Wife wants a house cleaner instead of preschool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could she pick up a few extra hours during the week to cover the cost of the cleaner while the kid is in school?

She already has a weekend job, most likely because her husband takes care of the kids. I don't think hotel concierge employees make the big bucks.

If the child is in preschool let’s say 30 hours a week, that’s more than enough hours to cover the cost of weekly cleaning. Wife has to be making $15-20 an hour. She could cover cleaning in 10 hours. Or clean herself.

Preschool isn’t 30 hours a week. More like 15.

+1. My kid is in “full time” preschool 12hrs/week. 3hrs 4 days/wk in the afternoon. That aside, this a decision you need to make together. Looking for people to agree with you on the internet won’t help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am constantly in awe that sahms have in the last 20 years created this narrative that their only duty during 8-6 every day should be attending to their children, and that other than loading the dishwasher and putting on laundry, it is an affront for them to do any other chores about the house.

It's clearly a ridiculous untruth that exists solely in the minds of maybe the top 10% of households (because as people above have noted, obviously MOST women staying home with young kids are cleaning their house and don't have cleaners). But I can't believe that it's become the dominant narrative on sites like this. Do the people echoing this narrative really believe it? Or do you say it because you have to repeat it over and over to justify your set up? Or are you trolls? It's just be fascinating to watch this line of thinking evolve in the last 20 years.

Have you ever stayed home with a kid? Staying home was the hardest job I've ever had (and I waited tables, bartended and was a nanny). I was taking care of a screaming baby all day, cleaning up bottles, doing laundry, etc. Nap time wasn't an option for running the vacuum since it would wake up the baby. There were about 3 naps per day and it went like this: Nap 1- pump. Nap 2- catch up on household admin (paying bills, scheduling appts, etc.). Nap 3- cleaning up bottles, taking out the trash, etc.

You all act like SAHMs are sitting around leisurely while the baby naps. I think everyone saying she is lazy/ridiculous needs to take a week off, stay home and raise their own kids while also deep cleaning their own house.

Been there and done that. It's busy but not unmanageable; especially with one child. There is some down time. The things you are citing as activities are normal adulting and not specifically related to childcare- laundry, taking out trash and paying bills. Those are things that doesn't have to happen during the day much less only done by the SAHP.

Here's some tips for those struggling. Stop being martyrs. Feel free to use the dishwasher to wash the bottles. You don't have to vacuum or mop everyday, nor scrub toilets daily either.

Funny I have found the best way to avoid being a martyr is to outsource to an excellent housekeeper. Maybe OPs wife is taking your advice.

I think you mean you’ve figured out make staying home some extraordinary feat that you can’t handle ion your own so you require help for basic adult tasks. Sad.

OP works part time and a concierge. Nothing that require any heavy lifting mentally or physically. Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop being a pu$$y get some cleaning supplies and start cleaning.

Why should he have to clean when the wife works part time and the kid would be in school all day? His wife is lazy and wants to sacrifice the well being of their child so that she doesn’t have to clean. Ridiculous.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am constantly in awe that sahms have in the last 20 years created this narrative that their only duty during 8-6 every day should be attending to their children, and that other than loading the dishwasher and putting on laundry, it is an affront for them to do any other chores about the house.

It's clearly a ridiculous untruth that exists solely in the minds of maybe the top 10% of households (because as people above have noted, obviously MOST women staying home with young kids are cleaning their house and don't have cleaners). But I can't believe that it's become the dominant narrative on sites like this. Do the people echoing this narrative really believe it? Or do you say it because you have to repeat it over and over to justify your set up? Or are you trolls? It's just be fascinating to watch this line of thinking evolve in the last 20 years.

Have you ever stayed home with a kid? Staying home was the hardest job I've ever had (and I waited tables, bartended and was a nanny). I was taking care of a screaming baby all day, cleaning up bottles, doing laundry, etc. Nap time wasn't an option for running the vacuum since it would wake up the baby. There were about 3 naps per day and it went like this: Nap 1- pump. Nap 2- catch up on household admin (paying bills, scheduling appts, etc.). Nap 3- cleaning up bottles, taking out the trash, etc.

Deep cleaning is a basic and very time consuming task. Easily 8 hrs a week for 4 bedroom sfh, not including minor day to day wipe downs, organization etc… having a cleaner is nice and comes at an expense but it’s amid incredibly helpful and normal.

I work very part time, easily tidy and organize for about 45 minutes a day. Once a day I will clean something very well - wipe down all the surfaces in a bathroom etc… I also vacuum 3-4 times a week. I like a fairly clean house but not guest ready or anything. And still it is not the same as a cleaning lady. For anyone who is doing their own cleaning you either have superb cleaning skills or frankly your house is not that clean.

You all act like SAHMs are sitting around leisurely while the baby naps. I think everyone saying she is lazy/ridiculous needs to take a week off, stay home and raise their own kids while also deep cleaning their own house.

