Growing share of childless adults in U.S. don’t expect to ever have children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses in this thread are just proving the immigrant PP right.

She’s saying stand up, work hard, and don’t be a victim. What sane person can really disagree with that?

You’re all overreacting because she didn’t say it nicely and kiss your ass. We’ve become a nation of oversensitive snowflakes.

She's making comments that just don't work for many of the people who are on DCUM. Many of us - or our spouses - aren't really in a position to get a second job and work an extra 10 or 20 hours a week. We don't have the sorts of jobs where you do something like that. The added value of 10 hours of Instacart driving just aren't really going to be the thing that makes life more affordable.

I'm not sure why it's lazy or whatever to say, I like my life as it is - I don't want to add more expense and stress to what I've built for myself. I think it's pretty self aware to understand yourself well enough, and feel secure enough with your own choices. If she wanted more kids - and a guy who'd go work at the supermarket on the weekend, or something - then she should have built a different life for herself. Maybe she can go get a job at the supermarket at night and on the weekends and stop being so entitled and lazy herself.

Immigrant PP here. I’m an accountant at a high-level company. I work very long hours. But there is always free time to find, if you want to find it. I used free resources to learn how to code and then built websites for free until I had the skill and word-of-mouth respect to charge. Now, I do freelance projects on the side that go far beyond websites. I continue to build my skill set. This has become my hobby and my side gig.

If you’re on DCUM, you have extra time for a side gig. It’s all right if you don’t want one, but stop making excuses for why you can’t generate extra income.

Honestly this vision of life you keep describing sounds miserable. I'm glad it works for you but perhaps you chose the wrong spouse since it seems like hes not interested in working every second of every day.

Some of us want to spend our precious free time with our families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 2 older siblings are childless. 38 and 44. The holidays they spend watching Netflix and surfing Reddit. I am sad for them.

I feel the same way honestly. It’s a shallow way to live. I mean I don’t think people should be parents if they don’t want to be, and I’m certainly sympathetic about those who had problems getting pregnant or don’t have a partner and can’t go it alone. It’s not in the cards for everyone. But these people spend all day on frivolous pursuits. They haven’t grown up. They dote on their cats/dogs as though they are people. I don’t think it’s a healthy way for everyone to live.

Not the meaningful pursuits you enjoy, like hanging out on DCUM, amirite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses in this thread are just proving the immigrant PP right.

She’s saying stand up, work hard, and don’t be a victim. What sane person can really disagree with that?

You’re all overreacting because she didn’t say it nicely and kiss your ass. We’ve become a nation of oversensitive snowflakes.

She's making comments that just don't work for many of the people who are on DCUM. Many of us - or our spouses - aren't really in a position to get a second job and work an extra 10 or 20 hours a week. We don't have the sorts of jobs where you do something like that. The added value of 10 hours of Instacart driving just aren't really going to be the thing that makes life more affordable.

I'm not sure why it's lazy or whatever to say, I like my life as it is - I don't want to add more expense and stress to what I've built for myself. I think it's pretty self aware to understand yourself well enough, and feel secure enough with your own choices. If she wanted more kids - and a guy who'd go work at the supermarket on the weekend, or something - then she should have built a different life for herself. Maybe she can go get a job at the supermarket at night and on the weekends and stop being so entitled and lazy herself.

If you tell people that having kids means they have to work all the time because you need as much money as possible, I don't think it's lazy to say, "That sounds awful; no thanks." I mean, sure, work hard, but most people want to also enjoy their lives. If the message you send is that having kids is only for people who are born/marry into wealth or workaholics, maybe don't be surprised that people aren't signing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses in this thread are just proving the immigrant PP right.

She’s saying stand up, work hard, and don’t be a victim. What sane person can really disagree with that?

You’re all overreacting because she didn’t say it nicely and kiss your ass. We’ve become a nation of oversensitive snowflakes.

She's making comments that just don't work for many of the people who are on DCUM. Many of us - or our spouses - aren't really in a position to get a second job and work an extra 10 or 20 hours a week. We don't have the sorts of jobs where you do something like that. The added value of 10 hours of Instacart driving just aren't really going to be the thing that makes life more affordable.

