Anyone facing jealous friends now that your kids are in private school?

[Anonymous]

We have definitely faced unnecessarily angry comments at the mere mention that our kids had been accepted to private school. And to the PP commenting about HOW do they know our kids are going to private next year? It’s because they freaking asked “where do your kids go to school?” What am I supposed to do, lie?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went through this a couple of times with both kids. There is jealousy and anger involved, especially if you tell them it is because of substandard MCPS.

We told people we wanted religious element in education and the satisfied them. But know that they are still steaming about it. One time I posted something on Facebook about common core and how I am glad my kids don't deal with it, and this rabid mom attacked me. She is one who asked my why I pulled my daughter out of MCPS before anyone. She also seemed happy to hear that it was religious reasons. But now she knows there are other benefits we enjoy and she is angry.

You can’t see how insulting their school choice would upset them?

I don’t see how exercising your right to choose —what you consider—a better school for your child is insulting.

My take is, it’s better to lose their phone number…only hang out with those who are happy for you.

Ugh. Private school isn't a right, it's a privilege.

You have the right to send your kids to private if you pay for it. There was a Supreme Court case about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went through this a couple of times with both kids. There is jealousy and anger involved, especially if you tell them it is because of substandard MCPS.

We told people we wanted religious element in education and the satisfied them. But know that they are still steaming about it. One time I posted something on Facebook about common core and how I am glad my kids don't deal with it, and this rabid mom attacked me. She is one who asked my why I pulled my daughter out of MCPS before anyone. She also seemed happy to hear that it was religious reasons. But now she knows there are other benefits we enjoy and she is angry.

You can’t see how insulting their school choice would upset them?

I don’t see how exercising your right to choose —what you consider—a better school for your child is insulting.

My take is, it’s better to lose their phone number…only hang out with those who are happy for you.

Ugh. Private school isn't a right, it's a privilege.

No, but the freedom to choose where to educate your child is a right, whether your choice is religious, homeschooling, or Sidwell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went through this a couple of times with both kids. There is jealousy and anger involved, especially if you tell them it is because of substandard MCPS.

We told people we wanted religious element in education and the satisfied them. But know that they are still steaming about it. One time I posted something on Facebook about common core and how I am glad my kids don't deal with it, and this rabid mom attacked me. She is one who asked my why I pulled my daughter out of MCPS before anyone. She also seemed happy to hear that it was religious reasons. But now she knows there are other benefits we enjoy and she is angry.

You can’t see how insulting their school choice would upset them?

I don’t see how exercising your right to choose —what you consider—a better school for your child is insulting.

My take is, it’s better to lose their phone number…only hang out with those who are happy for you.

Ugh. Private school isn't a right, it's a privilege.

No, but the freedom to choose where to educate your child is a right, whether your choice is religious, homeschooling, or Sidwell.

Do you really think that most of America is sitting down and trying to figure out how they're going to educate their kids? No, they're not. They're sending their kids to their zoned public school because they can't afford private (whether religious or not) or they can't deal with having a kid who can't take a bus to/from school, they don't have a SAHP so they can't homeschool, etc. Making it sound like everyone is simply exercising their RIGHT to send their kids to private school sounds really out of touch to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went through this a couple of times with both kids. There is jealousy and anger involved, especially if you tell them it is because of substandard MCPS.

We told people we wanted religious element in education and the satisfied them. But know that they are still steaming about it. One time I posted something on Facebook about common core and how I am glad my kids don't deal with it, and this rabid mom attacked me. She is one who asked my why I pulled my daughter out of MCPS before anyone. She also seemed happy to hear that it was religious reasons. But now she knows there are other benefits we enjoy and she is angry.

You can’t see how insulting their school choice would upset them?

I don’t see how exercising your right to choose —what you consider—a better school for your child is insulting.

My take is, it’s better to lose their phone number…only hang out with those who are happy for you.

Ugh. Private school isn't a right, it's a privilege.

No, but the freedom to choose where to educate your child is a right, whether your choice is religious, homeschooling, or Sidwell.

Actually it’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went through this a couple of times with both kids. There is jealousy and anger involved, especially if you tell them it is because of substandard MCPS.

We told people we wanted religious element in education and the satisfied them. But know that they are still steaming about it. One time I posted something on Facebook about common core and how I am glad my kids don't deal with it, and this rabid mom attacked me. She is one who asked my why I pulled my daughter out of MCPS before anyone. She also seemed happy to hear that it was religious reasons. But now she knows there are other benefits we enjoy and she is angry.

You can’t see how insulting their school choice would upset them?

I don’t see how exercising your right to choose —what you consider—a better school for your child is insulting.

My take is, it’s better to lose their phone number…only hang out with those who are happy for you.

Ugh. Private school isn't a right, it's a privilege.

No, but the freedom to choose where to educate your child is a right, whether your choice is religious, homeschooling, or Sidwell.

