hardest job I've ever had (and I waited tables, bartended and was a nanny). I was taking care of a screaming baby all day, cleaning up bottles, doing laundry, etc. Nap time wasn't an option for running the vacuum since it would wake up the baby. There were about 3 naps per day and it went like this: Nap 1- pump. Nap 2- catch up on household admin (paying bills, scheduling appts, etc.). Nap 3- cleaning up bottles, taking out the trash, etc.

You all act like SAHMs are sitting around leisurely while the baby naps. I think everyone saying she is lazy/ridiculous needs to take a week off, stay home and raise their own kids while also deep cleaning their own house.

Been there and done that. It's busy but not unmanageable; especially with one child. There is some down time. The things you are citing as activities are normal adulting and not specifically related to childcare- laundry, taking out trash and paying bills. Those are things that doesn't have to happen during the day much less only done by the SAHP.

Here's some tips for those struggling. Stop being martyrs. Feel free to use the dishwasher to wash the bottles. You don't have to vacuum or mop everyday, nor scrub toilets daily either.

Funny I have found the best way to avoid being a martyr is to outsource to an excellent housekeeper. Maybe OPs wife is taking your advice.

I think you mean you’ve figured out make staying home some extraordinary feat that you can’t handle ion your own so you require help for basic adult tasks. Sad.

OP works part time and a concierge. Nothing that require any heavy lifting mentally or physically. Give me a break.

What prize do you think is awarded for scrubbing your own toilets? Do you think your clothes know who is ironing them?

I assure you my daughter knows when I’m playing with her and reading to her, but my linens have never once complained that the housekeeper folds them.

You DO NOT play/read/engage with your child for a solid 8 hours per day.

I absolutely do, she’s awake from 6:30-8 and only naps for two hours.

But even if I didn’t, that wouldn’t mean the next best use of my time would be housework. When she naps I exercise and read. Both my physical and intellectual health are more important than my washing a floor. After she goes to bed my husband and I spend time together— our relationship health is much more important than my folding towels.

Our house is clean and hygienic because we have a housekeeper. My home is healthy and loving because we don’t care whether the clothes are ironed by the same person who reads to the toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am constantly in awe that sahms have in the last 20 years created this narrative that their only duty during 8-6 every day should be attending to their children, and that other than loading the dishwasher and putting on laundry, it is an affront for them to do any other chores about the house.

It's clearly a ridiculous untruth that exists solely in the minds of maybe the top 10% of households (because as people above have noted, obviously MOST women staying home with young kids are cleaning their house and don't have cleaners). But I can't believe that it's become the dominant narrative on sites like this. Do the people echoing this narrative really believe it? Or do you say it because you have to repeat it over and over to justify your set up? Or are you trolls? It's just be fascinating to watch this line of thinking evolve in the last 20 years.

Have you ever stayed home with a kid? Staying home was the hardest job I've ever had (and I waited tables, bartended and was a nanny). I was taking care of a screaming baby all day, cleaning up bottles, doing laundry, etc. Nap time wasn't an option for running the vacuum since it would wake up the baby. There were about 3 naps per day and it went like this: Nap 1- pump. Nap 2- catch up on household admin (paying bills, scheduling appts, etc.). Nap 3- cleaning up bottles, taking out the trash, etc.

You all act like SAHMs are sitting around leisurely while the baby naps. I think everyone saying she is lazy/ridiculous needs to take a week off, stay home and raise their own kids while also deep cleaning their own house.

Been there and done that. It's busy but not unmanageable; especially with one child. There is some down time. The things you are citing as activities are normal adulting and not specifically related to childcare- laundry, taking out trash and paying bills. Those are things that doesn't have to happen during the day much less only done by the SAHP.

Here's some tips for those struggling. Stop being martyrs. Feel free to use the dishwasher to wash the bottles. You don't have to vacuum or mop everyday, nor scrub toilets daily either.

Funny I have found the best way to avoid being a martyr is to outsource to an excellent housekeeper. Maybe OPs wife is taking your advice.

I think you mean you’ve figured out make staying home some extraordinary feat that you can’t handle ion your own so you require help for basic adult tasks. Sad.

OP works part time and a concierge. Nothing that require any heavy lifting mentally or physically. Give me a break.

What prize do you think is awarded for scrubbing your own toilets? Do you think your clothes know who is ironing them?

I assure you my daughter knows when I’m playing with her and reading to her, but my linens have never once complained that the housekeeper folds them.