Been there and done that. It's busy but not unmanageable; especially with one child. There is some down time. The things you are citing as activities are normal adulting and not specifically related to childcare- laundry, taking out trash and paying bills. Those are things that doesn't have to happen during the day much less only done by the SAHP.

Here's some tips for those struggling. Stop being martyrs. Feel free to use the dishwasher to wash the bottles. You don't have to vacuum or mop everyday, nor scrub toilets daily either.

Funny I have found the best way to avoid being a martyr is to outsource to an excellent housekeeper. Maybe OPs wife is taking your advice.

I think you mean you’ve figured out make staying home some extraordinary feat that you can’t handle ion your own so you require help for basic adult tasks. Sad.

OP works part time and a concierge. Nothing that require any heavy lifting mentally or physically. Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

There is no way to pay for preschool besides getting rid of the housekeeper? And there is no possible way to compromise?

I don’t believe this is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could she pick up a few extra hours during the week to cover the cost of the cleaner while the kid is in school?

She already has a weekend job, most likely because her husband takes care of the kids. I don't think hotel concierge employees make the big bucks.

If the child is in preschool let’s say 30 hours a week, that’s more than enough hours to cover the cost of weekly cleaning. Wife has to be making $15-20 an hour. She could cover cleaning in 10 hours. Or clean herself.

Preschool isn’t 30 hours a week. More like 15.

+1. My kid is in “full time” preschool 12hrs/week. 3hrs 4 days/wk in the afternoon. That aside, this a decision you need to make together. Looking for people to agree with you on the internet won’t help you.

Correct. Preschool hours are extremely limited, the child will not be in school “all day”. And what is your plan? To inform your wife that some people on dcum agree with you so you must be right? Grow up and work through the issue with your life partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no way to pay for preschool besides getting rid of the housekeeper? And there is no possible way to compromise?

I don’t believe this is true.

“I don’t believe that real families have to make budgetary decisions that involve them not getting everything their hearts desire.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no way to pay for preschool besides getting rid of the housekeeper? And there is no possible way to compromise?

I don’t believe this is true.

You don't believe there are people out there who don't want their kids going to preschool? Have you heard of homeschooling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am constantly in awe that sahms have in the last 20 years created this narrative that their only duty during 8-6 every day should be attending to their children, and that other than loading the dishwasher and putting on laundry, it is an affront for them to do any other chores about the house.

It's clearly a ridiculous untruth that exists solely in the minds of maybe the top 10% of households (because as people above have noted, obviously MOST women staying home with young kids are cleaning their house and don't have cleaners). But I can't believe that it's become the dominant narrative on sites like this. Do the people echoing this narrative really believe it? Or do you say it because you have to repeat it over and over to justify your set up? Or are you trolls? It's just be fascinating to watch this line of thinking evolve in the last 20 years.

Have you ever stayed home with a kid? Staying home was the hardest job I've ever had (and I waited tables, bartended and was a nanny). I was taking care of a screaming baby all day, cleaning up bottles, doing laundry, etc. Nap time wasn't an option for running the vacuum since it would wake up the baby. There were about 3 naps per day and it went like this: Nap 1- pump. Nap 2- catch up on household admin (paying bills, scheduling appts, etc.). Nap 3- cleaning up bottles, taking out the trash, etc.

You all act like SAHMs are sitting around leisurely while the baby naps. I think everyone saying she is lazy/ridiculous needs to take a week off, stay home and raise their own kids while also deep cleaning their own house.

Been there and done that. It's busy but not unmanageable; especially with one child. There is some down time. The things you are citing as activities are normal adulting and not specifically related to childcare- laundry, taking out trash and paying bills. Those are things that doesn't have to happen during the day much less only done by the SAHP.

Here's some tips for those struggling. Stop being martyrs. Feel free to use the dishwasher to wash the bottles. You don't have to vacuum or mop everyday, nor scrub toilets daily either.

Funny I have found the best way to avoid being a martyr is to outsource to an excellent housekeeper. Maybe OPs wife is taking your advice.

I think you mean you’ve figured out make staying home some extraordinary feat that you can’t handle ion your own so you require help for basic adult tasks. Sad.

OP works part time and a concierge. Nothing that require any heavy lifting mentally or physically. Give me a break.

What prize do you think is awarded for scrubbing your own toilets? Do you think your clothes know who is ironing them?

I assure you my daughter knows when I’m playing with her and reading to her, but my linens have never once complained that the housekeeper folds them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you willing to help clean?

sure he can, but only as long as she steps up and gets a job to bring in some extra $.

- married mom of 3 with a FT job.

OP’s wife has a job.

OP's wife has a part time weekend job. what is she doing the other, say 4-5 days of the week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you willing to help clean?

sure he can, but only as long as she steps up and gets a job to bring in some extra $.