Do you really think that most of America is sitting down and trying to figure out how they're going to educate their kids? No, they're not. They're sending their kids to their zoned public school because they can't afford private (whether religious or not) or they can't deal with having a kid who can't take a bus to/from school, they don't have a SAHP so they can't homeschool, etc. Making it sound like everyone is simply exercising their RIGHT to send their kids to private school sounds really out of touch to me.

This is nonsensical. If you have a right it doesn’t follow that it’s necessarily easy to take advantage of that right. Should it be? Absolutely. So the thing to do is to make it easier for people to exercise the right, not scowl at people who are able to.

Eligible voters have a right to vote. Is it easy or even possible for everyone to vote? Of course not, and it should be. So we deal with that by trying to increase access to voting and making voting easier, not by trying to make it harder for people who are already able to exercise that right, or saying that there shouldn’t even be a right to vote.

I guess PP would’ve made slightly more sense if they’d said “the ability to exercise your right to choose your child’s education is a privilege.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went through this a couple of times with both kids. There is jealousy and anger involved, especially if you tell them it is because of substandard MCPS.

We told people we wanted religious element in education and the satisfied them. But know that they are still steaming about it. One time I posted something on Facebook about common core and how I am glad my kids don't deal with it, and this rabid mom attacked me. She is one who asked my why I pulled my daughter out of MCPS before anyone. She also seemed happy to hear that it was religious reasons. But now she knows there are other benefits we enjoy and she is angry.

You can’t see how insulting their school choice would upset them?

I don’t see how exercising your right to choose —what you consider—a better school for your child is insulting.

My take is, it’s better to lose their phone number…only hang out with those who are happy for you.

Ugh. Private school isn't a right, it's a privilege.

No, but the freedom to choose where to educate your child is a right, whether your choice is religious, homeschooling, or Sidwell.

Actually it’s not.

Kind of a lot of SCOTUS decisions say it is. Why do you think it’s not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ever since my kids were recently admitted to private schools, many friends in my W cluster have been making snippy comments about me sending my kids to private school. Has anyone else faced a similar situation?

Just make sure you are not bragging too much about the fact they are in private school.
I have just recently decided to put my one daughter in private school. I am getting the silent treatment for two weeks.
I sense jealousy.
I have been a victim of a lot of jealousy throughout my life.
You just have to know the signs and make new friends through the private school!
They will be more supportive to your children new school status.
It hurts, I know. No one will ever come forward and say by the way, I'm jealous that your kids are in private school.

[Anonymous]

We are a long term (10+ year) public school family that sends our kids to private high schools.

People get very, very weird about it (which makes sense). It eats at their own parenting insecurities---clearly our action of spending $50K for school implies that we (people they like and respect) thought public was not good enough for our kids.
Funny thing is that the insecurity definitely goes both ways (I sometimes regret not staying in public and there are many things about public that I miss).

So we don't talk about it. At all. Or only in the most generic ways. I never, ever say anything that could be conceived as bragging. I stick to all other kid issues: extracurriculars, sports, behavior challenges, friend issues, etc.
There is lots to talk about with ever delving into the school topic.
It works and we've maintained strong friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are a long term (10+ year) public school family that sends our kids to private high schools.

People get very, very weird about it (which makes sense). It eats at their own parenting insecurities---clearly our action of spending $50K for school implies that we (people they like and respect) thought public was not good enough for our kids.
Funny thing is that the insecurity definitely goes both ways (I sometimes regret not staying in public and there are many things about public that I miss).

So we don't talk about it. At all. Or only in the most generic ways. I never, ever say anything that could be conceived as bragging. I stick to all other kid issues: extracurriculars, sports, behavior challenges, friend issues, etc.
There is lots to talk about with ever delving into the school topic.
It works and we've maintained strong friendships.

Exactly same and well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are a long term (10+ year) public school family that sends our kids to private high schools.

People get very, very weird about it (which makes sense). It eats at their own parenting insecurities---clearly our action of spending $50K for school implies that we (people they like and respect) thought public was not good enough for our kids.
Funny thing is that the insecurity definitely goes both ways (I sometimes regret not staying in public and there are many things about public that I miss).

So we don't talk about it. At all. Or only in the most generic ways. I never, ever say anything that could be conceived as bragging. I stick to all other kid issues: extracurriculars, sports, behavior challenges, friend issues, etc.
There is lots to talk about with ever delving into the school topic.
It works and we've maintained strong friendships.

Do your public school friends have a need to park there cars far away, so you can't see that they cost more than yours. Probably not, right? Then why should you have to worry about their insecurity about you choosing private school? You are placating their insecurity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are a long term (10+ year) public school family that sends our kids to private high schools.

People get very, very weird about it (which makes sense). It eats at their own parenting insecurities---clearly our action of spending $50K for school implies that we (people they like and respect) thought public was not good enough for our kids.
Funny thing is that the insecurity definitely goes both ways (I sometimes regret not staying in public and there are many things about public that I miss).