I'm not sure why it's lazy or whatever to say, I like my life as it is - I don't want to add more expense and stress to what I've built for myself. I think it's pretty self aware to understand yourself well enough, and feel secure enough with your own choices. If she wanted more kids - and a guy who'd go work at the supermarket on the weekend, or something - then she should have built a different life for herself. Maybe she can go get a job at the supermarket at night and on the weekends and stop being so entitled and lazy herself.

Immigrant PP here. I’m an accountant at a high-level company. I work very long hours. But there is always free time to find, if you want to find it. I used free resources to learn how to code and then built websites for free until I had the skill and word-of-mouth respect to charge. Now, I do freelance projects on the side that go far beyond websites. I continue to build my skill set. This has become my hobby and my side gig.

If you’re on DCUM, you have extra time for a side gig. It’s all right if you don’t want one, but stop making excuses for why you can’t generate extra income.

Absolutely no one is paying some person who learned 'coding on the side' to build their websites unless they want trash quality garbage for a site. Coding isn't a substitute for actual digital design work/expertise. You can always tell when a straight up coder with zero in design skills builds a site. Terrible.

-1000 for crappy advice.

Agreed, terrible advice. Also, immigrant PP has two special needs kids, works "very long hours" as an "accountant at a high-level company", her DH does not help with child care and she has a side gig that brings 2k - 3k extra per month. So how much time does she actually spend with her kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses in this thread are just proving the immigrant PP right.

She’s saying stand up, work hard, and don’t be a victim. What sane person can really disagree with that?

You’re all overreacting because she didn’t say it nicely and kiss your ass. We’ve become a nation of oversensitive snowflakes.

She's making comments that just don't work for many of the people who are on DCUM. Many of us - or our spouses - aren't really in a position to get a second job and work an extra 10 or 20 hours a week. We don't have the sorts of jobs where you do something like that. The added value of 10 hours of Instacart driving just aren't really going to be the thing that makes life more affordable.

I'm not sure why it's lazy or whatever to say, I like my life as it is - I don't want to add more expense and stress to what I've built for myself. I think it's pretty self aware to understand yourself well enough, and feel secure enough with your own choices. If she wanted more kids - and a guy who'd go work at the supermarket on the weekend, or something - then she should have built a different life for herself. Maybe she can go get a job at the supermarket at night and on the weekends and stop being so entitled and lazy herself.

Immigrant PP here. I’m an accountant at a high-level company. I work very long hours. But there is always free time to find, if you want to find it. I used free resources to learn how to code and then built websites for free until I had the skill and word-of-mouth respect to charge. Now, I do freelance projects on the side that go far beyond websites. I continue to build my skill set. This has become my hobby and my side gig.

If you’re on DCUM, you have extra time for a side gig. It’s all right if you don’t want one, but stop making excuses for why you can’t generate extra income.

Absolutely no one is paying some person who learned 'coding on the side' to build their websites unless they want trash quality garbage for a site. Coding isn't a substitute for actual digital design work/expertise. You can always tell when a straight up coder with zero in design skills builds a site. Terrible.

-1000 for crappy advice.

Agreed, terrible advice. Also, immigrant PP has two special needs kids, works "very long hours" as an "accountant at a high-level company", her DH does not help with child care and she has a side gig that brings 2k - 3k extra per month. So how much time does she actually spend with her kids?

Also, people like this often do not sleep enough. Sleep is critical to overall wellness and health as much as diet, and too many people skimp on it. Plus if you don't sleep you age terribly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 2 older siblings are childless. 38 and 44. The holidays they spend watching Netflix and surfing Reddit. I am sad for them.

Sounds like a dream.

I am one of these people; I am sad, but it is what it is. IVF was too expensive and prone not to work for me, and adoption was also too expensive. Maybe, when I can move to a more rural area that sadly has more available foster kids, I might consider adopting from foster care.

We definitely need more people to foster children. So, thank you, PP.

All these pro-birthers should also be willing to foster/adopt children.

Being a parent is hard. It requires not just financial sacrifices, but a lot of personal sacrifices, and TBH, a lot of men aren't willing to give up their selfish ways. They definitely should not be having any kids. Women have more choices now, but a lot of men don't want to step up and be a true partner in the home with childcare and housechores. But even if the DH does step up, it's still hard.