- married mom of 3 with a FT job.

OP’s wife has a job.

OP's wife has a part time weekend job. what is she doing the other, say 4-5 days of the week?

Taking care of their other two kids, and everything that goes along with that, and running a household, besides the outsourced weekly or bi monthly toilet scrubbing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you willing to help clean?

sure he can, but only as long as she steps up and gets a job to bring in some extra $.

- married mom of 3 with a FT job.

OP’s wife has a job.

OP's wife has a part time weekend job. what is she doing the other, say 4-5 days of the week?

Taking care of their child and probably doing a lot of other housekeeping and chores that a house cleaner wouldn’t do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could she pick up a few extra hours during the week to cover the cost of the cleaner while the kid is in school?

She already has a weekend job, most likely because her husband takes care of the kids. I don't think hotel concierge employees make the big bucks.

If the child is in preschool let’s say 30 hours a week, that’s more than enough hours to cover the cost of weekly cleaning. Wife has to be making $15-20 an hour. She could cover cleaning in 10 hours. Or clean herself.

Preschool isn’t 30 hours a week. More like 15.

+1. My kid is in “full time” preschool 12hrs/week. 3hrs 4 days/wk in the afternoon. That aside, this a decision you need to make together. Looking for people to agree with you on the internet won’t help you.

When my kid was in preschool (age 4) it was 7am-6pm, M-F. I think that works out to 55 hours a week. My lazy wife had no job, and had me dropping the child off on the way to work at 7:30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am constantly in awe that sahms have in the last 20 years created this narrative that their only duty during 8-6 every day should be attending to their children, and that other than loading the dishwasher and putting on laundry, it is an affront for them to do any other chores about the house.

It's clearly a ridiculous untruth that exists solely in the minds of maybe the top 10% of households (because as people above have noted, obviously MOST women staying home with young kids are cleaning their house and don't have cleaners). But I can't believe that it's become the dominant narrative on sites like this. Do the people echoing this narrative really believe it? Or do you say it because you have to repeat it over and over to justify your set up? Or are you trolls? It's just be fascinating to watch this line of thinking evolve in the last 20 years.

Have you ever stayed home with a kid? Staying home was the hardest job I've ever had (and I waited tables, bartended and was a nanny). I was taking care of a screaming baby all day, cleaning up bottles, doing laundry, etc. Nap time wasn't an option for running the vacuum since it would wake up the baby. There were about 3 naps per day and it went like this: Nap 1- pump. Nap 2- catch up on household admin (paying bills, scheduling appts, etc.). Nap 3- cleaning up bottles, taking out the trash, etc.

You all act like SAHMs are sitting around leisurely while the baby naps. I think everyone saying she is lazy/ridiculous needs to take a week off, stay home and raise their own kids while also deep cleaning their own house.

Been there and done that. It's busy but not unmanageable; especially with one child. There is some down time. The things you are citing as activities are normal adulting and not specifically related to childcare- laundry, taking out trash and paying bills. Those are things that doesn't have to happen during the day much less only done by the SAHP.

Here's some tips for those struggling. Stop being martyrs. Feel free to use the dishwasher to wash the bottles. You don't have to vacuum or mop everyday, nor scrub toilets daily either.

Funny I have found the best way to avoid being a martyr is to outsource to an excellent housekeeper. Maybe OPs wife is taking your advice.

I think you mean you’ve figured out make staying home some extraordinary feat that you can’t handle ion your own so you require help for basic adult tasks. Sad.

OP works part time and a concierge. Nothing that require any heavy lifting mentally or physically. Give me a break.

What prize do you think is awarded for scrubbing your own toilets? Do you think your clothes know who is ironing them?

I assure you my daughter knows when I’m playing with her and reading to her, but my linens have never once complained that the housekeeper folds them.

My ex-wife grew up in a house with servants. As a result, she was very lazy. I didn't want my children growing up the same way, so they see their father clean, do laundry, cook, wash dishes, iron, vacuum, fix the cars, mow the lawn, and cut down trees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could she pick up a few extra hours during the week to cover the cost of the cleaner while the kid is in school?

She already has a weekend job, most likely because her husband takes care of the kids. I don't think hotel concierge employees make the big bucks.

If the child is in preschool let’s say 30 hours a week, that’s more than enough hours to cover the cost of weekly cleaning. Wife has to be making $15-20 an hour. She could cover cleaning in 10 hours. Or clean herself.

Preschool isn’t 30 hours a week. More like 15.

+1. My kid is in “full time” preschool 12hrs/week. 3hrs 4 days/wk in the afternoon. That aside, this a decision you need to make together. Looking for people to agree with you on the internet won’t help you.

When my kid was in preschool (age 4) it was 7am-6pm, M-F. I think that works out to 55 hours a week. My lazy wife had no job, and had me dropping the child off on the way to work at 7:30.

That was daycare, not preschool.