So we don't talk about it. At all. Or only in the most generic ways. I never, ever say anything that could be conceived as bragging. I stick to all other kid issues: extracurriculars, sports, behavior challenges, friend issues, etc.
There is lots to talk about with ever delving into the school topic.
It works and we've maintained strong friendships.

We are a public school family and just went through this whole application process and ultimately decided to stay in public. DH and I wanted to send the kids to private but they were so tied to the community and friends that the kids did not want to switch.

The kids who switched stayed in touch for a few years but eventually stopped hanging out. If we see them around, of course we talk and are friendly but it wasn’t the same as hanging out in groups right after school, eating lunch at school, doing activities, etc. We promised our kids they can still be friends but they weren’t convinced.

The people who switched were often vocal about their dissatisfaction and that is why they switched. The ones we know are definitely vocal about it, more because they want us to switch with them. We can easily afford to switch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a long term (10+ year) public school family that sends our kids to private high schools.

People get very, very weird about it (which makes sense). It eats at their own parenting insecurities---clearly our action of spending $50K for school implies that we (people they like and respect) thought public was not good enough for our kids.
Funny thing is that the insecurity definitely goes both ways (I sometimes regret not staying in public and there are many things about public that I miss).

So we don't talk about it. At all. Or only in the most generic ways. I never, ever say anything that could be conceived as bragging. I stick to all other kid issues: extracurriculars, sports, behavior challenges, friend issues, etc.
There is lots to talk about with ever delving into the school topic.
It works and we've maintained strong friendships.

Do your public school friends have a need to park there cars far away, so you can't see that they cost more than yours. Probably not, right? Then why should you have to worry about their insecurity about you choosing private school? You are placating their insecurity.

People don't need to hide what cars they have. However, it would be gauche to always be bragging about how great the car is. I agree with the PP. Pick other topics to talk about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, they are not your tribe any longer. Accept it. Don't make it worse by assigning blame. Btw, you would seem clueless to not understand a basic fact: those neighborhood kids are your child's peers, only you're saying they're not good enough. You are seeking better. Or you are seeking a school environment better than what these have parents have chose. So that's criticism. Not spoken but it's there. Be gracious. You should never have to accept rude comments to your face but accept that the dynamic for you within the neighborhood has drastically changed. That's on you. You chose this.

Yup. You chose it. And listen, not everyone is jealous! A negative or chilly reaction does not always mean jealousy. It can mean they feel awkward because they don't think you're making the right choice for your child but are too polite to say so. It could mean they think you're wasting your money but are too polite to say so. Or maybe the subtext is that your child isn't as bright as theirs, and needs extra support, or that they think you're in denial about special needs and pretending a small class size will fix everything. Or that what you're saying is really off-putting when you think about it-- especially if you consider yourself progressive. The "All are welcome here" thing rings a little hollow at a competitive private, no?

Or they might just be disappointed because they know their own child will be sad to lose yours as a classmate.

Other than your last statement, your post is dripping with snippy judgment, so maybe OP is right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a long term (10+ year) public school family that sends our kids to private high schools.

People get very, very weird about it (which makes sense). It eats at their own parenting insecurities---clearly our action of spending $50K for school implies that we (people they like and respect) thought public was not good enough for our kids.
Funny thing is that the insecurity definitely goes both ways (I sometimes regret not staying in public and there are many things about public that I miss).

So we don't talk about it. At all. Or only in the most generic ways. I never, ever say anything that could be conceived as bragging. I stick to all other kid issues: extracurriculars, sports, behavior challenges, friend issues, etc.
There is lots to talk about with ever delving into the school topic.
It works and we've maintained strong friendships.

We are a public school family and just went through this whole application process and ultimately decided to stay in public. DH and I wanted to send the kids to private but they were so tied to the community and friends that the kids did not want to switch.

The kids who switched stayed in touch for a few years but eventually stopped hanging out. If we see them around, of course we talk and are friendly but it wasn’t the same as hanging out in groups right after school, eating lunch at school, doing activities, etc. We promised our kids they can still be friends but they weren’t convinced.

The people who switched were often vocal about their dissatisfaction and that is why they switched. The ones we know are definitely vocal about it, more because they want us to switch with them. We can easily afford to switch.

We are one of the families who made the switch. I had been quite vocal about my dissatisfaction with our public school even before we decided to make the switch. My being vocal does not come from wanting others to switch, but is is genuine frustration at various policies. It kind of makes sense that the ones who switch are more vocal about it because they probably had a worse fit. They left because they were hoping that public school would work but for whatever reason it was a bad experience for their family.

However, now that we have switched, I'm trying to be sensitive to other families who used to be vocal complainers right along with me. I listen to their complaining and try not to pile on or say how much better the private school experience as been for us. They either cannot afford to switch or have other priorities, which I can respect.