My parents had four kids, uneducated, worked menial jobs. I have two kids, educated, work white collar office job. Being a parent was hard for them for obvious reasons, but they didn't have the same expectations that we have on being a parent today, especially for UMC parents. There's a lot of pressure to make sure your kids are exposed to different things; best education; read to them every night; take them to museums, blah blah blah.. I mean, I did all that, and I was glad to, but a lot of our spare time is spent doing stuff for/with the kids. Those expectations didn't exist for my parents.

Then there are the college costs, not to mention medical costs that are through the roof.

If you are lower class, you can get all kinds of welfare, scholarships, etc etc.. If you are middle/umc, you don't qualify for those things, but you don't make enough to be "comfortable" and save for retirement.

I don't blame childless couples for not wanting kids. It's definitely tough. At the same time, IMO, it will be lonelier for them when they hit a certain age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 2 older siblings are childless. 38 and 44. The holidays they spend watching Netflix and surfing Reddit. I am sad for them.

I feel the same way honestly. It’s a shallow way to live. I mean I don’t think people should be parents if they don’t want to be, and I’m certainly sympathetic about those who had problems getting pregnant or don’t have a partner and can’t go it alone. It’s not in the cards for everyone. But these people spend all day on frivolous pursuits. They haven’t grown up. They dote on their cats/dogs as though they are people. I don’t think it’s a healthy way for everyone to live.

Who suggested that everyone live like that? Nobody. Some people don't want to spend all the time and money squirting out babies and cleaning up vomit just so they can have the glorious satisfaction of passing on their DNA before they die. Choose your own adventure.

You people are so ridiculous. “I need my childfreeeeeeee spaces apart from snot nosed kiiiids wahhhhh,” also let me spend time on a website called DC Urban Moms and Dads.

Keep in mind when someone on here rants and raves about kids and parents - it’s likely this poster or someone like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 2 older siblings are childless. 38 and 44. The holidays they spend watching Netflix and surfing Reddit. I am sad for them.

I feel the same way honestly. It’s a shallow way to live. I mean I don’t think people should be parents if they don’t want to be, and I’m certainly sympathetic about those who had problems getting pregnant or don’t have a partner and can’t go it alone. It’s not in the cards for everyone. But these people spend all day on frivolous pursuits. They haven’t grown up. They dote on their cats/dogs as though they are people. I don’t think it’s a healthy way for everyone to live.

How should the child free spend their days? You’re surfing and posting on an Internet forum so guess you’re living the same sad life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 2 older siblings are childless. 38 and 44. The holidays they spend watching Netflix and surfing Reddit. I am sad for them.

I feel the same way honestly. It’s a shallow way to live. I mean I don’t think people should be parents if they don’t want to be, and I’m certainly sympathetic about those who had problems getting pregnant or don’t have a partner and can’t go it alone. It’s not in the cards for everyone. But these people spend all day on frivolous pursuits. They haven’t grown up. They dote on their cats/dogs as though they are people. I don’t think it’s a healthy way for everyone to live.

Who suggested that everyone live like that? Nobody. Some people don't want to spend all the time and money squirting out babies and cleaning up vomit just so they can have the glorious satisfaction of passing on their DNA before they die. Choose your own adventure.

You people are so ridiculous. “I need my childfreeeeeeee spaces apart from snot nosed kiiiids wahhhhh,” also let me spend time on a website called DC Urban Moms and Dads.

Keep in mind when someone on here rants and raves about kids and parents - it’s likely this poster or someone like her.

I am the person you are responding to, and I have children who I love dearly. But I respect other people for choosing to spend their time and money in different ways. Having children is not special or sacred or somehow more meaningful. Let's not kid ourselves.

Life is short, so let people spend it how they want.

[Anonymous]

Also, I know my childfree friends aren't whining about how it's too much work to pick up their elderly parents from the airport at Thanksgiving because their husband can't take care of his own children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 2 older siblings are childless. 38 and 44. The holidays they spend watching Netflix and surfing Reddit. I am sad for them.

Sounds like a dream.

I am one of these people; I am sad, but it is what it is. IVF was too expensive and prone not to work for me, and adoption was also too expensive. Maybe, when I can move to a more rural area that sadly has more available foster kids, I might consider adopting from foster care.