My ex-wife grew up in a house with servants. As a result, she was very lazy. I didn't want my children growing up the same way, so they see their father clean, do laundry, cook, wash dishes, iron, vacuum, fix the cars, mow the lawn, and cut down trees.

My husband grew up in a house with servants. His memories of his father are of all the time they spent ocean kayaking on the weekends and playing board games in the evening. How his dad has breakfast with him every Saturday morning. Now that his father is disabled my husband cherishes those memories, I hope your children cherish the memories of watching you iron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you willing to help clean?

sure he can, but only as long as she steps up and gets a job to bring in some extra $.

- married mom of 3 with a FT job.

OP’s wife has a job.

OP's wife has a part time weekend job. what is she doing the other, say 4-5 days of the week?

I think the whole point here is that she is caring for their children?

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand the argument that it only takes 5 minutes to clean a toilet so she doesn’t need the housecleaner. If it’s so easy, the DH can do it on the weekend while he’s watching the kid and she’s at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could she pick up a few extra hours during the week to cover the cost of the cleaner while the kid is in school?

She already has a weekend job, most likely because her husband takes care of the kids. I don't think hotel concierge employees make the big bucks.

If the child is in preschool let’s say 30 hours a week, that’s more than enough hours to cover the cost of weekly cleaning. Wife has to be making $15-20 an hour. She could cover cleaning in 10 hours. Or clean herself.

Preschool isn’t 30 hours a week. More like 15.

+1. My kid is in “full time” preschool 12hrs/week. 3hrs 4 days/wk in the afternoon. That aside, this a decision you need to make together. Looking for people to agree with you on the internet won’t help you.

When my kid was in preschool (age 4) it was 7am-6pm, M-F. I think that works out to 55 hours a week. My lazy wife had no job, and had me dropping the child off on the way to work at 7:30.

That was daycare, not preschool.

No, it was a preschool with day care. Around 3 hours a day of instruction, the rest was mostly playtime (and a nap!).

Yes. Preschool *with* daycare. That is not what is being discussed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am constantly in awe that sahms have in the last 20 years created this narrative that their only duty during 8-6 every day should be attending to their children, and that other than loading the dishwasher and putting on laundry, it is an affront for them to do any other chores about the house.

It's clearly a ridiculous untruth that exists solely in the minds of maybe the top 10% of households (because as people above have noted, obviously MOST women staying home with young kids are cleaning their house and don't have cleaners). But I can't believe that it's become the dominant narrative on sites like this. Do the people echoing this narrative really believe it? Or do you say it because you have to repeat it over and over to justify your set up? Or are you trolls? It's just be fascinating to watch this line of thinking evolve in the last 20 years.

Have you ever stayed home with a kid? Staying home was the hardest job I've ever had (and I waited tables, bartended and was a nanny). I was taking care of a screaming baby all day, cleaning up bottles, doing laundry, etc. Nap time wasn't an option for running the vacuum since it would wake up the baby. There were about 3 naps per day and it went like this: Nap 1- pump. Nap 2- catch up on household admin (paying bills, scheduling appts, etc.). Nap 3- cleaning up bottles, taking out the trash, etc.

You all act like SAHMs are sitting around leisurely while the baby naps. I think everyone saying she is lazy/ridiculous needs to take a week off, stay home and raise their own kids while also deep cleaning their own house.

Been there and done that. It's busy but not unmanageable; especially with one child. There is some down time. The things you are citing as activities are normal adulting and not specifically related to childcare- laundry, taking out trash and paying bills. Those are things that doesn't have to happen during the day much less only done by the SAHP.

Here's some tips for those struggling. Stop being martyrs. Feel free to use the dishwasher to wash the bottles. You don't have to vacuum or mop everyday, nor scrub toilets daily either.

Funny I have found the best way to avoid being a martyr is to outsource to an excellent housekeeper. Maybe OPs wife is taking your advice.

I think you mean you’ve figured out make staying home some extraordinary feat that you can’t handle ion your own so you require help for basic adult tasks. Sad.

OP works part time and a concierge. Nothing that require any heavy lifting mentally or physically. Give me a break.

What prize do you think is awarded for scrubbing your own toilets? Do you think your clothes know who is ironing them?

I assure you my daughter knows when I’m playing with her and reading to her, but my linens have never once complained that the housekeeper folds them.