We definitely need more people to foster children. So, thank you, PP.

All these pro-birthers should also be willing to foster/adopt children.

Being a parent is hard. It requires not just financial sacrifices, but a lot of personal sacrifices, and TBH, a lot of men aren't willing to give up their selfish ways. They definitely should not be having any kids. Women have more choices now, but a lot of men don't want to step up and be a true partner in the home with childcare and housechores. But even if the DH does step up, it's still hard.

My parents had four kids, uneducated, worked menial jobs. I have two kids, educated, work white collar office job. Being a parent was hard for them for obvious reasons, but they didn't have the same expectations that we have on being a parent today, especially for UMC parents. There's a lot of pressure to make sure your kids are exposed to different things; best education; read to them every night; take them to museums, blah blah blah.. I mean, I did all that, and I was glad to, but a lot of our spare time is spent doing stuff for/with the kids. Those expectations didn't exist for my parents.

Then there are the college costs, not to mention medical costs that are through the roof.

If you are lower class, you can get all kinds of welfare, scholarships, etc etc.. If you are middle/umc, you don't qualify for those things, but you don't make enough to be "comfortable" and save for retirement.

I don't blame childless couples for not wanting kids. It's definitely tough. At the same time, IMO, it will be lonelier for them when they hit a certain age.

I'm not so sure that it will be lonelier for them at a certain age. I sometimes think childless people do better in middle age because they don't get empty nest syndrome. I think the loneliest time for them is when their friends often have young kids and are simply in a very different place in life. But then most of the childless people I know sort of shift gears and figure it out, and by the time everyone hits 50 or 55, they have figured it out and the people with kids are suddenly having to figure out what they do with their lives as their children leave home.

And after that it's a bit of a crapshoot. Some people are close with their adult kids and grandchildren (if they have them, which they might not, as this thread explains), some are not. A lot of older people have frustrating relationships with their kids and it's not the comfort they thought it would be at all. As a childless person, you can't be disappointed by that because you don't have kids. Some childless people may get to that point and regret not having kids, but is that really that different than some of the other regrets people have at that age? Lots of people hit 60 and think "I should have married someone else, I should have left my spouse, I should have gotten a graduate degree, I should have moved to another city when I had the chance, etc." Few people make it to the end thinking they did everything they needed to do, and people with kids are not exempt at all. So many regrets around kids.

I'm a parent and am so glad I am -- I went into it with my eyes open and wouldn't change it for the world. But I am also very aware that I gave things up in having kids. It's just one thing you can do with your life. It's hard and it's rewarding and I think some people are better at it than others. But it's not like it's the solution to all your problems. It doesn't fix anything. It can make certain things a lot worse. And you don't have to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, I know my childfree friends aren't whining about how it's too much work to pick up their elderly parents from the airport at Thanksgiving because their husband can't take care of his own children.

Very true. Though I'm sure the car ride home from the airport is full of "so when are you going to have kids????" No one gets off scott free on this subject.

[Anonymous]

Why are “child free” people posting as if anyone is pining for you to have children? No one cares about you adding your issues to the gene pool. And why the hell are you arguing with parents on a site called DC Urban MOM if you’re enjoying being child free so much? Make it make sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are “child free” people posting as if anyone is pining for you to have children? No one cares about you adding your issues to the gene pool. And why the hell are you arguing with parents on a site called DC Urban MOM if you’re enjoying being child free so much? Make it make sense.

Has anyone identified themselves as child free? I have children but I was child-free for a LONG time and have many child-free friends. Some of the idiots here seriously think that all child-free people do is watch TV and be sad and purposeless.

Child-free losers: Beethoven, Oprah, Samuel Beckett, Louisa May Alcott, Francis Drake, Rosa Parks, Isaac Newton, Dolly Parton, Maria Callas, Coco Chanel, Julia Child, Leonardo da Vinci.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are “child free” people posting as if anyone is pining for you to have children? No one cares about you adding your issues to the gene pool. And why the hell are you arguing with parents on a site called DC Urban MOM if you’re enjoying being child free so much? Make it make sense.

What issues do the child free have that people with children don’t? Having a child doesn’t cure mental health issues or personality flaws.