My ex-wife grew up in a house with servants. As a result, she was very lazy. I didn't want my children growing up the same way, so they see their father clean, do laundry, cook, wash dishes, iron, vacuum, fix the cars, mow the lawn, and cut down trees.

My husband grew up in a house with servants. His memories of his father are of all the time they spent ocean kayaking on the weekends and playing board games in the evening. How his dad has breakfast with him every Saturday morning. Now that his father is disabled my husband cherishes those memories, I hope your children cherish the memories of watching you iron.

NP. How shockingly nasty you are. If this is what you are like in real life, I hope you aren’t around impressionable kids much. My goodness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM but hate cleaning the whole house by myself! We made a choice by having kids, than sacrificing my career rather than my husband's, and to read people saying SAHM should also be doing the cleaning on top of caring for the kids is infuriating.

First of all, no one likes cleaning. But you do it anyway because it needs to be done. I work FT and still clean my own house but that doesn't mean that I look down on people who do have house cleaners. I had one for years until COVID came along, I got laid off and then just never found a new housekeeper once I went back to work. If you want to pay someone to clean your house, that's great.

But did your kids also go to preschool? The issue is the selfish choice to not spend 2 hours a week cleaning yourself (which OP will have time for if her child is in preschool) so that she doesn't have to clean her own home. I get that its only pre-school but as a parent, I can't imagine not choosing my child's education/socialization over a housecleaner. No offense to the OP but if they cannot afford to pay for both, I'm guessing they are not living in a huge house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM but hate cleaning the whole house by myself! We made a choice by having kids, than sacrificing my career rather than my husband's, and to read people saying SAHM should also be doing the cleaning on top of caring for the kids is infuriating.

First of all, no one likes cleaning. But you do it anyway because it needs to be done. I work FT and still clean my own house but that doesn't mean that I look down on people who do have house cleaners. I had one for years until COVID came along, I got laid off and then just never found a new housekeeper once I went back to work. If you want to pay someone to clean your house, that's great.

But did your kids also go to preschool? The issue is the selfish choice to not spend 2 hours a week cleaning yourself (which OP will have time for if her child is in preschool) so that she doesn't have to clean her own home. I get that its only pre-school but as a parent, I can't imagine not choosing my child's education/socialization over a housecleaner. No offense to the OP but if they cannot afford to pay for both, I'm guessing they are not living in a huge house.

The child gets socialized at the YMCA CHILDCARE for days a week. I've never understood the obsession with preschool in the US. If it's so important, why are the US kids so behind academically compared to the rest of the world? Parents went to check off boxes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM but hate cleaning the whole house by myself! We made a choice by having kids, than sacrificing my career rather than my husband's, and to read people saying SAHM should also be doing the cleaning on top of caring for the kids is infuriating.

First of all, no one likes cleaning. But you do it anyway because it needs to be done. I work FT and still clean my own house but that doesn't mean that I look down on people who do have house cleaners. I had one for years until COVID came along, I got laid off and then just never found a new housekeeper once I went back to work. If you want to pay someone to clean your house, that's great.

But did your kids also go to preschool? The issue is the selfish choice to not spend 2 hours a week cleaning yourself (which OP will have time for if her child is in preschool) so that she doesn't have to clean her own home. I get that its only pre-school but as a parent, I can't imagine not choosing my child's education/socialization over a housecleaner. No offense to the OP but if they cannot afford to pay for both, I'm guessing they are not living in a huge house.

The child gets socialized at the YMCA CHILDCARE for days a week. I've never understood the obsession with preschool in the US. If it's so important, why are the US kids so behind academically compared to the rest of the world? Parents went to check off boxes.

Going to the childcare center while OP works out is not the same as preschool. Its not the same group of kids each day, they are not educating them on basics they need to know for K and the child is not learning how to behave in a classroom environment. Those are the benefits of preschool. For all we know, the kids are sitting there watching a movie while the mom works out. Again, it's about this is what mom wants to do, despite it not necessarily being the best option for the child. OP's wife sounds entitled and selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no way to pay for preschool besides getting rid of the housekeeper? And there is no possible way to compromise?

I don’t believe this is true.

“I don’t believe that real families have to make budgetary decisions that involve them not getting everything their hearts desire.”

Pp. no, I don’t believe that these are the only possible areas they can budget in (they have no other extra expenses at all that could be cut down on?) AND that there is not the potential for part time cleaner or part time preschool. I don’t think they are discussing this with the goal of actually trying to meet everyone’s needs and compromise, if necessary.